Well, I don't really know how to say any of this, I don't know how to feel or think. And I know I don't really know any of you, been only posting here for about 2 weeks, but I've just got to try to sort this and sometimes the anonymous way can help, I say this but really there's no real way to rationalise this because I just NEEDED to do this here.
I've just found out this morning (it is now 2.50 pm) that I am pregnant. I did two tests and both are positive. I've already spoken with my partner and we're both shell shocked.
I don't know what to feel because I do really want kids, and it's not as if I'm too young (30 this year), I was only saying the other day about how broody I'm getting.
But I just don't feel ready. Physically yes I am ready but realistically? Nope.
I've been off work for 4 months with an injury, I'm a nurse so I have to be careful, money is tight (and we've just shelled out £350.00 for poor Misty's caesarian - funny that eh? She's had her's and now suddenly I'm the next in line) We were planning to buy a nice house end of the year (we live in a flat at the moment - not our's & we wanted our own place with more room and a garden) and now? Everything has to change, I knew that no matter how ready you are changes still kinda shock you, but I don't think I'm prepared for this.
Crap, I really wanted my pregnancy (when we talked about having kids one day) to be something I'd want to celebrate straight away and instead I'm sitting here worrying and thinking how absolutely wrong the timing for us is.
I had a good cry, mainly because I wish things could be different, that this would happen just a short 1 year from now, then I could have relaxed more.
But it is as it is. I do really want to turn this around and make it a happy time but I know that it will be hard to do for the time being.
There's no way I would consider getting rid of this baby, if I was younger, teenager or something then maybe, but at my age, especially when I do really want to have kids, you have to take responsibility, no matter how hard it seems.
I want to love this baby, I don't want to wish for it not to be, I guess I just need time to settle to it, but I hope that time comes soon. I want the baby to know it was wanted.
Oh dear. I am so muddled and all over the place.
At least it comes from two people who love eachother.
I've just found out this morning (it is now 2.50 pm) that I am pregnant. I did two tests and both are positive. I've already spoken with my partner and we're both shell shocked.
I don't know what to feel because I do really want kids, and it's not as if I'm too young (30 this year), I was only saying the other day about how broody I'm getting.
But I just don't feel ready. Physically yes I am ready but realistically? Nope.
I've been off work for 4 months with an injury, I'm a nurse so I have to be careful, money is tight (and we've just shelled out £350.00 for poor Misty's caesarian - funny that eh? She's had her's and now suddenly I'm the next in line) We were planning to buy a nice house end of the year (we live in a flat at the moment - not our's & we wanted our own place with more room and a garden) and now? Everything has to change, I knew that no matter how ready you are changes still kinda shock you, but I don't think I'm prepared for this.
Crap, I really wanted my pregnancy (when we talked about having kids one day) to be something I'd want to celebrate straight away and instead I'm sitting here worrying and thinking how absolutely wrong the timing for us is.
I had a good cry, mainly because I wish things could be different, that this would happen just a short 1 year from now, then I could have relaxed more.
But it is as it is. I do really want to turn this around and make it a happy time but I know that it will be hard to do for the time being.
There's no way I would consider getting rid of this baby, if I was younger, teenager or something then maybe, but at my age, especially when I do really want to have kids, you have to take responsibility, no matter how hard it seems.
I want to love this baby, I don't want to wish for it not to be, I guess I just need time to settle to it, but I hope that time comes soon. I want the baby to know it was wanted.
Oh dear. I am so muddled and all over the place.
At least it comes from two people who love eachother.