Calling all parents?

meminikitty

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I'm just curious. How old would you begin letting your child date and why?
My parents think that letting a male date would be fine, since he "can't get pregnant" but that a female shouldn't date until after college. Do you agree... or not?

Also, my parents think a girl cannot have guy friends, because it leads to attraction, dating, and then a pregnancy. (lots of pregnant girls at my school)

So what's your opinion? I would have asked this in the IMO section but I'm not allowed to yet. So, please tell me what you think
 

mrblanche

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Originally Posted by meminikitty

I'm just curious. How old would you begin letting your child date and why?
My parents think that letting a male date would be fine, since he "can't get pregnant" but that a female shouldn't date until after college. Do you agree... or not?

Also, my parents think a girl cannot have guy friends, because it leads to attraction, dating, and then a pregnancy. (lots of pregnant girls at my school)

So what's your opinion? I would have asked this in the IMO section but I'm not allowed to yet. So, please tell me what you think
I wouldn't let any kid date by himself until he (or she) was 16, but even then, I'd be very careful about it.

One question I'd like to ask all my nieces, all of whom have gotten pregnant before they were married, is if they ever were told that having sex and children before marriage is wrong, and not for the reasons most people think. It's because it's bad for the parents, bad for the children, and bad for society.

By the way, I'm a firm believer in one set of rules for all the kids, not different ones for the boys and the girls.
 

marinewife05

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Well from personal experience my daughter will not date, other than parental chaperoned dates until she is out of my house. I was one of those girls that got pregnant at 16. I am not proud of my actions and try to express the seriousness of these actions to my daughter who is now 13. I can't begin to tell you why I did what I did. There are several things to choose from. My parents divorced when I was in the 5th or 6th grade. I have very low self esteem. I'm a follower not a leader. Here's my favorite: I didn't think it would happen to me.

I hope no one here attacks me on this. I pay for my poor choices everyday. My daughter has ADD and does very poorly in school. She has anger issues among a hundred other things. (Her biological father was killed in a car accident 5 years ago) My daughter has suffered immensely due to my misguided actions....and that in and of itself is punishment enough.
 

lovesmycats

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Originally Posted by meminikitty

I'm just curious. How old would you begin letting your child date and why?
My parents think that letting a male date would be fine, since he "can't get pregnant" but that a female shouldn't date until after college. Do you agree... or not?

Also, my parents think a girl cannot have guy friends, because it leads to attraction, dating, and then a pregnancy. (lots of pregnant girls at my school)

So what's your opinion? I would have asked this in the IMO section but I'm not allowed to yet. So, please tell me what you think
A man that gets a woman pregnant still has the same responsibilities as the woman. That's a big problem with our society. They look at girls who get pregnant as being s**** but the guys get off easy. A lot of them don't see their children, much less help out financially.

I believe girls can have guy friends. I have many guy friends and it has always been that way. You may run across some guys that want more or the girl wants more, but I believe guys and girls can be friends.

As far as the right age for dating, I think it depends on the maturity level of the individual. But as for girls dating after college, I think that is waiting too long.
 
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meminikitty

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mrblanche, that's what I was finding unfair when my parents were saying boys could date earlier than girls, for instance, I can't date until I'm in my 20s but my brother can date any time he feels ready. Not that I'm interested in dating at the moment though, anyway.

marinewife05 I'm really sorry about that. It must have been hard.

LovesMyCats
I do have a couple guy friends and if my parents knew, they'd freak. And yeah, zero attraction. We're just good friends. And that's what I'm worried about. After college, it'd be a bit late.

Thanks for replying so far guys!
 

ut0pia

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Whoa ...your parents seem really protective. Well I can't tell you what I'd do if I ever had kids but having been a teenager not too long ago, I can tell you what my parents did...Although my parents are not American and come from a very different culture so it may not apply. My parents never addressed the issue of dating mostly cuz they don't believe in dating themselves. They believe in marriage and then whatever you do before getting married doesn't matter to them. They never stopped me from seeing boys but I kept whatever I do secret from them, I'd say I'm going to see a friend and who is a boy and I never told them I was dating the boy or whatever. This was since I was 13 until 17, at 17 I met my ex boyfriend whom I did introduce as my boyfriend to my parents and they didn't care for it. They didn't like the idea that I'm introducing a guy to them when I have no intention of getting married yet they only want to meet the man I'm going to get married to, they considered him a fling and one they don't have any business talking to. Like they believe in dating in a sense but they don't think dating is something the family has to get involved with. They don't like meeting any of the guys I'm dating and just don't care what I do. My dad is weird too, he had a few conversations with me one where we were talking about a girl who was 25 and having sex, he was judging her for having sex before marriage. And then another conversation where he got really weird again, saying if I have a boyfriend and I'm having sex it's okay and I should just be careful (this was when I was like 15 believe it or not). I think he himself isn't sure about what he believes, whether he believes people should wait until marriage or not and I'm not saying this just because of this incident but because he says contradictory things about other stuff too, like one day he will call himself religious and then the next he will say he is atheist. My mom was so naive all the time, she was a good kid when she was growing up so she never even imagined I'd ever do anything like have sex or even kiss a boy until I'm 25 so she never addressed anything with me

But going back to all of this, no matter what my parents said or did, no matter what rules they came up with, I know if I wanted to I could have always circumvented them and done whatever I wanted anyway. So if I was a parent I probably wouldn't come up with dumb rules like "you can't date until you're X years old" because it's unreasonable. I'd probably just say the right things and hope for the best, so many parents don't realize that their control over their kids is so limited and they make things worse sometimes. Do they seriously think making a rule about not dating will prevent a girl from sneaking out at night and having sex and getting pregnant anyway??
 
