I've HAD it with my boyfriends' cousin!

kittyl0ve4

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I have been wanting to post something about boyfriends' cousin for a long time now because the problems we have been having with him have been minor. But today, WOW.. I just have to rant about him. Let me start from the very beginning..

A few months after I moved into Mikes (BF) house, his aunt and 2 cousins moved in with us, because they got evicted from their apartment. Since then, he has been in and out of jail, and in between his jail times he had been kicked out of our house time and time again for various things.. Like getting drunk and peeing on Mikes dads computer, bringing under age girls into our house and drinkinbg with them, stuff like that.

Well, this summer, his cousin got evicted from the place where he was living, and even though Mikes parents didn't want him living here, they couldn't let him live on the street cuz he's family. He was told he could stay here UNTIL he found somewhere else to live. This was in July. Since he has moved here, he hasn't even started looking for a place to live.. Everyones patience with him is wearing thin. He works, and he NEVER pays Mikes mom rent, even though he was told he has to pay her. He keeps me up at night, and wakes me up every morning because he is inconsiderate and he doesnt even try to be quiet. He was told from theb get-go that his drinking and drug abuse would NOT be tolerated in the house, because of the above-mentioned peeing on the computer, and he takes anti-depressant pills to get high and he falls asleep with cigarettes, were afraid the house is going to burn down. He is always purposely getting on my nerves.. I am easily agitated and if someone is messing with me and I ask them to stop, but they keep doing it, I start to flip. I had a brain injury and since then, I have a hard time controlling my emotions, and people don't understand how easily I can snap. He is hanging by a thread as of right now.

Today, I went with Mike to my work to help his mom put away the grocery order. When I left, both cats were sleeping. When I got home, I yelled out for them to eat. Monster NEVER misses a meal.. Well, he was gone. Mikes cousin has been told TIME and TIME again that he CANNOT leave any doors open and if he goes out the door he has to make sure he didn't let a cat out. Well I finally found him in between the two fences in the backyard, and I swear I have never seen Monster act the way he did. He was acting feral! He sliced open Mikes finger, and I JUST trimmed the cats claws yesterday. I can clip them very short, because I know what I am doing.

This is the last straw when it comes to this kid.. Seriously, Mikes parents can't stand him, I'm starting to hate him, he's gettin on Mikes last nerve, he doesn't pay rent. And everytime me or Mike says something to his parents about him they say things like "Well, we didn't want him here, you guys did". SO not true. I knew these problems would occur, they always do. I even mentioned this to them before they told him he could stay here, trying to save them the aggrivation. UGH..

Maybe this was pointless.. But I needed to vent, this dude is just so careless and he knows how much my cats mean to me.. Yet he still isn't careful when opening doors!
 

strange_wings

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Who's house is it? If your bf doesn't own it you two could always move - if that's not possible and you're paying rent, kick him out.

One way to get him out of there would be to call the police when he is doing something illegal. You don't want him getting caught for bring minors in. Drugs you could claim ignorance of, but not people and that could get the two of you in serious trouble.


Kick him out, get his stuff out of the house, change the locks and make sure the windows are locked. If he tries to break in, call the police.


That sounds mean, but the cat being out would have been the last straw for me, too.
 
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kittyl0ve4

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Mike and I can't kick him out, its Mikes parents house..

When he gets drunk, he is told he CANNOT come home, Same goes for if he is messed up on pills. We lock the doors, and secure the windows. What he does is, he will wait until everyone is asleep, and he will climb onto the roof and try to break into his sisters room. He has done it before, but my BF got clever and shoved a board in there so he can't, and he'd have to break the window to get in.

Mike and I complain about him to Mikes parents, were hoping they will make him leave, but its their decision to make him, and so far, they just haven't. I'm really mad, Monster could have been killed.
 

tierre0

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Originally Posted by strange_wings

Who's house is it? If your bf doesn't own it you two could always move - if that's not possible and you're paying rent, kick him out.

One way to get him out of there would be to call the police when he is doing something illegal. You don't want him getting caught for bring minors in. Drugs you could claim ignorance of, but not people and that could get the two of you in serious trouble.


Kick him out, get his stuff out of the house, change the locks and make sure the windows are locked. If he tries to break in, call the police.


That sounds mean, but the cat being out would have been the last straw for me, too.
Exactly, keep in mind that the stuff he is doing, drugs, bringing minors into the house and providing them with alcohol. These things are illegal and they could also get you into as much trouble as they could get him into.
And he doesn't exactly stand out as someone who would take the blame should he get caught. In fact he would most likely throw you to the wolves to get himself out of trouble.
You have given the guy more then one chance and he has proven that he is not worth it.
Get rid of him, and get him out of the house before he drags you down to his level and you all end up in trouble.

And as for the fact it's his parents house not yours perhaps you should remind them of the fact that they could be held a responsible as well.

