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Control Issues

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
I have not discussed any details of my life thus far on these boards but I would like to get opinions on something that is a major issue in my life right now. I have been a volunteer at a feline sanctuary for 3 years and last year I was approached by the Director and asked if I would like to be in training to take it over. Of course my heart stopped as it was my dream from the first day I walked in. I had been happily cleaning cages, doing adoptions, and doing vet runs for a good two years and continually stepped up to the task when anything was asked of me that I could help with. I consider myself to be a very kind person and a very giving person. I signed a contract in October of last year which outlined things that I was to learn and accomplish on the way to "proving" myself. Anyway, to make a long story short, she was not up to any compromises as far as doing things differently or doing new things period. Not that these new things had anything to do with cleanliness, strict adoption policies, or anything that would jeapordize our shelter. At the time when I stepped up to the task, she named me "Acting Managing Director" and moved herself to "Director/CEO". Well, turns out I was only acting. Anyway, I will tell more if this discussion goes anywhere but for right now I would like opinions from all you wonderful people about how to deal effectively with "control freaks" for lack of a better term. Our relationship has now come to an end because (once you know the full story) I had to choose to remove the only negativity in my life. Her, being the only negativity, and the store being a huge portion of my heart. I am at a point of doing some soul searching as to how to handle things/people like this in the future and possibly nip it before it gets to the point of non-communication and childishness again. Any help or advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I never have problems dealing with anyone. People tell me that this person has to have a mental problem and I have also found out there have been many people before me in my position and it has always ended the same way...with that person leaving and giving up the fight that they can't ultimately win. Please help. I am not beating myself up anymore but would like to know how to handle this constructively in the future to avoid this turmoil again.
post #2 of 4

If she's a true control freak, there isn't any getting around it. My former principal was one. The bottom line was that she hated me. The only ones she liked were little ass-kissing yes men. This year I said "enough is enough". I was ready to leave my school and go elsewhere. Then, she got transferred! Hallelujah! She also took her #1 slave with her. People like this who have a little bit of power stomp on other people to make up for their own feelings of inadequacy.
post #3 of 4
Thankfully I haven't had to deal with many people like this, and when I did, I was in a higher position than them. However, what it sounds like is that this person has a serious self-image problem. She seems to be trying to boost her self esteem by proving to herself (and thinking she's proving it to others) that no one can do her job as well as her. Obviously it's a pattern that she's developed if she's done this to others. I doubt she'll ever find anyone to take over her position, and I doubt she really wants to give it up.

I think you did the right thing by leaving, even though you had so much time, energy, and heart invested in the sanctuary. There comes a time in these types of situations where you have to think of yourself or get sucked down into the negativity you mentioned.

post #4 of 4
People like that I seem to get all the time. I have yet to work for someone who hasn't been that self centered or stubborn. The only thing that has helped me get my way, is to somehow word something right so that they ultimatley think it's their idea.
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