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Desperate!!

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Hi guys,
I dont know how many times I've posted questions now about issues with my Siamese girl, Mushroom. This is my last attempt, I'm now basically at a roadblock.
Just to refresh, Mush is a 2.5yr old desexed female, I have had her for 12 months. She is an indoor cat.
It has pretty much been a battle for the last year, for my partner and I. She is exctremely vocal, it is not Siamese chatter, it is like a scream and my Partner has now developed anxiety from the stress of being at home. He has been to the Dr 3 times in the last 2 months from chest pains, and the Dr has now said, 'that's it you need to sort out the cat issues, you can't live like this' so he is considering moving out until I work out what to do with Mushroom and the Dr has also recommended councelling for us.
I have used Feliway, I have plenty of toys, scratcher cat tunnel etc. She is currently on Clomicalm which I give her 1/4 tablet every 12 hrs. It has not improved her, but her meow is now deeper which is louder.
None if it makes her calm.
She is a well behaved cat, honestly I think she is. It's just the screaming she does, if I...
wake up, walk past her, get home from work, walk around the unit, getting ready for work, getting dressed, anything we do she Meows at.
I believe she loves us and is clingy whereas my partner sees it as her frustrated and does not see it as love.
The vet says she is very co dependant and adhd. I have spoken to him and he has no other suggestions apart from spray her with a water bottle all the time. No other meds are likely to work. Having another cat is not an option.
Everytime I talk about having to rehome her makes me cry. She gets sick if I go away for a weekend, I can't imagine how she would be in a new house.
Some friends have suggested putting her to sleep would be more humane for her, as they can imagine how painful rehoming would be for her.
I love her, and I love my partner and I am so confused and upset.
post #2 of 23
Whatever you do, DO NOT put her to sleep!! That's not the best thing for her. Sounds like she needs some feline company, but since that's not an option, then rehoming her would be the best thing for her.
post #3 of 23
Thread Starter 
surely there's a way I can keep my baby girl and my partner.
post #4 of 23
My heart *really* goes out to you Kozziosko you are in a very tough situation. From what you shared in your post, it honestly sounds like Mushroom is bored and lonely. You also mention that she gets sick if you go away for the weekend. That definitely sounds lonely to me and maybe even a little bit of separation anxiety.

Try to step back. You mention that you believe she loves you and is clingy but that your partner sees it as her being frustrated and not necessarily as love. Could he be right?

Since getting a 2nd cat is not an option for you, then maybe rehoming her to a family, or even an older person that would be able to spend more time with her might be the best. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting you don't spend time with her, but it honestly sounds like she is lonely and bored and some cats are definitely much more demanding than others. She could also be in need of constant love and reassurance, even more than what you are already giving her.

Please don't even consider "putting her down" yes rehoming her might be emotionally painful for you, but it might be the best thing for her.

My heart *really* goes out to you
post #5 of 23
Who told you that "no other medication" will work? That's so defeatist

Ask your vet about amitriptyline. It is an antidperessant/anti anxiety medicine used in cats for stress behaviors such as separation anxiety, self mutilation (licking self bald), inappropriate urination, urinary tract diseases etc.

If your vet is not helping you, find another vet. You should not have to chose between your cat and your partner.
post #6 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by kozziosko View Post
Hi guys,
I dont know how many times I've posted questions now about issues with my Siamese girl, Mushroom. This is my last attempt, I'm now basically at a roadblock.
Just to refresh, Mush is a 2.5yr old desexed female, I have had her for 12 months. She is an indoor cat.
It has pretty much been a battle for the last year, for my partner and I. She is exctremely vocal, it is not Siamese chatter, it is like a scream and my Partner has now developed anxiety from the stress of being at home. He has been to the Dr 3 times in the last 2 months from chest pains, and the Dr has now said, 'that's it you need to sort out the cat issues, you can't live like this' so he is considering moving out until I work out what to do with Mushroom and the Dr has also recommended councelling for us.
I have used Feliway, I have plenty of toys, scratcher cat tunnel etc. She is currently on Clomicalm which I give her 1/4 tablet every 12 hrs. It has not improved her, but her meow is now deeper which is louder.
None if it makes her calm.
She is a well behaved cat, honestly I think she is. It's just the screaming she does, if I...
wake up, walk past her, get home from work, walk around the unit, getting ready for work, getting dressed, anything we do she Meows at.
I believe she loves us and is clingy whereas my partner sees it as her frustrated and does not see it as love.
The vet says she is very co dependant and adhd. I have spoken to him and he has no other suggestions apart from spray her with a water bottle all the time. No other meds are likely to work. Having another cat is not an option.
Everytime I talk about having to rehome her makes me cry. She gets sick if I go away for a weekend, I can't imagine how she would be in a new house.
Some friends have suggested putting her to sleep would be more humane for her, as they can imagine how painful rehoming would be for her.
I love her, and I love my partner and I am so confused and upset.

