Lessons Learned and Some Ponderings

Originally Posted by Crazyforinfo

I love this site! It's has slowed down a bit but I don't see past issues going on anymore which might be why it's slower. I am grateful for that.

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I'm curious but a little apprehensive to know, maybe I shouldn't ask This is the only cat board I'm a part of

My best guess would be people who share the same political views grouping together and lobbing grenades at each other. That was a big factor in the health board I was part of for years... I can only image what it's like there now, with all the current Obamacare debate

Originally Posted by c1atsite

I'm curious but a little apprehensive to know, maybe I shouldn't ask

This is the only cat board I'm a part of

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PM her and ask.


Trouts mom - look back at your past threads, specifically your wedding related threads. You're well liked here.

One thing I just remembered that kind of supports the idea that there are cliques is the way the birthday threads are done.
I realize that people don't even have to post birthday wishes, but I feel like the way it's done creates a social hierarchy, certain people get a thread that states "Happy birthday ____" and then for others it's clumped together in "Birthdays of [insert date]", as if they aren't special enough lol
That always bugged me on a microscopic level..
Also, the thread of the day and the question of the day, I always see them pop up and different people start them, but it's never established whether anyone is welcome to post or if there is a certain order people follow..
I was curious and tried to find info in the stickys but there wasn't any..

Originally Posted by strange_wings

PM her and ask.

Trouts mom - look back at your past threads, specifically your wedding related threads. You're well liked here.

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Well liked means I'm in a clique? There are alot of well liked people here...actually I like alot of people here, and I don't see them as being in cliques. I am confused.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

I realize that people don't even have to post birthday wishes, but I feel like the way it's done creates a social hierarchy, certain people get a thread that states "Happy birthday ____" and then for others it's clumped together in "Birthdays of [insert date]", as if they aren't special enough lol

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I normally make a separate thread for a TCS Team member's birthday. Perhaps I am segregating the Team by doing this but the Team is all volunteer and the individuals put a lot of their time in to help out the site. Rigel (CoolCat) will normally make a group thread every day.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

Also, the thread of the day and the question of the day, I always see them pop up and different people start them, but it's never established whether anyone is welcome to post or if there is a certain order people follow..
I was curious and tried to find info in the stickys but there wasn't any..

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CoolCat, our Social Director has a schedule for Question of the Day. I'm sure if you asked, he would be more than willing to share the schedule.

As far as the Daily Thread, I don't think there is a schedule per se, but it has evolved that normally TroutsMom does it during the week and tierre0 on weekends. If they don't start one normally another jumps in and starts it.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

One thing I just remembered that kind of supports the idea that there are cliques is the way the birthday threads are done.
I realize that people don't even have to post birthday wishes, but I feel like the way it's done creates a social hierarchy, certain people get a thread that states "Happy birthday ____" and then for others it's clumped together in "Birthdays of [insert date]", as if they aren't special enough lol
That always bugged me on a microscopic level..
Also, the thread of the day and the question of the day, I always see them pop up and different people start them, but it's never established whether anyone is welcome to post or if there is a certain order people follow..
I was curious and tried to find info in the stickys but there wasn't any..

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I think people have pmed either other and put ideas together for the QOTD and such. The daily thread has always been someone who is up the earliest. It wasn't always Nat doing it. It's just like you get to work and one person always makes the coffee kinda thing.

I have noticed new Bday threads are made by friends who know it's someone's BDay that didn't put it in their profile.

I guess some of us got use to the routines that we didn't view it as excluding others. Just jump in. It's what I did when I got here.