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meminikitty

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Originally Posted by ut0pia

Whoa ...your parents seem really protective. Well I can't tell you what I'd do if I ever had kids but having been a teenager not too long ago, I can tell you what my parents did...Although my parents are not American and come from a very different culture so it may not apply. My parents never addressed the issue of dating mostly cuz they don't believe in dating themselves. They believe in marriage and then whatever you do before getting married doesn't matter to them. They never stopped me from seeing boys but I kept whatever I do secret from them, I'd say I'm going to see a friend and who is a boy and I never told them I was dating the boy or whatever. This was since I was 13 until 17, at 17 I met my ex boyfriend whom I did introduce as my boyfriend to my parents and they didn't care for it. They didn't like the idea that I'm introducing a guy to them when I have no intention of getting married yet they only want to meet the man I'm going to get married to, they considered him a fling and one they don't have any business talking to. Like they believe in dating in a sense but they don't think dating is something the family has to get involved with. They don't like meeting any of the guys I'm dating and just don't care what I do. My dad is weird too, he had a few conversations with me one where we were talking about a girl who was 25 and having sex, he was judging her for having sex before marriage. And then another conversation where he got really weird again, saying if I have a boyfriend and I'm having sex it's okay and I should just be careful (this was when I was like 15 believe it or not). I think he himself isn't sure about what he believes, whether he believes people should wait until marriage or not and I'm not saying this just because of this incident but because he says contradictory things about other stuff too, like one day he will call himself religious and then the next he will say he is atheist. My mom was so naive all the time, she was a good kid when she was growing up so she never even imagined I'd ever do anything like have sex or even kiss a boy until I'm 25 so she never addressed anything with me

But going back to all of this, no matter what my parents said or did, no matter what rules they came up with, I know if I wanted to I could have always circumvented them and done whatever I wanted anyway. So if I was a parent I probably wouldn't come up with dumb rules like "you can't date until you're X years old" because it's unreasonable. I'd probably just say the right things and hope for the best, so many parents don't realize that their control over their kids is so limited and they make things worse sometimes. Do they seriously think making a rule about not dating will prevent a girl from sneaking out at night and having sex and getting pregnant anyway??
Oh yes, my parents are extremely protective. You seem to have had it a lot easier!

According to my parents, guys only have one thing on their mind! I just don't believe it, but that's why I want to hear everyone's opinion on this
 

ut0pia

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Originally Posted by meminikitty

Oh yes, my parents are extremely protective. You seem to have had it a lot easier!
Is there a religious reason why your parents are protective??
My grandmother was just like that with my mom. So weird because my grandmother is 86 now and won't stop talking about which one of my guy friends is cute and how I should date them and it should be just like in whatever new soap opera she is watching. Amazing how after 50 years she is a totally different person...

According to my parents, guys only have one thing on their mind! I just don't believe it, but that's why I want to hear everyone's opinion on this
Well I don't mean to interfere with the indoctrination that your parents are planning for you. ( I don't mean this in a negative way, it's what all parents do) But boys don't have anything on their mind that's different than what's on your mind.
 
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meminikitty

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Originally Posted by ut0pia

Is there a religious reason why your parents are protective??
My grandmother was just like that with my mom. So weird because my grandmother is 86 now and won't stop talking about which one of my guy friends is cute and how I should date them and it should be just like in whatever new soap opera she is watching. Amazing how after 40 years she is a totally different person...
My parents are Christian, so they believe in marriage before sex but I wouldn't see how that would work with just dating. I don't know... I guess they're just like that, I wish they'd loosen up just a bit, you know? lol


haha you're grandma sounds pretty cool! My grandma thinks my parents should loosen up too, but doesn't think I should consider dating until I'm 17.
 

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Originally Posted by LovesMyCats

As far as the right age for dating, I think it depends on the maturity level of the individual. But as for girls dating after college, I think that is waiting too long.
I agree, there is no one set age. And I also think after college is too long.

Dating doesn't have to mean sex either.
 
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meminikitty

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Originally Posted by ut0pia

Well I don't mean to interfere with the indoctrination that your parents are planning for you. ( I don't mean this in a negative way, it's what all parents do) But boys don't have anything on their mind that's different than what's on your mind.
I see what you mean. A girl would have to have the same thing on her mind as well. If she didn't, nothing could happen.


..unless forced lol

My friend was telling me how she got angry with her parents and moved in with her BF. I was pretty shocked because she's only 15 and her parents let her do that.
 

ut0pia

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Originally Posted by meminikitty

I see what you mean. A girl would have to have the same thing on her mind as well. If she didn't, nothing could happen.


