Forgiving and forgetting

Just a thought to ponder.......

When u forgive someone do u forget? and if u can't forget it then have u really forgiven them?

I can forgive, but I find it very hard to forget. And there are times when I may have said I'd forgiven, but deep in my heart, I know I can't, and I've only said I did to keep the peace or let a situation die down/go away.

That being said, I do believe there are some things that cannot be forgiven, at least by me.
1) Infidelity
2) Child Abuse/Neglect
3) Physical/Emotional abuse or harm (Includes things like murder and rape, as well)
4) Cruelty to animals

Those are, IMHO, some of the worst things a person could do.

I believe that there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. Fogiving is an act of the will. Sometimes you don't always feel like forgiving, but you do. When I forgive, I try never to bring it up again.

Now forgetting, is something different. I don't forget. It would not be prudent to do so. Sometimes you need to protect yourself by remembering how you were burned before. You've learned your lesson. You have forgiven that person, but you will not allow yourself to be in that same position again.

I have forgiven my ex best friend for totally ignoring me when I went to her place like 3 years ago now, but we have never been friends since. She wouldn't tell me that she had moved, or anything (we lived 12 hours apart), and then when I went out there for 2 weeks for her mom's wedding, she totally ignored me! So I went to stay with my aunt, which was wonderful, and then my ex best friend had the nerve to phone me and ask me what I was doing by leaving her stranded when she had made plans for us!!!! I was so not impressed. So now it's been 3 years, and we haven't talked since. I did talk to her mom a while back, but still not like we used to! I think if you forget after you forgive, you're setting yourself up for another episode of the same thing. Maybe if you forgive and don't-bring-it-up/use-it-against-the-other-person-forget kind of thing, it's good, but you can't completely forget about it.

Just my opinion!

I agree with Mom of 10 cats.

I think forgiving and forgetting are two seperate things and need to be that way many times. And I think when you do forgive but not forget, the forgiveness is still valid (in most cases)

Mommy of Peaches

I don't think you can ever forget when someone hurts you- and you shouldn't because it leaves you open to be hurt in the same way again.

Forgiveness, to me, is not bringing it up again to that person and storing the hurt in the back of my mind where it won't surface easily.

I can forgive very easily BUT I NEVER!! forget and it's always in the back of my mind what someone has done to me when I'm talking to them and if they say something cruel I always fire back at them what they done to me

Sam

Forgiving you do with your heart
Forgetting you do with your brain
You suppose there is a reason we have both?
I think there is.
I do not belive in forgetting that would make me a fool.I do belive in forgiving and moving on.

Amen Kathy

Well said Kathy!

Tammie, Mom to Peaches.