If cats could speak..

Current session around the computer desk....
GiGi- mommy made bbq chicken for dinner nom nom nom Im going to lick the extra off the stove..nom nom nom nom nom...

Fatman- you stupid brother its not fair thats my lap my lap mine mine mine mine mine mine!! Im going to stare at you from on top the computer desk and watch you and mind control you into leaving!!

Hercules-She was my mommy first and its MY lap!! purrrrrpurrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrr
ohh the raspberries love the raspberries!! purrrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrr nener nener nener to you Fatso!

And me of course...Mmmmm warm snuggie buggie kitty in my lap aww my baby herkie poo mommy wubs you sooo much my hunka hunka hercules!!!!

Littlebits (hereafter known as "LB") would say something like this:

LB: Daddy, here's my butt. See my butt? That's my butt. Butt butt butt. ::flop::
LB: wake up daddy, ::repeated tailsmacks::
(Daddy rolls over to escape the evil LB Butt)
LB: Daddy!! =>.<= Wakes up! :aw smack:: I want breakfast!

It sounds a lot like "mew mew mew mew" to me though.

Neko: ....seriously stop that loud...irritating...noise so we can go back to sleep! .... finally! Wait, why are you getting up? Well, okay...

[jumps up on restroom counter]

Neko: Oh yay... water faucet time! hurry turn it on!! maybe i'll try doing it.....need thumbs..... ok seriously turn this on.... oh thanks! [lick,lick,lick] I need a different angle, lets try this... [lick,lick,lick]... well maybe if i get in the sink I'll have a better angle... wait no, WET PAWS! Ok, I'm done with this.

Neko: Mommy's taking a shower... I'll wait right here and try to pull something from under this door! Yes! Mom's robe! HA!

[mom is trying to get her robe]

Neko: Its mine!! All mine!.................... ok you win, you can have the robe back...

Originally Posted by Sneakymom

I got my white uniforms in July. Mistoflees was still alive then (we lost him in August). The look he gave me when I unpacked them, all I could think about him saying was "But mom, those clothes are too white. If you want, I could nap on them and put some black fur on them. Because EVERYTHING is better with black fur"

Cheryl

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What a sweetie!

Keep in mind Lilly is our 5 mo old kitten. We have had her for a month now.

Lilly walks in bedroom and finds Tiger laying on my bed sleeping...

Lilly: "BUUUUDDYYYY!! Oh YAY! Let's PLAY!" (jumps on Tiger's back like a leech)
Tiger: (Growl, Hiss, Snarl) "Go AWAY you annoying KITTEN!"
Lilly: "Oh, you don't mean THAT! Come ON... PLAY with ME!" (pounces on Tiger's stomach)
Tiger: (Hiss, spat...gives go to you know where look)
Lilly: "Oh.... YAY! You're UP!!! PLAY PLAY PLAY!!! We have to PLAY!" (gets distracted and runs off and bounces off the walls)
Tiger: "Oh good...she's GONE!"
Lilly: (looks back at Tiger) "OHH.. BUDDDYYY!!! (runs and hops on his back again)

This continues for about 10 minutes until Tiger has had enough and runs off with Lilly trailing behind him like his shadow.

Maro: "Are those mummy's notes on the bed? They are her notes. She's been staring at them for three hours. I don't think they're making her very happy..."
Looks over to moogle:
"C'mon bunny. we have to eat mother's notes and her pencil bag. Quickly, before she gets back from the bathroom."
"That's right bunny, chew that textbook."
Nom Nom Nom........
"Hang on a sec.... she's coming back.... Ok! Act innocent!"
Me, returning amidst much purring and whiffling of noses...
"What the...?!"
"Hi mommy! You're gonna play with us now, aren't ya?"

Sassy: (she is three months) "I haz to keel teh curtins until they iz ded! Oh teh pillow, keel it too! Ack!" arches back and spits "Icky dogg, getz away from me! Teh curtins, they moved! They iz trying to escape me! Keel teh cutins!"

Sasha: (she is four months) "Lift me up for my food. I can't possibly jump up there by myself. If you do not pander to my every wish and demand, I will bite your toes and wind around your legs until you trip and fall. You will bow down to my demands. Oh ick! Nasty dog. Go away you disgusting canine. I am not a sheep to be herded. Do I need to smack you in the nose again? Are you that stupid? I thought not. Yes run away like a good doggy. You human, I want cuddled and loved."

