Argh. guy rant?

Originally Posted by fastnoc

Jeeez. I'm a guy and even I say RUN.

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Is it bad that made me laugh?

Just the fact he lied about wearing a condom - oh hell yeah I'd run! That is serious business, esp. in regards to STDs. I'm shocked frankly that people will have sex in this manner with so many risks about there, pregnancy included.

OP - maybe you should ponder why you are attracted to a man like this - he clearly doesnt respect you in a healthy manner yet you 'like' him. Please run and visit your gyn pronto to discuss birth control options (for now and in the future).

Yikes! I can't even begin to say how creepy this sounds.
I'll second everyone who says Run!
There does not sound like there is a single healthy thing about this 'relationship.'

You deserve much better than this lying manipulator.

I'm sorry to say it that way but this guy sounds creepy!! it sounds like he might have some mental problems, like he might be bi polar. He sounds really immature too- telling you he loves you and wants to marry you after 3 weeks?? That's just kindergarden talk IMO lol..
I mean it's normal to think about getting married and having children, but he's not supposed to tell you after time has passed and his feelings haven't changed, so he can be sure about how he feels..

Wow. A lot to take in all at once.


I figured it was some kind of emotional abuse attempt or something going on. :/


I know he's had a rough life... I really shouldn't go into it but it's not good what happened to him and his sister. But I don't really think it's that much of an excuse.

He seemed to know something was up by my attitude towards him yesterday, and he texted me this am saying sorry and wanting to talk, saying he's got good news but wants to tell me in person. (job?!)

I do feel bad for thinking about leaving him though. I know you say thats what he wants but I can't help it.


I don't really know what else to say. :S


Oh, btw, I am 21 and he is 22. And I miscalculated, it's been 4 weeks, not 3. Not that it makes a difference.

It's only been 4 weeks and you feel about leaving him, imagine how you will feel if you let it go on longer. The longer you stay together the harder it is to end the relationship..

Everyone here seems to be on the same page about this guy.

I sincerely hope that you heed the advice given and are not blinded by loneliness, neediness or love. Because if you stay with this guy it will be out of neediness and loneliness and fear of being alone and not finding another man who is much nicer.

Originally Posted by Leto86

He seemed to know something was up by my attitude towards him yesterday, and he texted me this am saying sorry and wanting to talk, saying he's got good news but wants to tell me in person. (job?!)

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If he's anything like my ex, be careful, he probally knows you post here, espically if he is spending so much time with you, and may have seen this post!

Really, I would say this guy probably means well. He might not even be manipulating you emotionally completely on purpose. He might even really mean it when he says he thinks he loves you. But I think that's all the more reason to get out, and as someone said earlier, tell him why.

He sees this relationships like a child would, and believe me, you don't want to have to take care of a child for the rest of your life, and then any children you might have together! I can pretty much guarantee that he doesn't really see you nor is he in love with who you really are - because honestly, after just a month, who really knows anyone? He's in love with a you that he has imagined up in his head, some of which is based on reality but a lot of which is not.

You deserve to be with someone who can see you for who you really are, and love that you. This guy, at least right now, is not it, and you're not going to be able to make him grow into that person unless he really wants to do it too. And from experience, its going to take a big shock to make him want to grow up, and probably not something that can happen while the two of you are dating each other. Maybe a few years from now, but not now.

Originally Posted by Leto86

I do feel bad for thinking about leaving him though.

I know you say thats what he wants but I can't help it.

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Don't feel too bad, it's more then likely him continuing to manipulate you. Be VERY firm when you end it with him. I had a boyfriend like this once, I broke up with him and he asked if we could still be friends. Me, being young and stupid said yes and it kept evolving into us getting back together, until I finally wised up. So be strong. Hold your ground, he sounds like bad news.

Originally Posted by kscatlady

Don't feel too bad, it's more then likely him continuing to manipulate you. Be VERY firm when you end it with him. I had a boyfriend like this once, I broke up with him and he asked if we could still be friends. Me, being young and stupid said yes and it kept evolving into us getting back together, until I finally wised up. So be strong. Hold your ground, he sounds like bad news.

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Thats what happened to me too! Glad to know I'm not alone.

You probably will not like my answer, but STOP the sex with him. IMO its way too soon and its only confusing both of you.

Sounds like he may have issues and low self-esteem with all the "negative" stuff. Tell him that you do not know your feelings with only a short time of dating and that if he continues to whine about things, get mad at you for not saying "ILY" then you will have to end the dating.

Dating should be to get to know the person better, to see who they really are - when you add sex in the picture too soon its screws up everything.

