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Complete Head Explosion

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
Well, I don't really know how to say any of this, I don't know how to feel or think. And I know I don't really know any of you, been only posting here for about 2 weeks, but I've just got to try to sort this and sometimes the anonymous way can help, I say this but really there's no real way to rationalise this because I just NEEDED to do this here.

I've just found out this morning (it is now 2.50 pm) that I am pregnant. I did two tests and both are positive. I've already spoken with my partner and we're both shell shocked.

I don't know what to feel because I do really want kids, and it's not as if I'm too young (30 this year), I was only saying the other day about how broody I'm getting.

But I just don't feel ready. Physically yes I am ready but realistically? Nope.

I've been off work for 4 months with an injury, I'm a nurse so I have to be careful, money is tight (and we've just shelled out £350.00 for poor Misty's caesarian - funny that eh? She's had her's and now suddenly I'm the next in line) We were planning to buy a nice house end of the year (we live in a flat at the moment - not our's & we wanted our own place with more room and a garden) and now? Everything has to change, I knew that no matter how ready you are changes still kinda shock you, but I don't think I'm prepared for this.

Crap, I really wanted my pregnancy (when we talked about having kids one day) to be something I'd want to celebrate straight away and instead I'm sitting here worrying and thinking how absolutely wrong the timing for us is.

I had a good cry, mainly because I wish things could be different, that this would happen just a short 1 year from now, then I could have relaxed more.

But it is as it is. I do really want to turn this around and make it a happy time but I know that it will be hard to do for the time being.

There's no way I would consider getting rid of this baby, if I was younger, teenager or something then maybe, but at my age, especially when I do really want to have kids, you have to take responsibility, no matter how hard it seems.

I want to love this baby, I don't want to wish for it not to be, I guess I just need time to settle to it, but I hope that time comes soon. I want the baby to know it was wanted.

Oh dear. I am so muddled and all over the place.

At least it comes from two people who love eachother.
post #2 of 20
Aaaaahhhhhhhh.........poor linka! I'm sorry this didn't happen at the right time for you. Cheer up though! It will all come together for you! If my mom had had to wait for the "right time" for her, she wouldn't have had 3 kids at all! And now my sister is pregnant, I don't know if she was planning it or not, but she is quite happy that she's pregnant, now. Once you get used to the idea, it will be easier for you. Good Luck!

post #3 of 20
Good morning, linka. Give yourself some time to get over the surprise. Remember, your hormones are doing a hula dance right about now, so that affects the way you react to things. If you and your partner are stable, then it's a good situation to bring a baby into. I'll tell you that my 2nd was a pure accident. (My kids are only 13 months apart!) At first, I was like, "oh no!", but in retrospect, I would not trade her for the world. She ended up being born at just the right time, for a multitude of reasons.

Congratuations to you. Keep us informed.
post #4 of 20
Very true, Deb25! My sister and I are only 14 months apart too. I was born a preemie (by 2 1/2 months, I only weighed 3lbs 2oz), and then my mom ended up pregnant with my sister, but she's glad we were born close together. We always had someone to play with! Anyways, linka, give yourself at least a few days to get used to the idea. Once you get used to it, it doesn't seem so bad. I hope this will get easier for you! I know it will!
post #5 of 20
It will work out. I had a very similar situation when I got pregnant w/ my oldest. It was a complete and utter surprise, and I had only known my now husband for a very short while. We had a very rough road to get to where we are today....and I won't lie, there were a lot of tears.

But almost 9 years later, we have 2 gorgeous children, happily married, own a wonderful home, and are living the all american dream.

Its possible to do it....just keep your head straight, and focus on the important thing. Loving that baby.
post #6 of 20
Babies are gifts from God. Once you see that sweet lil face you will wonder how you ever had hesitations about it. Yes, there will be changes because of the responsibility...but highly rewarding, so just get to planning and know this is something wonderful that you can handle. Good luck and God bless you all. Linda
post #7 of 20
A good part of your reaction comes from the pregnancy itself. It's making you really emotional so you're having a hard time reacting.

You can live with the baby in a flat, you just have to adjust. I'd say focus on getting better and having the best pregnancy you can have. That's most important.

We can help with the support and you may want to find a support group for pregnant women too.

You'll be fine. You're not ready, but you can make it so you're as ready as can be. From what I understand, you're never really ready.

post #8 of 20
linka, i would feel the same way if it were me. and i'm 36. as you said, you and your hubby love each other, and that is so important for any baby. some of my friends who have kids have told me that if they had waited until everything was perfect, they wouldn't have had kids, cause no time is completely perfect.

good luck, and i'm sure in time you'll be excited about the new member of your family.
post #9 of 20
Congratulations Girl!

Perhaps this is God telling you that it's the right time.

