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Sebastian Alexander

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Sebastian crossed the bridge about 24 hours ago. He was a beautiful guy, inside and out. He loved me so much. I will never understand what it was - perhaps he was just my soul-kitty.

He seemed to be breathing deeply a few times over the past few days but not for long before he was back to normal. When I came home from work last night, he was breathing open-mouthed and his sides were working rapidly. I came here but couldn't find anything. By the time I called the emergency vet and picked up my mom, it was too late.

He died in the carrier halfway there. I so did not want that for him. He hated the carrier with a passion and that is where I put him to die. He meowed at me but I just kept driving. Then there was a lot of thrashing in the carrier and he was gone. I am so angry at myself for not doing better by him. I should have waited just 20 minutes and he could have died at home instead of in the carrier. We continued on to the vet where they determined he was gone.

Dove Lewis animal hospital is amazing. I have never seen a more caring, empathetic group of people. I chose to have them cremate him and dispose of the ashes. They made a card of his pawprints for me which should come in the mail tomorrow.

There is such an emptiness here without him. The pillow next to me on the bed is empty. His fur is still all over his chair. I don't want to clean it off. Galahad misses him. Daphne looks for him. I put wet food down this morning and no one ate it. His blue jar he drinks from wasn't touched.

I even took a short movie of his erratic breathing the night before last thinking I could show his vet. That night his breathing returned to normal and he ate his snacks though not with as much gusto. He still played a bit with Galahad.

I so wish his end could have been different, that I could have known and paid more attention. For 13 years of love, he deserved so much better.

He was about 14 years old and FIV+. Last November 17th, I took him to the vet which began 11 months of medications, fluids, tests. We only ever figured out it was liver issues and possibly cancer. No one knows exactly what.

He was such a lover boy. My honey bear, snoogy woogy, sweetie bear. He chose me 13 years ago - moved in to my bed and my heart and he never left.

I love you baby boy. I hope there is a rainbow bridge where you can play happily with all the others who have gone before. No more pain, chasing the girls and making them yell. Nipping at their hindquarters and then grinning - I just know you laughed when they yelled. You were a brat and a charmer. You were so sweet and loving with the kittens - no one could have asked for a better big brother/daddy than you.

I should have cuddled with you more, let you lay on my chest more. Less computer, more cuddles. I should have scratched your ears more. I should have just done more.

Your beautiful blue, slightly crossed eyes were filming over as I held you last night to say goodbye. Your fur still soft, your paws still so sweet and perfect. I didn't want to say goodbye - not like this. I am so sorry. So very sorry.

March 2007
post #2 of 22
I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful Sebastian. You couldn't have known that he would pass so quickly, so don't kick yourself for the carrier. We can only try to do the best for our cats, which is what you did. I'm sure he knew and knows how much you love him.
post #3 of 22
So sorry to hear about this. It sounds like he might have had a blood clot in his lungs, but it's clear that considering his FIV status, you took great care of him and gave him a wonderful life.
post #4 of 22
I'm so sorry for your loss

Please don't blame yourself. Yes, he was in the carrier, but he was in there because you were trying to HELP him by taking him to the vet. Sometimes things just happen too fast, and there is nothing we can do. He knows how much you love him.

Rest in peace, beautiful boy
post #5 of 22
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Sebastian. You gave him the best life he could have had, and a mighty long one, given his FIV. Please try not to feel bad. I know your feelings are normal, but he is free and whole, now.

You were following your instincts, which was to get him to the vet for help. It's all we can do.

"I should have" and "If only" are natural ways to feel, but don't let them overwhelm you.

If you feel you "should have" spent more time with him, well you can rectify that by giving that time to the other cats, now.

In Sebastian's memory, shut off the computer an hour earlier each night and spend it with your cats.

You gave him a lovely long life and he was not neglected.
post #6 of 22
I'm sorry

Play happily over the Rainbow Bridge, Sebastian.
post #7 of 22
I am so sorry - and please don't fault yourself for the carrier - you were doing everything you could from love. It's natural for you to be angry for the moment - but you couldn't know - and you tried your very best.
post #8 of 22
Oh no Bonnie I am so sorry you lost your big, beautiful boy You were just trying to help him, don't think bad thoughts like that, Seb would not want you to He had a wonderful life with you RIP Sweet, handsome boy
post #9 of 22
This is so sad, when i saw both yours and Sebastians name i thought "please no!"

