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Would you rather be self sufficient and independent? Or taken care of and immature?

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
This is my question of the day. It’s a debate I have been having with quite a few people lately.

First scenario: You’re an adult, let’s say almsot 40. You have never lived on your own. You don’t work but have a good education so your have the opportunity to get a great job. You have had jobs in the past. You would rather sit at home and do nothing but relax.

You live in a huge house, in a wonderful neighborhood, you pay 200$ a month only for cell/internet/TV. Your parents pay the property tax, utilities, and EVEYRTHING else that goes into a house. You also have a maid and landscaper your parents pay for. Your car is paid for and insurance by your parents along with the fact that you also have a gas card they pay for.

Your Mom comes over with frozen food because you can’t cook, Either that or you have take out or go to nice resturants, you have never cooked in your life. You cry and have a tantrum when you want your parents to buy you something like a designer purse until they stress and give in at least once a week. (picture that movie Step Brothers)

The little money you do make goes into sneakingly buying things like big screen TV’s, Jewlery, Spa days. You live your life under your parents shadow trying to “get away†with things so they don’t know you are spending money on superficial things. Your major stress in life is having your Father yell at you because you did something sneaky.

You guys get the point… all this at the age of 40. You basically have everything you ever wanted without even trying.

Second Scenario: You work hard everyday for the little you have. If you want something nice such as a designer item, or even a well deserved spa day you have to save for a few months. You own your house, and everything in it. You can look at everything and know you worked hard to pay for everything you see.

You spend 9 hours a day at work only to go home, have to do errands like clean the house, cook, take care of the pets, and other various things. Before you know it its 10pm and you haven’t had any time to yourself.

You try your hardest to be the best you can be, you don’t rely on anyone and you are self sufficient and as mature as any 40 year old should be.

You live your life to be your own person struggling hard day by day because you want to make it by yourself.

So what life would you choose? Be spoiled and have everything you ever wanted without ever growing up to be your own person? Or struggle everyday but be happy that you got everything by yourself without help.
post #2 of 24
I wouldn't want either one completely - a little bit of both would be nice though.
post #3 of 24
Nothing is as clear cut as that So many other factors come into play...
But a good read
What responses have you been getting? I am interested to know.
post #4 of 24
Getting everything you want isn't always as much fun as it sounds. It is nice to have financial security, but I'm much happier puting in a hard days work.
post #5 of 24
Thread Starter 
This is actually a true story of someone I know. The spoiled one is so jealous of the hard working one but lives extremely comfortable and wont do anything unless she has to. All the while complaining about how everyone likes the hard working one so much better.

The hard working one is happy being herself and even though she could be as spoiled as the other person she wont, but resents the spoiled like crazy.

I was just wondering what you all thought. I have to say the majority of people I have spoken with would rather independence then to be spoiled but live like a teenager that needs to be disciplined all their life.
post #6 of 24
Having never had things handed to me on a silver platter as described, I voted for being self sufficient and independent.

There's been times in my life when I haven't been able to work for what I do get, and honestly, the emotional/psychological rollar coaster that I've been on in the last couple years has been awful. I despise having a cheque handed to me, without "earning" it. ( I earn my paychecks in the way that I was injured at work, so I'm being paid for being disabled ). I am thankful for the money, but it does my pride and self esteem no good to not be "working" for it. Even going to school for it would be better (as I was up untill Nov. ).

I'm one of those people who, if I won the lotto, I would still work (after I cruised the world for a month or so).
post #7 of 24
Well, as has already been said, it's not quite that cut and dried. But, much as there are days when it would be nice to just have it all there on a platter, that's not how I'd want to live my life. I'll take a little less certainty and the satisfaction of earning what I have, thanks, even if it does mean that gratification is neither instant nor certain.
post #8 of 24
I vote for being spoiled. That way I could volunteer to my hearts content! I have several charities that are high on my list that I would love to give my time to. I wouldn't mind the loss of independance. Living comfortably is a nice feeling.
post #9 of 24
I guess I should have read the post before I voted!!

I voted that I wanted to be spoiled!! But I'd never be 40 and live at home with my mom and expect her to cook for me.

Hell before I moved out of my parents at 19, I pretty much did everything around the house while they sat on their duffs and played Warcraft. Including attempting to instill some decent values into my little brother.

So I guess if I had to choose between the OP's two scenarios, I would definately want to work for what I had.... But if it came down to me working or me keeping the house while my fiance works...Well...I think you know what I'd choose.


