Are you good at confrontation?

I am TERRIBLE at confrontation. I always have been, and recently I was put in a situation that requires me to confront someone older than me. It has been very difficult for me and it made me think. Is anyone good at confrontation and if so why are they good at it?

I am not good at starting a confrontation, but I am great at standing up for myself if I feel like I am being wronged. I have a problem getting in the face of my elders too, but sometimes it can't be avoided.

I think I am okay at confrontation because of how much my parents argued when I was a kid and how often I had to stand up to my stepfather to keep him from beating my little brother.

Last time I had a serious confrontation was when my (biological) father's wife kicked me out of their house for no reason other than I called her out when she did something rude to me, and he decided he wanted a divorce with her because she didnt even include him on the decision.... And he looked me right in the eye and said "We are in this together, this is both of our problems" and I told him straight up that it was HIS fault for bringing me into one of his failing marriages YET AGAIN and to you and your stupid girlfriends.



Edit - Don't think I'm a bad person... x_x There is only so much you can take of a dead-beat father until you just snap, okay?

It depends on the situation. If I have to bring up a potentially sticky issue, I make sure I'm absolutely calm. I try to plan out what I'd like to say.

Start with "I" statements. "When you do [], I feel []." Those tend to really work.

Here's an example. I wanted to talk to my boss about how, when she emails me at 2 a.m. freaking out about something, I have anxiety problems.

So, I sat down with her, and said, "[Boss], when you send me frantic emails at 2 a.m., I feel as if I should have been up to respond. I have started suffering anxiety issues due to this. I understand that you're up, you're thinking about something, and you want to make sure you don't forget, but I think it's affecting our work relationship. Is there another way you can remember, during business hours?"

I no longer get frantic emails in the middle of the night, and our working relationship has become more open and engaging because I confronted her.

It's all in showing respect to the person, speaking calmly, and although you may not understand WHY someone feels a certain way, that you do understand that they have those feelings.

Good luck!

I have always found the easies way to deal with confrontation is to remain calm and try to get your point across in a quiet manner. Screaming back and forth really does not accomplish anything and when I am confronted by someone who takes that type of stance with me I will simply walk away. I will often say to people "when you calm down we will talk but until then I have nothing to say"
More often then not when you use this approach the other person will draw in their horns so to speak and you can have a productive conversation.

Yes i can do confrontation, but it's with tact

That's one of the reasons why my friend who i work for has recently made me office manager, because she said i can handle problems with people better than her. It's all about confidence, for me it is anyway.

My life is centered around avoiding confrontation. I need a very low stress life because of health issues so I let alot go.

But if I must stand up for myself or others I will. I agree that not raising your voice even if the other person will is a good tact. Also using those " I " statements are a great way for the person to not feel like you are attacking them as the "probelm" but you are expressing how you feel. You can't make someone be or do what you want but can only express your feelings and thoughts. Most of the time people will respond favorably to that and do what you need done anyway.

Timing is important also. Don't approach the person at a high stress time. Pick just the right time and that helps alot. The person is usually calm and receptive (off guard).

Originally Posted by emrldsky

It depends on the situation. If I have to bring up a potentially sticky issue, I make sure I'm absolutely calm. I try to plan out what I'd like to say.

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same feelings here... ...I don´t like but my work depends on this matter sometimes.....

I'm horrible at it. I get emotional and cry and my voice gets screechy and I start shaking.

Can't do it. Just. Can't. Do. It. I will get up and walk out of a room.

My brother and mother are polar opposite to me, politically, so one thing we can't talk about is politics. I'm a liberal, they're uber-conservative. I figure, I'm never going to change their minds, they're not going to change mine, so when I go home for Christmas, if one of these discussions starts, I'm very calmly going to stop it before I start sputtering. It's useless and distateful to me to waste time and breath on "discussing" stuff like this with my family. It'll most definitely turn into a confrontation.

Originally Posted by nanner

I'm horrible at it. I get emotional and cry and my voice gets screechy and I start shaking.

Can't do it. Just. Can't. Do. It. I will get up and walk out of a room.

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Same, I am very emotional.

I avoid confrontation. The only time I will actually do anything is if I'm standing up for someone else.
I tend to have a problem with making other people irrationally mad when I do confront them. Maybe it's lack of tone in my voice making it hard for them to figure out what is going on? Maybe it's that I'm not even remotely emotional and don't "lose my cool". Maybe it's because I'll use big words and proper grammar when they're sputtering and calling me names? But because other people become childish and cruel I avoid confrontation as much as possible.

Growing up with parents that constantly fought and getting yelled at a lot as a child probably has something to do with it as well. Years of that have insured that I never once raise my voice at another person or do anything remotely near name calling..

I hate it and I avoid confrontation but if someone confronts me I can stand up for myself. But when it comes to me starting a confrontation because I feel like someone is not treating me fairly or something like that- I am just terrible and I end up suffering for it and just keeping quiet.

I consider myself exceptional at confrontations. Within 10 minutes I can make most people like me and see things my way. But then again, I don't engage in confrontations if I can help it.

It depends on the situation. Generally, if someone's being an idiot and trying to impress others, I'll make an effort to nail them to the wall with sarcasm and turn them into the butt of their own joke. Otherwise, I try to avoid too much confrontation, but when I have to confront someone, I will, and I can lose my temper quickly when people push the wrong buttons

I don't like it but I'm good at sticking up for other people. However, one of my proudest moments was telling my ex what I thought of him, I verbally kicked his bottom and it felt good!

Not really. I view "confrontation" as a negative: It seems very aggressive to me.

I'd rather approach someone and quietly talk to them about any issues that I feel need to be ironed out.

However, sometimes even the best intentions don't go as planned. Earlier this year I tried the subtle approach with the evening ward clerk at work. She turned it into a confrontation....and a scene....which I then had to take to the manager for her to look after.

I'd rather discuss than to get into someone's face and confront them in an aggressive manner. That's not to say that I can't be a baracuda when I need to be

If it's business, I'm great. If it's personal, I'm terrible. The difference? Emotion. If it's personal, I'm so able to see the other person's point I get all confused and too many things come at me at once. If it's a confrontation I need to initiate, I will almost always do it in writing where I can take my time, think it out, and express myself appropriately. But if it's in person on the fly, I'm just awful at it.

After taking so many years of abuse rolling over so to speak to keep him from getting mad(or madder) I now have the confidence to take on what ever I need to, It just tends to come out wrong sometimes so I try not to. I have a knack for speaking my mind anyway so telling someone something isn't much different, it's all in the wording.
Don't worry. They are like us (put on pant one leg at a time), it's not fun, but they won't realize they are doing anything that upsets you if you don't tell them.
If they take offense to it, walk away and then give them time to absorb it, if they think about it after you walk away, they will come back and say ok can we talk this out please...

I try to avoid it. If it's absolutely necessary however, I will handle the situation.

I don't like drama. I don't like stress. I try to avoid both. But it is impossible to avoid them all!
Am I good at handling confrontations? Who knows

I'm good at it but don't really like it.