Argh. guy rant?

leto86

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I don't even know how to explain it all without rambling... so bear with me?

Ok.

So I went camping with a friend, her boyfriend (which is a friend) and his friend which I had met two or three times prior to the trip.
Anywayyy, make a long story short, myself and my friends boyfriends friend ended up dating I guess by the end of the trip.. that was like the 10th of August.

We see each other every day now.. he can't go one day without seeing me. And one week into the relationship he was telling me he loved me. And now he's saying he wants to marry me and have children with me. That it can wait till I'm ready and all that, but he has had dreams and thinks about it allllll the time.

We've been dating for like 3 weeks.

But then he'll pull stuff like, "You don't love me, you don't care about me, we won't last. Everyone is right." and then we will sit there in silence for an hour and then he's all cuddly and saying that "Nothing will come between us, no one can ever break us up."

I like him... but I don't love him.. not yet. And he gets mad when I don't say it back... but I don't want to hurt him and say that I'm not going to say it until I mean it.

He's told me more than once that he's afraid that I'll leave him and he'll be alone forever. But then he goes and says stuff to purposely make me mad and he knows it, and he pulls the "not gonna work out" thing and tries to guilt trip me.


And I am not on the pill.... I am unsure of the pill. I know people who live by it.. and others who had problems with it. But we do use the proper protection. He's asked me a a couple times if I wanted to get pregnant right now. And I keep asking him why and he never answers. I don't want a kid right now. Especially not this early in a relationship. But I caught him.. he said he had one on and he didn't. And now I'm not sure if I can trust him.
I think he thinks that if I got pregnant that I wouldn't leave him.

I don't think he has any self esteem. He always talks about how he isn't good enough or that I'm too good for him and he doens't know why I am with him. Or that because he has no job, no car, that he sucks and no one would miss him if he died. It gets quite frustrating trying to explain to him otherwise.. and I've just let it go now and don't say anything now, and then he's like "See, I knew you wouldn't care."

I honestly don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
 

marinewife05

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Run, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. This sounds a little....ok a lot creepy to me. Trust me you do not want a child out of wedlock. My first was born when I was 17....not something I would do over. (Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, but I should have listened to my parents and waited)

It sounds like he's obssessed...you may need to have a restraining order if things get too creepy.
 

sandtigress

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Honestly? I'd be running the other direction....fast. This guy has "trouble" written all over him to me, he wants to be in a relationship, and badly. Someone that clingy just isn't likely to be able to hold on to a healthy relationship. He's trying to manipulate you into being with him, and you don't need any of that...

I highly doubt that he knows what love and a relationship is really all about. I admit, its not impossible to really and truly fall in love with someone after three weeks. But I also don't think its very likely, especially because you don't feel the same way. And someone who would claim he's madly in love with you after just three weeks? I don't think he has a clue what love is all about.
 

addiebee

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I agree with the others.. run... run... far away... are you that desperate for companionship that you would put up with this? Being alone is better than being with a manipulative, manic-depressive crazy like you're describing.

ETA: you have already slept with him? I'm not a prude. I love intimacy... but when you jump in before you know what you are dealing with you are asking for trouble. It is instant complication.
 

swampwitch

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I agree with RUN! Get out now before it gets worse, time will only make getting away from him more difficult! His behavior is classic abusive, it will only get worse, cut all ties with this guy, asap, and don't look back.
 

threecatowner

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I agree with RUN! Get out now before it gets worse, time will only make getting away from him more difficult! His behavior is classic abusive, it will only get worse, cut all ties with this guy, asap, and don't look back.
Yeah, what she said! In my younger, single days I met some guys kind of like this. I remember what an extreme turnoff it was. Even hooked up with one while camping with friends - just like you!

Run, Run, Run, Run, Run, Run and more run!
 

sillyitiliangrl

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I agree run! If you would like to hear my experiance w/ a relationship that started this way PM me, it was not fun and ended 5yrs later with a restraining order!
 

rubsluts'mommy

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Okay... that sounds like some of my EX-boyfriends... exes for a darn good reason... he has no spine, no self esteem.

