I sure hope she comes back, she shouldn't be embarrassed at all. Nobody is spotless, everyone has regrets and makes mistakes, all of us are trying to find our paths.
Trillcat I hope you don't stay away.
Trillcat I hope you don't stay away.
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I think I need help
- Thread starter trillcat
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Absolutely. Many of us have either been there or know of someone whom we love who has been there. So don't feel so embarrased you feel like you need to not come here anymore. We are all on our seperate journeys here.Originally Posted by SwampWitch
I sure hope she comes back, she shouldn't be embarrassed at all. Nobody is spotless, everyone has regrets and makes mistakes, all of us are trying to find our paths.
Trillcat I hope you don't stay away.
Trillcat, please don't leave! We care about you, and want to see you happy and healthy.
For real, I told stuff about me here, in a public forum, that only a hand full of people know. Almost went back and deleted, but if it does help it's worth a little embarrasment. I wish someone could have said or done something to help me before I had that kind of tale to to tell.Originally Posted by SwampWitch
I sure hope she comes back, she shouldn't be embarrassed at all. Nobody is spotless, everyone has regrets and makes mistakes, all of us are trying to find our paths.
Trillcat I hope you don't stay away.
Take a chance and come back, if anyone thinks less of you they've kept quiet, and lots of us have been in the same boat and will support you and do whatever we can to help.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #45
I am still here, I wouldn't leave all you crazy cat people!
It has been a rough week, very rough. 2 days of not getting out of bed, not so much sick, well yea some sick, to feeling just like hiding out for a bit, not talking to anyone.
I was embarased to come back, let all of me out, so to speak, but your responses, which I should have to come back and read a few days ago, brought tears to my eyes, in a good way.
I want to say something, for those who know I was doing clinicals for CNA in a cardiac ward, I never, never ever, went in there drunk, or hung over. For those two weeks I did not drink. This is very important to me that you all know this. I would never put someone in danger like that. I know no one has mentioned this, but Im sure some were thinking, an rightly so.
I am going to lay low here for a while on the boards, but I am OK, sober, and quite frankly that sucks right now, but I am doing alright.
ETA: For those who sent me PM, I will respond, just gotta take a step back for a minute or two, I will be fine, and thank you for your stories.
It has been a rough week, very rough. 2 days of not getting out of bed, not so much sick, well yea some sick, to feeling just like hiding out for a bit, not talking to anyone.
I was embarased to come back, let all of me out, so to speak, but your responses, which I should have to come back and read a few days ago, brought tears to my eyes, in a good way.
I want to say something, for those who know I was doing clinicals for CNA in a cardiac ward, I never, never ever, went in there drunk, or hung over. For those two weeks I did not drink. This is very important to me that you all know this. I would never put someone in danger like that. I know no one has mentioned this, but Im sure some were thinking, an rightly so.
I am going to lay low here for a while on the boards, but I am OK, sober, and quite frankly that sucks right now, but I am doing alright.
ETA: For those who sent me PM, I will respond, just gotta take a step back for a minute or two, I will be fine, and thank you for your stories.
Oh honey
I'm so glad you are back!!!
Yay! You came back!
And have two days sober, even better.
I promise it gets easier and easier until you get so much clean time that you sort of get to feeling possesive of it and don't want to risk losing it.
And have two days sober, even better.
Sending lots of vibes your way. It takes a great amount of strength to come to this board and express to us what you are going through.
I hope you can find some support as well. I second the non-religious 12 step or recovery support programs that were mentioned. I know it's hard to reach out, especially if you've been burned in the past.
I will keep you in my thoughts
I hope you can find some support as well. I second the non-religious 12 step or recovery support programs that were mentioned. I know it's hard to reach out, especially if you've been burned in the past.
I will keep you in my thoughts
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #50
For someone who said she was going to lay low for a while I seem to keep coming back here!
I have an odd amount of energy, considering I can't sleep now. My sleep is all off. Drinking does that, messes up your internal clock. Especially when most sleep consists of passing out, at odd hours (alcohol also ruins REM sleep) Maybe that is why I have been posting about dreams? hmmm.
Someone suggested blogging in another thread, not a bad idea. I find it hard right now though to focus my thoughts, I am all over the place. I guess I am sort of mini blogging here though.
Ok I am going to go and post in my other thread about odd things that get you through the day. I'm telling you, my mind is just racing, with silly stuff. I know I am in for a big crash, big, been here before, got a gold AAcoin to prove it! And my Marbles, yes, the rehab I went through before gave you back your marbles when you left, a ceremony that I actually liked, sad, but darkly funny. A wall of depression is headed back my way, but for now I ride the wave of this part of this. Im not sure what this is, it's not denial, not aceptance, its just odd.
I have an odd amount of energy, considering I can't sleep now. My sleep is all off. Drinking does that, messes up your internal clock. Especially when most sleep consists of passing out, at odd hours (alcohol also ruins REM sleep) Maybe that is why I have been posting about dreams? hmmm.
