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My mil

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Okay, I love her, but she drives me NUTS sometimes. I don't understand her thinking sometimes. Jon and I were over for dinner and he'd had a big lunch so he wasn't hungry. I told him "Don't eat if you aren't hungry." (He's overweight, he's been running and trying to be healthy now) Well, his mom and I are eating and he's in the living room on the computer and his mom yells at him to go eat. He says "Krysta said not to, are you overruling her?" She said "Yes, you have to listen to her about everything else, but not about food." That's not an exact quote, I can't remember exactly but it was along those lines. So I'm sitting there SO irritated, and then Jon gets up and makes a plate.

Okay, first of all, understand all I want is for Jon to be healthy. I love him. But he is bad about food. If we buy a meal at a restaurant he thinks he has to eat ALL of it because he paid for it. He definitely has a problem and his mother doesn't help at all. When we eat with her, she'll give him half her meal too! I know it's Jon's responsibility to say no, but she doesn't help the situation. His dad had his first heart attack when he was 35! Jon is almost 28! His brother and his dad are both overweight. I don't want Jon to have a heart attack ever! Especially not that young.

What's even more irritating is she tells me she's concerned about his health! Obviously not, if she forces him to have dinner when he's not hungry!

Anyway when we were leaving I told Jon in the car that he DOES have to listen to me about food. And probably should EVER listen to his mom about that because she has no sense when it comes to health or food.
post #2 of 10
I am Italian and that sounds so familiar. Tell me, is you mil Italian also. We do love to eat and yes my mom would push food at me also. She was wrong in making Jon eat when he really didn't want to. I would try to skip dinners at her home as much as possible.
post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRussa View Post
I am Italian and that sounds so familiar. Tell me, is you mil Italian also. We do love to eat and yes my mom would push food at me also. She was wrong in making Jon eat when he really didn't want to. I would try to skip dinners at her home as much as possible.
Nope she's not Italian. She's Irish and Russian mostly.
post #4 of 10
I think you should both "butt out" and let him eat/not eat as he desires. He is an adult and having people obsess over his diet while he plays you off one another ("Krysta said not to!"-- ") is not very functional, in my opinion.

If he gets fat, so be it. It's his decision and he will lose weight if/when he decides it's a problem. Trying to change a person rarely works and your efforts will only cause tension.
post #5 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatMom2Wires View Post
If he gets fat, so be it. It's his decision and he will lose weight if/when he decides it's a problem. Trying to change a person rarely works and your efforts will only cause tension.
He was joking when her said that.

I don't think I should butt out, it's not causing tension. He knows I care about him. It's not like I nag, I know how to communicate my feelings to him without nagging.
post #6 of 10
A thread starting with 'my mother in law' can never be good... You have two options: To actually butt out and let him deal with this himself or to scare him. Start leaving out pamphlets about high blood pressure, heart problems, and diabetes.

More seriously, though. Do make sure he knows all the risks he's in for. Let him know how concerned you are, and then let him make his choice. He'll have to want to be healthier.
What you can do however is only buy and cook only healthier foods.

And, no, I don't blame you for being concerned and trying to take care of him. No one wants to see someone they love ill or worse.
post #7 of 10
Many people feel that food = love. We don't want our loved ones to be hungry. In a perfect world, your MIL would stop forcing food on her son and your husband would say no and never be tempted. CatMom2Wires has a point, too, Jon knows how you feel about it so backing off is a good idea. You don't want it to turn into a power struggle. Jon shouldn't ask his mom if she's overruling you, either, but ultimately it's not your battle.

p.s. If you really like your MIL otherwise, count your blessings and let this issue drop. Let her pamper him when he's at her house.
post #8 of 10
[quote=strange_wings;2714929]A thread starting with 'my mother in law' can never be good...


Yep!!!!!
post #9 of 10
You should really capitalize mil... I spent a few seconds looking at the title wondering what word you were trying to abbreviate. millimeters? military? millions? Then I caught on and figured it out.

What you describe sounds pretty common though. My grandparents would literally ask every 15 minutes if I wanted something to eat and it drove me crazy. I'll go over to her place after lunch and she'll tell me offer me something to eat to 'hold me over' until dinner (which they usually eat at ~ 4 ) two or 3 times. She's actually a lot better than she used to be when I was younger because I told her I didn't like her forcing food on me all the time.

As for your situation, I suggest that rather than telling him he has to listen to you over his mother (that's usually a tough battle to win) tell him that he needs to make his feelings known and not be pushed into eating if he doesn't want to.
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grogs View Post
You should really capitalize mil... I spent a few seconds looking at the title wondering what word you were trying to abbreviate. millimeters? military? millions? Then I caught on and figured it out.
I did capitalize it, it went to lowercase when I posted it somehow.
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