Lessons Learned and Some Ponderings

So, I have been a member of another forum for almost 2 years now, and I am still a nobody there. I post as regularily as I do here, and yet still noone makes notice of me.

I realize that this is do to my "not cliqueing" if that makes sense.

I have noticed throughout the years here at TCS that mods always try to make everyone comfortable, and they try to make a point of discouraging "group" behaviour as to make sure noone feels left out.

I guess I am just trying to say that I love it here, and at the other forum I am a part of, everyone is very "group" oriented. I don't feel at home there and it really is a shame. Sometimes there will be entire threads that go on for weeks just about inside jokes. The mods don't do anything other than delete spam. Also, some of the members can find drama in ANY thread, and I mean ANY. Personal attacks are rampant.

So anyway, I remembered tonight how I myself have been a part of cliques in the past and I now realize that it is VERY apparent to other members, and it can make people feel alienated.

This is my lesson learned. I am much happier here than I have been in a while even though I don't post as often. I love how this forum is run, and I think members may take it for granted sometimes. I will continue to visit the other forum because I enjoy the topics, but this is my online home.

Thanks to everyone here who make others feel welcome. I hope I do the same.

I don't really belong to other forums so I'm shocked to find out that people form cliques on forums ...
In real life, I don't like cliques so I'm happy that they don't form here on TCS

I know how you feel. I was a member of a forum a few years back and it was either inside jokes, or completely hostile if you don't agree with them. It was a forum for a book series (which I loved) but if you actually tried to discuss the books with them in a reasonable manner you were jumped all over if you didn't agree with what "they" thought.

I hate cliques. I hated them in high school and I hate them now. In fact, in high school when they put up all our names on a board, people wrote "nerd" beside our names. So...we became the "nerd-clique". We were actually happy, and 2 of my friends were validictorian and saluditorian for graduation (I was never that smart). But yeah, we were the nerds..we were in drama club, band, etc....but we had fun.

I was once booted from a depression message board. Yahoo
A woman had posted that she was near suicide, I posted to her on board. to try to help, I got reamed. NO CROSS TALK I was told and not in a good way by the site people. When I spoke my mind about that, they banned me and made fun of me for weeks. Did I mention this was a depression board, way to go guys and gals.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

In real life, I don't like cliques so I'm happy that they don't form here on TCS

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There was a HUGE past thread about this. There is a clique - either you don't notice it or you're in it and will claim it's not there.

A good example is several people will have what they say completely ignored over and over again (unless they say something that can make someone else attack them) because they're not part of it.

Hmm stuff I say gets ignored sometimes..sometimes I just don't have anything interesting to say and I ramble on, or I post pointless threads.. But I don't feel like certain people get more attention or anything like that, just like I don't think the threads I do start that get a lot of responses are popular because I started it, it's all about the content IMO ..If people find it boring they won't respond..

Originally Posted by strange_wings

There was a HUGE past thread about this. There is a clique - either you don't notice it or you're in it and will claim it's not there.

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I think all boards have their cliques.... just like in real life. Theres a few around unfortunately for some people.

I belong to many messageboards, and run one myself.... the only one without a clique is the one I run LOL and that is only because there's a low number of members and we all know each other well.

I do consider this board one of the friendlier ones to a point, and definately well moderated..... I'm glad some people feel very comfy here, I know I've made some wonder friends whom I cherish deeply and if it weren't for this site, I wouldn't have them. For that I'm thankful.

I've found many people here willing to share experiences, and for that I'm thankful.....I've learned so much, some hard lessons, some educational, some emotional....but I value all of em.

And that is why I left my other forum when I found you guys!!




The place I used to be a part of had very very choosey Mods that favorited certain members over others, which meant that I got stepped all over and insulted to high heaven without them doing anything to stop it.

One time I even had my picture stolen, edited, and then used for another member with the purpose of making fun of me.

I think this forum is pretty well run. A lot of people do care and that is what makes this place special!

I think there are a few cliques, but also many people know each other so that could also lead to the impression that others may get more attention in their posts.

I think a lot of it has to do with the content, but also who starts a thread. It is not always the case, but it does happen.

I am thankful for the friends I do have on here. It still is a forum and not everyone can be trusted, but if we don't take risks then we wouldn't gain anything in life.

Originally Posted by strange_wings

There was a HUGE past thread about this. There is a clique - either you don't notice it or you're in it and will claim it's not there.

A good example is several people will have what they say completely ignored over and over again (unless they say something that can make someone else attack them) because they're not part of it.

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Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

I think all boards have their cliques.... just like in real life. Theres a few around unfortunately for some people.

I belong to many messageboards, and run one myself.... the only one without a clique is the one I run LOL and that is only because there's a low number of members and we all know each other well.

I do consider this board one of the friendlier ones to a point, and definately well moderated..... I'm glad some people feel very comfy here, I know I've made some wonder friends

whom I cherish deeply and if it weren't for this site, I wouldn't have them. For that I'm thankful.

I've found many people here willing to share experiences, and for that I'm thankful.....I've learned so much, some hard lessons, some educational, some emotional....but I value all of em.

