What you do when your best friend HATES cats?

carolina

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
First a background: This is my best girlfriend since I was 9 years old, we were always inseparable, and now she is back in the US from a long stay in Brasil... She lives in Baltimore. I always had different animals, cats, dogs, hamsters, birds, fish, chicken, you name it, but mainly cats - she always had dogs. But in her family, dogs were "just dogs", if you know what I mean...
When we were teenagers, and she would sleep in my house it was a nightmare, as she always "demanded" to leave my kitty out of the room, and he would cry and cry allllll night long... She would not step inside of the house if I didn't take the cat away from her... She despised him. Since there were other people in the house, it wasn't so bad... I would give Sebastian (my kitty) to my twin, and he would be fine... I think that was the difference - Sebatian had a family... I was his mommy, but he had my mom, my dad, my sister... Even my brother who didn't like cats, liked Seb...
But my babies here.... They are all I got, and I am all they got!
Today I sent an email to some of my close friends with my website, and of course she was included... her answer was:

"Hi Carol -
Guess if I wasted my time visiting the site of your disgusting creatures? Of course not, hahaha!"

That right there annoyed me so much that I didn't even know how to respond it. Obvioulsly she should know that if I have a website for them, with a blog and a kitty cam, I consider tham a "little more" than mere creatures? THESE ARE MY BABIES!
She has known me since we were 9! We lived together for many many years!!! How could she?
Carla is trully the best of friends I will ever have, but I had forgotten how much she despises cats.... Cats for her are like cockroaches - she would love to just toss them in an island and kill them all - no kidding... She HATES them.
So, how do I deal with this???
I won't have her in my house. I refuse to... I had invited her to come here, but she will need to be in a hotel... I don't know... This is my best friend, as good as my sister, and I have no clue of what to do with this... Do you have anyone in your lives who hates cats like this? How do you deal with it?

By the way... My answer was: Wow Carla, what a horrible and unessessary comment - they are just little kitties, not uggly monsters! I shouldn't have wasted my time writing good stuff about you on THEIR blog either...
 

katkisses

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 31, 2006
Messages
2,334
Purraise
14
Location
North Carolina, U.S.
WOW.

I have no idea what to do in this type of situation... None of my friends 'get' the 'cat thing' so I rarely bring the cats up in convo... and if I do they either pretend to care or I see that they are uninterested so I change the subject.

Her email hurt me, & I am not in the situation.


Maybe try to talk it out with her? Explain to her that they are all you have & you are all they have, and how they are essintially your children, family. Tell her that you where deeply hurt by her comments, and you forgot how much she dislikes cats. Tell her that you respect her decision to not like cats, & she will need to respect your decision to love cats. Does she have kids? If so ask her how she would feel if you called her child ugly.

I am so sorry.

I think you need some
 

bookworm

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jun 16, 2009
Messages
484
Purraise
3
Location
southern u.s.
Gee. My best friends are cats so I don't guess I can be much help. If she was so deliberately mean to you though I have to wonder if she is still really your friend. She could have simply ignored your e mail, or politely asked that you not send her anything about cats, it doesn't seem neccisary to wound you too. Maybe she was just having a bad day or was trying to be funny? Sorry it happened, whatever her reason, stuff like that hurts.
 

going nova

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
1,951
Purraise
12
I would never talk to my friends that way, and my friends would never talk to me that way. Respect is the key to friendship.

What makes her such a good friend that you're willing to overlook her lack of compassion?
 

trouts mom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 4, 2006
Messages
23,949
Purraise
16
Location
Snowy Santa Land
How could someone HATE a cat? I mean...not liking them is one thing...but hating them? They are furry and cute..it doesn't make any sense.
 

rosiemac

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Dec 3, 2003
Messages
54,358
Purraise
100
Location
ENGLAND... LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY!
Carol, if she's your best friend i would seriously hate to see your enemies after what she said!


Theres only one of my close friends not keen on cats, but she would never say anything bad about them because she knows it would upset me.

For me she wouldn't know respect if it slapped her in the face to say what she did
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7

carolina

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
Originally Posted by bookworm

If she was so deliberately mean to you though I have to wonder if she is still really your friend. She could have simply ignored your e mail, or politely asked that you not send her anything about cats, it doesn't seem neccisary to wound you too. Maybe she was just having a bad day or was trying to be funny? Sorry it happened, whatever her reason, stuff like that hurts.
Trying to be "funny" is more likely... She didn't say it to hurt me... she hates cats, and like so she has no conception of what love for cats is... The rest of her email was normal and very sweet... but for me of course, I could't get past that sentence...