Wow this guy seems way to needy especially since you have only been together for a few weeks. I have to agree with everyone else assessment of the situation and that is get away as fast as you can. This guys certainly looks like he would be more trouble then he'll ever be worth.

I know that everyone else told you this but RUN from that relationship. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a man like that and even though I wanted to end it I felt bad for leaving him so I stayed...and it ended VERY badly and I did alot of damage to myself and my finances for a man like that....so run run away now while you still have a chance!!!

I did run away and now I'm with someone better.

Ugh really?

He has no job and no car those are huge red flags to me. Does he still live with his parents too?

Not to offend you or anything dear, but I agree with everyone saying that you need to run as fast as you can in the other direction because this is a one way ticket to a very very unhealthy relationship.

It is not worth your time or effort to try to change this man, especially when he's already deemed himself untrustworthy. Not putting a condom on...seriously? Screw the fact that he might get you knocked up and start thinking about how he might give you a nasty disease.

You have your whole life ahead of you to find a good man, but the longer you try to make this relationship work, the less time you'll be able to spend looking for a man with a car and a job and the means and motivation to take care of you like a woman should be cared for and not the other way around!

To be honest, you'll probably end up feeling more like a mother to this guy than a woman in an intimate relationship.

But don't feel bad for getting into this relationship or making the choice to have sex. It takes a different amount of time for everyone to get to that point. For me, I slept with my fiance on our first date. And two years later with a ring on my finger we proved that you don't need to wait and "date" for a long period of time before engaging in a sexual relationship. And if you happened to be lonely or need the comfort of another person, big deal! =) Happens every day, the key is to know what is bad for you and what is good for you. And ultimately what happens here can only be your decision and shouldn't be influenced by anyone else or what we think.





And about the pill. I take it and it works well for me, but for women who don't like the idea of birth control, I always like to say that there are more options than condoms. Have you considered NON hormonal birth control? Paraguard is excellent for women who are afraid of the side effects that hormonal birth control can bring.

Personally, I think the pro's outweigh the con's, especially if you are a person with low finances or someone who is pro-life.

I must disagree with everyone that said to simply run away.... I would run to a car, and then drive away very fast.

Someone who had already become that emotionally dependent in a matter of weeks is someone who has deep set attachment issues. He in not in a place in his life right now to maintain a healthy relationship with you.

Please leave him!! I dated a guy like this for a year and a half- he abused me and eventually raped me. Get the heck out. He sounds exactly like my ex.

I was abused as a child as well, and so was my brother- you would never find either of us behaving this way with a significant other. It is not a good excuse, nor is it a good explanation.

Please get out! His manipulation is pretty out of control and the things he is doing and saying are classic signs.

Run away, and don't look back!
Next he will be trying to isolate you from your family and friends, saying he loves you so much he does not want to share you with anyone. Then it really gets bad.
Please, Please, Please rethink a relationship with this person. The fact that he had a rough life is not your fault and he is at the age where he should "man up" and try to build a life on his own, including a job, car, home, before he starts a life with someone. No way should he be thinking about children for years!
He obviously has severe issues that he needs to address on his own.

Please listen to us. The fact that he had a bad childhood is not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to fix.

I can guarantee you that his bad life soon WILL become your fault though, I mean he will insist that it is so and you'll find yourself apologizing for his sorry life and trying your hardest to fix it for him.

he is not worth it.

Those of us who have been in abusive relationships know the signs.

But then he'll pull stuff like, "You don't love me, you don't care about me, we won't last. Everyone is right." and then we will sit there in silence for an hour and then he's all cuddly and saying that "Nothing will come between us, no one can ever break us up."

this is classic manipulation crap. He wants you to first feel guilty, you don't love him enough.

He wants you to reassure him that you will prove "everyone" wrong.

since "everyone " else is wrong, he is the only person who should be allowed in your life.

And then he tells you you will never be free of him.

You are facing a lifetime of emotional, and very possibly, physical abuse. At 21 years old you have many many years ahead of you to meet people and fall in and out of love. This guy should be put down to experience and gotten rid of now

And be ready to call the cops if he stalks you. They often do.

Wow, this guy sounds almost like me 20 years ago! I wasn't maniplutave, just clingy and wanting things to happen fast.

Yeah, get out before it gets worse....and it will!

If you decide to stay with him, you only have yourself to blame.

As another guy, this guy scares me. Don't be alone with him any more. Don't talk to him. Don't answer his phone calls. Get a good lock on the doors. Get a gun, if you have to. Have some friend who will check up on you daily. This is dangerous behavior.

And ladies, when did it become wrong to tell a guy, "NO!"?