Have you guys thought of doing a intervention and getting him into treatment.
And finally if his parents aren't willing to kick him out perhaps it is time for you and your boyfriend to severe the ties and move out yourselves.
Where there's a will there's a way.
 

dusty's mom

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I'm a big believer of asserting your independence when you are an adult, or when you think you are. That means moving into a place you can call your own and where you make the rules. An adult should never need to depend on other family members for food, housing or cash. If that means living alone, well prove to yourself and your family and friends that you are woman enough to do it!

Good luck!
 
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kittyl0ve4

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Mike and I cannot afford to move, or we would. I do not make enough money to move, and Mike was out of work for a long time, just got a job, and even then we still wouldn't have enough income together to get our own place.

The thing with providing minors with alcohol, that was years ago, and it got him kicked out. Mikes parents keep letting him come back. We make Mikes parents aware of his activities, hoping they will kick him out, but they don't listen to us. It seems as if they don't care. I'm sick of always having to worry about his activities and how it can put my cats in danger..

Again, I would LOVE to move, but I just can't. I don't have the means to do so.. Going and looking for a place and finding one, would be taking food out of my cats mouths. They are the most important.
 

swampwitch

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I'd lay down the law for Cousin; tell him the rules and explain how much rent he is to pay and when. The rent should be a fair price, the amount that everyone else pays. Tell him if he fails to follow the rules, he's out of the house, and kick him out. (Mike and his parents need to be with you on this.)

Cousin needs to get himself some help or he needs to hit bottom then get some help.
 

larussa

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Throw him the heck out, tell Mike he needs to make a decision. Either the cousin goes or you go. I would not have that jerk stay one more day in the same house, you were lucky to find Monster, things could've been a lot worse. Get rid of this guy, family or not.
 

larussa

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Originally Posted by KiTTYL0VE4

Mike and I cannot afford to move, or we would. I do not make enough money to move, and Mike was out of work for a long time, just got a job, and even then we still wouldn't have enough income together to get our own place.

The thing with providing minors with alcohol, that was years ago, and it got him kicked out. Mikes parents keep letting him come back. We make Mikes parents aware of his activities, hoping they will kick him out, but they don't listen to us. It seems as if they don't care. I'm sick of always having to worry about his activities and how it can put my cats in danger..

Again, I would LOVE to move, but I just can't. I don't have the means to do so.. Going and looking for a place and finding one, would be taking food out of my cats mouths. They are the most important.
Couldn't you move in with your parents, is that an option.
 

goldenkitty45

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Its up to Mike's parents to kick him out (which they should - family or not). Is there ANY other relatives or friends that you guys can live with till you get your own place?

I would look at every other opportunity to get your own place. If it means living on bare bones - do so.

I would do whatever it took to get out of that house by the end of the year. And personally, I'd crate the cats or lock your door to your room to protect them when you are gone so they can't escape.
 

capt_jordi

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Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

Its up to Mike's parents to kick him out (which they should - family or not). Is there ANY other relatives or friends that you guys can live with till you get your own place?

I would look at every other opportunity to get your own place. If it means living on bare bones - do so.

I would do whatever it took to get out of that house by the end of the year. And personally, I'd crate the cats or lock your door to your room to protect them when you are gone so they can't escape.
I have to agree with this. I would look for a large dog crate or 2 and keep the kitties in there while you are gone if nothing else. Make sure to exhaust all options. And maybe just drive around some and keep an eye out for for rent signs up in yards. There are landlords out there with hearts and you may be able to find one that will work with you. Maybe one that will let you pay rent in smaller payments more often than one big one once a month?

Good luck!
 
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kittyl0ve4

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The ONLY family I have that I could live with is my mom--and I can't take my cats there, cuz of her cat.. I've suggested keeping them in my room at her house all the time(my room at her house is HUGE!) but she knows her cat would still smell mine and would know ther are there. She is worried about her cat developing LB issues, which happened to her previous cat when she had my little brother.

The people in my town are NOT willing to work on prices, I've tried this before. The ONLY person who would be willing, is my boss. She has a small house and an apartment she rents out, but the house bis occupied by Mikes sister (she has no room for us) and the apartment is occupied by my co-workers son. IF he ever moves out, I will talk to her, and I know she would work with me on rent prices, she is Mittens' previous owner, and she wants what's best for her. But I highly doubt that he will be moving any time soon. She only charges him about $300 a month, which is REALLY cheap. So I don't think he will move any time soon. I wish he would, I've been waiting for him to move for 3 years, because I know she will lower the rent for me. She is my only option but unfortunately she won't kick him out for no reason, and I don't expect her too, that would be rude.

He was told that from now on, he won't be allowed here when no body is home (this all happened while he was here alone, so now there will be someone here to make sure no kitties get out) and that's as good as its going to get. Until he does something that will really piss Mikes parents off, they won't make him leave. They are very, very kind and caring people. So no matter how many chances he has had, they won't kick him out until he REALLY does something bad. BUT, Mikes mom told me before anything even happened today that he is very close to being chucked out onto the street. I feel kinda bad, but I care more about what happens to my babies than what happens to him, he is 27 and perfectly capable of moving in with his father. He just doesn't want to move to New Jersey cuz all his friends are here in PA.
 

esrgirl

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Keep in mind that if some point he refuses to leave, your bf's parents will need to have him properly/legally evicted. You could contact your small claims court to see about how to initiate that process in case you need it in the future!
 
