Time for the truth (long)

AbbysMom · Sep 23, 2009

But I think everyone is being a little bit too careful and gentle with this person for the things that have been done.

I think everyone is trying to express themselves within the
TCS rules:

there is no room for flames, slams, and personal vendettas that carry on to the public view.

I am sure there are quite a few that have many harsh things to say and are choosing to walk away. I won't lie. I was horrified when I read the first post.

As has been pointed out, this is the internet and people can post whatever they want, true or not.

The OP needs help, pure and simple. She needs to reach out and get the help she needs from someone that is close to her in real life and not on the internet. If our members here can convince her to do that, more power to them.

mews2much · Sep 23, 2009

I could not post what I was going to because it was not nice.
I am trying to be nice but it is very hard.
I used to save feral cats and to even think one could have gone to someone like her makes me sick.
She needs help from a real person.
I know Carolina could not post what she wanted either.
I hope she gets the help that she needs and this stops.

jupeycat · Sep 23, 2009

I think the OP has lots of good advice and I hope she goes ahead and uses it. What's done is done, she can't change that but she can choose what she does next. Let's hope something good can and does come out of this.

russiankitten · Sep 23, 2009

I'm suprised at the reaction this got. I thought I would get flat out insults and told to not come back here. I am suprised and comforted by the amount of responses it really reflects the caring nature of the people here. Sure I know you could have all said you shouldn't have done that, you've been so cruel to those cats, you really didn't deserve those cats if that was how you'd treat them etc. and you'd be more than right to say those things. It is very true and I know that.

I'm not even going to attempt to justify the unjustfiable. What I've done is so cruel and heartless. It's hurt a lot of poor animal spirits (witch I can only hope and pray have now recovered).

I could go into reasons I think might have caused it, I live a lone have no family around me, had a traumatic time as a teenager and my cat was a constant "thing" in a very unstable time... etc etc.

To be honest I'm not really sure what to say now. I won't ever make up stories or lye again. What I have written here has come completly from my heart. Though I guess believing those two sentences from some one who has already lied doesn't make much sense.

For those who want to know I have personality disorder though I do not have an official diagnosis of it. The doctors said that is what I would have been diagnosed with had I been older. Thank heavens they didn't stick the label on me, I have a dream to work with young children. I know that must sound laughable after all this cruelty to cats Ive caused but I would like to think I can change and better myself in the next three-five years while I study.

Personality disorder, makes one confused about their identity. They become impulsiv about things as they strive to establish who they are. (Similiar to how a child acts I guess). It's not funny though when it's involving real living beings. There are of course other aspects to it such as feeling overhwlemed when being with people.

Those who suggested me fostering I dont agree thats a good idea at all. It would still be more cats in my house. Volunteering for a cat charity might be a good idea. I would need to explain my past from the start though and I'm not so sure they'd even want me in the building still.

Fifi1Puss I'm very sad you feel that way but I can't say I blame you. I am honestly very sorry for all the lies I've told to you and every one here.

I am even more sorry to those cats and always will be..

I will be taking Mungo-Jerry, Nefertiti and Rumpleteazer to the PDSA vetinary clinic. They give free vet care to those on benefits. My support worker told me about them.

abbycats · Sep 23, 2009

I hope and pray for the precious little cats she has now. I don't want to see her new kittens get abandoned.

rosiemac · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

For those who want to know I have personality disorder though I do not have an official diagnosis of it.

Can i ask why you have a support worker then?

clixpix · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

I'm suprised at the reaction this got. I thought I would get flat out insults and told to not come back here. I am suprised and comforted by the amount of responses it really reflects the caring nature of the people here. Sure I know you could have all said you shouldn't have done that, you've been so cruel to those cats, you really didn't deserve those cats if that was how you'd treat them etc. and you'd be more than right to say those things. It is very true and I know that.

I'm not even going to attempt to justify the unjustfiable. What I've done is so cruel and heartless. It's hurt a lot of poor animal spirits (witch I can only hope and pray have now recovered).

I could go into reasons I think might have caused it, I live a lone have no family around me, had a traumatic time as a teenager and my cat was a constant "thing" in a very unstable time... etc etc.

To be honest I'm not really sure what to say now. I won't ever make up stories or lye again. What I have written here has come completly from my heart. Though I guess believing those two sentences from some one who has already lied doesn't make much sense.

For those who want to know I have personality disorder though I do not have an official diagnosis of it. The doctors said that is what I would have been diagnosed with had I been older. Thank heavens they didn't stick the label on me, I have a dream to work with young children. I know that must sound laughable after all this cruelty to cats Ive caused but I would like to think I can change and better myself in the next three-five years while I study.

Personality disorder, makes one confused about their identity. They become impulsiv about things as they strive to establish who they are. (Similiar to how a child acts I guess). It's not funny though when it's involving real living beings. There are of course other aspects to it such as feeling overhwlemed when being with people.

