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Living next to family?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Josh and I went to his cousin's housewarming party yesterday afternoon. She's moved to this adorable townhouse. It's two story, about 1000 sqft. 2 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, with washer/drying hook up, central air and heat, front and back patio. I fell in love with it! And it's in a very good part of town. AND she's getting it for a steal ($550 a month).

So, the apartment next to hers is for rent. Josh and I have been looking to move for awhile now. The apartment we currently live in is about 700sq ft, no washer/dryer, and terrible terrible maintenance people. We have had nothing but problems since day one. And we're paying far too much ($515).

I asked Josh what he thought about the idea and he pretty much refused! He said he would never live next to family. Now, he loves his cousin, as do I, but he feels like it would just make him feel obligated to always be over there. I really don't think it would be that big of a deal. Say hi as you pass each other, borrow some sugar, not a big deal, . I really LOVE this apartment. It's just perfect.

So, what do you think? Anybody live next to family and have bad experiences? Any ideas how to convince him otherwise, ?
post #2 of 21
I live 'next door' to my cousin and it works well but our next door is half a mile. He stops in every couple of days to check on me and our borrowing back and forth is on a huge scale - not cups of sugar but tractors!!!LOL Neither of us feels an obligatoin to live in one anothers pockets but we certainly keep an eye out for each other - nothing like an anomaly on a yard to send the other pelting down the road to check
post #3 of 21
I hate to say it, but he's probably right. If anything went wrong, or she needed anything, he'd be "right next door", and obligated to help. He's probably afraid that will create a rift, and when it's family, that's hard to deal with.

If he feels that strongly, I'd say you have to give it up. But that's just my opinion.
post #4 of 21
Where its his cousin I would say its his call. Too bad though since you really love the place. But trust me, if the situation went badly it would be really hard to gracefully exit without bad feelings. So, he may be right about this one.

I have lived near family and I personally love it, but my family is not a pain. I can always tell them to get lost and they do. They know me well enough to know what irks me and to not do it also.
post #5 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatNurse22 View Post
So, what do you think? Anybody live next to family and have bad experiences? Any ideas how to convince him otherwise, ?
When I moved out of the city, and back to a small town, I lived next door to my MOM (for bout 4/5yrs)

It was awesome. I loved it, we were close, but not too close. If my mom and I spend too much time together then we get a lil snippy with each other. I could never stay with her for longer than a weekend.

Sometimes we'd have coffee daily, other times we wouldn't really see each other much for a couple weeks. They had their life, I had mine.

It was an added bonus for me, as my oldest daughter grew up around her aunts and uncles...( I moved when my youngest was 1, my oldest was 5) as well as her grandparents.

I never had a problem with it all all.
post #6 of 21
Personally Id run to the furthest city to get away from my mom if I lived next to her. She is bossy intrusive and thinks I need to bend over backwards for her....To the point where she is trying to make me change my voicemail greeting because "Im not smiling" when I left my message! Its annoying I cant stand my mom in large doses..Now dont get me wrong I love her and I appreciate everything shes done for me especially this last year and a half but Id NEVER live near her again......On the otherhand I adore BF's family and would gladly live next to gram, his brother and his gf, or his dad and step mom..well granted non of us really care for the step mother but hey we all love his dad to pieces!!!
post #7 of 21
I agree with those who have said, since he feels this strongly about it, you ought to go with what he feels. You would not want him to force you to live somewhere you didn't want to be, regardless of the reason.

Perhaps this is just the impetus needed to get you both actively looking for something better, than you can both agree on. If there's one "perfect" place, there are probably others.
post #8 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by clixpix View Post
I hate to say it, but he's probably right. If anything went wrong, or she needed anything, he'd be "right next door", and obligated to help
My nearest relative is a 10 minute drive away and that's perfect, but i wouldn't like any of them to live nextdoor to me
post #9 of 21
Not relative, but a very close friend of mine lives a block away. We grew up in the same town so we've known each other forever. Even a block away we only see each other occasionally. We both have lives. Sometimes she'll come down with leftover dessert, sometimes she'll call to borrow something [and vice versa], but other than that we don't see each other anymore than we would if we lived in separate cities. I think it's great to have people close by, and I really don't think it makes you obligated to anything. I'm sure there will be periods that you see each other every day, and others where you don't see each other at all.
post #10 of 21
Don't do it, living near family caused my divorce. Stay far away from family at all costs.
post #11 of 21
My suggestion is for both of you to sit down with his cousin and his SO and talk about it. Maybe his cousin feels the exact same way as your SO does.