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I agree with both these statements. Sometimes I feel ignored or overlooked but that may be because I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in. But I do like that the moderators do not allow bashing.

Originally Posted by strange_wings

There was a HUGE past thread about this. There is a clique - either you don't notice it or you're in it and will claim it's not there.

A good example is several people will have what they say completely ignored over and over again (unless they say something that can make someone else attack them) because they're not part of it.

Click to expand...

I honestly don't notice the clique(s) anymore on here. Maybe I am not around enough. I feel totally comfortable here now...maybe it's because I am not part of a clique anymore I am a "nerd" so to speak But I like it this way.

This one, most of the Ocicat message boards, and the Labrador Retriever boards are the friendliest ones I'm on. Some others are not used a lot and so I kinda dropped out and only go there occasionally.

I think I am on about 6-7 different message boards

I belong to one other cat-oriented board; while there are about 33 registered members, there are only 8 or 9 of us who post on a semi-regular basis. With such a small group there just isn't room for any cliques.
I've been a member of the other group longer than I've been here, and feel as if I know the members there better because it is such a small group.
I post info on TCS that I don't post on the other site, tho, especially when it comes to family issues. I know there's more diversity here and I'll get advice from people all over the world.
I don't really notice cliques here. And I think I'm very lucky to have found TCS---I've learned so much here and (hopefully) have made some good friends here, as well.

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

So, I have been a member of another forum for almost 2 years now, and I am still a nobody there. I post as regularily as I do here, and yet still noone makes notice of me.

I realize that this is do to my "not cliqueing" if that makes sense.

I have noticed throughout the years here at TCS that mods always try to make everyone comfortable, and they try to make a point of discouraging "group" behaviour as to make sure noone feels left out.

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I am happy for you that you feel this way about TCS, but to be honest with you, I feel I could have posted an identical post about my experiences here. I agree that there is no outright bashing/bullying, but there is certainly a warm TCS embrace that I have never made it into - Ive always chalked it up to not being able to make way more posts than I do.
I was member of the week very recently and only 2 people asked me questions (repeatedly and I love them for it, but I thought maybe it would be a chance to become better known/accepted, and I was wrong)
Your post sadly made me feel even more excluded from "the group", and from the replies, Strange_Wings comment rings even more true :/

Originally Posted by Februa

I am happy for you that you feel this way about TCS, but to be honest with you, I feel I could have posted an identical post about my experiences here. I agree that there is no outright bashing/bullying, but there is certainly a warm TCS embrace that I have never made it into - Ive always chalked it up to not being able to make way more posts than I do.
I was member of the week very recently and only 2 people asked me questions (repeatedly and I love them for it, but I thought maybe it would be a chance to become better known/accepted, and I was wrong)
Your post sadly made me feel even more excluded from "the group", and from the replies, Strange_Wings comment rings even more true :/

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That sucks to hear. I feel that same way at my other forum. I honestly don't know how to change that either..I really don't know. I try to be involved in the threads and what not...but I don't know.

I"m so sorry you feel that left out, Februa. I usually stay away from the member of the week threads because I couldn't think what to ask to even participate, and haven't even been in it myself. I flunk at the touchy feely stuff anyways.
I've always liked your very factual and informative posts, especially on science related stuff in IMO, and the art you submit in the contests.


And Trout's Mom - you may be posting a little less, but you'd still be considered in the clique here.

I was very active in a health message board (human health) from 2005-2009 and what I hated more than cliques were the "pseudo" moderators. they were suck-ups, kiss-ups, whatever you wanna call them. and they were highly immature and you could see right through them. always agreeing with the mods, etc.

I don't notice any of that pseudoMod nonsense here on TCS! Here it seems either you're a Mod or you're not (and that's how it should be) ... but then again, I consider myself pretty new because I asked a lot of questions here back in 2002, then took a break that lasted - oh - 6 years?

I flunk at the touchy feely stuff anyways

This is exactly how I feel too! I am not sure if that is how others see me...I am very compassionate and empathetic but I don't show it, both in real life and online, I actually show it more online, but for example when someone asks for vibes I usually don't say anything even though I read it..
I don't like being in a group anyways which is probably why I don't pay a lot of attention to whether or not there are cliques here or whether or not I feel left out, because being in a group requires that I mind other people, I feel like it's too much work to have to say something nice lol, and it makes me uncomfortable, even when people say nice things to me, I get uncomfortable...
I really like talking to people when it's about an interesting topic, but it's always about the message I'm trying to convey, the information that is being discussed, never personal things, I generally am not fun to have a conversation with about your personal life because I won't have much to say..
So considering how I am, I really don't care about whether or not I'm left out because I don't look for warmth or friendship anyway...

Originally Posted by strange_wings

And Trout's Mom - you may be posting a little less, but you'd still be considered in the clique here.

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How am I part of a clique? I barely talk to anyone on here

I have to say things have changed for the better around here.

I love this site! It's has slowed down a bit but I don't see past issues going on anymore which might be why it's slower. I am grateful for that.

I don't participate in the member of the week thread for lack of original questions. I avoid posting in vibes/prayer threads but I do my part for the OP.

It's nice to have a calm and friendly forum to visit. The mods and Anne are great!