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Bummed out & disappointed

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Sorry to vent to everyone here, but I don't have anyone else I can vent to right now.

I was supposed to go out with my best friend Amy tonight and I can't get a hold of her at all. I've been trying to call her for the past 2 hours and each time I call, the more I get ticked. She's the one who invited me to go out and now she's blowing me off. That really makes me mad and hurts my feelings a lot. This kind of stuff has been happening quite a lot lately. I haven't went out with her since New Years Eve and even then, she worked until 11 that night. Boy, did I have fun spending the evening with her boyfriend. Poor guy, he tried to keep me entertained the best he could. Every time I ask her go out, she gives me some excuse...BUT, when she asks me to go out, then I am EXPECTED to be there. If I can't go, then she's ticked off. I just can't seem to win with her. I love her death, but lately she's been putting a big damper on our friendship. I don't even get a simple email asking how I'm doing even though I email her at least once a week asking her. It feels like she doesn't give a crap about me and that hurts a lot.

Tonight was supposed to be a blast. A big dance and a beer garden...plus great weather to boot! Now, it looks like I'll be stuck at home all dang night like usual. I shouldn't have even gotten my hopes up...I should have known better!

Sorry for vent guys, but thank you for listening. I'm just super bummed out right now.
post #2 of 28
I'm sorry your plans didnt work out I hate when friends do that.

Break out a bottle of wine or something and watch a movie, have some time to yourself or with your kitties
post #3 of 28
Sorry your plans didn't work out. Looking for something else to do? Here's an idea!

post #4 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks Jason for making me giggle! That cracked me up! I think I might take Sicy's advice though...drink some wine and catch a movie. No cybernakedness from me!
post #5 of 28
Shell, I would be mad too. Even though she has been a really good friend in the past, I don't think she is right now. You say you have not seen her since New Year's Eve? Does she live very very far away? That would be an acceptable excuse. otherwise I can't think of one. She does not answer your weekly emails? I sounds to me like she does not value your friendship as much as you do.

You sound like a loyal and valuable friend. She does not deserve to have someone like you to be treated like that.
post #6 of 28
Thread Starter 
Just tried calling her again. Surprise, no answer.

Amy lives about 40 miles away from me. I honestly can't remember the last time she came to my place, I've always got to go up there. I have no problem with that, unless I have to work the next morning. It's too hard for me to party all night and try to drive home the next morning to make it work on time.

Yep, New Years Eve was the last time. She always makes promises like "Yeah we really need to get together. Maybe next week?", then next week comes & she can't go out.

I'm lucky lately to even hear from her once a month. I don't even get joke emails from here anymore. I think she's too wound up in her own little world and could care less about anyone elses. I've never called her on the carpet about this either. I could understand if I voiced my opinion to her about all of this, but I've just been trying to get our friendship back on track. Maybe there is something going on in her life that she doesn't want me to know? I dunno anymore. I did send her a email a few minutes ago and it wasn't real nice. It wasn't nasty either. It said this:
I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past 2 hours and I can't seem to find you anywhere. I must have called you at least 20 times. Since I hate to travel all the way to Milligan to find that you are not there, I guess I won't be going. Just thought I'd let you know.

That wasn't nasty, was it? I think it tells her that I'm hurt and a bit mad about it, but I wasn't obnoxious about it though.

Oh well, it's almost 8 now & it's getting too late to worry about it.
post #7 of 28
Shell, that letter was very nice, and polite. I think that she is taking advantage of your friendship, assuming that you will always be there if she wants to see you. It sounds to me like there is something else going on in her life, that she is not particulary interested in sharing with you.

Its so hard to know how to handle these things. You have certainly had to cope with a lot of change and challenge lately. I would think that this is like a last straw for the friendship. If it were me, I would just say, well, if you want to see me, you know where to find me. And stop making any special arrangements to see her, and stop calling, and stop sending emails. because you are just letting yourself be set up for disappointment. She has let you know in seveal ways now that she is not interesting in seeing you.

That bottle of wine sounds like a fun idea. I have one in the fridge, I may join you.
post #8 of 28
Shell, I'm sorry you have to be in this situation. Unfortunately, sometimes friendships end in this way. Your friend expects you to be around when she wants it, but isn't when you want to. I went through a similar situation with my (ex) best friend a few years ago. It may be hurtful, but remember you need to think about yourself first.