good grief, what terrible advice. Please find another vet!

By the way all the toys in the world mean nothing if you don't play with her yourself. I'm not saying you don't.

But here's my advice.

first: find another vet (and ask about trying her on amitriptyline)

second: begin a daily routine of Games with her. Every single day at the same time, get on the floor and devote your attention to her and only her for Games and grooming. Do this at the same time every day (or evening) and after a while she will come to expect it. This routine will help her feel more secure and bonded with you.

The partner should try to get involved and pay her some attention every day, too .
post #7 of 23
i would seek a second opinion, I know you cant have a second cat so have you tried leaving some relaxing music on, just Mushroom might calm down a little as it seems (forgive me if im wrong) she might be sensing tension between you and your partner with the clash of opinion over why she is like that
post #8 of 23
[quote]
Quote:
Originally Posted by kozziosko View Post
She is exctremely vocal, it is not Siamese chatter, it is like a scream
Can I ask you a question? Did you not know that Siamese cats are VERY vocal and demand alot of attention before you got Mushroom? I personally did not know this until on a few different cat forums I heard from many people who said these traits are very common traits for siamese cats. Much more common than in any other breed. This cat should not be PTS for something that may just be in her genes.

Here is a group that deals specifically with Siamese cats you can join
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/SIAMESE/

Maybe they can help you understand your cat and her breed a bit better. They may be able to help you and your husband enrich your relationship with Mushroom
Please DO NOT put her to sleep. She is perfectly healthy just misunderstood

Good luck!
post #9 of 23
If you want to ship her to the US, I would take her in a heartbeat - she deserves to live...

Is another cat 100% not an option?
I don't agree re-homing is necessarily a horrible thing for her - if she goes to house with other Siamese, with people who understand the breed and is willing to work with her, you are probably looking into 3 much happier parties - you, her, and your partner.
I agree with the others in regards with finding another vet.
post #10 of 23
Maybe it's not anxiety or anything like that....maybe your cat is asking you for something. My cat is very vocal. Every morning and every evening I give him caned cat food. Now he has access to food all the time...but in the mornings he meows at the top of his lungs until I give him what he wants. It gets steadily worse the longer he doesn't get it. He starts trying to rub on me, meowing even loader (that deep meow), just recently even gently biting on my fingers. I am not by any means suggesting that your cat wants food....what I am saying is that she is trying to communicate something to you. BTW...Max only does this to me if I am up moving around. Max will also meow like that if he wants outside (he's indoor cat too). He is just a very vocal little guy and maybe your cat is too. Maybe when she is doing this...try and find something that will make her stop. See what happens if you give her a little canned cat food when she is doing that....make sure her water is fresh and clean (my cat will have a fit over that too), get her favorite toy out and play with her for 10 minutes, pick her up and cuddle her if she likes that, give her a tummy scratch. It may be different at various times of the day. There is nothing I can do to shut Max up when he is doing that except figure out what he wants. I am Max's favorite person in this household, I have no doubt about that, and he loves to be near me, but he only meows like that when he wants something. I think she very well could be frustrated...she's trying to tell you something and you don't understand (which is NOT your fault) I sure wouldn't punish her for trying to communicate with you. I think you should find a vet that understands cats a little better.
post #11 of 23
I agree, first thing is to find another vet! It doesn't sound like the one you have understands cats very well. I'm guessing he did at least check her out for any problems in her bowels and urinary tract, right? There are meds that can help with anxiety issues.

