Argh. guy rant?

Oh, please, please be strong and get out of this relationship!

I know I'm just reiterating what everyone else has said to you. I was in the same kind of controlling, abusive relationship. He couldn't even hold down a job, because he wanted to be with me all of the time. He isolated me from all of my friends, he limited my phone calls by answering MY phone and telling them I couldn't come to the phone. I couldn't even spend time with my family, without him retaliating and becoming verbally abusive. Then one day, when I tried to do something that he didn't approve of, he beat me. I was smart and called the police, and had him put in jail. When he got out, I had a personal protection order against him. He stalked me for 18 months. I'd find footprints all around the house in the snow. I called the police, but they couldn't do anything, because they didn't catch him in the act.

Please get out of this relationship, before it becomes physically abusive. They nearly always do. You might not be as lucky as I was....I only got bruises.

I will keep you in my prayers. Please be strong....

Originally Posted by Leto86

I have a major fear of rejection and I think it makes me feel doubley bad rejecting someone else.

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And he knows it, believe me, and will play on it to the hilt.

You are not responsible for his feelings.

You are not double crossing a man you ahve a history with. You dated a guy causally for a month, and have decided the chemistry isn't right. It is your right to make this decision.

It is your right to the free will to decide who you will spend time with.

Leto86, please be strong and do not fall into this guy's traps!
I can't believe he seriously thinks his ridiculous games will work after 4 weeks of dating!! You barely even have a relationship, and he's already making you feel guilty for ruining something amazing that you supposedly had when it wasn't there in the first place.

Aw, Sarah, do it now, okay? Call him up right now, and just say,

"Hey it's me. I've been thinking and have decided we just aren't right for each other. So I think we shouldn't see or call each other any more.

Take care now, Bye!"

I just caught up with this -- and everyone is so right. Not one more day in this relationship, not one more hour!

The only advice here that I disagree with is the suggestion that you should tell him why you're breaking up with him. Two reasons why I wouldn't do that:

a. Giving him reasons wouldn't help him -- people like this are not capable of analyzing their own sickness well enough to effect real change in themselves.

b. Giving him reasons would only encourage him to respond with fervent promises that he will change -- promises he cannot possibly keep, but which will work on your highly-developed sense of responsibility for his emotions, making you think you owe him "another chance."

No. Just end it, right now. He will ask why why why, but you must give him no reason that he can act on -- at most, just say you've realized that you're not ready to be involved with anyone at this stage in your life. Thank him for your time together, wish him well... and if you can, leave town for a few days, to give him time to get used to not seeing you.

This is really scary stuff. Be careful.

I'll be your friend! Not sure how close you are but I live across the boarder in Michigan.

You'll always have friends here at TCS and I hear some members have "meetups" occasionally!

Maybe our kitties could play together sometime, he loves his car rides and I was thinking of taking him (and my fiance) to see the falls as soon as we got our licenses here.

Bottom line, if your friends don't support your breakup then they are not good friends to have.

I know making friends is hard...I haven't been able to make any good lasting friends since highschool and I'm the same age as you!! I've had the same 3 friends practically all my life and I'm such a hermit when it comes to meeting new people.

Originally Posted by Nekomania

I'll be your friend!

Not sure how close you are but I live across the boarder in Michigan.

You'll always have friends here at TCS and I hear some members have "meetups" occasionally!

Maybe our kitties could play together sometime, he loves his car rides and I was thinking of taking him (and my fiance) to see the falls as soon as we got our licenses here.

Bottom line, if your friends don't support your breakup then they are not good friends to have.

I know making friends is hard...I haven't been able to make any good lasting friends since highschool and I'm the same age as you!! I've had the same 3 friends practically all my life and I'm such a hermit when it comes to meeting new people.

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I think that is great. You guys should PM. I don't think St. Thomas is it... is that far from the Detroit area....

Yikes! Hon I'd be running the other way!!

Originally Posted by Nekomania

I'll be your friend!

Not sure how close you are but I live across the boarder in Michigan.

You'll always have friends here at TCS and I hear some members have "meetups" occasionally!

Maybe our kitties could play together sometime, he loves his car rides and I was thinking of taking him (and my fiance) to see the falls as soon as we got our licenses here.

Bottom line, if your friends don't support your breakup then they are not good friends to have.

I know making friends is hard...I haven't been able to make any good lasting friends since highschool and I'm the same age as you!! I've had the same 3 friends practically all my life and I'm such a hermit when it comes to meeting new people.

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I was going to say the same thing. I don't know too many people around here and St. Thomas is not that far, I was there tonight actually (went to Wal Mart and then to East Side Marios for dinner). I live in Tillsonburg, not sure if you ever really come here but its only about half an hour away.

Originally Posted by AddieBee

I think that is great. You guys should PM. I don't think St. Thomas is it... is that far from the Detroit area....

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Where do you live in Michigan?

If you prefer not to disclose that's okay.

There's a lady that lives right next door to me with a colony of feral cats living in and out of her garage and I thought she'd be a perfect canidate for this website. Now everyone I see from Michigan on TCS I picture her face.

You are in my thoughts and my heart, Leto86. Please, regardless of any hurt you think he may feel or any hurt you may feel, end it with him. You will save yourself so much grief, and look back on severing this relationship with nothing but relief.