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kittyl0ve4

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Originally Posted by esrgirl

Keep in mind that if some point he refuses to leave, your bf's parents will need to have him properly/legally evicted. You could contact your small claims court to see about how to initiate that process in case you need it in the future!
Luckily, it would never have to come to that.. Mikes father (Big Mike) has a hige temper, and if there is anyone in this world Mikes cousin is afraid of, its Big Mike. Let me share another story with you. When I mentioned cousin bringing under aged girls here to drink. This was about 4 or 5 years ago. Cousin was living in the basement. He had a bed and tv down there. He had his girlfriend, who was 16 at the time I think? He was about 23 or 24. [I know that was illegal but we couldn't stop it, her parents knew about it and didn't care. (She also lived across the street)]. He had them down in the basement, he had snuck them in thru the back door and straight into the basement. There was a guy here who is friends with Big Mike, and cousin let one of the girls come upstairs to use the bathroom. The friend of Big Mike saw the girl and told Big Mike. He freaked out on cousin and he got in Big Mikes face, which resulted in cousin having a bloody mouth. Then cousin punched the draining board which had plates and everything in it. And THEN he smashed the sideview mirror on Big Mikes truck(!!). Keep in mind this all happened a long time ago and while he got kicked out for all of that, he is back now and that why is is not allowed to drink in the house or come home drunk. If he wants to drink he is supposed to sleep where ever he is drinking. But, he waits until Mikes parents are asleep and then he comes home. If we confront him about being drunk he claims he had one beer.
 

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Originally Posted by KiTTYL0VE4

He was told that from now on, he won't be allowed here when no body is home (this all happened while he was here alone, so now there will be someone here to make sure no kitties get out) and that's as good as its going to get.

Until he does something that will really piss Mikes parents off, they won't make him leave. They are very, very kind and caring people. So no matter how many chances he has had, they won't kick him out until he REALLY does something bad.
Wow, so sorry. That's so scary worrying about your cats safety.

This cousin's own parents won't tolerate his behavior, yet Mike's parents do? Most parents would kick them out with all the problems of alcohol and drugs. It makes them take responsibility for their actions.

The only really safe option for your cats would be like others have posted, to lock the door to your room.

Cousin has not been following the rules so he is not likely to start.....no matter what Mike's parents say, their actions say different. He seems to have excuses and they let it slide.

I hope you and you cats situation with the cousin gets better. Rant all you want. Sometimes it helps to get it out and talk about it.
 

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How old is the cousin? It seems to me that Mike's parents are enabling the cousin and he's getting away with everything because no one follows thru on their threats. This is an extremely toxic environment for everyone, and the owners of the house need to put their foot down. For Pete's sake, the cousin isn't even their kid, right? They aren't responsible for providing him with a place to live.
You and Mike need to have a serious talk with his folks. As someone else pointed out, what goes on in their house is also their responsibility. I'm pretty sure they don't wanted to go to jail for allowing underage drinking and sex in their house. The boy is BAD news and he needs to be thrown out and the locks changed.
I'm really sorry you're going thru this; home should be your safe place, hot a war zone. Best of luck getting the cousin out.
 

ink

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Move to a cheaper town. Even if I didn't have cats, I wouldn't live like that. Look else where for jobs, where the cost of living is lower, and move there.
 

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I beieve in family, and I would never abandon a family member -- unless that was the best thing for him. And it sounds like this cousin needs someone to let him hit rock-bottom instead of enabling his behavior. Good luck!
 

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Originally Posted by KiTTYL0VE4;2758464When I mentioned cousin bringing under aged girls here to drink. This was about 4 or 5 years ago. Cousin was living in the basement. He had a bed and tv down there. He had his girlfriend, who was 16 at the time I think? He was about 23 or 24. [I know that was illegal but we couldn't stop it, her parents knew about it and didn't care. (She also lived across the street)

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If he were to bring minors into the house again just call the cops. It's called statutory rape, what the girl or her parents think doesn't matter. It's illegal period. The state will press charges if she is considered a minor there. (some States have different rules as to what age is considered a minor. If I were you I'd move out.....period. This guy sounds dangerous family or not. I agree you should look for a different place to live with lower living costs. If you have to go by yourself (and your cats) so be it. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.

Does your mom have a problem with your cats or your bf? I don't know your situation, but if it were my mom she would tell me it was about the cats when in fact it would be about the bf. Is it possible your mom just isn't comfortable with you living with you bf? If that's the case maybe she'd let you and the cats live with her and your bf could stay at his parents and you both could work on saving money until you can get a place of your own.
 
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