I think Sammie5 was right-she knows where to find you. Don't put yourself out trying to contact her. (And I also have some wine in the fridge-how about a glass everyone?)
post #9 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thank you! You words really helped me alot!

Tonight I was hoping that Amy and I could spend some time having fun and catching up on the latest news. But, like you said if she wants to get in touch with me she knows where to find me. When I shared my news of my new job, it took her 3 weeks to reply back via email. She said that she'll be sad when I leave because she won't get to see me very often. Well at the looks of it now, she isn't going out of her way to see me. The ball is in her court now and she come to her senses eventually.

I just got off the phone with my ex fiance who is good friends were her too. I left him a message about me not going tonight since he said he'd try to make it after he got off work. I told him that I wasn't going because I can't get a hold of her at all and if he talks to her, please tell her that I'm a bit pissed at her right now. I know he'll break his neck to run & tell her. I want her to know that I'm upset about this crap and we need to talk about it. But, I won't be begging her to talk about this...she's gonna have to come to me.
Honestly, I don't need friends that take advantage of the way I am. I hold my friends dear to my heart, but let me tell you this...I'm not nice when they cross me. I know it's a downfall of mine, but after a while I get tired of getting shoved on the back burner.

I'm looking forward to moving away in September. They'll miss me when I'm gone. I look forward to making some new friends and enjoying the city life. This small town crap is for the birds!
post #10 of 28
Honestly, I don't need friends that take advantage of the way I am. I hold my friends dear to my heart, but let me tell you this...I'm not nice when they cross me. I know it's a downfall of mine, but after a while I get tired of getting shoved on the back burner.
Good for you! I don't think that anyone needs to be mean, but this sounds like a good healthy response to the way they have been treating you.

I have made a couple of fairly dramatic life changes, and every time I found that some old friends resented the fact that I was not happy to just stay in the old patterns and old life. And each time I found that because I was taking on more challenges, and growing, I was meeting more and more interesting people.

Your new job sounds really exciting. Here's a toast to the new Shell!!!
post #11 of 28

Your spoiled evening makes me want to drive over and have that wine with you! Too bad it would take me a couple of days.

I so understand your being upset. Amy doesn't sound much like she deserves to be called a friend at this point.
post #12 of 28
Thread Starter 

Hey, could ya pass the wine over my direction?
post #13 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks Deb! Too bad Florida is so far from here...we'd have a helluva party, huh?
post #14 of 28
Originally posted by Shell
Honestly, I don't need friends that take advantage of the way I am. I hold my friends dear to my heart, but let me tell you this...I'm not nice when they cross me. I know it's a downfall of mine, but after a while I get tired of getting shoved on the back burner.
No one should be taken advantage of and no one should be shoved to the back burner. Sometimes friendships enter quiet periods-I don't talk to my best friend Chris every day (we actually talk about once every other month now, but write and email more often), but I never feel he's put me on the back burner, and he's not on mine, either.

I'm sure that when you move, you'll meet a lot of new people and make a lot of new friends. You've touched a lot of people here with your personality and spirit, so just think of what you'll do when you're face to face with new people!
post #15 of 28
I am so sorry that your friend has treated you this way. To me she doesn't sound much like a friend at all. I would be just like you nice until crossed....then look out.

Let her come to you now.

post #16 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks Blondie! It's nice to have good friends here...it too bad my friends at home at quite as caring as all of you are!
post #17 of 28
I feel for ya Shell, I really do. Recently went through that as well. My roommate and I kept making plans with a friend who kept breaking them time and time again, until we learned his phone was disconnected. Found out that he had moved back to his home town without telling us, even though he had been friends with my roommate for years. It really hurt my roomie that his friend didn't even have the courtesy to pick up the phone and tell him that he was moving.