Originally Posted by Februa

I am happy for you that you feel this way about TCS, but to be honest with you, I feel I could have posted an identical post about my experiences here. I agree that there is no outright bashing/bullying, but there is certainly a warm TCS embrace that I have never made it into - Ive always chalked it up to not being able to make way more posts than I do.
I was member of the week very recently and only 2 people asked me questions (repeatedly and I love them for it, but I thought maybe it would be a chance to become better known/accepted, and I was wrong)
Your post sadly made me feel even more excluded from "the group", and from the replies, Strange_Wings comment rings even more true :/

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I could have posted that. I feel as if I'm circling on the outside of the "regulars" and can't seem to find the smallest crack to stick a toe in. I've found a couple of friends, but I have also been totally reamed once and most of my posts go ignored (keep in mind these are MY feelings they might not be reality). I had acutally been thinking of leaving because I feel like an outcast here.

You know I think all of those on the outside have their clique ;-)
Really this site is awesome! Where else could you state your feelings (in a calm way) and not have it deleted.

I'm definitely on the "outside" of any cliques there might be on this forum, but I've never felt ignored or even bothered by it. Maybe because I'm that way in "real life" too - not so much on the outside looking in, just never felt the need to be part of any clique. I've found people on here very friendly and helpful, and I'm comfortable hanging out here. I only belong to one other forum that I'm on with any regularly (not a cat forum), and that one is similar to this one. I've been in some that are very clicque-y and I don't stay very long. All in all, this is a great site, and I enjoy reading the posts, even if I don't participate in the threads very often.

I love it here! Before I joined TCS, I was a member of a different cat forum. But, everytime I posted I never got any responses. I then found TCS, and I am much happier here.

However, I do feel as some others do, like I am not that well liked. At least, not as well liked as others. I say this because I don't get as many responses as the more popular members. I feel that if a more popular member posted a thread like one that I start, the other member would probably get more responses. Its not a big deal tho. I'm here to learn and because I love cats

Originally Posted by Februa

I am happy for you that you feel this way about TCS, but to be honest with you, I feel I could have posted an identical post about my experiences here. I agree that there is no outright bashing/bullying, but there is certainly a warm TCS embrace that I have never made it into - Ive always chalked it up to not being able to make way more posts than I do.
I was member of the week very recently and only 2 people asked me questions (repeatedly and I love them for it, but I thought maybe it would be a chance to become better known/accepted, and I was wrong)
Your post sadly made me feel even more excluded from "the group", and from the replies, Strange_Wings comment rings even more true :/

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That, I'm pretty sure, is just due to poor timing in relation to the holidays and such. It takes a lot of energy (IMO) to participate in the Spotlight thread, because it requires a lot of time and thought. I go through phases where I participate and where I don't. But a quick question - did you participate in anyone else's? As Crazyforinfo points out, so much of it is just jumping in! Like in any relationship, you "get back" if you give.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

One thing I just remembered that kind of supports the idea that there are cliques is the way the birthday threads are done.
I realize that people don't even have to post birthday wishes, but I feel like the way it's done creates a social hierarchy, certain people get a thread that states "Happy birthday ____" and then for others it's clumped together in "Birthdays of [insert date]", as if they aren't special enough lol
That always bugged me on a microscopic level..
Also, the thread of the day and the question of the day, I always see them pop up and different people start them, but it's never established whether anyone is welcome to post or if there is a certain order people follow..
I was curious and tried to find info in the stickys but there wasn't any..

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I'm someone who starts "Happy Birthday _____" threads for people I've come to know through TCS due to PMing over stuff or whatever. You'd be just as welcome to start one for anyone. There's no "rules" about it. I just do it. No one asked me to, no one asked me not to.

...and actually, until Rigel was made Social Director, Happy Birthday threads were totally hit or miss, and completely up to members to start a thread or not start a thread for another member. Karen apparently took it upon herself to be responsible for starting one for TCS Team members... but there was definitely no social heirarchy to the birthday thing. It was complete anarchy, in fact.

Originally Posted by Crazyforinfo

I think people have pmed either other and put ideas together for the QOTD and such. The daily thread has always been someone who is up the earliest. It wasn't always Nat doing it. It's just like you get to work and one person always makes the coffee kinda thing.

I have noticed new Bday threads are made by friends who know it's someone's BDay that didn't put it in their profile.

