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If cats could speak..

post #1 of 50
Thread Starter 
If my cats could speak, this is what this morning would sound like. Can you guess which one is seven weeks old and which is seven years old?

Miku: Smell my nose. SMELL MY NOSE. Isn't it awesome? It smells like NOSE. Look, there's a box! Let's eat it!
George: You do that. I'm going to lick my paws.
Miku: BOX BOX BOX! George, why aren't you helping me? Smell my nose! It smells like BOX!
George: Talk to the paw. *bonk*
Miku: You want a piece of this? I'll mess you up real good! Oh look, there's a box. BOX BOX BOX. I'm boxing a box!

What would your cats say?
post #2 of 50
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! that's terrific thanks for the morning laugh.
post #3 of 50

omg.....I'm laughing so hard I can't even think about what Larry might have been saying this morning.

That's so funny. I could just picture it!!
post #4 of 50
Fatman-Meowmy is up lets bug her before she gets her coffee..come on everyone on the bed!!!!
GiGi-Feed me feed me feed me.....Im going to antagonize you till you get up!!!!! and FEEEEEDDDD MEEEEEEEEE
Hercules-Muwahahahaha I see da Fatman...Muwahahah Im going to chase both GiGi and Fatman off the bed..Ready set here I go..ZOOOMMMMMM

I love morning before I get my coffee!!! (Oh yes thats sarcastic)
post #5 of 50
Larry - "Thank God!! Finally! I thought you'd never get up! Okay, where's my food? Oh, yeah. Do that coffee thing. Are you going to feed me now? Oh, good. Here comes the food. Thank you. You want purring? I'll show you purring."
post #6 of 50
Topaz - "It's daylight. Get up and feed me."

post #7 of 50
Mazy (next to my neck) zzzz......do you mind? I'm still sleeping

Tolly bounds to the window, hurry mommie feed my birds!

post #8 of 50
That's too funny!!

I think our morning would be:
Genever: (paw to the face) Hey are you up? Are you up? Oh you ARE! OK.

I get out of bed, she runs to the food bowl: BREAKFAST TIME!!!

I don't run to the foodbowl, I go to the bathroom. She runs to the bathroom: Hurry mommy! Can I have breakfast?? Are you done yet? Feed me!

I'm done in the bathroom, go to the foodbowls to wash and fill while Genever lies on the placemat: See how patiently I am waiting? Please hurry with my breakfast!!!! HURRY!

I put the food down, gently shoving her off the placemat in the process: But I'm comfortable here! OH! MY FOOD! Ok I will move then. Nom nom nom. Yeah thanks you can go now, nom nom..
post #9 of 50
Heres an addition to my morning vocalist..

Fatman- Ohhhhh dumb dog is getting fed hes dumb enough to share with me
GiGi- Ooooooooooo me too me too me too
*Everyone crowds around Franklins lamb stew*
Franklin-Man why do I have to be smaller than these darn cats...I gotta share everything with them..That stupid Fatman isnt happy with his own food he has to snarf mine too..What a porker
Hercules- What a bunch of goofballs..Im so much better than this Im going to sit on mommys lap and get lotsa lovin while those boneheads eat!! Nener Nener Nener!
post #10 of 50
I am sure this is what is being said by 8 outside cats: HEY!!! get back out here, we need more cat pettin' time!!!! Youse left before we had enough!!! We promise, no more fightin' wid each odder fer attention!!!

Da Lip: Hey, you get dose odder katz away from MY house!!

Da Magpie: Aaaaaawwwwwww, Ma, let dat sexy siamese coloured kat inna house, I likes him a LOT (she is going in for The Operation later this fall)
post #11 of 50
Thread Starter 
Miku: Meepy! I wanna smell you!
Meepy: .......
Miku: Meeeeeeeepyyyyyy!!!! You smell like lazy COME PLAY WITH ME!
Meepy: ......
Miku: I have a feather! See? FEATHER FEATH-- Wait, there's a ball tied to the stove! *swat* LET'S PLAY TETHERBALL MEEPY!
Meepy: *snarls and runs away*
Miku: Well, I'll just wait for you here on top of this wireless router.
Meepy: ......
Miku: Where'd you go? Let me smell you!
Meepy: *hisses and disappears*
Miku: There's that mean old box again! I'm gonna box box box this box!
post #12 of 50
Hercules-I know you have your nice black pants for work on but MOMMMYYYYYYY loveeeeeeyyyy meeeeee Mommmmmyyyyy I promise I wont shed on your pants..ohhhhh lovin lovin lovin...oh yea scratch my ears...ohhhhhh yeah thats the spot....ok Ill go on top the desk now to watch you on TCS!!!

