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If cats could speak.. - Page 2

post #31 of 50
Originally Posted by SamhainBorn View Post
me: is it really only 4 am? good grief. I'm going back to bed.

What time zone are you in? I think that your cats and mine a synchronized!
post #32 of 50
This was supposed to be a typical morning... except with a mouse. Everyone has their morning ritual. I get up, and the first thing I do is let my cat know I'm awake by making some sort of vocal noise. Sho will come over for a brief petting and purring session before I sit up and slip my feet into my slippers. He'll follow suit and hop onto the floor.

I will then make my way to the bathroom...

Me: *looks over at her computer chair blearily and mumbles* Sho?
Sho: Human's awake! *hops onto floor and waits for human to move the blankets out of the way*
Me: *shoves blanket aside for him him... pet, pet, pet, rub, rub, rub*
Sho: *puuuurrrrr* Ooh yeah, this is nice.
Me: *gets up and heads to bathroom*
Sho: *still purring and rolling around on the floor*
Me: What a good boy you are, Sho.
Sho: Really? I'll show you how I'm an awesome boy! *bats at something in the doorway and pushes it into the bathroom* Look! A present!
Me: *sees a dead mouse* .... Uh, good boy Sho.
Sho: I'm awesome aren't I? Here, take a closer look! *bats it towards my feet*
Me: No no, it's fine. You can stop. I see mouse.
Sho: *still trying to push it even closer*
Me: *takes present with a wad of toilet paper and discards it in the trash bin*
Sho: Glad you like it!
post #33 of 50
Is thread is funny

Going to bed
Amadeus: (jumps on my bed and sits on me) You, put that stupid think you have all the time down (my iPod touch) and pet me. Really? Your not going to pet me?? Fine I guess I will just have to push it out of the way (pushes iPod)
Me: hey! Why are you doing this. I am typing about you?
Amadeus: exellent but now it time for Amadeus cuddles
Me: *mutters* difficult
Amadeus: I heard that. Cuddling is nice. Now I will sleep on you so that you can't move.
Me: why do you do this? Why do you tAke up so much room?
Amadeus: because I can. Now pet me till I fall asleep
post #34 of 50
5 in the morning, the sound of Ku Ku frantically stirring litter woke me up...(this happens every day).

Me: uh...Ok Ok, what's going on?(half sleep & wiping my eyes)
Ku Ku: Litters, litters, litters. I pooed, it stinks, you clean, right meow(now), Meeeowwww! Oh, stinks, stinksssss!
Me: Oh...poo poo er? Uh...hold on...meowmy's sleepy...zzzzzzz
Ku Ku: Skinks, stinks, steeeeennnksss! Ugh, I can't stand it. Wake up, waake uuupppppe! I said, I can't stand it, wake up!!
Me: zzzz....zzzzzzz....
Ku Ku: Hey, you can't go back to sleep. You must clean it now. Ugh!
Alrite. Now, get zis! (jumped up on bed by my feet & pounced my foot)
Me: Aaaaarrggghh! Ouch! (woke up & got out from bed, walked toward her litter box)
Ku Ku: There ya go. Good girl.(following after meowmy)
Me: (first went to bathroom, then walked toward the litter box, discovered "the mound") really did a big one, didn't you? Alrite, I clean it for you... There, it's all clean now, ok??
Ku Ku: Good, I can breeze fine. Now, I want FOOD!
Me: (checked her food bowl, seeing about a mouth full of dried food left on the bottom), you still have some left, why don't you finish it off?
Ku Ku: Bleah, eww, yuck, those left on the bottom are soggy and don't taste good, I don't wanna eat those. I like crunchy new refill. MEOW!
Me: (sighs) Ok, I know you're hungry(filling the bowl with new dried food), here you are. Eat well, baby.
Ku Ku: Of course...nom nom nom....(crunch crunch crunch).
Tastehhhh...nom nom nom nom...
Me: Isn't it good, er?
Ku Ku: Nom nom nom...hey, don't forget cleaning & changing the water bowl. Something's floating around. I don't like things floating on the water...nom nom nom...
Me: Oh, you must have dropped this bits in the water while eating.
Ok, I'll change it for you. Here it goes.
Ku Ku: (as soon as water's changed, she almost jumped at it) Gulp gulp gulp gulp...
Me: Alrite, you got everything, ok?
Ku Ku: Ah yes, I guess that's all. You may go back to sleep for now. I'll pounce you again when I need you.

I love Ku Ku but I'm kinda glad that this conversation was just my imagination.
post #35 of 50
Mornings at my house

6:50am i open the bedroom door to find Fae sitting up so sweetly staring up at me.

Fae:Good, my human, you are up *walks to the kitchen* my food bowl is this way.

I go the opposite direction to the bathroom...bathroom door swings open banging into my knee...Fae goes FLYING on to the bathroom counter...

Fae: what are you doing? my food isnt in here...uh...thats a pretty strange litter box...

