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How much to spend on a wedding present (and a rant) - Page 2

post #31 of 48
Thread Starter 
In that case, a nice little gift basket with chocolates, tea, coffee and goodies like that would be nice, or a nice photo frame/album they can use for wedding pics?
post #32 of 48
Absolutely agree. In that case, you don't want to do booze.

But I suspect he/they have a favourite celebratory beverage. Maybe you could run with the theme of gustatory celebration, by putting a bottle of that in a really nice basket and surround it with high end treats -- or skip the beverage and let them decide what they want to wash the treats down with. You can make a stunning basket with cheeses and condiments and a few fruits and some nuts -- wrap it up in cellophane with pretty ribbon -- and part of the gift is the journey of discovery as they poke through to see what goodies await them.
post #33 of 48
I registered at Target and put stuff for Cammy on it.
post #34 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
How are you supposed to know what they spent on the meals?? Do you ask what your meal is worth? I have no idea what's being served, or if alcohol is included I think the reception is being referred to as a cocktail party.

Edit: I think part of the reason it annoys me is because when DH and I got married we said no presents, and asked for (anonymous) donations to a couple of charities that meant a lot to us. The wedding wasn't about presents, and we did not want people to feel compelled to spend money on gifts. I guess I expect the same of others... $5000 worth of dining settings just seems outrageous to me.
We requested no gifts either. The lady who did the invitations phrased it really nicely saying something along the line of... your presence at our marriage is gift enough. Of course, we did still get a few presents and lots of gift cards but none of it was necessary. We had a bit of a destination wedding and we were just happy that the people came and spent the money getting there. We also had a full buffet and an open bar! Hey, we were on an island where motor vehicles aren't allowed so no drunk driving issues... and everyone had a blast. We didn't even register.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
We rarely give the couple what's on their list. Most things are beyond our budget!

We give what we feel we can afford at the time - usually around $25 - $50 (in a check). We also have been giving a copy (framed) of our "Marriage Rules" that hubby and I made up for ourselves before we got married.

I've shared these Rules with online friends, and relatives and everyone seems to appreciate them. BTW we've been married 7 yrs now and none of our Rules have been broken
I LOVE your rules btw! I think that would make a lovely gift. From what we did get I really liked the heart felt ones that were more personal than a set of flat ware.
post #35 of 48
As someone getting married in 1 month 14 days (eeeeeh) and I didn't do a registry mainly because we've been living together for 4 years and don't need anything. My FMIL tried to get me to do a list, I was fine with just cash (I've got a big car bill to pay off) but thats tacky. So since I just invited relatives I picked a couple of things and asked that maybe they can go in on it. Like my stand mixer that I want, I know thats really expensive so if 5 people go in on it, it's cheaper!

I'm so cheap and hate gifts lol!
post #36 of 48
I haven't read the entire thread, but I would tell the bride and groom (or whoever you know more) that I can't afford to spend $100 on 4 wine glasses, and ask them why it's even in the registry in the first place.
post #37 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Degu_2009 View Post
I haven't read the entire thread, but I would tell the bride and groom (or whoever you know more) that I can't afford to spend $100 on 4 wine glasses, and ask them why it's even in the registry in the first place.
Presumably the possibility exists that somebody who wants to give them a gift can afford that and might want to. It's up to them to decide. There's no requirement that everyone looking at that registry pick the most expensive item -- or anything on that list at all. It's only a list of things that they hope to acquire at some point, available for people to choose from, if they wish to. People seem to be expecting that everything on the registry would be within their own budget -- but they aren't the only people that list is for, so I don't understand why they get so worked up about it. Ignore the registry if it doesn't suit you.

This comment is not direct specifically at you, Degu, the sentiment has been expressed in one way or another several times and it just puzzles me.
post #38 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by rapunzel47 View Post
Presumably the possibility exists that somebody who wants to give them a gift can afford that and might want to. It's up to them to decide. There's no requirement that everyone looking at that registry pick the most expensive item -- or anything on that list at all. It's only a list of things that they hope to acquire at some point, available for people to choose from, if they wish to. People seem to be expecting that everything on the registry would be within their own budget -- but they aren't the only people that list is for, so I don't understand why they get so worked up about it. Ignore the registry if it doesn't suit you.

This comment is not direct specifically at you, Degu, the sentiment has been expressed in one way or another several times and it just puzzles me.
Oh, well I would still ask the bride/groom if they really expected anyone to buy that for them, because it's very expensive. If you know them well enough it shouldn't be a problem, I find that to be a very weird thing to put on a registry.

When my cousin got married on her registry she put "Playstation 3", that's so silly to me lol.
post #39 of 48
I dislike the whole registry concept anyway, because it feels to me like telling people what to buy, which reminds me of greedy bratty little kids making extravgant Christmas lists.

I personally would probably put the word out that gifts were optional (not in the least because I've been living on my own for years and already have the essentials, and ditto for BF, so assuming we keep each other we'll be dealing with having duplicates of stuff anyway without adding more to it). That said, I probably would register for dishes and cookware and the usual contents of a linen closet because people feel a social obligation to buy and bring something, and a lot of that stuff is supposed to match, and it's easier for people to pick from a list, and that way there's less likelihood of ending up with even more duplicates of things. I do see why the register has to exist, even though I think people try to milk it too much.