I guess some of us got use to the routines that we didn't view it as excluding others. Just jump in. It's what I did when I got here.

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When I first joined TCS, I'd never participated in any forums before. I stuck around in the Ferals forum because that's where I was comfortable. I finally had to just jump in - and it wasn't so scary after all.

Sometimes my threads get a lot of attention - sometimes they don't. I totally think it has to do with people's level of interest when it comes to posting to threads and it has very little to do with who started it/them.

I do know that if you post a lot here, you get to know people better faster. If you don't post much, it takes longer to form relationships. It's just like it is anywhere... if I go out to drinks with people after work, I get to know them better faster. If I don't, it takes longer. But TCS strikes me as a place where everyone is invited to "go out for drinks after work," to continue the analogy, and if you don't, it simply takes longer to form friendships.

Personally, I find it to be a very non-judgmental place (overall), and a place with open arms, so to speak. But you have to be willing to jump in and hug back.

I love TCS tbh i never really fitted in on some forums before but on here ok yeah some times i feel like im getting ignored but most of the time its purely down to time difference at best i think theres about 6 hours between me and well nearly all the members

i just stick my oar in anywhere and tbh there is a lot of support from a lot of different people on here and i know theres always someone to listen to you when you have a problem or several

Originally Posted by -_aj_-

i just stick my oar in anywhere

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I love this Ashley!!

I think that people who are part of the Premium Lounge tend to get to know each other a little better, that may be where some people think there is a little "clique" action going on There are also members who have met IRL and so therefore are a little closer than others. We don't seem to have as many meet-ups as we have had in the past- wouldn't it be great if we all lived nearer to each other?

To be honest, even though I am a mod, I do feel kind of left out at times, I have a few very close friends here, but I certainly don't feel part of a clique But on the other hand, I don't post as much as I used to, so like others have said, you get what you give

Originally Posted by LDG

I'm someone who starts "Happy Birthday _____" threads for people I've come to know through TCS due to PMing over stuff or whatever. You'd be just as welcome to start one for anyone. There's no "rules" about it. I just do it. No one asked me to, no one asked me not to.

...and actually, until Rigel was made Social Director, Happy Birthday threads were totally hit or miss, and completely up to members to start a thread or not start a thread for another member. Karen apparently took it upon herself to be responsible for starting one for TCS Team members... but there was definitely no social heirarchy to the birthday thing. It was complete anarchy, in fact.

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Yea, I realize that but there is still the element of making certain people seem more important or special than others. I know Rigel is trying to make everyone feel welcome, not just people who happen to have friends to start to a thread for them, but as far as I can see, certain people still get different treatment than others, so the fact that Rigel posts birthday threads for every member hasn't completely eliminated that as far as I can see..

Originally Posted by ut0pia

Yea, I realize that but there is still the element of making certain people seem more important or special than others. I know Rigel is trying to make everyone feel welcome, not just people who happen to have friends to start to a thread for them, but as far as I can see, certain people still get different treatment than others, so the fact that Rigel posts birthday threads for every member hasn't completely eliminated that as far as I can see..

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I tend to think that some of the older members are more well-known and to new members may seem like they get more attention. Some newer members are also prolific posters so tend to get more well-known in a shorter time (that's not always good - jk). Also there tend to be some members that spend lots of time PM'ing special friends they have made and they get to know each other better than they would normally.

And as has already been said, some of us have met up in real life and have a bit of a higher comfort level with each other because of that.

I have also found that it often depends on the subject as to how many posts one gets, i.e., I started a thread recently and not one person responded because there wasn't any interest. I didn't take it personally - not everyone is interested in the same things I am - that's just the way it is.

Over the few years on this forum, I've found the following:

That there are certain times of the day when I start a thread and I get very few responses. Other times of the day, there are more.

That my mood affects how I see the responses. I forget that there can be lots of people who have read my post but didn't have a response. I know I reply less when I'm having to hold Carly or Lucy. This goes for the Spotlight. I read them and learn about the people, but rarely do I have questions.