I had an oriental once (not a siamese but close enough) and she never shut up! In fact, I named her Sassy because she always talked back. She cried when she was happy, when she was bored, when she woke up (I guess that was a "good morning"?), just constantly. Usually it was when she wanted something though and it was always fun to try to figure out exactly what she wanted. Sometimes it was pettings, sometimes it was because she could actually see the bottom of her bowl (heavens! Poor girl was starving), sometimes I swear it was just to hear her own voice. But, that was just her.
post #12 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
I agree, first thing is to find another vet! It doesn't sound like the one you have understands cats very well. I'm guessing he did at least check her out for any problems in her bowels and urinary tract, right? There are meds that can help with anxiety issues.

I had an oriental once (not a siamese but close enough) and she never shut up! In fact, I named her Sassy because she always talked back. She cried when she was happy, when she was bored, when she woke up (I guess that was a "good morning"?), just constantly. Usually it was when she wanted something though and it was always fun to try to figure out exactly what she wanted. Sometimes it was pettings, sometimes it was because she could actually see the bottom of her bowl (heavens! Poor girl was starving), sometimes I swear it was just to hear her own voice. But, that was just her.
Siamese are known for being very vocal. I don't know if you can change that any more than you can change their sleek physique. Siamese are beautiful, but I know I could never have that breed of cat. The constant crying would drive me nuts.

I know that once you are attached, it is very hard to make a decision to rehome. I have no advice, but I feel your pain.
post #13 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom View Post
Siamese are known for being very vocal. I don't know if you can change that any more than you can change their sleek physique. Siamese are beautiful, but I know I could never have that breed of cat. The constant crying would drive me nuts.

I know that once you are attached, it is very hard to make a decision to rehome. I have no advice, but I feel your pain.
Siamese CAN be very vocal - that doesn't mean they all will be. Neither Mika nor Bijou are loud, constantly crying or bothersome. Yes, Bijou will "talk" when spoken to but otherwise he is quiet.

Sorry, I get a bit miffed when things are painted in generalities, like the folks that say Siamese are nasty cats, and other mis-information.

Having said that, some will be very vocal and it sounds as though your cat is asking for something. If you could manage to get a friend for her it would probably be a huge help. Honestly 2 cats are not really more trouble than one and often less because they have each other.
post #14 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by otto View Post
good grief, what terrible advice. Please find another vet!

By the way all the toys in the world mean nothing if you don't play with her yourself. I'm not saying you don't.
.

if you can believe this too, I had a routine of playing with Mushroom at the same time everyday and the vet actually told me that's wrong as she needs to be less dependant on people and needs to learn to play on her own! Sheesh! I will definitely see another vet and ask about this other medication thank you
post #15 of 23
Thread Starter 
[quote=Denali;2719439]
Quote:

Can I ask you a question? Did you not know that Siamese cats are VERY vocal and demand alot of attention before you got Mushroom? I personally did not know this until on a few different cat forums I heard from many people who said these traits are very common traits for siamese cats.

Here is a group that deals specifically with Siamese cats you can join
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/SIAMESE/


Please DO NOT put her to sleep. She is perfectly healthy just misunderstood

!
thank you, I def won't be putting her to sleep, I'd never live with myself! I actually had a Siamese growing up, a male and he was very much the opposite. yes he loved people but he was alot calmer and content to relax on his own. Thank you I will check that group out!
post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post