*Haha its almost like kitty porn there...But literally thats how he acts when he gets a hard core petting session. Its worse when I blow raspberries on his belly and give him belly luvins!*
post #13 of 50
Originally Posted by DarkMavis View Post
....OH! MY FOOD! Ok I will move then. Nom nom nom. Yeah thanks you can go now, nom nom..
This cracked me up! Cats are so like this! So much attention, love, purring before they get their food. Then it's like...."Yeah, goodbye, I'm eating."

post #14 of 50
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by 3CatsN1Dog View Post
Its worse when I blow raspberries on his belly and give him belly luvins!*
There's something so amazing about kitty bellys! They're so soft and smushy and ADORABLE.
post #15 of 50
Originally Posted by Foofy Cat Lady View Post
There's something so amazing about kitty bellys! They're so soft and smushy and ADORABLE.
yeah, Yummy Tummies are the BEST!
post #16 of 50
Callie: HUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmman. oh huuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUman. Oh - you're up? Great. Food now. Noooo. Clean clothes later. Food NOOOW! Yay! FOOD! *Nom nom nom* Wait? Where are you going? Pet me! I eat - you pet! Work? What is this work? pet me! *purrrr nomnomnomnom purrrr*

And now i'm getting up early enough to lavish her with a bit of attention before I go to work since she's decided to grace me with her presence before I go to work, when I get home from work and before I go to bed.

It's nice to have someone to come home to.
post #17 of 50
Sho: *quite literally bouncing off the walls* Come out and play with me! Don't leave me out here alone!
Me: *stares out the bedroom door*
Sho: *stares back at me with wide innocent eyes* COME OUT! PLAY!
Me: *has homework so ignores him for a bit*
Sho: COME OUT MREEOOOWWW! *bounces off the walls again*
Me: *finally gives in and goes out to play with him*
post #18 of 50
LMAO! Thanks for the laugh!

If Rosalie spoke she'd say (in the morning) "YAWN" "Ok lady, get up (as she's rubbing her nose against my nose), c'mon, time to get up! C'MON, get UP, I'm HUUUUUNGRY!" then I get up and it's "meow, meow, meow" aka "YES YES YES", till her breakfast is served, lol.
post #19 of 50
This morning was a real event!

Zoey: Hmmm I'm hungry and the alarm hasn't gone off. I know how to get there attention. I'm going to jump on the top of the headboard scream at the top of my lungs, Then I'm going to jump off and land in the middle of mom's chest!! That will wake her up!!!

Frankie: Whatcha doing Zoey??? Can I help too? I'll hook dad's nose with my claw while you wake up mom.

The rest of the cats: Good job kids!!! She's getting up now!!
post #20 of 50
Sneaky Pie is laying downstairs on "her" chair.
I come down.
She gives me a "look"

Sneaky: Oh hello there. Nice of you to get up. Now could you please feed me? I'm so hungry. Come on, hurry up. I'm the ONLY cat around here now, it's not THAT hard to put some food in the bowl.

Ok, if you don't feed me soon I'm going to wind myself around your legs and get fur all over your nice clean white nursing school uniform. I don't care if you have to leave me soon, I want food.

I got my white uniforms in July. Mistoflees was still alive then (we lost him in August). The look he gave me when I unpacked them, all I could think about him saying was "But mom, those clothes are too white. If you want, I could nap on them and put some black fur on them. Because EVERYTHING is better with black fur"

post #21 of 50
Current session around the computer desk....
GiGi- mommy made bbq chicken for dinner nom nom nom Im going to lick the extra off the stove..nom nom nom nom nom...

Fatman- you stupid brother its not fair thats my lap my lap mine mine mine mine mine mine!! Im going to stare at you from on top the computer desk and watch you and mind control you into leaving!!

Hercules-She was my mommy first and its MY lap!! purrrrrpurrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrr
ohh the raspberries love the raspberries!! purrrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrrrpurrrrrrrrr nener nener nener to you Fatso!

