Why Don't I Believe Him?

Originally Posted by ut0pia

You're a size 10 and you're complaining??? A size 10 is pretty normal, neither fat nor skinny as a stick, and it's a great size IMO.

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We all need to remember, a specific size to one person may be considered large but by another it is considered small....

Women have no template, there's no "should be"..... ultimately if one feels a size 10 is too big for them, then that is their beliefs and really not up to us to critisize a person for feeling that way.

I encourage any woman with self esteem or body image issues to check out Doves campaign for Real Beauty:

http://www.dove.us/#/cfrb/

I love fishing. That's what we did on our honeymoon. And gold panning. Chopped a lot of wood, too.

I bought a curling iron several years ago, but I've never used it. I don't know where it is. I used to be a size 4. Now I'm a size 10. I'm bigger than I was, but it just means my hips don't hurt DH because my bones are stabbing him. I can't weld - only because I've never tried. But I'm great with a soldering iron.

Of course... I didn't recently have surgery and am not cooped up at home where I normally perform a really active and physical job. My sister and mom live many states away.... but they're not "girly girls" either, so I wouldn't have that pressure bothering me.

I think you're depressed.... and who wouldn't be under the circumstances? You feel like a bump on a log because you're normally really active.

DH clearly loves you - and I think it's GREAT he tells you and compliments you! I feel uncomfortable when Gary tells me stuff like that... but you know what? I'd much rather be uncomfortable because he tells me than have him not feel that way.

I'm glad you're feeling better after your walk. But I'm so sorry you were feeling like this to begin with.... I'm sure a lot of it has to do with not working. But it does seem like (so many of us) you could stand to spend some time consciously working on your self-esteem. ...since you're stuck at home for a while, maybe browse some self-help books at amazon and order something that hits the spot.

Originally Posted by carolinalima

First of all, I saw a video of you recently, and I can tell you right now that you are tripping!

You are BEAUTIFUL, and your husband sees exactly what he should be seeing!!
Are you kidding? Size 10?? Size 10 is AWESOME! If you wear size 10 and got something x-large, you got it at a kids clothing store - there is no ifs or buts.
There is NOTHING wrong in not being a girly girl either

You are Beautiful, nice, smart, but doesn't kill yourself on the top of heels... And that is OK!
Now, Again... I am telling you, because I SAW a video of you - YOU ARE NOT even CLOSE to be fat. And a size 10??? PLEASE that is SOOOO far from X-large........ Stop tripping woman! you are beautiful!

!

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Believe your husband! If he didn't love you and find you attractive he wouldn't be with you!!

You have to learn to love yourself. Stop worrying that you don't measure up to those twig models in magazines or Hollywood celebrities. None of us do!! They're all air brushed and photoshopped in order to crop off inches and remove blemishes. They starve themselves to fit into a mould.

You need to start looking into a mirror and telling yourself out loud that you love yourself. Do it daily and do it often!

Like Carol said, I saw a video of you. You're lovely just the way you are! And I would hardly consider you fat at a size 10!!! Size 10 is less than average. Most women fall into the 12 to 14 category with some of us being in the 20's and 30's when it comes to sizes.

Treat yourself to a manicure or a pedicure or even a facial. Nothing like getting pampered to give yourself a boost of confidence and make you feel extra pretty.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

I guess I listen too much to the media telling me that I should look like a stick figure. I figured that there are sizes below a 10 so that is where I should be. I have always wanted to look like one of those super skinny models...the ones with no curves. I just seem to attach too much worth to that particular ideal.

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Personally, I don't even find those super skinny models attractive. Nothing but a bunch of sharp angles. It seems like it would be painful to be with one of them, if you know what I mean.

Ugh, I feel the same way often..Like why is my husband even with me because I see him as better than I am. It sucks!

Anyway, you seem very with it, and like such a cool person. Those that said "if your man wanted a different kind of girl, he would have one"..are absolutely right. He loves you for you..and if you were different than you are, you wouldn't have found eachother and fell in love

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Ugh, I feel the same way often..Like why is my husband even with me because I see him as better than I am. It sucks!

Anyway, you seem very with it, and like such a cool person. Those that said "if your man wanted a different kind of girl, he would have one"..are absolutely right. He loves you for you..and if you were different than you are, you wouldn't have found eachother and fell in love

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Being as I had to drive 2500 miles to find him, you are probably right.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

Maybe I am a bit depressed. I have been sitting on the couch for two months straight with nothing but the internet and TV to look at.

