I agree with you 100%.
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Men and money--rant
- Thread starter jack31
- Start Date
I agree with you here. I also check my bank statement every month and I'm not happy until it comes down to the last penny. I use my debit card and as soon as I get home I subtract it from my bank account. I can't see what the big deal is, just do it.
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ut0pia - It happens because everyones brains are a little different, some even more than others. This is why people who are very intelligent and should know better may have problems in certain areas and keep making mistakes.
It's good that you and others don't have that problem, but some do.
It's good that you and others don't have that problem, but some do.
Has anyone mentioned executive dysfunction to you? If you read about it a bit you might come across some coping strategies and suggestions to help.
What is that? I've been reading some books, it's hard to get through them though. And since I just got married I'll have health insurance soon to go to a doctor, so that's good.Originally Posted by strange_wings
Has anyone mentioned executive dysfunction to you? If you read about it a bit you might come across some coping strategies and suggestions to help.
Nevermind, I just googled it. I'll bookmark the page and read it. Thank you.
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^It's nothing bad, really, just what you probably already know about yourself concerning certain functions and habits. Maybe it would be good to show your husband - sort of "see this is what happens in my brain" and make sure he knows you may need a little help now and then.
I have skipped a few posts, but going back to the first posts, I dont see Men as being any more less to save or more to spend. I have seen that behavior from both sexes.
In my home I am the more frugal and educated money wise than he is. I grew up with not much $, He grew up in what I would call a wealthy upper middle class. He is much more wasteful.
It could of easily been the other way around if we switched past lives.
Just my 2 cents worth.
In my home I am the more frugal and educated money wise than he is. I grew up with not much $, He grew up in what I would call a wealthy upper middle class. He is much more wasteful.
It could of easily been the other way around if we switched past lives.
Just my 2 cents worth.
I always save my money! Growing up without much money made me anxious. There were some months we would have to alternate bills because we couldn't afford much more than the mortgage. I always keep $1000 in my checking account as a threshold. If I have $1020, to me I have only $20.... so if I ever have an emergency, I know I have at least have quick access to money.
My boyfriend is horrible with money. He had a job where they got paid once a month so it was hard for him to foresee future expenses. I introduced the "envelope system" my grandmother showed me when I was little. We sat down and made a budget of what he usually spends money on in a week. Gas, Groceries, and a Miscellaneous Fund (for those things that randomly come up, like going out to lunch, or going out to a movie) all had an envelope that had what was allotted for that week. (Like gas 30/week, groceries $40/week, misc. fund $25/week) The rest he kept in his bank account, and leftover could also be place in his savings. He knew as long as he stayed within those confines that he would have enough money for when his bills came due.
My boyfriend is horrible with money. He had a job where they got paid once a month so it was hard for him to foresee future expenses. I introduced the "envelope system" my grandmother showed me when I was little. We sat down and made a budget of what he usually spends money on in a week. Gas, Groceries, and a Miscellaneous Fund (for those things that randomly come up, like going out to lunch, or going out to a movie) all had an envelope that had what was allotted for that week. (Like gas 30/week, groceries $40/week, misc. fund $25/week) The rest he kept in his bank account, and leftover could also be place in his savings. He knew as long as he stayed within those confines that he would have enough money for when his bills came due.
OP - I've known many couples with the same situation you described (and the genders change, just to be fair)
I believe that he should be on a cash only allowance because it is clear he cannot control his debiting to avoid overdrafts. (i have one friend whose wife has had up to $700 a mn in overdrafts). Frankly, you can't afford overdraft charges and if your husband can't be a reasonable adult about this, then yes, put him on an allowance.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses as an individual and in a couple. As long as he accepts his shortcoming in this regard I would hope there would be no further problems.
G-d bless you OP. I totally could not love or stay in love with a partner like this. Many of my friends do and I know I couldnt do it, no matter how I wish I felt. (My husband was a CPA - he got on me all the time! I'm pretty good with money but deferred to him happily, since he was better at it).