Someone suggested blogging in another thread, not a bad idea. I find it hard right now though to focus my thoughts, I am all over the place. I guess I am sort of mini blogging here though.
Ok I am going to go and post in my other thread about odd things that get you through the day. I'm telling you, my mind is just racing, with silly stuff. I know I am in for a big crash, big, been here before, got a gold AAcoin to prove it! And my Marbles, yes, the rehab I went through before gave you back your marbles when you left, a ceremony that I actually liked, sad, but darkly funny. A wall of depression is headed back my way, but for now I ride the wave of this part of this. Im not sure what this is, it's not denial, not aceptance, its just odd.
The 12 step program never did me any favors. I did get a friend but now looking back, I was sucked into her divorce and her bagage. There are no easy answers. What happened to me was I somehow managed to finnish college, again, And got a decent job that sort of became something to do. I guess the point I am making is that structure to ones day is a big help. Somewhere to go and somthing to do.
take care
You're 100% right. And that wall is the first and possibly the worst challenge to your sobriety. If you can withstand it when it washs over you it will start weakening instead of weakening you. Just slip on a life jacket and hold your breath and you'll float not sink when the wave hits. I promise, you're tougher than you know.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #53
You are quite right, all you said about hanging on and not sinking. I have been through this before, so know what to epect. I am reacting different to it now though. Can't explain why, it just is.
I don't have the manic energy I had at last writing, but that depression wall has not hit yet, it has sort of, but in more managable waves. I want to drink those away, not going to lie, but so far holding on.
Just wanted to check in, let you all know I am OK, I may go visit some silly threads before I go, I am liking silly. Go look at the pic threads, those always cheer me up. I am holding on.
Maybe this time you're ready for a change. It takes a lot of guts to come on a forum where you are "known" and respected and go public with that problem. I'd say that's a good sign that you've had enough, and are desperate enough to go the distance.
You know, I run into people from the past on occasion that are so still in the life that I want to cry when I look at them. I hear over and over "I can't do what you did, I'm not that strong." B.S. Those of us that made it to sobriety are no stronger, smarter or better than those who haven't yet. The only difference is that we wanted it badly enough to ask for help and go the distance until it quit being a struggle. I think you have reached the point where you want it enough.
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Hi Laura, just wanted to add my support. I agree with the people who say that alcoholism is a disease, and trying to recover alone is dangerous. The detox alone needs medical supervision.
My family tree is rampant with alcoholism and I am afraid to touch the stuff because of it. My oldest sister and my youngest sister are alcoholics, the older has acknowledged to her self and to me that she is (but is not asking for help, yet) but my baby sister (who is 42) is still deep in denial. Neither of them can leave their houses unless they know there is a bottle of wine (older) or a six pack of beer(younger) in the car to hold them over.
It breaks my heart, but until they ask for help there is nothing I can do for them but love them. And I do love them, with all my heart.
xo
My family tree is rampant with alcoholism and I am afraid to touch the stuff because of it. My oldest sister and my youngest sister are alcoholics, the older has acknowledged to her self and to me that she is (but is not asking for help, yet) but my baby sister (who is 42) is still deep in denial. Neither of them can leave their houses unless they know there is a bottle of wine (older) or a six pack of beer(younger) in the car to hold them over.
It breaks my heart, but until they ask for help there is nothing I can do for them but love them. And I do love them, with all my heart.
xo
Hi Laura, how are you? Just checking on you, making sure you are ok, and sending you a hug
Laura, I hope you are ok, still hanging in there.... be strong, we are all with you!
Hi Laura,
I hope you're doing okay. I just stumbled upon this thread and everyone has given you some very good advice. I really hope you decide to make the necessary changes to improve your situation. Obviously AA does not work for you and that's perfectly fine. However, you mentioned that you struggle with depression and anxiety and those need to be targeted with the psychological and possibly psychiatric interventions. It seems that you are self-medicating with the aid of substances and it's clearly not working. I think you need to work on your underlying issues before you can ween yourself off the alcohol.
Rehab is not always a good option because they focus on the superficial problem of abuse while ignoring the root of the behavior (depends on the program, of course).
At the very least, I hope you can commit to meeting with a psychologist and then take it from there.
I hope you're doing okay. I just stumbled upon this thread and everyone has given you some very good advice. I really hope you decide to make the necessary changes to improve your situation. Obviously AA does not work for you and that's perfectly fine. However, you mentioned that you struggle with depression and anxiety and those need to be targeted with the psychological and possibly psychiatric interventions. It seems that you are self-medicating with the aid of substances and it's clearly not working. I think you need to work on your underlying issues before you can ween yourself off the alcohol.
Rehab is not always a good option because they focus on the superficial problem of abuse while ignoring the root of the behavior (depends on the program, of course).
At the very least, I hope you can commit to meeting with a psychologist and then take it from there.
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