Sorry, I get a bit miffed when things are painted in generalities, like the folks that say Siamese are nasty cats, and other mis-information.
I agree, I have never met a nasty Siamese. My girl doesn't have a nasty bone in her body!
Thank you everyone for your support, I am going to try listening to her better and find out of their is 'something' she is needing, other than my attention. I will ask my partner to try and give her some attention also (I have noticed her trying to get it from him and he has no bar of it)
I will also go to see specifically a Cat Vet and go from there. I hope in a months time that something has changed in my household and I don't have to give her up. At the same time I feel better knowing that everyone is supporting in that idea, and that she may have a better life being with other kitties like her
x
post #17 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by kozziosko View Post
if you can believe this too, I had a routine of playing with Mushroom at the same time everyday and the vet actually told me that's wrong as she needs to be less dependant on people and needs to learn to play on her own! Sheesh! I will definitely see another vet and ask about this other medication thank you
I believe you. This vet knows nothing about cats I guess. I get on the floor every night and play with my cats, and it stimulates them so that they will play with each other, or with a toy on his or her own, for another half hour or hour afterward.

please keep us updated.
post #18 of 23
My siamese of 15 years just passed on in January and he would do that howl every morning. It is a gut / deep noise. Actuallly I miss it now. I think it is just something that they all do. As you have seen they are very vocal and do require alot of attention. Good luck and I hope your situation works out.
post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
Siamese CAN be very vocal - that doesn't mean they all will be. Neither Mika nor Bijou are loud, constantly crying or bothersome. Yes, Bijou will "talk" when spoken to but otherwise he is quiet.

Sorry, I get a bit miffed when things are painted in generalities, like the folks that say Siamese are nasty cats, and other mis-information.

Having said that, some will be very vocal and it sounds as though your cat is asking for something. If you could manage to get a friend for her it would probably be a huge help. Honestly 2 cats are not really more trouble than one and often less because they have each other.
Yosemite, no one ever said that Siamese cats are nasty, just the being vocal is part of the breed. And they CAN be. Not every cat that is siamese or oriential is vocal, but it is a trait. Just like my dog who is Samoyed....they bark...at anything. It's just the breed.
post #20 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
Just like my dog who is Samoyed....they bark...at anything. It's just the breed.
My Samoyed hardly ever barks and from what I have read and understand from other Samoyed owners they aren't real barky dogs. Vocal yes, barky no.
post #21 of 23
Get her off of the pills. Those pills often make animals doubly anxious because dizziness and confusion caused by them can disturb them quite a bit. After owning cats for many years I learned that tranquilzing a cat is more likely to upset it than anything else.

Your cat and your partner are both extremely jealous of each other. Both are terribly insecure and highly stressed and wound up inside. I'm afraid you will have no choice but to find a new home for one of the two because neither will ever be happy otherwise.

Unfortunately, when one partner kind of suggests to the other, "either he goes or I do," more often than not the other chooses to pick his dependent and toss out the partner.

Also, a partner who has nerves to bad that he has to run to a doctor because he is incapable of learning to cope with the meowing of a cat might have some fairly severe problems himself. It might be best to medicate the partner versus the cat.

This is a quite a dangerous situation, both for you and your cat, as well as very unhealthy for all three of you. No animal or child should have to live in a home where one of its superiors absolutely detests it. An animal or child in such a situation will nearly always end up being mentally damaged for life, and often physically abused when the other isn't around as well. You need to make a decision very quickly as to which partner you want to keep.
You clearly can't even begin to consider keeping both.

Oh, and I would never advise getting another cat, no matter how quiet -- or any other animal for that matter. It will end up disturbed too.
post #22 of 23
By the way, don't kill your cat simply because she and your partner have issues. she deserves to live and it's not right for a human to kill a poor helpless animal that can't defend itself simply because he wants an easy way out. Too often people convince themselves that the cat would really prefer death. That's not true. Every living thing wants to live as long as possible and is actually very terrified of death.

Rather than snuffing out her breath, find a loving home for the poor thing. That's what she needs and deserves out of life more than anything else.
post #23 of 23
We deal with pointed cats ("Siamese," although most are nowhere near purebred) on a regular basis, and some are real characters. Some are just regular cats who happen to have striking fur patterns.

But most Siamese have "the voice." Sterling does, too, although he rarely uses it. Some cats are talkers. Some are virtually silent (both Punkin and Ella). Cats, like kids and friends, have different personalities. There's only so much you can do to change that.
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