Originally Posted by Going Nova

What makes her such a good friend that you're willing to overlook her lack of compassion?
Oh God - THAT one is a friendship I will never ever ever doubt. We are both 35 now - we lived next door when we were little, from the time we were 9... We studied on the same classroom, played on the same volleyball teams, hung out with the same people... We were each other's shadows... There was no Carolina without Carla, and vice versa... She went through everything in my life with me, little, and major... And so did I with her... We came here together, lived here together...
Carla is the type of friend that I wouldn't need to think twice to donate a kidney to... And I have no doubt I can say the same on her end... She is a very very precious friendship... BUT she HATES cats. and I don't mean that lightly - she HATES them. Seeing a cat near her is like seeing a cockroach crawling on my legs - no idea why, but...

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

How could someone HATE a cat? I mean...not liking them is one thing...but hating them? They are furry and cute..it doesn't make any sense.
I know - it doesn't right?

Now that she is back in the country and I have my babies, I need to find a way to have both peacefully in my life... I need to deal with Carla somehow... I would never break up my firendship with her... I am as close to her as I am with my sister, and I am a twin! So... what you do? What the heck do I do??
 

snake_lady

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
7,218
Purraise
13
Location
ON./Canada
Originally Posted by Trouts mom

How could someone HATE a cat? I mean...not liking them is one thing...but hating them? They are furry and cute..it doesn't make any sense.
Honestly, I could ask the same about snakes. How could someone hate such a smooth, beautiful animal? Lots of my friends hate snakes.... and you know, I respect that.

Not every animal is for every person, some people hate cats/dogs/reptiles/etc. That is their perogative.

I certainly in no way would attempt to force one of my friends who hates snakes, to go visit my snake room. Certainly when visiting me, they do not have to go visit my snakes, when sleeping over, if they would rather the cats not be in their room, so be it. I respect that my choice in animals, furry or scaled does not sit with everyone.


Was the friend wrong in this situation? She was brutally honest thats for sure. Sometime brutal honesty hurts. That's one thing with good friends who actually tell you the truth, they don't pull punches. Sure it hurts..... and yes, she could have been way more polite like saying: "You know Carol, I don't like cats so I have no interest in your page". That would have been saying the same thing, only nicer.

IMHO: yes it was blunt...Uncalled for, I don't know as I don't know this person and whether it is her style to be blunt, or whether she was using "disgusting" in a joking manner (as in one of my friends always says: "where's that ugly furball" when he comes over....he's not a cat person, but tolerates them.... In my eyes, ALL my animales are beautiful...does his comment hurt, NO.... I expect it from him
because he is my friend and he is quite blunt) so I really can't say that was so horrible for her to say.... It's her opinion, was she joking, was she deliberately being mean? I don't know.

I know my opinion is not going to be accepted on a cat loving site, but why should one be forced to like anything? Respect it yes, Like it no. Everyone is individual with individual likes. We can't all agree with everyone, and people shouldn't have to hide their true feelings from their friends.

JMHO.
 

jupeycat

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2007
Messages
538
Purraise
1
Location
Yorkshire, UK
Originally Posted by Going Nova

Respect is the key to friendship.
My dad hates cats and other animals in general but he would never be that mean! He respects me enough to even give them a little fuss if they greet him - if he's in a happy mood.

I've had very disrespectful 'friends' in the past and to me they weren't true friends, I'm happy to say I'm no longer in touch with them.

I think you need to tell her how you feel and if she still doesn't care then it might be time to say goodbye for your own sake. You'll know if it's time to move on.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

carolina

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
Was the friend wrong in this situation? She was brutally honest thats for sure. Sometime brutal honesty hurts. That's one thing with good friends who actually tell you the truth, they don't pull punches. Sure it hurts..... and yes, she could have been way more polite like saying: "You know Carol, I don't like cats so I have no interest in your page". That would have been saying the same thing, only nicer.

IMHO: yes it was blunt...Uncalled for, I don't know as I don't know this person and whether it is her style to be blunt, or whether she was using "disgusting" in a joking manner (as in one of my friends always says: "where's that ugly furball" when he comes over....he's not a cat person, but tolerates them.... In my eyes, ALL my animales are beautiful...does his comment hurt, NO.... I expect it from him because he is my friend and he is quite blunt) so I really can't say that was so horrible for her to say.... It's her opinion, was she joking, was she deliberately being mean? I don't know.
Her "disgusting" was no joke - she says that with true disgust...
If she had kids, and I hated kids, I would never do that... I would never say something like that. And for me, these are my kids.

There are things that you don't need to say, even you are blunt. To hurt people just for the hell of it, IMO is not cool.
 

snake_lady

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
7,218
Purraise
13
Location
ON./Canada
Originally Posted by carolinalima

Trying to be "funny" is more likely... She didn't say it to hurt me... she hates cats, and like so she has no conception of what love for cats is... The rest of her email was normal and very sweet... but for me of course, I could't get past that sentence...
Originally Posted by carolinalima

There are things that you don't need to say, even you are blunt. To hurt people just for the hell of it, IMO is not cool.
I'm confused?