On the other other hand, I don't think the couple should invite anyone if they wouldn't be happy to have that person there without a gift. Kind of defeats the purpose of calling it a celebration.
post #40 of 48
I just went to 2 weddings a month apart and they were for my boyfriends step brothers. Now the first wedding was the couple we get along with hang out with due to budget restraints werent able to purchase them a gift and the understood..We are living off a waitress salary which isnt dependable especially in these times. However we regularly hang out with them and being family they understood completely why we couldnt get them anything. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!! The second couple bf's other step brother married a greedy money hungry evil foul female yeah needless to say she was pissed we couldnt get them anything. Now we didnt take part in their bar service cuz we dont drink and we made sure we ordered what should have been the cheapest meals. And the food was horrible anyways noone at our table ate the food including the grooms mother step father sister step brothers and the 2 girlfriends!! It was horrible..Haha this is turning into my own rant...Personally I dont like weddings so unless it was someone Ive known my whole life I probably wouldnt do much but in the same turn when I get married I wont register anywhere and nor would I expect anything from anyone including family!
post #41 of 48
I will be honest, I am not sure what the big dislike is regarding gift registries. Some people see a registry and completely freak out thinking that they must buy exactly the most expensive thing on the list or they will be ostracized for ever.

Also it is not up to you what the bride and groom put on their list. It is also never in a million years your responsibility to inform the couple that their choices are incorrect, unless of course you are socially inept and don't have a brain to mouth filter that stops you from saying stupid things. That was not directed at the OP by the way

The bride and groom didn't make up their registry with the thought that you personally had to buy the most expensive thing on the list. People who get upset at registries are just playing out fears of their own short comings such as not being able to afford the $60 wine glasses and that the bride and groom are going to be mad or hurt that you didn't. I can guarantee you that when the bride and groom put the $60 wine glasses on their list they didn't do so with the intention that they expected the person who is a friend that they occasionally hang out with to purchase them or anyone else for that matter. They put them on their because grandma/Aunt Bea/their best friend/insert any other person other than you/ usually buys stuff like that and they want to make life easier on the gift giver and themselves.

Personally I always browse the registry and look for something within my budget or a couple of small items that look like good choices. Now if it's a friend of a friend I might get the placemats and funky wine rings. If it's my best friend or a close relative, I'm probably going to get the $60 wine glasses if it's in my budget.

As for giving money, I have a simple way of handling that. If the couple are friends but not really the most meaningful relationship it is usually $50 to $75 depending on our budget. Really good friends are usually $100. Best friends and family are $150 to $200 depending on our budget. And acquaintances that we barely know who you realize just invited you because more people = more money get a polite regrets and well wishes .
post #42 of 48
I haven’t read most of this thread but I see nothing wrong with having an expensive registry as long as you have options for less expensive items.

My sisters engagement registry had everything from 30$ to 700$. She did end up getting her 700$ thing from her husbands side (5 of them went in on it) and she got quite a few lower end items from the people that didn’t attend, or that didn’t know her well.

I think the rule of thumb is to bring cash, or cheque, see how much they spent for each head at the table and give them a bit more then that. That’s what I do anyway.

When I get married I am totally going to have a registry to get me things I would never buy for myself. It’s your most special day, you should have nice things that will remind you of that day forever. Plus, whats beter then getting a gift you actually like? At least you know you wont get somethign you are going to shove in some closet to collect dust.
post #43 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by ebrillblaiddes View Post
...I don't think the couple should invite anyone if they wouldn't be happy to have that person there without a gift. Kind of defeats the purpose of calling it a celebration.
Amen, amen, amen!
post #44 of 48
Thread Starter 
My problem wasn't with them having expensive items, it's asking for 12 settings of fine china, and 12 settings of casual china, that will have them ending up with 36 casual china bowls. Just seems silly to me.

Maybe they will and purchase it all themselves, maybe a family member is planning to purchase the remaining items a bit cheaper afterwards so they can have all that? Who knows.

I'm not one for impractical things...
post #45 of 48
Registering for fine china at a wedding is such a lovely tradition. When would you ever get such lovely gifts but when you start out a new life together? I would always buy one place setting, unless the pattern was extremely expensive. There is always an accessory piece, like a cake plate or, with the silver, a cake knife/spatula. I can't tell you how many times I use those pieces when entertaining. I don't even have to set out the other china, but that cake plate always makes me happy.

Anyway, as someone said, how much did it cost the couple to have you share their joy and how much would you blow on a nice dinner while you are on vacation?
post #46 of 48
Depending on how well I know the couple I'll buy a $25-40 item, or combo of items from the registry. If those items have all been purchased I get them a gift card from the same retailer they registered with for $25-40. Most of the presents or cash we received were in the $30 range and we were super happy with that. We did get a Kitchen Aid mixer from my mom and stepdad- which was pretty pricey. Otherwise I used the gift cards to complete my Kitchen Aid appliance wish list!
post #47 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
My problem wasn't with them having expensive items, it's asking for 12 settings of fine china, and 12 settings of casual china, that will have them ending up with 36 casual china bowls. Just seems silly to me.

Maybe they will and purchase it all themselves, maybe a family member is planning to purchase the remaining items a bit cheaper afterwards so they can have all that? Who knows.

I'm not one for impractical things...
Maybe it is practical for them? Life is like that, what may not seem practical/reasonable/right to one person, is perfectly acceptable to another.

I do know of some people that do use their china for big family meals, celebrations and the like. Personally, I don't care for "fine china". I have kids, things get broke.... I don't want my dishes stored in a china cupboard (which I do have and it has no china in it ) and I'd feel uncomfortable eating off it..... what if I scratched it.

Yah no thanks. Definately not practical for my family

I think registries are great for suggestions.... It helps so much to avoid duplicates, having to return items, etc. But one does not have to follow the registry to the letter.
post #48 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
I think registries are great for suggestions.... It helps so much to avoid duplicates, having to return items, etc. But one does not have to follow the registry to the letter.
Exactly.
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