Terrible news

Hi, I posted the other day about my husbands grandma eing ill and she didn't want to go into hospital, we though she had cancer. Well she did go in, thank goodness and after numerous tests and scans we were old she had acute pancreatitis. Yesterday we were told that it was treatable so the doctors started her on a feeding tube (she hasn't eaten a full meal for 15 weeks) drips for dehyrdration and medication for her pancreas. I spoke to my mother in law last night and she said arbara as very ill and being sick, sorry if t.m.i it was black. She informed the nurses who said they would tell the doctor.
Hubby and I went out christmas shopping today and I got acall from my mother in law aroud 1.00pm saying that Barbara had been rushed into surgery. Elaine (my mum in law) phoned me again at about half past 3 and told me that the surgeons had found alot of gangrene inside Babaras body and there was nothing they could do.
John my husband left for the hospital just after 4pm and he is still there, he has kept me reguarly updated, I have to stay at home as we have 3 children and noone to help. The last phone call was about an hour ago and he said the nurses had said it wouldn't be long now. I am so upset, of course for his grandma but more for John, I reallydon't think he will cope very well with this and I am so scared. He told me he sat with his gran for a while on his own and it was quite freaky, he says he's ok but I am so worried, he doesn't cope with things like this very well and after the phone conversations he seems to be coping too well. Its 3.40am here and I have told him I will wait for him to come home no matter what time it is.
I'm sorry to put this on you all but I am sat here on my own and I have noone to talk to, bless my cats have been so friendly tonight, Bily is curled up next to me.xx

I am so sorry I had hoped it wouldn't be as bad as feared. Many calming for you, and pain free



Please don't worry about venting to us....that's what we're here for

Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

I am so sorry

I had hoped it wouldn't be as bad as feared. Many calming for you, and pain free

Please don't worry about venting to us....that's what we're here for

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Thankyou, she is a wonderful woman and has been in pain for a long time, she is pain free tonight, my hubby says the nurses are wonderful and I am hoping she passes pain free and peacefully, she atleast deserves that. xx

I'm sorry to hear it's so serious. Please don't apologise for coming here to talk about it -- that's what friends are for. You'll need to be strong for your husband -- let us help you do that in whatever way we can.

Meanwhile, sending many and prayers.

I am so worried about my husband, he has suffered alot in the past-his father commited suicide when he was 12 and he has always been close to his nana. I am so scared of him coming home, I don't know what to say or do, I have spoken to him on the phone and he seemed ok but when she has actually gone it will hit him. I have just texted him to tell him I will wait up for him and I love him. I think he may need his own space but I also want to comfort him but not smother him. This is just such an awful situation, I feel for the whole family. I only went to see her on sunday and although she was ill, I never imagined this would happen bless her. xx

and for his sake I hope he needs to use the restroom or something at the exact moment of passing ... I made the mistake of seeing my Mom after she passed and thus my last picture in my mind of her is not a pretty one

Originally Posted by sharky

and for his sake I hope he needs to use the restroom or something at the exact moment of passing ... I made the mistake of seeing my Mom after she passed and thus my last picture in my mind of her is not a pretty one

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Thats what worries me, his sister just went for half an hour to say her goodbyes and went home, I think she did the right thing although she feels guilty she says she just couldn't stay, my hubby has sat with his grandma on his own, on our last phone converstion he said it was so frightening, he had gone out for a cigarette because the nurses said it wouldn't be long, I think he was hoping she would have passed when he got back. I haven't heard anything for well over an hour so I just don't know. I will stay up until he comes home even though the children will be up around 7am-its 4.10am now. Thanks everyone, I just hav no-one to talk to. x

You aren't alone since you have us and your kitties! It's going to be rough but you and your husband will get through this. I know how you are feeling, though, my husband was with his father when his father died - but they were 3000 miles away and it was Christmas Day. I was alone in a new city -didn't know a soul- with our 18 month-old child. I know the worst is the feeling of helplessness because you want to help when a loved one is suffering.

Death is a part of life, not that that makes it easy for those left behind, though. Hang in there, you will get through it.

for both you and your husband.... I am so sorry you are going through this... many vibes for all of you and for her a peaceful and painless passing
More hugs, hang in there
Oh, and there is always some here to talk to, never fell bad about it coming in

Do you know what you are all so great on here and I really thank you all. I am just worrying as I haven't heard anything for so long, obviously I know what the outcome is going to be, I just want my husband here and give him a huge hug. Swampwitch you are so right and we al have to go through this. I have had to tell my 8 year old daughter tonight that her great nanna is very poorly, she is so grown up and knows so much I didn't know whether to say anything or not but my dad said it would be worse if I just told her when she has passed as it would just be like dropping her in at the deep end. My other 2 are too young to understand and I am glad really, I would wish this situation on no-one and I am just dreading the next bits. I love my hubby so much and just want to protect him.x

Don't hesitate to bring up the subject of his grandmother to your husband, in the days, weeks, and months ahead. I know a lot of people don't do this, thinking they will remind the person of his loss, but it doesn't really work that way. The loss of his grandma is going to always be on his mind, especially the first year, and bringing it up helps keep the deceased "there" and in everyone's memory (and that helps).

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Don't hesitate to bring up the subject of his grandmother to your husband, in the days, weeks, and months ahead. I know a lot of people don't do this, thinking they will remind the person of his loss, but it doesn't really work that way. The loss of his grandma is going to always be on his mind, especially the first year, and bringing it up helps keep the deceased "there" and in everyone's memory (and that helps).

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Thankyou hun, I greatly appreciate your advce, have never been in this situation before. x

Its now 5.15am, I can't go to sleep and I've had about 10 cups of coffee, I haven't heard anything and I'm so worried, I don't know what to do, its been hourssince I last spoke to my hubby and he said it would be anytime then. I feel so useless but I don't want to get too involved as its his family that need to grieve, I am just such a worry wart sometimes. I am worrying how this will affect my hubby especiall as he has spent so much time with his nan tonight, he is not great at showing his feelings to me, or anyone for that matter. x

John (my hubby) has just text me to say he is on his way home, I presume his gran has passed away as he wasn't leaving until she had.I feel sick to face him, I don't know what to say or what to do, I feel so damn useless. R.I.P Barbara, you are out of pain now.

Sweetie, the first thing you do when he walks in the door is give him as much of a hug as he wants to accept. I know what you mean about wanting to comfort without smothering. Let him call the shots, though you may need to read his mind some. But you love him big time, so if anyone can, you can. Let him know you want to hear what he wants to tell, and just be available. It sounds as if he's somewhat like my guy, and if so, your presence and patience will be the most important things you can give him.

I am so sorry, just know that she will never hurt again. I will pray for your hubby, you, & your family tonight.

i am so sorry for you, your husband and family over this. It is always awful to face. You sound so caring, he will see that and take from you as much as he is able to as he goes through the stages of grief. Hugs to you both.

Just sending you a hug, and some more vibes for you and hubby... I hope you both are ok... Hang in there - if you need we are here for you - anytime - there is always someone here to listen

I'm soo sorry to hear that. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

Hi, all I just wanted to say thankyou for all your kind words, Barbara passed yesterday morning peacefully, her family with her. Obviously its really raw at the moment and everyone is extremely upset.Thanks again. xx