..unless forced lol
I meant it more generally, that there isn't some mysterious special quality to boys that isn't there in girls that makes boys have different types thoughts. But your parents are just trying to protect you from yourself as well...I dont' know why so few parents address it like that. It's always boys are trying to get in your pants, blah blah blah.
 
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meminikitty

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Originally Posted by ut0pia

Yea but they are just trying to protect you from yourself as well...I dont' know why so few parents address it like that. It's always boys are trying to get in your pants, blah blah blah.
It seems it's the boy who "has the whole thing in mind" but it's the girl's fault for getting pregnant. I think it's both of their fault equally... I like how you put that, I can't word it as well as you.
 

ut0pia

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Originally Posted by meminikitty

It seems it's the boy who "has the whole thing in mind" but it's the girl's fault for getting pregnant. I think it's both of their fault equally... I like how you put that, I can't word it as well as you.
Yea it is definitely both of their fault. When parents try to tell their kids it's only boys who are after sex, it perpetuates this whole idea that a girl is "giving something special" and a guy is "getting some"...
Uhh anyway I won't hijack the thread anymore but this double standard is one thing that is one of my pet peeves so if you get me started I go on and on...
 
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meminikitty

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Originally Posted by ut0pia

Yea it is definitely both of their fault. When parents try to tell their kids it's only boys who are after sex, it perpetuates this whole idea that a girl is "giving something special" and a guy is "getting some"...
Uhh anyway I won't hijack the thread anymore but this double standard is one thing that is one of my pet peeves so if you get me started I go on and on...
Don't feel like you're taking over or anything, I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on this!
Thanks for replying
 

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My parents never set any rules for me or my two brothers, I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 18 but had male friends before that. My mum always knew I was mature enough to make my own decisions and plus when you get to 18 you're an adult anyway! I'm now with my soul mate and still not married although we live together as a married couple, it will happen when the time is right. My mum is a Christian but knows that marriage is not the same these days, you can be 'married' without the piece of paper. It's all about trust and commitment which many married couple don't have. The bible was written when things were a lot different and in a different culture.

As for the pregnancy thing, it's both people's responsibility to use contraception. Sex is about self respect and respect for the other person, that's what I'd teach any kids, male or female, I may have.
 

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IMO, they should atleast be 16.And at that age, should be chaperoned.When they are 18,then they can go alone.
 

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I'm the mom of 2 teenage girls (15 and 12).

First off, I do think the whole dating after college thing is a bit much.

However, both of my girls know they've got to wait a while until they "date". That's not to say that neither of them "like" anyone- that's far from it. My oldest has liked this one guy for the last year (or maybe longer).
And then my youngest floored me a couple of weeks ago b/c she "likes" someone too, told me yesterday how "beautiful" his eyes are


But they can't date. Youngest said something about "going out" and I wanted to know what that meant. She said it meant that you can walk around school holding hands (I don't even know if you're allowed to do that), and sit together at lunch if you're on the same team. I guess that's what it means on the high school level as well.

When can they date? Dh and I told both of them when we feel they're ready. Maybe in another year or two for my oldest. Though I don't know. I know the kid she likes- he's a nice guy and now she's mad b/c the school system is considering re-zoning the high school they're at, which means that he may not be at the same high school as her next year (and she's not happy about that)

I've talked about dating, and things that could happen. Their 25 year old cousin got pregnant after a 1-night stand ( I became a great-aunt 2 days ago
) and we had a good conversation about that as well (at least I think it went well)

Your parents mean well- at least that's what I think.

Cheryl
 

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Originally Posted by Sneakymom

I'm the mom of 2 teenage girls (15 and 12).

First off, I do think the whole dating after college thing is a bit much.

However, both of my girls know they've got to wait a while until they "date". That's not to say that neither of them "like" anyone- that's far from it. My oldest has liked this one guy for the last year (or maybe longer).
And then my youngest floored me a couple of weeks ago b/c she "likes" someone too, told me yesterday how "beautiful" his eyes are


But they can't date. Youngest said something about "going out" and I wanted to know what that meant. She said it meant that you can walk around school holding hands (I don't even know if you're allowed to do that), and sit together at lunch if you're on the same team. I guess that's what it means on the high school level as well.

When can they date? Dh and I told both of them when we feel they're ready. Maybe in another year or two for my oldest. Though I don't know. I know the kid she likes- he's a nice guy and now she's mad b/c the school system is considering re-zoning the high school they're at, which means that he may not be at the same high school as her next year (and she's not happy about that)

I've talked about dating, and things that could happen. Their 25 year old cousin got pregnant after a 1-night stand ( I became a great-aunt 2 days ago
) and we had a good conversation about that as well (at least I think it went well)

Your parents mean well- at least that's what I think.

Cheryl
15 and not dating yet? Maybe it's different over here but by 15 I'd had a LOT of boyfriends - and we didn't just hold hands.

My Mum always had the motto of "I'd rather have him stay here under my roof then have you out in the bushes"
 
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