On being fed raw for the first time after getting some new catnip toys

Miku: WOAH! What is this magical tasty thing you're giving me? WANT WANT WANT WANT.

George: This is stupid. Where's the gravy? Where's the crunchies? You mean I have to chew? This smells funny. I'm going to sleep. Go away, you're an idiot.

Meepy: You... What? Huh.....? Where's that crinkly fishy thing... Mmmmmm, nip.

Dusty 4:30 am patting my face with her paw "Mommy! Wake up and pet me!"
Me: "Grumble grumble, let me sleep!" putting her off the bed (3 or 4 times)
Dusty just before alarm goes off "Comeon! The alarm is going to go off! Pet me!!!!!!!" Stretching out beside me..
Me: "Ok ok...."
Dusty: "Ahhhhhhh now this is the life!"

Rusty on occasional mornings: "Pet me!" Couple of strokes later. "Hmmmm I wanna go under the blanket and bite Mommy's toes through the sheet!" nom nom nom..
Me: "Grumble grumble" pulling her out and putting her on the floor.

Later morning:

DH sitting on the futon reading:

Dusty on the chair serving as a footstool: "Papa, I want treats!"
DH: "No Dusty, it isn't time!"
Dusty: "I want treats NOW!!!!"
DH: "Ok, I will give you sneaky treats while Rusty is sleeping"
Rusty: "Did I hear the word Sneaky treats? Give me some too!"

Going out the door to work:

Two strays we feed (Precious and Skiddles): Hi!!!! Feed us!!! Pet us!!! Love us!!!"

Coming home from work:

Two strays: Hi!!!! I will follow you to the mailbox!! Feed us!!! Pet us!!! Love us!!!"

I am trying to find those 2 a good forever home. One is a creamy orange SH girl and the other is a Orange and white MH girl. Both very friendly! I would take them in if I had a bigger place, but 2 kitties in a small 1 br apartment is more than enough. My girls are very accepting of them, at least through the screen door.

Poor girls. When they showed up, they were soooo hungry! It just makes me so mad that someone dumped those precious babies! If anyone near here wants them, you can come get them! They are sooo sweet and loving! I have to get pics of them!

Any other cat that comes along, they hate!

My typical morning.

prissy: *pat*pat*pat*

Me: go away

prissy shifts all her weight onto my throat: *pat*pat*pat*

me: *cough* Gaw! ok, I'm up!

Loudmouth, Cuddles, Ginger and Smudge: FOOOOOOOOD!!! *commence winding around my ankles, dancing and crying their heads off as I stumble to the bathroom*

me: *Shut bathroom door and do my business*

Cuddles and Smudge: *pat* we know you in theres. *pat*pat* OOOooh, got bathmat! pull!! hey i bet kicking the door will help us get it!!! Hey mom, don't falls in. OOOOOooooh shadow! *pat*pat*

Ginger: I'z gonna flip over on my back so I gets tummy rubbins when she comes out.

Loudmouth: Gonna sit here like a sphinx and gets head rubbins when she comes out

prissy: (in hallway, away from the 4 crowded at the door) I'm gonna sit here and watch these peasants act like fools.

Me: *wash hands, walk out, give all necessary rubbins, take ONE step toward kitchen*

ginger, smudge, cuddles, loudmouth: Foooooooood!!!!! *repeat of dancing, crying, winding*

me: *walk into kitchen trying not to step on anyone*

prissy: *dainty slow steps into kitchen doorway*

others: *skitter*cry*dance*beg*cry*wind*rub*cry*dance*beg* hurry mommy we're starving. We haven't eaten in 15 minutes!

prissy: *sit silently and watch fools*

me: OK! Back! Move. Can't get to your food if you get in the way! Move! *push kitties out of way of cabinet, get can and dish*

prissy: *clean paw, look uninterested*

Me *pop*peel*dump*

others: Fooooooooooddd!!!!! *Commence extra intense begging*

me: workin on it! patience! *mash*mash*add water*stir*mash*spread*
Who wants it?

others *immediately form a circle on the floor and chorus "ME!"*

me: *put plate in center of monsters* come on prissy, breakfast

others: nomnomnomnom puuuuuuurrrrrr nom nom nom.

prissy: I refuse to eat with those.... commoners....

me: oh geez... *get paper plate, put spoonful from dish onto plate and put plate in front of prissy* there your pickiness.

prissy: thank you human. I will wake you when I need you again. *sniff*dainty lick*moment of thought*lick lick lick*

me: is it really only 4 am? good grief. I'm going back to bed.