Hi Sarah, looking for an update. Please don't forget to check in with us, we care about you.

umm yeah I agree with the RUN RUN RUN theory. IMO its wayyy tooo soon to be saying I love you and the whole kids speal! Its way to much...I was with my Bf for 5 mths before he said he loved me and we have been close friends for 4 yrs before we started dating and even then it was still like WHOA when that happened! I think you just need to get the heck outta there!

Ok. I feel bad.. but it's done.

I went to Tim Hortons last night to tell him, but I couldn't do it.

So today my sister and I took Mia to the Fire Muster here at the park. THere's like carnaval rides and food and stuff. And low and behold, he was there waiting for me because I told him last week that I was going on Sunday to enter Mia into the dog show.
So we walked around and he was the same attitude today. He kept trying to hold my hand or touch my leg or whatever and I just kept pulling away.
At the end of the day, he walked us home and we talked out on my back porch. and he again said that he didn't think it was going to work out. All that crap again. But I still didn't have the guts to say anything about it.

But then He sent me a message on msn when he got home, and I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship. And he got upset and called me. He was crying and like you all said, guilt tripping me and threatening with thoughts of suicide.
He kept asking me to come meet him so we could talk about it and work it out.. and I kept telling him that you can't work out what's already decided. Plus I am babysitting my nephew right now and can't go anywhere. So he wants to meet me later when my sister gets home. ANd I told him now, but he keeps saying he isn't going to take no for an answer.
I don't plan on meeting him anywhere. But I'm sorta scared he's going to come and find me. I want to take Mia to the dog park later, but I'm not sure anymore. I don't picture him doign anything violent... but when you're upset, you do things.


THe thing is.... I don't really feel upset at all over losing him. I feel bad about having to do it, and hurting him. But I feel no loss at all. And that sorta makes me feel bad.

It shouldn't make you feel bad that you don't feel anything - that should tell you you did exactly the right thing. You had no attachment to this guy, so why be in a relationship with him? You did EXACTLY the right thing.

If you go out, take someone with you.

to you, you did the right thing! Now be strong and stick with it!

Nevermind about the not feeling anything. It just hit me.

And I don't even know what it is. Just sadness. And I don't even know why. Ugh.

It is okay to feel sadness. You are very obviously a kind and caring person, and it is normal to feel bad about causing someone pain. Please remember that his feelings for you are totally unhealthy. He is going to double or triple his efforts to win you back. Be prepared for an onslaught of phone calls, letters, e-mails and visits. Start documenting them, because I'm guessing that eventually, you will need to put a restraining order or personal protection order against him. You need to stand firm. When he calls, tell him you do not wish to talk to him anymore, and please do not call any more. Do not reply to any letters or e-mails. Don't answer the door, if he visits. Don't go anywhere alone, if at all possible.

Psycho Dan parked in a parking lot across the street from me, and followed me everywhere I went for months. He stayed as far away from me as the PPO stated, but he was everywhere!!! It took almost 18 months for me to convince him that I wasn't interested (c'mon...I mean, really....I'm not that wonderful!) Then, miraculously, he found himself a timid, vulnerable, self conscious, co-dependent woman with low self-esteem, to shower his affections (read - obsessions) on.

Above all, please stay strong! You know this is the right thing for you to do...if it wasn't, you wouldn't have sensed all those red flags in the first place. You know that you wouldn't have made your initial post, if you didn't know deep in your own heart that this was a bad situation. Please keep us posted. We all care about you, and wish the very best for you...

My stalker was a Dan, too. I had to change my phone # and email. I had a restraining order.

Sarah...ya done good. You feel sad because you are a caring young woman. But you need to care about yourself more. If something happened to you, your nephew would lose an aunt!

Yeah, he may be scary for a while and I agree that you start documenting now. Save phone call records, but do not engage in conversation. If you have caller ID, don't pick up. If he e mails and IM, block him.

I'm sorry you have to go through this but I am very very glad that you brought it up here in this forum where you have us to help and support you. I shudder to think of you stuck another moment with that creep.

xo

I took Mia to the dog park anyway.. I didn't have anyone to go with, so I went alone. And guess who I ran into?

We talked about why I didn't want to continue a relationship and etc etc. And after I told him that I just didn't want to be with him, he seemed to clue in. It was dark by the time I left the dog park and he walked me home, I probably shouldn't have let him, but I told him that that was it, I was done. And then I told him to go home, and he did.

But... on the walk home he told me something. I believe that something to be a lie, but I'm not sure. He said that one time a week ago when we had sex, that the condom broke and he was afraid to tell me. I know he is disease cleared because he went and had tests done and his mom actually confirmed it.
I asked him why he didn't tell me before and he said he was afraid of what I would do. But then continued to say that he hoped I wouldn't abort, and that I would rethink a relationship. I held my ground and told him it wouldn't change anything. And he seemed fine with that.. which is what made me believe it was a lie.






Thank you everyone for all your help and your kind words. I don't know what I would be doing right now. Probably wishing I was walking into traffic.

It was probably just his way of trying to get you back into his clutches...I think you did the right thing and eventually when its right youlll find mister right. And its ok to feel sad or upset about breaking it off with someone it just means your a decent human being and not some sociapathic weirdo!!! Best wishes to you hun!