And me of course...Mmmmm warm snuggie buggie kitty in my lap aww my baby herkie poo mommy wubs you sooo much my hunka hunka hercules!!!!
post #22 of 50
Littlebits (hereafter known as "LB") would say something like this:

LB: Daddy, here's my butt. See my butt? That's my butt. Butt butt butt. ::flop::
LB: wake up daddy, ::repeated tailsmacks::
(Daddy rolls over to escape the evil LB Butt)
LB: Daddy!! =>.<= Wakes up! ::paw smack:: I want breakfast!

It sounds a lot like "mew mew mew mew" to me though.
post #23 of 50
Neko: ....seriously stop that loud...irritating...noise so we can go back to sleep! .... finally! Wait, why are you getting up? Well, okay...

[jumps up on restroom counter]

Neko: Oh yay... water faucet time! hurry turn it on!! maybe i'll try doing it.....need thumbs..... ok seriously turn this on.... oh thanks! [lick,lick,lick] I need a different angle, lets try this... [lick,lick,lick]... well maybe if i get in the sink I'll have a better angle... wait no, WET PAWS! Ok, I'm done with this.

Neko: Mommy's taking a shower... I'll wait right here and try to pull something from under this door! Yes! Mom's robe! HA!

[mom is trying to get her robe]

Neko: Its mine!! All mine!.................... ok you win, you can have the robe back...
post #24 of 50
Originally Posted by Sneakymom View Post
I got my white uniforms in July. Mistoflees was still alive then (we lost him in August). The look he gave me when I unpacked them, all I could think about him saying was "But mom, those clothes are too white. If you want, I could nap on them and put some black fur on them. Because EVERYTHING is better with black fur"


What a sweetie!
post #25 of 50
Keep in mind Lilly is our 5 mo old kitten. We have had her for a month now.

Lilly walks in bedroom and finds Tiger laying on my bed sleeping...

Lilly: "BUUUUDDYYYY!! Oh YAY! Let's PLAY!" (jumps on Tiger's back like a leech)
Tiger: (Growl, Hiss, Snarl) "Go AWAY you annoying KITTEN!"
Lilly: "Oh, you don't mean THAT! Come ON... PLAY with ME!" (pounces on Tiger's stomach)
Tiger: (Hiss, spat...gives go to you know where look)
Lilly: "Oh.... YAY! You're UP!!! PLAY PLAY PLAY!!! We have to PLAY!" (gets distracted and runs off and bounces off the walls)
Tiger: "Oh good...she's GONE!"
Lilly: (looks back at Tiger) "OHH.. BUDDDYYY!!! (runs and hops on his back again)

This continues for about 10 minutes until Tiger has had enough and runs off with Lilly trailing behind him like his shadow.
post #26 of 50
Maro: "Are those mummy's notes on the bed? They are her notes. She's been staring at them for three hours. I don't think they're making her very happy..."
Looks over to moogle:
"C'mon bunny. we have to eat mother's notes and her pencil bag. Quickly, before she gets back from the bathroom."
"That's right bunny, chew that textbook."
Nom Nom Nom........
"Hang on a sec.... she's coming back.... Ok! Act innocent!"
Me, returning amidst much purring and whiffling of noses...
"What the...?!"
"Hi mommy! You're gonna play with us now, aren't ya?"
post #27 of 50
Sassy: (she is three months) "I haz to keel teh curtins until they iz ded! Oh teh pillow, keel it too! Ack!" arches back and spits "Icky dogg, getz away from me! Teh curtins, they moved! They iz trying to escape me! Keel teh cutins!"

Sasha: (she is four months) "Lift me up for my food. I can't possibly jump up there by myself. If you do not pander to my every wish and demand, I will bite your toes and wind around your legs until you trip and fall. You will bow down to my demands. Oh ick! Nasty dog. Go away you disgusting canine. I am not a sheep to be herded. Do I need to smack you in the nose again? Are you that stupid? I thought not. Yes run away like a good doggy. You human, I want cuddled and loved."
post #28 of 50
Thread Starter 
On being fed raw for the first time after getting some new catnip toys

Miku: WOAH! What is this magical tasty thing you're giving me? WANT WANT WANT WANT.

George: This is stupid. Where's the gravy? Where's the crunchies? You mean I have to chew? This smells funny. I'm going to sleep. Go away, you're an idiot.