The more you post, the better people get to know you.

People disagreeing with you doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like you. (Now if they are insulting you, report it to a mod).

Originally Posted by ut0pia

Yea, I realize that but there is still the element of making certain people seem more important or special than others. I know Rigel is trying to make everyone feel welcome, not just people who happen to have friends to start to a thread for them, but as far as I can see, certain people still get different treatment than others, so the fact that Rigel posts birthday threads for every member hasn't completely eliminated that as far as I can see..

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Yes, some of the threads Rigel starts get more posts than others. People tend to make a point to say Happy Birthday to someone they've come to know. I am so not getting what the problem is or how there's special treatment happening. What I see is that people who are more outgoing, who've been members longer, or people who post a lot get more responses. That is natural, not special.

Originally Posted by LDG

Yes, some of the threads Rigel starts get more posts than others. People tend to make a point to say Happy Birthday to someone they've come to know. I am so not getting what the problem is or how there's special treatment happening.

What I see is that people who are more outgoing, who've been members longer, or people who post a lot get more responses. That is natural, not special.

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I didn't mean to say that the problem is where there aren't enough responses in the birthday threads, I agree that that is natural, what I was saying was that the birthday threads that Rigel posts for everyone, although they are a great way to send wishes to people and let them know you care, are not eliminating the issue that certain people get special treatment, because there are still different threads that others start that don't say the usual "Birthdays of [today's date]" but rather say "happy birthday ___" and include the person's name. which is far more personal, and it's something I prefer to say when I'm wishing someone a happy birthday, if it was up to me..
And while that may be unrealistic, because there are thousands and thousands of members, some who join and have 0 posts, so it may be pointless to start so many threads for them to wish them a happy birthday personally, there are still those who may actually be among the people who are pretty active but aren't part of the team, so they may feel left out when no one starts a thread that wishes them happy birthday personally by their name, if for instance the next day they see a thread for another member that addresses them by their name..
I don't know, there is no easy solution, I'm sure if there was there wouldn't be such an issue, because I know no one from the TCS team would intentionally want for people to feel left out...
And I know that before Rigel began posting a birthday thread that included everyone, then only few people started threads and only for people they know well, but there was no system in place at the time, so when there is no system there is nothing to critique lol...

Originally Posted by ut0pia

I didn't mean to say that the problem is where there aren't enough responses in the birthday threads, I agree that that is natural, what I was saying was that the birthday threads that Rigel posts for everyone, although they are a great way to send wishes to people and let them know you care, are not eliminating the issue that certain people get special treatment, because there are still different threads that others start that don't say the usual "Birthdays of [today's date]" but rather say "happy birthday ___" and include the person's name. which is far more personal, and it's something I prefer to say when I'm wishing someone a happy birthday, if it was up to me..
And while that may be unrealistic, because there are thousands and thousands of members, some who join and have 0 posts, so it may be pointless to start so many threads for them to wish them a happy birthday personally, there are still those who may actually be among the people who are pretty active but aren't part of the team, so they may feel left out when no one starts a thread that wishes them happy birthday personally by their name, if for instance the next day they see a thread for another member that addresses them by their name..
I don't know, there is no easy solution, I'm sure if there was there wouldn't be such an issue, because I know no one from the TCS team would intentionally want for people to feel left out...
And I know that before Rigel began posting a birthday thread that included everyone, then only few people started threads and only for people they know well, but there was no system in place at the time, so when there is no system there is nothing to critique lol...

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See this was covered already. Abbysmom starts the Staff birthday threads and Rigel goes by the birthdays seen on the index page of the forum. Was your birthday missed to cause so much upset over a birthday thread? I don't get where this is coming from esp when this wasn't the point of the OP's thread.

No, my birthday wasn't missed at all, I was just responding to Laurie because I think she missed my point because I wasn't clear enough, I was trying to make myself more clear. I'm not really upset at all, I'm just pointing it out.