I agree... run. But tell him why. Really. He needs to learn how to grow up and deal with people better. Doesn't matter how old he actually is (you haven't said), but I seriously don't think men mature until they close in on 40, at least nowadays...

if you do like him, and think it could last a little bit longer, start doing what I did with one of my boyfriends (who, BTW, is still a good friend... of course not have a sexual relationship with him helps the later friendship)... I started forcing him to make choices... make some decisions for the two of you. He's looking to you for guidance and security... stop that. My three things I never want to hear out of a man's mouth (if we're dating, or good friends) are: "so, where do you want to go" (every da** night, mind you), "What do you wanna do?" (again, every night), and "I'm sorry," but ONLY if it wasn't his fault (just those words, not "I'm sorry you had a bad day" that's slightly better). If he screwed something up, yeah, he'd better apologize. But if I've had a bad day, and he apologizes for my day... I give the look of death. he knew I was trying to help him grow a spine... he's better now... but he's been through the ringer with girlfriends since me...

He needs to learn to stand on his own and make his own decisions... if you're willing to push him in that direction, use the relationship you already have to build his self esteem up. Someone tore it down... it may still not work out... but maybe you can nudge him in a better direction. Sit him down and tell him the truth... he needs to know why you do what you're ending up doing (whatever it is).

That wsa long-winded... I'm entirely too chatty...
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by Sandtigress

Honestly? I'd be running the other direction....fast. This guy has "trouble" written all over him to me, he wants to be in a relationship, and badly. Someone that clingy just isn't likely to be able to hold on to a healthy relationship. He's trying to manipulate you into being with him, and you don't need any of that...
I absolutely agree! He is too needy. He is manipulative.

Get out now before you invest any more time into that unhealthy relationship.
 

missymotus

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Agree with everyone else, run!

Originally Posted by Leto86

And I am not on the pill.... I am unsure of the pill.
If you don't want to go on the pill, there are lots of other choices. I would not be trusting him to use protection correctly. And it's always good to use a back up, just in case.
 

white cat lover

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I would run, very rapidly, in a very far direction from him. He has "stalker" written all over him, from what you said....
 

goonie

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please run as fast as you can. i was in a similar relationship and i got scared for my life. thank god for friends, whith their help i got away from him.
 

katkisses

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I'd get out before he got more attatched.

Why waste both of your lives and stay together? Staying in this relationship will just end up with him more obsessed with you, and make it that much harder fo you to leave. You are already having problems 'lettting him go' imagine how hard it would be several months from now.

Good luck.
 

trouts mom

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OMG how creepy.

You have been dating for 3 weeks!? And he is saying that kind of stuff? Asking you if you want to get preggo? Damn, in three weeks I wouldn't be sleeping with a person yet, let alone getting preggo.

He it totally manipulating you. I bet you feel bad even thinking of breaking it off with him..if so, he has done his job right. I am not sure what these people are called, but this kind of dependant relationship is dangerous.

It has only been three weeks, you owe this guy nothing. To me, he sounds like he would get controlling and jealous in no time.

Pfffft, I once broke it off with a three week guy by text message..(mind you we hadn't done anything but kissed)

This guy is a creep. Good luck, and be careful if you decide to stay with him.
 

fastnoc

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Jeeez. I'm a guy and even I say RUN.

How could you have any respect for a guy like that?? WOW
 

allfurlove

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I agree, RUN!! This guy cannot be trusted, based on the condom incident alone. He sounds extremely clingy, and is probably depressed or other mental health problems (not that there's anything wrong with that, but he would need help before he can have a healthy relationship).
So, I would either get out, or be completely honest with him that things need to change!
 

keycube

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He's a keeper, for sure.

I mean, this guy loves you so much, he's willing to manipulate your emotions for you, deceive you into giving you a child that he knows you're ready for (despite your objections), and on top of all of it, he's given you no evidence of possessing any maturity or responsibilty. Hell, even I'm swooning!

Set a wedding date. Now.
 

esme

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major red flags for abusers are controlling behaviors, monopoloizing your time, and wanting to get 'too close too fast'. please be careful.
 

-_aj_-

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id run a mile from him, sounds like hes trying to control you very quickly to keep you, not healthy.
 

otto

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RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG

The guy has all the signs of a classic abuser. Get out, now.
 
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