Meepy: You... What? Huh.....? Where's that crinkly fishy thing... Mmmmmm, nip.
post #29 of 50
Dusty 4:30 am patting my face with her paw "Mommy! Wake up and pet me!"
Me: "Grumble grumble, let me sleep!" putting her off the bed (3 or 4 times)
Dusty just before alarm goes off "Comeon! The alarm is going to go off! Pet me!!!!!!!" Stretching out beside me..
Me: "Ok ok...."
Dusty: "Ahhhhhhh now this is the life!"

Rusty on occasional mornings: "Pet me!" Couple of strokes later. "Hmmmm I wanna go under the blanket and bite Mommy's toes through the sheet!" nom nom nom..
Me: "Grumble grumble" pulling her out and putting her on the floor.

Later morning:

DH sitting on the futon reading:

Dusty on the chair serving as a footstool: "Papa, I want treats!"
DH: "No Dusty, it isn't time!"
Dusty: "I want treats NOW!!!!"
DH: "Ok, I will give you sneaky treats while Rusty is sleeping"
Rusty: "Did I hear the word Sneaky treats? Give me some too!"

Going out the door to work:

Two strays we feed (Precious and Skiddles): Hi!!!! Feed us!!! Pet us!!! Love us!!!"

Coming home from work:

Two strays: Hi!!!! I will follow you to the mailbox!! Feed us!!! Pet us!!! Love us!!!"

I am trying to find those 2 a good forever home. One is a creamy orange SH girl and the other is a Orange and white MH girl. Both very friendly! I would take them in if I had a bigger place, but 2 kitties in a small 1 br apartment is more than enough. My girls are very accepting of them, at least through the screen door.

Poor girls. When they showed up, they were soooo hungry! It just makes me so mad that someone dumped those precious babies! If anyone near here wants them, you can come get them! They are sooo sweet and loving! I have to get pics of them!

Any other cat that comes along, they hate!
post #30 of 50
My typical morning.

prissy: *pat*pat*pat*

Me: go away

prissy shifts all her weight onto my throat: *pat*pat*pat*

me: *cough* Gaw! ok, I'm up!

Loudmouth, Cuddles, Ginger and Smudge: FOOOOOOOOD!!! *commence winding around my ankles, dancing and crying their heads off as I stumble to the bathroom*

me: *Shut bathroom door and do my business*

Cuddles and Smudge: *pat* we know you in theres. *pat*pat* OOOooh, got bathmat! pull!! hey i bet kicking the door will help us get it!!! Hey mom, don't falls in. OOOOOooooh shadow! *pat*pat*

Ginger: I'z gonna flip over on my back so I gets tummy rubbins when she comes out.

Loudmouth: Gonna sit here like a sphinx and gets head rubbins when she comes out

prissy: (in hallway, away from the 4 crowded at the door) I'm gonna sit here and watch these peasants act like fools.

Me: *wash hands, walk out, give all necessary rubbins, take ONE step toward kitchen*

ginger, smudge, cuddles, loudmouth: Foooooooood!!!!! *repeat of dancing, crying, winding*

me: *walk into kitchen trying not to step on anyone*

prissy: *dainty slow steps into kitchen doorway*

others: *skitter*cry*dance*beg*cry*wind*rub*cry*dance*beg* hurry mommy we're starving. We haven't eaten in 15 minutes!

prissy: *sit silently and watch fools*

me: OK! Back! Move. Can't get to your food if you get in the way! Move! *push kitties out of way of cabinet, get can and dish*

prissy: *clean paw, look uninterested*

Me *pop*peel*dump*

others: Fooooooooooddd!!!!! *Commence extra intense begging*

me: workin on it! patience! *mash*mash*add water*stir*mash*spread*
Who wants it?

others *immediately form a circle on the floor and chorus "ME!"*

me: *put plate in center of monsters* come on prissy, breakfast

others: nomnomnomnom puuuuuuurrrrrr nom nom nom.

prissy: I refuse to eat with those.... commoners....

me: oh geez... *get paper plate, put spoonful from dish onto plate and put plate in front of prissy* there your pickiness.

prissy: thank you human. I will wake you when I need you again. *sniff*dainty lick*moment of thought*lick lick lick*

me: is it really only 4 am? good grief. I'm going back to bed.
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