Those who suggested me fostering I dont agree thats a good idea at all. It would still be more cats in my house. Volunteering for a cat charity might be a good idea. I would need to explain my past from the start though and I'm not so sure they'd even want me in the building still.

Fifi1Puss I'm very sad you feel that way but I can't say I blame you. I am honestly very sorry for all the lies I've told to you and every one here.

I am even more sorry to those cats and always will be..

I will be taking Mungo-Jerry, Nefertiti and Rumpleteazer to the PDSA vetinary clinic. They give free vet care to those on benefits. My support worker told me about them.

Through all this, I'm not hearing what many of us feel is necessary...what help are you going to seek to solve this problem? And it is a problem. This particular set of behaviors needs to be addressed with a mental health professional. You need to tell your doctor what you have told us. You cannot assume that just because you now feel you can do right by the cats you have now that you won't do the same things to them down the road that you've done with your other cats. My guess is that this is just another place in the cycle...the honeymoon phase where you think you're going to take care of them forever. What happens when the pressure builds? You need to talk to a health care professional now about this.

If you don't specifically address this problem with your doctor or counselor, then nothing has changed for you, and you will in all likelihood repeat your behaviors, and your cats will suffer.

ldg · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by clixpix

Through all this, I'm not hearing what many of us feel is necessary...what help are you going to seek to solve this problem? And it is a problem. This particular set of behaviors needs to be addressed with a mental health professional. You need to tell your doctor what you have told us. You cannot assume that just because you now feel you can do right by the cats you have now that you won't do the same things to them down the road that you've done with your other cats. My guess is that this is just another place in the cycle...the honeymoon phase where you think you're going to take care of them forever. What happens when the pressure builds? You need to talk to a health care professional now about this.

Thank you. My thoughts and reaction exactly.

you will seek the help you need.

russiankitten · Sep 23, 2009

I plan on showing this to my support worker on Friday when I am seeing her next. I am not entirely sure where to go from there but she will help me.

She will probably encourage me to rehome two of my cat (the kittens). I really honestly feel I can care for them though.

Oh I don't know what to think. I've been going round in circles for to long.

One things for sure there is no way I will be buying anymore cats. I want to keep the three I've got. I want to do the best thing for them

rosiemac · Sep 23, 2009

Is your support worker from your local hospital?

russiankitten · Sep 23, 2009

No shes from an agency that support people with mentel health issues. I have a support worker because even though I have no diagnosis I still have all the symptoms of it.

meowqueensdaddy · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

Those three are adorable, beautiful cats. I hope for the best for you and for them.

When our animals love us, that love has a way of being unconditional. They don't judge us, they don't fault us, so long as we provide for their needs, provide some play time, and show them a shred of affection.

But when we love them, that loves comes with a price: the weight of responsibility. They live in our world; they have little power of their own over that world. My cats are dependent upon me for their basic needs (food, water, safety), for their health needs (if they're sick, they go to the vet), and for their comfort (if they're going to live confined in my small home, I have to see to their mental and physical stimulation and activity... but mostly, this is a joyous thing). Sometimes it's not easy financially; I'm not wealthy, but I insist upon the best food and veterinary care that I can afford. Sometimes it's a drain on my energy... I work strange hours, and sometimes when I arrive home late at night, my little friends want to play and socialize, even if I need to sleep. Sometimes I tire of cleaning the litterbox, or of breaking up fights, of trying to stop them from destroying things, or of trying to figure out which one hatched a hairball on my work clothes. Sometimes I forget how long it's been since I changed their dry food bowls or fountain filter. But their care is my responsibility, my duty, and a sign of my love for them.

Please, assume the full responsibility and duty for the care of your cats. Be honest with yourself, with those helping you, friends & family, and seek out whatever help you need. Remember that getting more cats isn't fair to the ones you already have. Forgive me if this has been said before, but something that might help is a friend, in real life, who is involved in the care of your cats... someone to help keep you honest, and keep a close but caring watch on you, ready to help steer you straight if you loose your path again.

I hope for the best. Your kitties need you.

rosiemac · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

She will probably encourage me to rehome two of my cat (the kittens).

I really don't think she can?. I have a friend who's a counsellor and knows others in Mental Health so if she does let me know

abbycats · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

I plan on showing this to my support worker on Friday when I am seeing her next. I am not entirely sure where to go from there but she will help me.

She will probably encourage me to rehome two of my cat (the kittens). I really honestly feel I can care for them though.