We're always here if you need someone to talk to.
post #10 of 20
I think once you both can accept the baby things will start changing for both of you. Your hormones are wacko as ever right now and your partner is going through his own also. Talk to each other, be positive and be open all the way, it will work.

I have a 16 year old son (had him as single mom) and I met my hubby now when my son was 5. We married in 94 and wanted to start immediately to have our own. Well, apparently God had something else in mind for me because after 4 years of infertility drugs, 3 artificial inseminations, one laporoscopy test, and 2 DNC's the doctors took a beautiful baby girl. BUT she was 2 mths early and only weighing 3lbs 3oz, but healthy believe it or not, it was me that was in danger, I had gone full pre-eclampsia and my organs were shutting down. She is our miracle girl and now she just turned 5 and is great. I am now 39 so I was 34 when I had her.

Of course your life will change, but for the better. I'm not good at putting things in words but I do wish you all the best.

I am a member of a wonderful group of ladies on Yahoo that we all have kids that were born in 98. It's great to have this support group and I'm sure there is one for expectant parents. The web site is

Please keep us posted and I will be praying for you.

post #11 of 20
Linka, ((((HUGS))))

Things will work out, you will find a way. Right now you're in shock with such an unexpected turn of events! We're here for you to rant, rave, cry, laugh, hug. Whenever you need us.
post #12 of 20
(((((HUGS)))), Congrats, I'm sure you will be a great Mommy!
post #13 of 20
Give yourself some time dear. You're in shock right now. Everything you've said about it tells me your an intelligent and responsible person. I get more worried about people who don't worry about these things!

I don't think there is ever a "perfect" time. If it's not one thing, it's another! Chin up! You're going to be fine.

post #14 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thank you so so much everyone!

I woke up today feeling alot better, I still feel pretty strange and the worry is still there, but I do feel like everything will work out.
I talked with my man yesterday and he did say that even though we have the worries, he's more weirded out that he's not upset by this. We did plan to have kids one day, I guess, as Linda and Tamme said, God had a slightly different plan.

Cathy, I'm so glad the IVF worked for you, we were actually thinking yesterday of a couple that we're close to that have been trying for years now, it makes you think, it would be wrong not to be so so grateful for this when they are trying so hard with no luck (bless them both).

Ericka, did you know my first cat-best friend, in fact my cat soul mate was named Ericka, I wrote a little something in Crossing the Bridge about her. She was the most fun and sweet natured cat ever, don't take this the wrong way but reading your posts you kinda remind me of her...silly eh?

Thank you everyone again, this has really helped. I'm really honoured by your replies.
Thank you.
post #15 of 20
post #16 of 20
Good luck. Neither of my boys was planned but, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

It sounds as if you and your fella are stable (financially and emotionally) so you should do well. Somehow, it always works out.

My son and DIL got married, last September and their twins were born in April. Its been a little rough but, they're making it and you will, too.
post #17 of 20

I actually didn't get PG from any of the infertility stuff. The Laparoscopy was the last straw after the drugs and Artificial insemination (never did the invetro thing). The results for the Lapro was normal and didn't see any reason why I was not getting pregnant so my DH and I decided to take the summer off (it was taking over our life) and we did and come that October I was PG, all on our own. I did have two misscarraiges before I got my prescious Nicole.

I think you will do just great!!!!

post #18 of 20
Oh Linka, I am so happy for you. Everything will work will see. I found out I was pregnant at the worst possible time in my life...I was sleeping on a friend's couch, no money, no plan...I put myself through school and worked full time and things could not be better! I have a great job and a wonderful son that I wouldn't trade for the world. Liam is now 6 and he is the best thing that ever happened to me! (Sorry to get so mushy there)

Don't worry if you aren't jumping for joy right will in good time.

post #19 of 20

I just saw this. Congratulations! Babies are so special - the very best gift God can give. Just think, to have someone who is a little of you and a little of the one you love. I have never been a mother myself, but I love my godchild as if I had borne her. I remember rocking to her and singing her to sleep when she was just a wee one. She is now six and the last time I saw her she wanted to show me the rocking chair in her room and said "that's were you rocked and sang me to sleep. Do you remember?" I just laughed, there was no way she remembered that. I loved her from the moment I locked eyes with her. Can you imagine when you look into your own little baby's eyes, how much more love you will have for him/her than I had for Halley?

Sorry for gushing.

post #20 of 20
Perhaps you're really not ready yet - but apparently your baby is. You've already make your decision, now you will find yourself making preparations, and then you will find yourself looking forward to it. And when you feel the little one moving inside you all other considerations will become of secondary importance.
Congratulations to you and your man. Sometimes the things we don't ask for are the ones that end up enhancing our lives and changing our direction to a better course. I wish all 3 of you well.
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