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That could sand the sanest person up a wall. Listen I'm not a girly girl either. Ok I'm small but my idea of styling my hair is ruffling my fingers through it while it's still wet. My fashion statement is "K-Mart clearance rack." Donald Trump probably wouldn't want me as a trophy wife, but then again I wouldn't want to be married to Donald Trump. You're ok, you're going through a very rough spot. Your hubby is there for you and that is worth a LOT. Hey Thanksgiving is coming up so maybeyou can try to count your blessings. It sounds like even though things aren't that great, you still can count some.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

Hubby and I have been married 4.5 years with very few problems. We have a good relationship and we trust each other but there is a problem. I can't accept his compliments. If he tells me that I am beautiful or talented or an awesome wife, I just don't believe him.

When I look in the mirror, I see a plain, pasty white, kind of frumpy and dumpy looking person on crutches. All I see are flaws. I don't have great skin, my lips are peeling and inflamed, and I am not a lithe, muscular stick figure like I used to be. I wear a size 10 in jeans. Size 10 is what the chicks on the diet commercials say that they used to be! I got a couple of shirts yesterday that fit really nice, but they are X-tra Large. I wish I knew what he saw in me. I don't know how to be a girly girl. I would rather drink beer and talk about fishing and welding and cats, than talk about girly stuff.

I just think that he could do so much better and he deserves someone better than me. He says that he wishes that I wouldn't get so "down" on myself, but I tell him that is just who I am. I just feel so useless.

I'm sorry for the huge vent/pity party, but I just had to get all this off my chest.

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You like beer, fishing, welding, and cats? Why can't I find a girl like that? Sure you may feel a bit odd, but so what? I'm a guy who loves cat. I'm in a minority myself.

And as for the size 10 thing, I don't think you should be too concerned. 10 isn't bad. The chicks on those diet commercials used to be 10s but you have to realize that they are mostly actors reading from cards. They could say anything. And how many of them are anorexic or bulimic? Personally, I like a woman with a bit of meat on her bones a lot more than a woman who is nothing but a skeleton.

Hey you know many man would be impressed if their buddies told them that their wife could weld! Not that I've welded anything since I took my intro to welding class but you know the knowledge is there.

I agree on the size 10 think. I've seen some pretty scary looking scrawmy women-I used to work with an anorexic. She is going to have some health problems as she ages.

I agree with the others that your hubby married you for you, not some fashion plate off a magazine. (who doesn't know what welding is!)

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

I've just always felt like an "odd duck". The women in my family are all just so fashionable and have their hair and makeup "just so" before they even think of setting foot out the door. I don't even own a curling iron.

Maybe I am a bit depressed. I have been sitting on the couch for two months straight with nothing but the internet and TV to look at.

I have never been able to believe Hubby when he tries to compliment me. Instead of hearing that I am wonderful, the voice in the back of my head says that I could be better.

I went for a few sessions to a local counselor that my Dr recommended, but the guy was useless.

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think about this. You love your husband right? You married him because of his good qualities.

Do you trust his judgment on other things? Do you think he makes good choices in his life?

If so, your doubts and lack of belief in the things he says to you is..well, you are calling him a liar.

The thing is, you need to feel your own self worth from within yourself. Until you accept yourself, you will never be able to accept that he means what he says.

I think you don't know how to be loved. I don't know you, so can't say why this is, but you really should try again to find a therapist who can help you see the beauty in you, the REAL beauty that makes you, you. Size 10 is not large, but physcial beauty is less important than what's inside. It can take several tries to find the right match in a counselor.

You do sound depressed, and such a low self esteem may eventually put a very large strain on your marriage. It could become a "self fullfilled prophecy". He could become frustrated with constantly trying to build you up, while you continue to disbelieve him.

Please, dear, get some professional help. Medication, along with talk therapy can help. Go see your doctor. There could be some chemical imbalance causing you to feel this way.

You could have an underactive thyroid, even.

I know how you feel! The media really has me down too. I have always struggled with my self esteem. No matter how I kill myself at the gym... (literally! I have arthritis in both my knees and it is very painful to go on the elliptical) I will never look like them. I have too many curves. I was always really skinny growing up but once I hit 17 I gained weight and haven't felt right ever since. I've been struggling with my weight for 8 years now. I know a size 6 isn't fat... but when the models on tv are probably a 0.... I sure feel fat! Plus, when I look in the mirror I can point out every single flaw which seems like a lot! I hate my legs... I refuse to wear shorts or skirts because I feel like I have fat ankles..

Not all men want the skinny girly girl. My husband's officemate is a tiny little thing dressed very fashionably who has all of the men passing her office for a glimpse at her. But her relationships last maybe a month? And DH says that she would drive him bonkers if he had to deal with her on a personal level as she is high maintenance.

There is beauty in your smile, the way your eyes crinkle up when you see him, the look you have when you support him, believe in him, and trust him. There is truth in this beauty that media images never capture.