Originally Posted by SamhainBorn

me: is it really only 4 am? good grief. I'm going back to bed.

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What time zone are you in? I think that your cats and mine a synchronized!

This was supposed to be a typical morning... except with a mouse. Everyone has their morning ritual. I get up, and the first thing I do is let my cat know I'm awake by making some sort of vocal noise. Sho will come over for a brief petting and purring session before I sit up and slip my feet into my slippers. He'll follow suit and hop onto the floor.

I will then make my way to the bathroom...

Me: *looks over at her computer chair blearily and mumbles* Sho?
Sho: Human's awake! *hops onto floor and waits for human to move the blankets out of the way*
Me: *shoves blanket aside for him him... pet, pet, pet, rub, rub, rub*
Sho: *puuuurrrrr* Ooh yeah, this is nice.
Me: *gets up and heads to bathroom*
Sho: *still purring and rolling around on the floor*
Me: What a good boy you are, Sho.
Sho: Really? I'll show you how I'm an awesome boy! *bats at something in the doorway and pushes it into the bathroom* Look! A present!
Me: *sees a dead mouse* .... Uh, good boy Sho.
Sho: I'm awesome aren't I? Here, take a closer look! *bats it towards my feet*
Me: No no, it's fine. You can stop. I see mouse.
Sho: *still trying to push it even closer*
Me: *takes present with a wad of toilet paper and discards it in the trash bin*
Sho: Glad you like it!

Is thread is funny

Going to bed
Amadeus: (jumps on my bed and sits on me) You, put that stupid think you have all the time down (my iPod touch) and pet me. Really? Your not going to pet me?? Fine I guess I will just have to push it out of the way (pushes iPod)
Me: hey! Why are you doing this. I am typing about you?
Amadeus: exellent but now it time for Amadeus cuddles
Me: *mutters* difficult
Amadeus: I heard that. Cuddling is nice. Now I will sleep on you so that you can't move.
Me: why do you do this? Why do you tAke up so much room?
Amadeus: because I can. Now pet me till I fall asleep

5 in the morning, the sound of Ku Ku frantically stirring litter woke me up...(this happens every day).

Me: uh...Ok Ok, what's going on?(half sleep & wiping my eyes)
Ku Ku: Litters, litters, litters. I pooed, it stinks, you clean, right meow(now), Meeeowwww! Oh, stinks, stinksssss!
Me: Oh...poo poo er? Uh...hold on...meowmy's sleepy...zzzzzzz
Ku Ku: Skinks, stinks, steeeeennnksss! Ugh, I can't stand it. Wake up, waake uuupppppe! I said, I can't stand it, wake up!!
Me: zzzz....zzzzzzz....
Ku Ku: Hey, you can't go back to sleep. You must clean it now. Ugh!
Alrite. Now, get zis! (jumped up on bed by my feet & pounced my foot)
Me: Aaaaarrggghh! Ouch! (woke up & got out from bed, walked toward her litter box)
Ku Ku: There ya go. Good girl.(following after meowmy)
Me: (first went to bathroom, then walked toward the litter box, discovered "the mound") Wow...you really did a big one, didn't you? Alrite, I clean it for you... There, it's all clean now, ok??
Ku Ku: Good, I can breeze fine. Now, I want FOOD!
Me: (checked her food bowl, seeing about a mouth full of dried food left on the bottom) Uhhh...baby, you still have some left, why don't you finish it off?
Ku Ku: Bleah, eww, yuck, those left on the bottom are soggy and don't taste good, I don't wanna eat those. I like crunchy new refill. MEOW!
Me: (sighs) Ok, I know you're hungry(filling the bowl with new dried food), here you are. Eat well, baby.
Ku Ku: Of course...nom nom nom....(crunch crunch crunch).
Tastehhhh...nom nom nom nom...
Me: Isn't it good, er?
Ku Ku: Nom nom nom...hey, don't forget cleaning & changing the water bowl. Something's floating around. I don't like things floating on the water...nom nom nom...
Me: Oh, you must have dropped this bits in the water while eating.
Ok, I'll change it for you. Here it goes.
Ku Ku: (as soon as water's changed, she almost jumped at it) Gulp gulp gulp gulp...
Me: Alrite, you got everything, ok?
Ku Ku: Ah yes, I guess that's all. You may go back to sleep for now. I'll pounce you again when I need you.