Hopefully your friend will call and you can get some closure before you move.
post #18 of 28
That really stinks that your friend is treating you that way. I don't know what it is about people when they find out you are making changes in your life and they are still in the same old grind. We had some friends that we had a lot of fun with and were very close to. They got married and started having kids at an alarming rate (5 in 4 years) and suddenly, we were trash and a bad influence on their lives. On the rare occasion we did see them, they were openly resentful. We once drove 5 hours to see them before we moved halfway across the country, and when we got there, they were not home. They knew we were coming, and they went camping. It's a shame when your friends don't wish you well when you are making changes for the better, but to tell you the truth, I really did not miss the people that acted like that, and have made new friends that I can share my life with now. I hope it can be the same for you. Just remember, all your friends here are happy for you, and wish you well in your new job and the changes you are making.
post #19 of 28
I'm just catching up on what's going on. It is hard to say goodbye to good friends, but sometimes it has to happen. It does sound like your friend is taking advantage of you, as someone else mentioned. Don't let it happen, you'll just end up resentful and could have a fight, which you don't need.

Something similar happened to me. I was always the one to call my one friend and invite her to do stuff. I finally said enough is enough. We are still in touch, and still friends, but I just don't call and invite her to as much stuff as I used to. Our friendship has changed a little, but that's ok.

You'll soon be meeting new people, and making new friends. Someone who wants everything on her terms is too frustrating to deal with.
post #20 of 28
I had and note the word had a friend like that. Not that she did it on purpose but ... for example:

We had made plans for a Friday night and I was to meet her at her place around 9PM since we was closer to the city (NYC) than I. So at 9PM sharp I rang the door bell and guess what no answer. My first thought was since she was always running late she in the shower and can't hear the door bell. I made myself comfortable on the front stoop and waited 10 minutes before trying again - well no answer. Hmmm after 1/2 I called from the corner payphone and left a message that I was going back home and she was on her own for the evening.

Turns out she had gone shopping and forgot all about our plans.

That was her and nothing I said made a difference. She would appologize and then do it again. Even her family complained about her behavior and "flightyness".

After a while of stunts like that I just gave up. All it cost me was agravation and I could have planned something with someone who was much more reliable.
post #21 of 28
Shell, I am so sorry this happened to you...It is hard to trust anyone for me anymore due this similiar thing that happened to me...(((HUGS))) I hope you are feeling better now, and not too bummed about it..did you ever hear from your friend??
post #22 of 28
Thread Starter 
Yeah, got an email from her this morning. It's the same ol' thing like always. She said that she had to work that night (um...she didn't mention that before!) and gave me a sob story about how she didn't get out of there until 2 am. She claims she was so busy that she didn't have the time to call me and let me know about it. She did say that she was sorry and she'd make it up to me. Yeah, yeah..tell me another story Lady! She also said that I could have went up there even though she had to work...I could have spent the evening with her boyfriend. Yeah right! Like Mark wants to deal with me all evening! Plus, I wanted to go up there to see HER and have fun with HER, not Mark.

I'm not going to reply to her message though. I figure if she wants to talk to me, then she can get a hold of me. I'm one stubborn broad and I just can't say "It's ok Amy. It's no big deal. Your forgiven". Nope, can't do it. She's done this one too many times and this time I'm not backing down. It might be selfish, but I'm tired of being hurt by her actions.

Thanks to all of you for listening and caring. It means a lot to me! It's nice to have such good friends on here!
post #23 of 28
Good for you girl. I guess it is time to get out there and meet new people that you can depend on! Wish we were closer!!
post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 
Ya never know Teresa! Once I'm done with the Management Progam, I'm free to go where ever I want! California is sounding pretty good to me! Sure beats these cold Nebraska winters!
post #25 of 28
Shell I'm sorry I didn't post sooner but I am really glad you're standing up for yourself and expecting more than that kind of treatment from a friend. It's just not right and unless you make it known that it upsets you they just keep doing it and doing it. I hope if she's a good friend that once she realizes that this does upset you and isn't acceptable that she will make the effort to make it up to you and not do it again. And if not then you know you just need to let it be and go your seperate ways. Obviously she's the one who'd be losing out!
post #26 of 28
Thread Starter 
Awww...thanks Sunni! You're so sweet!
post #27 of 28
How could some stand you up like that?

A great person like Shell.. They musn't be a loyal friend.

I hope you had a good night to yourself.

Love Sam {{{HUGS}}}, We are always here for you and venting with TRUE friends always helps , Love ya'
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
Aww..thanks Sam!
I enjoyed my evening alone! Me and the crew lounged around all night and I of course spent most of the evening here! I think I had more fun on here than I would have if I went with Amy!
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