I believe that he should be on a cash only allowance because it is clear he cannot control his debiting to avoid overdrafts. (i have one friend whose wife has had up to $700 a mn in overdrafts). Frankly, you can't afford overdraft charges and if your husband can't be a reasonable adult about this, then yes, put him on an allowance.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses as an individual and in a couple. As long as he accepts his shortcoming in this regard I would hope there would be no further problems.
G-d bless you OP. I totally could not love or stay in love with a partner like this. Many of my friends do and I know I couldnt do it, no matter how I wish I felt. (My husband was a CPA - he got on me all the time! I'm pretty good with money but deferred to him happily, since he was better at it).
I don't know if I would go so far as to say it is a men vs. women thing, but in my own personal experience, I have never dated a man that was good with money.
When I met my husband, he had terrible financial habits (overdrawing, payday loans, hardship loans.. the list goes on...). However, he was totally open to the idea of change. His parents do not have good financial habits either, so he never really learned from them. We got a joint bank account, and he lets me handle all financial decisions with no stress. I know for some men, this would be a huge problem, but it works for us. He knows he can trust me and that I will be fair (and keep him out of debt). I'd like to think he has learned as well, but sometimes I'm not so sure...
When I met my husband, he had terrible financial habits (overdrawing, payday loans, hardship loans.. the list goes on...). However, he was totally open to the idea of change. His parents do not have good financial habits either, so he never really learned from them. We got a joint bank account, and he lets me handle all financial decisions with no stress. I know for some men, this would be a huge problem, but it works for us. He knows he can trust me and that I will be fair (and keep him out of debt). I'd like to think he has learned as well, but sometimes I'm not so sure...
I object with it being men that are bad with money. My fiance is VERY good with money and always has been. In fact, when we first moved in together I was the one who overdrew my bank account and credit cards on MULTIPLE occasions(and not just small amounts) and he would help me get out of it. I am MUCH better now because of him. In my defense I was very spoiled and everything I wanted was pretty much handed to me. I didn't have my first job until I was 18. And it was only seasonal until the next summer then I had a full time job elsewhere.
But it's because of my man that I am better with money
But it's because of my man that I am better with money
When I got married in 1986 I made my checking accout joint with my wife. I never wrote down the debits or deposits because I always knew how much was there. Plus a healthy cusion.
I gave her the checkbook and when she asked how much money was in the account I told her she didn't need to know. I figured with the fear of an overdraft looming she would be frugal. Big mistake. When the first statement came, (you had to wait for mail in those days) I was blown away. She didn't think at all like me. She just told me, "well, you said..."
She surrendered the check book and we still have seperate accounts to this day.
I gave her the checkbook and when she asked how much money was in the account I told her she didn't need to know. I figured with the fear of an overdraft looming she would be frugal. Big mistake. When the first statement came, (you had to wait for mail in those days) I was blown away. She didn't think at all like me. She just told me, "well, you said..."
She surrendered the check book and we still have seperate accounts to this day.
My husband is very cheap. Oh...he doesn't like that word..he is ummmm frugal. He is very good with money, we both are. We set goals and budgets together.
He has to buy things on sale, and always has the flyerout at the grocery store, he is teaching me about this. I just buy whatever I want and don't care how much it costs. (In the grocery store, not in general).
Anyway, we are a good pair..he is teaching me about frugality and I am teaching him that for some things we deserve quality.
I am very happy with our financial outlook
He has to buy things on sale, and always has the flyerout at the grocery store, he is teaching me about this. I just buy whatever I want and don't care how much it costs. (In the grocery store, not in general).
Anyway, we are a good pair..he is teaching me about frugality and I am teaching him that for some things we deserve quality.
I am very happy with our financial outlook
Right now BF and I are much much better with money. We dont spend like we used to in the pre-sober days but mostly because Friday was pay day so we would drop 400 each in the bars thru the weekend and be broke the rest of the week. It was really bad! Thankfully we dont have credit cards and being a server I know what I make daily so I know where I need to budget everything out and I DONT use my card unless I have to I prefer to use cash whenever..My card is used for bills and thats because I pay them online. So far knock on wood Ive never overdrawn my account because I put enough money in to pay bills and leave some extra for just in case moments!