I love Ku Ku but I'm kinda glad that this conversation was just my imagination.

Mornings at my house

6:50am i open the bedroom door to find Fae sitting up so sweetly staring up at me.

Fae:Good, my human, you are up *walks to the kitchen* my food bowl is this way.

I go the opposite direction to the bathroom...bathroom door swings open banging into my knee...Fae goes FLYING on to the bathroom counter...

Fae: what are you doing? my food isnt in here...uh...thats a pretty strange litter box...

I go feed fae then return to the bathroom to clean up for work...door swings open and bangs into the wall...Fae comes flying on to the bathroom counter and rubs against me as i try to brush my teeth

Fae: NOW what are you doing? Your boring...where is my male human?
Fae runs off to bug her daddy.

Here is our morning routine:

Harvey: (while sitting on my shoulder/face purring like a mad man) Mommy? Oh, mommy? Breakfast? BREAKFAST!
Luke: (while laying politely at my feet) Harvey, SHUT UP! I'm trying to sleep.... Oh is she up? BREAKFAST! BREAKFAST!

So I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom, Harvey and Luke running and tripping over each other and me. Danny quickly joins the party in the bathroom.

Danny: MOMMY! Hi mommy! I MISSED YOU! Mommy, mommy, mommy!!! *rub, purr, hiss at Luke, rub, rub, chirp, trill*
Harvey: BREAKFAST!! Oooh...flushing toilet
Luke: Out of the way squirts *runs to food bowl*
Danny: Hey, mommy! Look at me! Mommy!!!
Harvey and Luke: *nom, nom, nom, nom, purr*
Danny: HEY MOMMY! MOOOOMMMMMYYYY! Oh food! Bye mommy! *nom, nom*

Meanwhile, the BF Josh: FEED THEM ALREADY! MAKE THEM SHUT UP! *stuffs pillow over head*

After I turn over in the bed at 4am:

"Mom? Moooom? Are you up!??!?!"

Skitters across the bed..."dad daaaaaaaaad??!?! are YOU up?!!"

"I WANT ATTENTION!!!" "CUDDLE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

After I turn over in the bed at 4am:

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What is it about 4:00 a.m.? That's when Whimsey wants to be fed NOW! A gentle paw starts patting my nose then my mouth, then he calls in the big guns and starts bitting my neck (this cat has no teeth).

Originally Posted by esrandall2000

What is it about 4:00 a.m.? That's when Whimsey wants to be fed NOW! A gentle paw starts patting my nose then my mouth, then he calls in the big guns and starts bitting my neck (this cat has no teeth).

Click to expand...

Strange...Ku Ku also starts her "activities" around 4am, too...do cats have internal alarm-clock to go off around the time?

**I must have good kitties because noone dares wake us up at 4 am...Someone would be getting a pillow winged at them!! lol**

This mornings activities

Me- Ughhhhhh its 830 time to get up and get coffee!! Come on Franklin time to potty on my tire!

Franklin- Ahhhhhhhhhh my new coat I love it!! (he then runs outside directly to my front drivers side tire and procedes to pee all over it...he wont pee on any other tire or any other car just mine and that tire)....*back inside* MOMMMM make a fire its cold inside here Im shivering cant you see that...MAKE FIRE!!!!!

Me- Ugh darn BF having to get the stupid proof fire starting stuff now I cant wake him up to start the darn fire!! *lights the starter stix..ohhhh this really is easy*

Hercules- Moooooommmmm GiGi wont get out of the mini christmas tree thats on my table!!!!

Me-GiGi get your furry butt out of the tree.......What am I going to do when I put the big tree up Herc?

Hercules- I dunno mom but I know I wouldnt dare get in the big tree cuz Im your big boy!!!

Me- whosa my herkie boy mommy loves her big fuzzy hunka hunka hercules..yes she does she does she doesssssss

Fatman- Ugh could you all shut up please...*saunters off to the bedroom to be with his sleeping hooman*

Franklin- Daddys up daddys up daddys up..look daddy I didnt have an accident in the house today!! Arent you proud of me

BF- Wooooowwww it must be warmer outside today that Franklin pooped outside

Me-Yuppers!!!

Hercules- Mommy made the bed time to have kitty crazies on it and mess it all up!!!

****Yes we had an eventful morning today..LOL...Now everyone is in their respective spots sleeping the morning away!****