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Gah! Bad parenting is frustrating!

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
OK...a bit of background. My boyfriend is the oldest of 6 kids. He has 3 brothers around his age (all about a year apart), a 14 year old sister (Amy), and a 7 year old brother (William). The older boys and his dad are all up north hunting right now, so his mom wanted to go out for dinner with the younger two, myself, and one of the other brothers' girlfriends. So, tonight, we went for dinner.

I get there and William is all in a snit about something. Apparently he was upset that his mom gave him the kid's menu to order off of. He eats very little - a kid's meal would be more than enough food for him. So, he spends about 10 minutes sulking, until his mom finally says he can order off the regular menu. He wants a cheeseburger (which they have on the kid's menu, but they are little ones and he doesn't want those). So, he grumpily decides that is what he'll have, and his sister (who, by the way, is 13 going on 7, maturity-wise...but is also treated like crap in a family of boys...their family has a pecking order...mostly based on age, but Amy, because she's a girl, is definitely at the bottom of the list...unfortunately, in her parents' eyes as well) makes a comment about how he won't be able to fit it in his mouth...and he decides he doesn't want anything. His mom fusses over him asking him what he wants about a billion times before the waitress came to take our order. When she came, he still didn't want anything, so we placed our orders without his. His mom said "fine, you won't eat them"....but I knew that wouldn't last long. Well, our food comes, and he decides he wants something. So, she orders him the adult burger (which is what I have, and with it in front of me, is clearly too much for this 7 year old) and a pepsi.

OK, at this point, I'm a little frustrated by what a spoiled brat his mom is letting him be. But, when he proceeded to whine for the next 15 minutes until his food came, and his mom started sharing HER food with him while he waited, I really had to bite my tongue. Not to mention that his mom kept making comments about how it was Amy's fault because she made the comment about the burger.

His food eventually came, he ate very little of it, and took the rest home for later.

Jeez....why did he even get any food at all? It was 4pm...not even really dinner time. If it had been me and he had refused to order in the first place, he wouldn't have got anything at all until he got home. And I certainly wouldn't have been catering to his every whim and whine. He chose not to order with the rest of us....at very least...he should have had to wait for his food while the rest of us ate ours.

Even after he got his food, he continued to be a pain. A couple times, he hauled off and hit his sister for no apparent reason. He started blowing bubbles in her pop. When we got the mints with the bill, he took like 3 of them (there were extras) and then stole one of Amy's (when Amy tried to take it back, she got reprimanded).

William really is a good kid, despite questionable parenting (not just this...many, many other things make me wonder how my boyfriend turned out as well-adjusted as he is)....from what I can tell, he does well and behaves at school. He has spent weekends at our place, and he behaves well. However, at home, he can be a little terror and they let him get away with it. I've never once seen him punished for misbehaviour....and he has done plenty of things that have needed punishment of some sort.

Amy, on the other hand, gets b*tched at constantly from parents and siblings alike and is the only one in the house that is required to do anything in terms of housework. Granted, she's very whiny and immature, and really does need to learn to act her age, but I still feel bad for her. If William is told to do something, and doesn't do it...then the buck gets passed to Amy. Really, I'd probably whine that it wasn't fair either. William is spoiled by everyone (parents and older brothers)...and I suspect Amy has pretty much been fending for herself since she was 7 and William was born.

Anyway, that is my vent for the evening. What a ridiculous hour of my life!
post #2 of 8
I bet you won't be going out with William again in a hurry?!

I hate bratty kids
post #3 of 8
We had a very simple rule in our home. You eat everything on your plate. Of course, my mom used to put stuff out where my dad could serve it and we all had to say "when." You learn quickly how to say "when" appropriately when the "punishment" for not finishing your food is that you must sit at the table until you've finished everything on your plate!

It was a little more difficult at restaurants - but I think by the time we were ordering for ourselves off a menu, we'd already learned the "value" of not wasting food.

From what I see around us here - too many children are spoiled completey rotten. I don't know if it's because the parents don't care, don't know better, or just aren't motivated. But it can make shopping a nightmare with all those whining and crying kids.

Sometimes I think they just don't want to make the effort to do the battle(s) you know? In the end, someone else has to deal with their spoiled whining children.

I can imagine the nightmare though..... There is a silver lining - you didn't have to spend all day with them!
post #4 of 8
My neighbour down the street has 5 boys. they are all like that. She always says how can you take your kids into restaurants? I bite my tongue, but I want to say because I take the time to teach them to behave.
post #5 of 8
ugh I see kids like that all the time where I work. I hate it. There was once I was trying to ring a lady up and her kid who was like 8 kept interrupting and trying to get her to buy him stuff and just being a brat. Gah!

As for eating, Almost everytime I go out I order and then I still take stuff home. Half the time I make 3 meals out of one evening out lol! But thats just I get very sick feeling if I eat too much at one sitting! But lord knows it doesnt go to waste!!
post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by capt_jordi View Post
As for eating, Almost everytime I go out I order and then I still take stuff home. Half the time I make 3 meals out of one evening out lol! But thats just I get very sick feeling if I eat too much at one sitting! But lord knows it doesnt go to waste!!
I only wish I had that problem!

You know, I would have had no problems with him ordering off the regular menu. They don't treat him like a 7 year old on most accounts (with much older siblings, he doesn't really play with toys, etc...he likes to work with my boyfriend and his dad...his Christmas list consists of work gloves, work boots, and spray paint), so I can see why he doesn't want to order off the kid's menu. Plus, kid's meals are overpriced because they come with a toy and dessert...so if he can accept that he won't get those if he orders off the adult menu, than, sure, let him order off the regular menu...even if he needs to take some of it home to eat it later. The issue was with the sulking and whining...and how his mom (and the other girlfriend) were then falling all over themselves to make him happy when he didn't have any food to eat because he was too busy being a brat to order something.
post #7 of 8
I have to laugh, because we ended up going out for dinner last night. Me, hubby and 9yr old daughter.... Enjoying our dinner till this table of 8 or so walks in, with 2 younger children... There went our peaceful dinner

Honestly, if William had been my kid, we would have got up and left.....

My kids know that going to a restaurant is a privledge not a right, and they sure as heck act that way. (it took Kayleigh once to learn the result of whining = nothing, as in no treat)
post #8 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoeysmom View Post
You know, I would have had no problems with him ordering off the regular menu. They don't treat him like a 7 year old on most accounts (with much older siblings, he doesn't really play with toys, etc...he likes to work with my boyfriend and his dad...his Christmas list consists of work gloves, work boots, and spray paint), so I can see why he doesn't want to order off the kid's menu. Plus, kid's meals are overpriced because they come with a toy and dessert...so if he can accept that he won't get those if he orders off the adult menu, than, sure, let him order off the regular menu...even if he needs to take some of it home to eat it later. The issue was with the sulking and whining...and how his mom (and the other girlfriend) were then falling all over themselves to make him happy when he didn't have any food to eat because he was too busy being a brat to order something.
Hmmmm...a 7 yr old asking for spray paint? Why does that scare me??

I agree that he should have been allowed to order from what ever menu he wanted IF he was going to eat all or most of it. This sounds more like youngest child syndrome. They alway seem to be spoiled rotten. I've seen it time and time again in my family (not immediate family...I'm an only child) but I know both my dad's and my mom's youngest brothers are both brats still and are in their 50's. My one uncle didn't even know how to do laundry or iron a shirt until after he got divorced!

I do feel bad for the girl though. Maybe you could take her under your wing a little, take her out for a "girls" night to make her feel special.
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