You need to stand your ground with this support worker and take care of your cats and your responsibilities. Your cats are like your children. Would you abandon a child? You need to grow up and take care of your responsibilities and your decisions. Grab yourself by the bootstraps and start acting like an adult. Sorry for being so brash but you need to hear that.

alleygirl · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by abbycats

You need to stand your ground with this support worker and take care of your cats and your responsibilities. Your cats are like your children. Would you abandon a child? You need to grow up and take care of your responsibilities and your decisions. Grab yourself by the bootstraps and start acting like an adult. Sorry for being so brash but you need to hear that.

Thank you for saying so. I agree 100%

What's done is done, but only YOU can make sure it never happens again. Get the help you need so that no more cats have to suffer for it. Don't let something like worry over a "label" keep you from doing the right thing.

white cat lover · Sep 23, 2009

OK - here goes.

Life's tough. Get used to it. In fact, there are times it downright sucks beyond belief.

You've got a problem. You admitted it to us - now you have to admit it to yourself, and the "rest of the world". You need help - now what's your plan to get that help?

You've committed to 3 cats, they are your responsibility. You've known you had a problem & you keep getting/re-homing cats. These guys lives literally depend on you, they are wholly dependent on you to survive. You've got to start thinking - are they UTD on shots, are they fixed? If not - get a plan *now*. Get it done before you have an "oops I have kittens". Don't think about it, don't try to decide when's best - it needs to be done now.

Harsh? Probably. But we have someone here with personality disorder. She is continually getting cats, and they always end up in the shelter after they've multiplied, etc. And do you know what happens to them? They're euthanized due to lack of medical care, the basics. She doesn't want help. You have to want help to get it.

You've got a lot of responsibility having 3 kittens, but you got yourself into it, you are now in for the long haul of 15-20 years, you are the only one who can help them & are solely responsible for them. Their lives depend on you.

rosiemac · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by white cat lover

You've got to start thinking - are they UTD on shots, are they fixed? If not - get a plan *now*.

And the PDSA will see to all their shots, spays/neuters

Heres their link to get in touch

http://www.pdsa.org.uk/

And the address and directions for the one in your area

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?rls=co...ns-to&resnum=1

russiankitten · Sep 23, 2009

I won't be surpised if she does encourage me to rehome them but I have a choice to make witch does not affect her. I will speak to her and show her the piece of writing about what has happened this past year but I will also tel her I have no intention of rehoming any of the three i have now.

I have three very beautiful cats. They are playful and are happy to snuggle together. I want more than anything to look after these babies. And I can and I will.

Do I deserve these three precious ones? Some may say yes some may say no.
Will the same fate befall these three? If I have a problem I will raise both hands up and say so. I can say strongly that there is nothing I won't do to take care of these three for the next 15-20+ years. I will get them Vet care, food, attention and everything else.

Rightly or wrongly I have made the choice to take on these cats. Its now time I got on with it.

I'll also just add if I havn't before there is absoloutley NO NO NO way there will be anymore cats from anywhere coming here.

Also thank you Rosie I will get them phoned tomorow and get Nefertiti booked in for her spay!!

meowqueensdaddy · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

I won't be surpised if she does encourage me to rehome them but I have a choice to make witch does not affect her.

Rehoming them would only continue the vicious cycle that you've been through already. But you know that already.

I have three very beautiful cats. They are playful and are happy to snuggle together.

Focus on the happiness, and keep it near to your heart. It's powerful.

Do I deserve these three precious ones? Some may say yes some may say no.

And I say that it doesn't matter whether you deserve them, and that whether you do or not, they're yours, and they need you. I think you probably need them, too. Just my two cents...

clixpix · Sep 23, 2009

Originally Posted by RussianKitten

I won't be surpised if she does encourage me to rehome them but I have a choice to make witch does not affect her. I will speak to her and show her the piece of writing about what has happened this past year but I will also tel her I have no intention of rehoming any of the three i have now.

What does this care worker do for you? Is she a trained counselor or psychiatrist? Do you see a trained counselor or psychiatrist? If not, I strongly encourage you to push for that. When I hear you say that your care worker will encourage you to rehome your cats, it makes me feel like you're gearing up for the next phase in the cycle. This worker is one of the excuses you've used in the past to get rid of your cats.

I'm going to be relentless about you seeking additional mental health care. Your assurances that you're not going to get rid of these cats, and you're not going to get any more cats doesn't mean all that much. I have a feeling that each time you got another cat you said these words to yourself...you thought to yourself, "This time things will be different...I'm going to keep this one forever!". Since you've not truly addressed this behavior with a trained specialist, then I'm doubtful that anything has changed for you.

You keep mentioning that you don't have a "diagnosis", and you're concerned that you will get one. Fear of that will prevent you from getting the help you need....the help your cats need. You are harming your animals with your behavior. Only by taking true responsibility for that and getting therapy for it will it stop. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to all the cats that have passed through your hands to do this. This is your responsibility.

We cannot change things for you. You don't know any of us. You have to change yourself.

Time for the truth (long)

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