Before giving up on the idea, all 4 of you should sit down and talk about how you all feel about living so close to one another.
post #12 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatNurse22 View Post
Now, he loves his cousin, as do I, but he feels like it would just make him feel obligated to always be over there.
He's known her a long time I assume? Is she a needy person? A drama queen? Both? Heavy drinker? Other? I tend to think drama queens and/or needy people and some other categories request this.

Does she fall into any of these categories or anything caution-worthy?

Aside from that, I agree with you. It'll probably be fine.
post #13 of 21
It would depend on which family members for me. I love hubby's family and would be thrilled to live near any of them. My family - not so much.
post #14 of 21
I think "talking him into it" would cause a crack between the two of you eventually.

Moving and choosing a place to live has to be a mutual decision.


I know this place sounds perfect right now, but give somewhere else a chance and look around. It's hard to make a good choice when you've only seen one option.
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nekomania View Post
I think "talking him into it" would cause a crack between the two of you eventually.

Moving and choosing a place to live has to be a mutual decision.
words of wisdom.
post #16 of 21
Thread Starter 
Well I'm not going to trick him into thinking it was his idea or anything like that, . If he's really firm on it, obviously I'll let it slide.

But, he's a very family oriented person. If his cousin needs anything as is, he's her go to person for handy jobs and he's fine with it. He loves to help out. She's always calling him to fix some appliance or calling to see if we'd like to be guinea pigs for her newest recipe and we pet sit for each other all the time. Very give and take.

His cousin isn't the kind of person that would guilt either of us into helping her all the time or anything like that.

I just don't think it would change much, you know? But maybe it is best to leave it alone. It's just such a great place... *sniff*
post #17 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatNurse22 View Post
Well I'm not going to trick him into thinking it was his idea or anything like that, . If he's really firm on it, obviously I'll let it slide.

But, he's a very family oriented person. If his cousin needs anything as is, he's her go to person for handy jobs and he's fine with it. He loves to help out. She's always calling him to fix some appliance or calling to see if we'd like to be guinea pigs for her newest recipe and we pet sit for each other all the time. Very give and take.

His cousin isn't the kind of person that would guilt either of us into helping her all the time or anything like that.

I just don't think it would change much, you know? But maybe it is best to leave it alone. It's just such a great place... *sniff*
It sounds like it'd be fine, then, but if he doesn't want to, then try finding another place Then both of you guys can be happy.
post #18 of 21
I do better when there is at least one state between me and my sister, but I would love to live near my daughter. I don't think either one of us would want to be right next door, though.
post #19 of 21
My cousin and I lived in the same appt build, on the same floor even for a few years. It worked out well. We respected each others privacy and on weekends when we visited it was a real real short trip home.

On the other hand my parents lived next to inlaws for 20 years. Mom was misserable as her mother-in-law(my grand mom) was a big buttinski.
post #20 of 21
Hubby and I decided when we looked for a house it would be within an hour of his parents; but if a house ever came up in their sub-division (eww!) that was a good price (a REALLY good price) that it would be negotiable. I have to say moving there would be firstly & only for our kids .

Not that we don't love his parents!! It would be great to have someone around that could babysit I just don't need MIL over EVERYDAY nit-picking (she's not bad, it's just something they all do right?).

I'd much rather live where I want to live, on a nice big farm
post #21 of 21
Well it can be good or bad. But maybe see if everyone is willing to have a nice dinner together and throw out the idea and see what happens. But I'd have a very clear understanding about boundries for both couples.
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