I used to see a very good phycotherapist. This only stopped in March this year. I phoned him today and booked an appointment for a week on Monday. He is the most helpful person I have ever spoken to.
Medication is not usually given to treat personality disorder. Simply on the fact that personality disorder is just that, a disorder of personality. So those with it deal with situations in ways a child does. Phycotherapy (some one mentioned) is used in treatment.
I can afford pte insurance for these cats but as I can take them to the PDSA vet hospital I am thinking I don't need pet insurance? It is some thing I can afford and will pay for if I think it would benefit them in anyway. I don't see how it would be better though then taking them to the PDSA? The PDSA are all very good vets.
They also offers 24-7 emergency vet care. If anything should happened to them I can take them there and recieve free care because of my benefits. The free ask isn't the reason I just think its just as good as paying for insurance and taking them to a non PDSA vet.
I am sorry if it seemed light about how I left thoes poor cats. I really didn't mean it to. At the same time I just wanted to write down the facts of what has happened. I didn't want to go on and on. I didn't want to draw on sympathy I just wanted to put down the truth of what happened.
Carolina you hit it right on the head I think when you said I left those kitties and the remorse got bad so I needed to help some more.. and then those went and now I've got too more. It does feel quite a lot like that..
Thank you LDG for taking the time to look into my condition.
What happened to the ones on the doorstep I can only think the worst. I wanted so bad to knock on that families door and ask about those kittens. I'm too much of a coward. I walked around the block time after time for the next few weeks calling for them. Looking for them under hedges, behind bins.. I was so scared maybe I'd find a tiny little body. They were no where to be found. So I could only hope that while Caspian had got out of his crate the other crate containing the other three had safely gone to a rescue. This will haunt me for the rest of my life. I am not going to try and fantasize about any happy endings for any of thse cats though the ones I rehomed did go to some seemingly very nice people..
I am seeing my support worker tomorow and will show her what I have written. From what I have written she will likely encourage me to rehome two of the cats. I have made the descision to keep these cats the very day I bought them and I will not budge from that. They are with me for life.
I am capable of love. It is some thing I have not had very postiv experiences of in life so far and as such my idea of love may be slightly premature. I got rid of these cats impulsivly but it was never a question of I do not love these animals. I don't even know what I was thinking. One things sure I wans't thinking properly thats a fact.
My support worker is very good but its a fact that she can't help me with things I don't tell her about and this can't continue. I can't continue to hide problems like a child who is scared of getting into trouble or whatever. I am an adult now if I have a problem I must face it.
Forgiveness doesn't even come into this. You can not forgive the unforgivable. Just like you can not justify the unjustifyable. Abandoning these cats and buying them impulsivly and getting rid of them impusivly is unjustifiable and unforgivable. IMO When I reach Heaven and meet with my Heavenly father I will see if I am forgiven. I will pray for the safety of these cats most likely for the rest of my life.