I go feed fae then return to the bathroom to clean up for work...door swings open and bangs into the wall...Fae comes flying on to the bathroom counter and rubs against me as i try to brush my teeth

Fae: NOW what are you doing? Your boring...where is my male human?
Fae runs off to bug her daddy.
post #36 of 50
Here is our morning routine:

Harvey: (while sitting on my shoulder/face purring like a mad man) Mommy? Oh, mommy? Breakfast? BREAKFAST!
Luke: (while laying politely at my feet) Harvey, SHUT UP! I'm trying to sleep.... Oh is she up? BREAKFAST! BREAKFAST!

So I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom, Harvey and Luke running and tripping over each other and me. Danny quickly joins the party in the bathroom.

Danny: MOMMY! Hi mommy! I MISSED YOU! Mommy, mommy, mommy!!! *rub, purr, hiss at Luke, rub, rub, chirp, trill*
Harvey: BREAKFAST!! Oooh...flushing toilet
Luke: Out of the way squirts *runs to food bowl*
Danny: Hey, mommy! Look at me! Mommy!!!
Harvey and Luke: *nom, nom, nom, nom, purr*
Danny: HEY MOMMY! MOOOOMMMMMYYYY! Oh food! Bye mommy! *nom, nom*

Meanwhile, the BF Josh: FEED THEM ALREADY! MAKE THEM SHUT UP! *stuffs pillow over head*
post #37 of 50
After I turn over in the bed at 4am:

"Mom? Moooom? Are you up!??!?!"

Skitters across the bed..."dad daaaaaaaaad??!?! are YOU up?!!"


post #38 of 50
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
After I turn over in the bed at 4am:

What is it about 4:00 a.m.? That's when Whimsey wants to be fed NOW! A gentle paw starts patting my nose then my mouth, then he calls in the big guns and starts bitting my neck (this cat has no teeth).
post #39 of 50
Originally Posted by esrandall2000 View Post
What is it about 4:00 a.m.? That's when Whimsey wants to be fed NOW! A gentle paw starts patting my nose then my mouth, then he calls in the big guns and starts bitting my neck (this cat has no teeth).
Strange...Ku Ku also starts her "activities" around 4am, cats have internal alarm-clock to go off around the time?
post #40 of 50
**I must have good kitties because noone dares wake us up at 4 am...Someone would be getting a pillow winged at them!! lol**

This mornings activities

Me- Ughhhhhh its 830 time to get up and get coffee!! Come on Franklin time to potty on my tire!

Franklin- Ahhhhhhhhhh my new coat I love it!! (he then runs outside directly to my front drivers side tire and procedes to pee all over it...he wont pee on any other tire or any other car just mine and that tire)....*back inside* MOMMMM make a fire its cold inside here Im shivering cant you see that...MAKE FIRE!!!!!

Me- Ugh darn BF having to get the stupid proof fire starting stuff now I cant wake him up to start the darn fire!! *lights the starter stix..ohhhh this really is easy*

Hercules- Moooooommmmm GiGi wont get out of the mini christmas tree thats on my table!!!!

Me-GiGi get your furry butt out of the tree.......What am I going to do when I put the big tree up Herc?

Hercules- I dunno mom but I know I wouldnt dare get in the big tree cuz Im your big boy!!!

Me- whosa my herkie boy mommy loves her big fuzzy hunka hunka hercules..yes she does she does she doesssssss

Fatman- Ugh could you all shut up please...*saunters off to the bedroom to be with his sleeping hooman*

Franklin- Daddys up daddys up daddys up..look daddy I didnt have an accident in the house today!! Arent you proud of me

BF- Wooooowwww it must be warmer outside today that Franklin pooped outside


Hercules- Mommy made the bed time to have kitty crazies on it and mess it all up!!!

****Yes we had an eventful morning today..LOL...Now everyone is in their respective spots sleeping the morning away!****
post #41 of 50
This morning, around 8am.

I woke up after feeling usual furry-paw pat-pat on my face.
(she already woke me up at "the usual time" and got fed)
I thought it may be her litter - walked to check her litter - nothing.

I walked into kitchen, checked her food & water bowls as well - nothing special.
I didn't know what it was...I looked around.
Saw Ku Ku sphynxing and staring at something but I couldn't quite see what she was staring at. I put my glass on & walked up to see if there's anything wrong.

Me: Anything wrong, baby?
Ku Ku: (silence)
Me: (discovered this tiny roach few feet away from her) OMG, a roach!
Get it, baby, Get it!
Ku Ku: (first looked at roach, then looked up & saw my face, repeatedly looked up & down...)
Me: What are you waiting for, Ku Ku? Get it, get it!
Ku Ku: (didn't even move at all. Gave me a kind of look)
Me: What's wrong with you, Ku Ku? Get it for me, get it!
Ku Ku: (still sphyinxing - acting as if there's a sign "I AM CURRENTLY OFF DUTY, HAVE A NICE DAY" posted on her face)

While this tiny roach was motionless in front of Ku Ku, I had to get a kleenex & pick it up to dispose it. I still praised her for detecting it, though.