Hopefully Sebastians at the other end of the bridge now after being met by all the other TCS cats and kittens But never doubt that he isn't there, because he is And if you don't want to clean his fur off then don't, just leave it or better when your ready brush it off and put it in a clear ziplock bag to keep so you can touch it and smell it when you want

Have fun baby boy, but keep looking down on your Mum

post #10 of 22
I'm so sorry. Rest in Peace Sebastian.
post #11 of 22
I have tears in my eyes now reading this post, because I lost my Stormy who was FIV+ about 4 months ago. Stormy went into seizures and died in my arms, I was so angry that he suffered for 20 minutes in seizures and I couldn't do anything but hold him and pray for God to take him. Our cats are our babies, just as much as our children are. Some people do not understand that, but everyone here does and know what you are going through. Just like the rest of us, you were doing what you felt was best for your beloved baby. He knew that. I'm sure you were talking to him the whole way to the vet, saying soothing things to let him know you were near and you loved him and you were trying to take him to get help. He heard you and felt your nearness. Remember that. We cannot predict the future. If I could have I would have gone home early that day, to have held him close and told him goodbye before he was in seizures and he could only look at me with the most frightened look I've ever seen. We do what we can, the best we can, and you did that. He is always with you. Don't forget that. I still feel Stormy's presence often in my life. You gave him a good life. Feel peace in that. My prayers are with you in this very difficult time. Tamera
post #12 of 22
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sebastian was one of the kitties on here that I adored. He was such a big, handsome boy.

You know deep in your heart that you did everything you could for him, and there was nothing else you could do. In time, when the hurt subsides, I'm sure you'll accept that.

Hugs to you, Daphne and Galahad.
post #13 of 22
RIP Sebastian. Mega hugs for you.
post #14 of 22
Condolences on losing your dear Sebastian. My heart weeps at the thought of the other grieving kitties in your home - such a sad reminder when you, yourself, are feeling so much pain. I had a tiny kitten, of a litter of six, who had a hard passing. I put him inside my shirt & stroked & comforted him the best that I could till he finally slipped away, but, oh, how his occasionally moans tore me to pieces, emotionally
You are all in my prayers and thoughts tonight. Joey is my little "sphinx-cat" who sleeps on my bed & guards my dreams - he replaced my Miss Tobie who was also a soul-mate. They are such special treasures. I hope that as Joey came to me shortly (well, a couple of months) after Miss Tobie, you will have a "Joey" to come to you
post #15 of 22
oh, Bonnie I'm so sorry for your loss of the gorgeous Sebastian
post #16 of 22
Oh Bonnie,

I am so sorry that Sebastian has passed. Please, don't beat yourself up, you did everything you could for him and he knew that. You know he adored you as much as you adored him.

There are no words to sooth how sad and empty your home feels right now, only empathy

I will sending lots of comforting vibe for you, not so itty bitty Twister kitty Daphne and sweet Galahad.
post #17 of 22
What a beautiful cat. I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell by your post that you loved him and did everything you could for him. Don't feel bad about the carrier thing; you were doing exactly what you needed to. Think how much worse it would have been if you had waited and then found out he could have been saved if you would have taken him to the vet right away. You did the absolute right thing and Sebastian knows it. I have no doubt that there is a Rainbow Bridge.
post #18 of 22
Oh no! I`m so sorry you lost your soul kitty

It is amazing how quickly they can go from being well and normal to being seriously ill or passing away and I don`t think you did anything wrong. You were getting him to the vets for help It is easy to blame ourselves though than have to accept they are gone

I will always remember seing Sebastions handsome face in your siggies.

Rest In Peace sweet baby
post #19 of 22
I am sorry.

RIP beautiful Sebastian boy.
post #20 of 22
Rip Sebastian. You were so deeply loved and will be really missed.
post #21 of 22
Oh, Bonnie. I am so sorry. I just saw this, and I am heartbroken. Sebastian was one of my favorite TCS kittehs back when I was just lurking, and he remains one to this day. Don't beat yourself up. You were doing what you could for your beloved boy. He knows you love him. My deepest condolences to you. I am sending a white light to help Sebastian on his journey to the other side. Sebastian, please look in on your family and help them with their grieving. They miss you greatly.
post #22 of 22
I just saw this post too. I'm so sorry to hear of Sebastian's passing. I know how guilty you feel about the carrier, but you were trying to get help for him. In time your pain will ease & you will remember all the good times.
RIP beautiful Sebastian.
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