I hope you're doing okay. I just stumbled upon this thread and everyone has given you some very good advice. I really hope you decide to make the necessary changes to improve your situation. Obviously AA does not work for you and that's perfectly fine. However, you mentioned that you struggle with depression and anxiety and those need to be targeted with the psychological and possibly psychiatric interventions. It seems that you are self-medicating with the aid of substances and it's clearly not working. I think you need to work on your underlying issues before you can ween yourself off the alcohol.
Rehab is not always a good option because they focus on the superficial problem of abuse while ignoring the root of the behavior (depends on the program, of course).
At the very least, I hope you can commit to meeting with a psychologist and then take it from there.
I quoted you Blast Off Girl because I have been through everything you have said. Learned a lot, about myself and why I do what I do, I know all the pscyobabble and tech talk about brain chemistry. I know it all (well, not really) I in no way mean to dimish your post, not in the least, and I thank you for responding to me. It's just I have tried it all already, the counslers, drugs to combat depresion, anxiety, all of it and still here I am.
I am going the way of my heart now, and see were it will lead me. I am not afraid of this on my own, because I am not alone. To others it may seem so, and by my writing I want to do this on my own, well, that just drives that home, doesn't it! It is hard to explain.
Anyway, I am OK. Altough, it's......
Bucky Badger Day here in the land of cheese! (Wisconsin) and all Madison is dresed in red and and out to party out the summer. Joy.
Eh, being from Chicago, let them have their fun, I will be one of the few who wakes up tomorrow without feeling like grim death wondering who the person I just woke up next to is! College town, they all just came back from summer break, do the math.