Which is it, did she say it to hurt you or not?
 

caitsith

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
468
Purraise
1
Location
South coast,England
Originally Posted by Jupeycat

My dad hates cats and other animals in general but he would never be that mean! He respects me enough to even give them a little fuss if they greet him - if he's in a happy mood.

I've had very disrespectful 'friends' in the past and to me they weren't true friends, I'm happy to say I'm no longer in touch with them.

I think you need to tell her how you feel and if she still doesn't care then it might be time to say goodbye for your own sake. You'll know if it's time to move on.
Im my book that is NOT a friend. By now she should respect your feelings, your love for your cats,and have some sort of understanding of who you are. If any "Friend" of mine spoke to me like that they would not be a friend for much longer! I think you need to have a serious talk with her to be honest.

 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

carolina

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

I'm confused?

Which is it, did she say it to hurt you or not?
What she said was very hurtful and unnecessary, but she did not deliberately do it to hurt me. She should however, think before saying something... Especially in an email, when you have the chance to re read it before pushing the send button. She has known me long enough to know better.
I do believe people need to be responsible for their words. Her choice of words in regards to cats sucks - she hates them, and lets me know in every opportunity. She rolls her eyes and tells me I need to get rid of those gross things.
 

jupeycat

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2007
Messages
538
Purraise
1
Location
Yorkshire, UK
It sounds to me like she is deliberately trying to hurt you and makes me wonder if there's an underlying issue.
 

snake_lady

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
7,218
Purraise
13
Location
ON./Canada
Originally Posted by carolinalima

What she said was very hurtful and unnecessary, but she did not deliberately do it to hurt me.
.......

Her choice of words in regards to cats sucks - she hates them, and lets me know in every opportunity. She rolls her eyes and tells me I need to get rid of those gross things.
Then its up to you to tell her how you feel. If she is indeed your friend, then she will respect that you don't appreciate her brutally honest opinions, and tone them down. As you said, she did not say it to deliberately hurt you, but it did hurt you, and she needs to know that, and she needs to have a little respect for your choice in pets whether she likes them or not, if she likes you she needs to respect your choices.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16

carolina

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

Then its up to you to tell her how you feel. If she is indeed your friend, then she will respect that you don't appreciate her brutally honest opinions, and tone them down. As you said, she did not say it to deliberately hurt you, but it did hurt you, and she needs to know that, and she needs to have a little respect for your choice in pets whether she likes them or not, if she likes you she needs to respect your choices.
Yep, you are absolutely right - it seems that I will need to have a conversation with her... And I will do that soon.
Yes, she is my friend, no doubt there. She will have a hard time accepting my cats though; that's for sure.
 

bookworm

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jun 16, 2009
Messages
484
Purraise
3
Location
southern u.s.
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

Honestly, I could ask the same about snakes. How could someone hate such a smooth, beautiful animal? Lots of my friends hate snakes.... and you know, I respect that.
I never understood peoples reaction to snakes. I'm not particularly attracted to reptiles, but I certainly don't hate them. They are just not the evil predatory things that some view them as. I once had a too close for comfort encounter with a copperhead, and all it did was run the other way while I stood frozen. I did start wearing shoes outdoors after that though.


The same with rats, for that matter. Our first morning in an awful furnished apartment I woke up to find five running around the chair rail molding on the wall. At first I was horrified, but had to admit when one popped out of a hole in the couch and watched DH drink his coffee that it was kind of cute. Never the less we moved soon.

I do have a revulsion to insects, maybe that's the same thing but more common than feeling that way to cats so it seems acceptable? I don't know.
 

snake_lady

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
7,218
Purraise
13
Location
ON./Canada
Originally Posted by bookworm

I do have a revulsion to insects, maybe that's the same thing but more common than feeling that way to cats so it seems acceptable? I don't know.
Indeed. I "believe" the revulsion towards insects is acceptable because it is more common, and I think insects are viewed as "less than" a cat, or a dog, or whatever, which also makes it acceptable to be repulsed by creepy crawlies. But try telling that to my friends with pet millipeds, or roaches...in their eyes, their pets are just as important as a cat or a dog. But again, not a common pet, so its more acceptable for someone to say "that bug is disgusting".
 

going nova

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
1,951
Purraise
12
If she's that good of a friend, then it shouldn't be a big deal to let her know that her comments are inappropriate. I wouldn't give a kidney to someone I couldn't tell my feelings to.
 

pookie-poo

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 14, 2007
Messages
3,911
Purraise
6
Location
Middle-Of-No-Where Michigan
You really need to have a talk with her. A true friend would not say something so hurtful and hateful. She needs to know (in NO uncertain terms!) that you absolutely will not tolerate that kind of behavior from her in the future. Perhaps you will both have to agree to not discuss cats in the future. However, she really needs to understand that your cats are very important to you, so she needs to keep her nasty comments about them to herself.

I also think that you may need to reevaluate this friendship. If she continues to be disrespectful to you and your cats after being told explicitly how you feel....perhaps she doesn't value your friendship as much as you think she does.
 
Top