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I need advice ASAP- children are involved!

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
So... one of the neighbors across the street lately has CONSTANTLY been arguing with everyone that she knows. I don't know her, thank GOD, but I'm really worried. She screams so loud it has woken me up in the morning with all my windows closed, which is nuts. I don't try to eavesdrop, but it's hard not to. She's been yelling about not having anyplace to live anymore or something, and she especially gets p-o'd when the father of her kids drops her off. This has happened over 10 times, and it's happening right now with her friend and kid outside. I'm worried about the kids- one of them is running around her right now as she uses extremely choice words, at the top of her lungs. I have also seen her grab the kids and scream in their face, swearing and being just cruel to them. And she does this right out on the street, so I know there are other neighbors that are annoyed by this. I talked to my dad about it, and he said not to do anything because I could become the "black sheep" of the neighborhood. However, I am more worried about those kids than I am about what people think of me. What should I do? Call 911? Call the non-emergency number, even though by the time a cop gets there she could be inside already and I don't know which unit she's in? This can't go on any longer, it's incredibly annoying and terribly rude, plus mean to the kids to put them in this situation.

I need some advice like now, like I said they are out there right now doing this again. It's gotta stop.

HELP!!!
post #2 of 18
I would call the cops if you honestly think that the children are in danger. I would not call 911, but a non emergency number. At the least the caps can give her a phone call and see what is going on. Sometimes just a call from the police is all it takes for someone to get a reality check.
post #3 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emy4cats View Post
I would call the cops if you honestly think that the children are in danger. I would not call 911, but a non emergency number. At the least the caps can give her a phone call and see what is going on. Sometimes just a call from the police is all it takes for someone to get a reality check.
But the thing is... I don't know the exact address, like the unit she's in, her name, any of that. All I can say is "the house to the right if you're looking out onto the street from my window" lol. She's stopped screaming so badly, but uh-oh I just saw some other people drive up, so that may be a pre-cursor to more arguing... We'll see. She just seems to be crying very hard, very upset talking about how she doesn't know how much longer she can live like this, she feels like giving up. I almost feel sorry for her, if the kids weren't involved I would. But I feel like, she's a mother, so she needs to keep herself together in any situation when around them. The one child is at an age where he may remember this as he grows up, but the other is still a little baby. (they just went inside, so I can't do anything now). I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place really. She's disrupting the neighborhood, becoming a complete nuisance and noise problem. I don't like it when I'm woken from my sleep by people
post #4 of 18
I would call 911 just because the lady is irritating, you can't really prove she abuses her kids just because she yells at them and curses. Do they look malnourished or anything? I would definitely call the cops, though, anonymously
post #5 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Degu_2009 View Post
I would call 911 just because the lady is irritating, you can't really prove she abuses her kids just because she yells at them and curses. Do they look malnourished or anything? I would definitely call the cops, though, anonymously
That's my thought exactly... She is disrupting the neighborhood, and has no right to make people listen to her screaming like that (let alone those poor little kids). The street is pretty wide, so I can't exactly see the kids to see if they are malnourished or not. But from my house they don't look it. I think they are just growing up with an extremely emotionally unstable mother. And that's the part that gets to me, because I grew up with an emotionally unstable mother too so I know how damaging it is to a child. I think the next time she starts screaming like that, I will just call the cops and say this has been going on for a long time and I can't take it anymore, go check her out. And it would definitely be anonymous . My mom also said that if the cop thing doesn't work that I should call Child Services or something to look into it? She's in childcare, so this is like her specialty lol. But like you said, I don't have any solid proof. Just my word, which is most likely useless.
post #6 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by mismaris777 View Post
That's my thought exactly... She is disrupting the neighborhood, and has no right to make people listen to her screaming like that (let alone those poor little kids). The street is pretty wide, so I can't exactly see the kids to see if they are malnourished or not. But from my house they don't look it. I think they are just growing up with an extremely emotionally unstable mother. And that's the part that gets to me, because I grew up with an emotionally unstable mother too so I know how damaging it is to a child. I think the next time she starts screaming like that, I will just call the cops and say this has been going on for a long time and I can't take it anymore, go check her out. And it would definitely be anonymous . My mom also said that if the cop thing doesn't work that I should call Child Services or something to look into it? She's in childcare, so this is like her specialty lol. But like you said, I don't have any solid proof. Just my word, which is most likely useless.
I wouldn't go calling child services just yet, the woman is unstable, maybe about to lose her house soon? It would be cruel to have her kids taken away if she really isn't abusive to them. That's why I would call 911 instead.
post #7 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Degu_2009 View Post
I wouldn't go calling child services just yet, the woman is unstable, maybe about to lose her house soon? It would be cruel to have her kids taken away if she really isn't abusive to them. That's why I would call 911 instead.
I have seen the verbal abuse, and to me verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. But don't worry, that would be like my last step at trying to get something done to help those kids. It would be mean to have the kids taken away from her, but if it's better for the children, then she'll have to deal with it. Hopefully getting the cops over there will "smack" some sense into her, so she can get some composure.