Me: ...thank you for detecting it for me, baby...

As soon as I said this, Ku Ku stood up and stretched, as if she's saying "of course, I left it for you to catch, hope you enjoyed it. Aahhh...finally it's gone."

This is not the first time she did this to me, though.
Seems she does not (or is not feeling like?) catch or chase anything in the morning...maybe she is not in "the hunting mode" until evening?
post #42 of 50
Sasha: "Um hello, I'm hungry and you haven't fluffed my food yet. Oh and I am thirsty but there might be hair in my water and I couldn't possibly drink water with a hair in it, it must be changed out."
post #43 of 50
4am, I know the meows, the pats to the head, the wandereing around the bed.
I used to keep an arsenal of balled up socks to throw at a former cat who was relentless with meowing at the bedroom door. Now before you think me cruel for throwing things at an old cat they were socks, soft fluffy socks and good luck aiming at 4am half asleep, even if one did connect she looked at me like "That all ya got? food food food food........"
post #44 of 50
Originally Posted by 3CatsN1Dog View Post
**I must have good kitties because noone dares wake us up at 4 am...Someone would be getting a pillow winged at them!! lol**

I would say that you have remarkable kitties and I just don't have the heart to throw a pillow at Whimsey. He gets cut extra slack since he has IBD and I never discourage him from eating because during flareups he refuses to eat thereby adding extra gray hair to his mom's head!
post #45 of 50
This thread is too funny! Thanks for the laughs! I can picture SO much of it, which is the really funny part!
post #46 of 50
If my cats could speak their morning would consists of complaints of being jostled and stepped on (by another cat). They sleep in, I have lazy cats.

As for the rest of the time. I'm pretty sure we'd have to censor Sherman and Tomas, they're complaints sound naughty enough in meows.
post #47 of 50
Tetley: "Mom! Mom! Mom mom mom mom MOM! Iz 9:45!"

Me: "… You can wait 15 more minutes... I'm still working."

Tetley: *taps my face with his paw* "PAI ATTENSHUN 2 ME. Im hungry! Iz almost tiem 4 bed! I live on tight schedule, if u doan put me 2 bed nao I wont has enough tiem 2 scratch mah scratchin post before I go 2 sleep at egsaktly 10:00!"

Me: "... Wait 15 minutes."

Tetley: *proceeds to smack me repeatedly with his paw* "I WANTS COOKIEZ NAO. FED ME, U SILLY WOMAN."

Pekoe: *watching nonchalantly from the doorway to the bedroom before hubby and I wake up* "… I wants fresh watr frum the tap... No, I doan meen fresh watr in mah bowl. Im 2 gud 4 mah bowl. Needz 2 drink the watr directly frum the tap. Nao. Oh, an fud wud be nice 2. U shud git up immediately an fed me. I knoe iz 5:00am... Ask me if I care."
post #48 of 50
Originally Posted by esrandall2000 View Post
I would say that you have remarkable kitties and I just don't have the heart to throw a pillow at Whimsey. He gets cut extra slack since he has IBD and I never discourage him from eating because during flareups he refuses to eat thereby adding extra gray hair to his mom's head!
Nobody wakes me up that early either.
post #49 of 50
Originally Posted by Foofy Cat Lady View Post
If my cats could speak, this is what this morning would sound like. Can you guess which one is seven weeks old and which is seven years old?

Miku: Smell my nose. SMELL MY NOSE. Isn't it awesome? It smells like NOSE. Look, there's a box! Let's eat it!
George: You do that. I'm going to lick my paws.
Miku: BOX BOX BOX! George, why aren't you helping me? Smell my nose! It smells like BOX!
George: Talk to the paw. *bonk*
Miku: You want a piece of this? I'll mess you up real good! Oh look, there's a box. BOX BOX BOX. I'm boxing a box!

What would your cats say?
i think sometimes she can talk, we just can't understand her yet.
OK, here i am, under the covers, they can't see me, even though my tail is sticking out.
ok, now i am in attack mode, let me get that hand trying to make up the bed ----- gotta ya!!!!!!
ok, back under the covers to hide, they will never find me here!!!
post #50 of 50
Silver: (7 Month Male) *bats* Zeffie!! OMG ZEFFFIIIIEEE! It's 3 am!!! LET'S KNOCK THINGS OVER! Loudly.
Zephyr: (4 month female)Why..?
Silver: It's funny to make the people think strange people broke in. They yell and swear and chase and it's ever so much fun!
Zephyr: Okay. I'm going to go sleep under the bed. Call me when you're medicated.
Silver: NOOOOO!!! PLAYPLAYPLAY!!! *tackles and bites*
Zephyr :*swears loudly and scratches silver*
DH: Do we want to know what they're doing?
Me: No...I'll go check...
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