And I just have to add...that first scenario you posted is totally my aunt. She may only be 33, but she's still living at home with her mom and dad and they buy everything she could ever possibly want. Yet she constantly B's and moans about how she wants to move out so bad...but then spends the money she makes as a pharmacy tech on frivolous things like expensive imax movie tickets, a laptop, and ridiculously priced games like The Sims 3 on opening day.
post #10 of 24
That is kind of a hard one for me to answer as well. I am totally self-sufficient and independent and have pretty much always been so I can't really make an comparison. I do know that now at almost 50 there is no way I could or would want to get married way to set in my ways and I really am not very good at compromising.
As for having things handed to me, that might be kind of cool for awhile but I think the sense of achievement that would be missing in it all would really bother me.
post #11 of 24
I'm totally living scenario 2, I don't work quite that many hours, but it's basically my life. I can look around my home and know that I worked for and paid for everything in it.
post #12 of 24
I am scenario 2, and I would be bored to tears if I had it any other way.
post #13 of 24
LOL I thought that was supposed to be understood??? of course self suficient!! I can't imagine who wouldn't want that. Being spoiled means giving up freedoms...It automatically puts one on a lower standing than others and creates inequality. I am equally capable of taking care of myself so if I let anyone else take care of me it means that I do not acknowledge my own ability to be self suficient. I don't care how much effort it takes, "not having time for myself" is not an argument IMO. By working for what you want, you're already putting time for yourself because you work for your own benefits...
post #14 of 24
I would never want to be dependent on someone else, man or parents.

However, if I won the lottery or inherited a bunch of money, I would have no qualms about not working. I have two months off in the summer and this year I took no courses, etc. and pretty much could go anything I wanted, which was not much of anything. I really needed a break, and I've enjoyed it. While I know that this lifestyle (ie. doing nothing) would get old really quickly, there are many other things I would love to do with my time. I would love to volunteer with kids and animals. I would love to go back to school. I would love, sometime in the future, to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids when they are young. I think I have pretty modest desires when it comes to materialistic things, but I would love to have everything I wanted (new, but not fancy car, a house with enough space for a family and fostering, gadgets).

So, I guess I fit somewhere in the middle of your two choices - I'd love to not have to "work" (spend 40+ hours a week doing a "job" - although I do something I enjoy doing, it's still a job, with a boss and all the politics that go on in almost any work setting), but only in a way that I maintained my independence and self-sufficiency.
post #15 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaloneysMom View Post
This is actually a true story of someone I know. The spoiled one is so jealous of the hard working one but lives extremely comfortable and wont do anything unless she has to. All the while complaining about how everyone likes the hard working one so much better.
The complaints of the spoiled one are due to boredom and I don't think she wants to change her situation at all.
post #16 of 24
^Or maybe because she feels that others judge her as being spoiled and she complains to make it look like she would rather fit in with friends who do work. That "see, I'm just like you" need everyone has.

As many have said, I wouldn't want either one. A middle ground would be nice - though I admit I don't handle paying the bills. My memory and concept of time is so messed up that I have to make lists to remember everything..
post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I wouldn't want either one completely - a little bit of both would be nice though.
I like a bit of both
post #18 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by badgeygirl View Post
I'm totally living scenario 2, I don't work quite that many hours, but it's basically my life. I can look around my home and know that I worked for and paid for everything in it.
Same here!
post #19 of 24
Self sufficient is the way to go. I hate being waited on. It just makes me feel so helpless.
post #20 of 24
I agree with self sufficient, although that wasn't a choice. I would like to be self sufficient, I am cared for financially, or I don't know.......Doesn't leave much to the majority who don't have the option.....
post #21 of 24
My path has been the second one; my parents have never done anything (good) for me. The first choice sounds like some kind of unimaginable fantasy that I can't fathom at all; I voted for #2.
post #22 of 24
Although I'm in the second category, does it really have to be so black and white? I realize that you're venting about someone you know, but while I think it's great to be independent, I also think it's great to receive (and give) help to others. This of course has nothing to do with the person you're venting about, but the poll is a bit...umm...biased.
post #23 of 24
Thread Starter 
I guess it can be called biased. But this is the debate i have been having. It was only for my friends situation, not anyone elses. I guess i could have made it more for everyone elses but to be honest, i really wanted to see what people thought of THIS situation. This has been something i have been greatly involved with on the listening part and wanted to see others point of views.

I mean of course the independant one gets stuff as well. She just doesnt get her bills paid. Its not like she gets nothing. I more just meant house payments, maid, cars, utilities, food, things that people live off of. The independant one gets like cloths, purses, she got a motherboard once, just nice presents.

Thanks for participating everyone =)
post #24 of 24
Your friends sound like they have it pretty sweet. Good for them! Life's tough and it's good to catch a few breaks.

But I learned long ago that people's lives are never what they seem to be to others. It may look to us like someone is lazy and immature but we don't know what kind of internal struggles and burdens they carry, we don't know about the sadness and crushed hopes they are dealing with (we all have 'em).

I always wonder if I were that person, with his/her experiences and history, would I do the exact same things? Maybe, don't know...
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