Thanks everyone for the advice thus far- it makes me feel like my feelings are somewhat justified about this.
post #8 of 18
Please do not call 911 unless you think it is an emergency. As in immediate harm is going to come to this women, her children, or the people who are being yelled at. If she continues to disturb your neighbourhood, then by all means, call the police....but I would assume they should have some kind of non-emergency number.

What I would do is call F&CS and tell them about your situation, without using addresses/names to start. Tell them the situation, and ask whether they believe it warrants their attention. If so, give them the information and ask to be kept anonymous. If you don't know the unit number, conveniently take a walk by their house to note their house number.

If you believe the children are in danger, physically, emotionally, or psychologically, you definitely need to call F&CS. Even if there is a possibility that you will become a "black sheep" in the neighbourhood, or you're afraid that she'll get the children taken away from her. You don't know what goes on inside the house, but if you get a feeling by the way she acts on the street, it's worth the call. I know, at least here, F&CS can help in other ways, not just by taking children away from the parents.
post #9 of 18
Call 911, the police, etc. This is ABUSE and no one should be looking the other way. Too often kids are abused physically and verbally and NO one gives a cr*p, they just turn their backs.

Get the book out "A Boy Called It" for some eye opening abuse of a child!
post #10 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Degu_2009 View Post
I would call 911 just because the lady is irritating, you can't really prove she abuses her kids just because she yells at them and curses. Do they look malnourished or anything? I would definitely call the cops, though, anonymously

Constant yelling and screaming at kids, be-littleing them and making them feel guilty for her situation are verbal abuse, and I can attest that it is very damaging to a child. It is also a precursor to physical abuse. I was one of those kids half a century ago, call the cops, they'll mandate parenting classes at the least. You could save those kids a lot of grief later in life.
post #11 of 18
It's a sad shame how most people overlook the fact that abuse can be both physical and verbal.

You are a well meaning citizen and not only do those kids not deserve to have a raging mother screaming in their face, but you don't deserve to be woken up by said screaming neighbor.

Disturbing of the peace. If you don't feel like getting involved in their "personal" life, you could just look up your local noise ordinances and make a noise complaint.

Or you could contact CPS and they will launch an investigation. It's always best if this is done anonymously and the neighbor does not suspect it. Thatway she doesn't have time to coach and/or threaten her kids on what to say.
post #12 of 18
For the sake of the children please call someone. Either the non-emergency police or child services. Calmly explain what you've seen and heard and why you think the children might be in danger.

I grew up with a mentally handicapped father who was emotionally and verbally abusive. I wish someone would've stepped up and done something. People suspected some form of abuse but they never did anything. Other people who knew didn't consider emotional abuse to be abuse. It really messed up my life. I still think I would've been better off if he'd been physically abusive instead.
post #13 of 18
I also would not suggest you call 911 but I do believe you need to call the police and report her to child services so they can at least check on the children to ensure they are OK. There are many forms of abuse, physical, emotional, abandonment - they all have an impact on a child and form their personality as they become adults. Abused children often become abusive parents - they continue the cycle.

If, as you say, she is behaving in this manner outside for all to see, she would be unlikely to know where the report came from but even if she found out you woud be doing the right thing and should stand up for what you know is the right thing to do.
post #14 of 18
I would call Child and Family Services and let the know that the woman is extremely volatile and has demonstrated physical aggressiveness towards her kids. They will come out and investigate. It's the law, they have to.

Here it's a law that if you suspect that there is abuse towards a child that you have to report it. If you don't and it's found out that you were aware, you could be arrested and face criminal charges and a heft fine and/or jail.
post #15 of 18
Call the police non-emergency number (911 is for life and property threatening emergencies only) . The non-emergency number will still connect you with the exact same department and exact same 911 dispatchers- you just won't be tying up a 911 line, but instead a regular dept. line. Consider whether you live in city limits or county limits and contact the appropriate agency- if in city limits your local PD, if county, then the Sheriff's Dept.

Call the non-emergency number, explain that you are concerned for the well being of the kids. Even if the woman isn't yelling right then and there you can still request a "well-being check" of the children. You don't have to give your name, although even if they do ask your name will not end up in any reports visible to the public.

If you can get the address in some way, that would be the best. If not give the nearest address you are able to see and describe the location as if you were standing in front of that address. Also describe how the house looks, what types of cars are usually out front, etc.
post #16 of 18
you don't have to deal with this alone. Talk with a local cop, and ask their advice.
post #17 of 18
I just want to point out that in some places 911 is the only number available to call.

Especially during certain hours.

Like where I live for instance, after 9pm you can only call 911 to contact an officer on patrol.
post #18 of 18
This woman is abusing her children, at least verbally and psychologically. Around her, if you call 911 and let them know that you're not sure it's an emergency situation, they'll connect you with the non-emergency number. Walk by the house some time and get the address, if not the actual unit number; give them the best guess you can as to her actual address.
If nothing else, she is disturbing the peace and using foul language outside is also against the law. If her actions bother you to this extent, think about how her children feel. Please, call the next time this happens.
Good luck.
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