TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Starting over
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Starting over

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
I haven't been on much lately. Just been busy with what life has thrown at me. My dad is really sick and so I have to make sure he comes first. There will be times where I will do little things for myself to get away. I have some wonderful friends that I can talk to that have really helped me. Of course, they are always much older than I am.

My best friend has been a real jerk lately. She is very possessive, negative about being back here, and always wants things done on her terms. I am tired of her negativity and no matter what I do to try to make it positive for her, she just doesn't seem to care. She also never listens to any advice I give her. Her boyfriend is also dragging her down and I have really been disappointed in her and her maturity level. I am ignoring her for now. I haven't even told her about my dad and now I have decided she doesn't deserve to know.

I was seeing a guy I knew in high school and things were going great. Over time, his mom kept telling him how much she hated me (for unfounded and irrational reasons) and they were getting into heated arguments all the time. He had said he loved me, but I don't know if I believed him. His mom had too much influence over him and I don't know if he started to believe the lies she told him about me. I hate her for her selfishness, bitterness, and narrowmindedness. Her son will never live his own life because of her. So last friday - he chose his family over me and dumped me for the second time. His family has some serious problems and I feel sorry for them.

So now that I have all this crap thrown at me I'm trying to find a way to start over. My real friends have really helped me by just talking to me. I am trying to get all the toxic people out of my life because I just need that right now.

I am now trying to find things to do that make me happy. I would like to be married and have a family, but that may not happen at this time. I am also going to try and change things about myself that I know I need to improve on.

Why is it that all the people I know that are my age are just not set on any goals or have the maturity level they should have?
post #2 of 9
I don't really have any advice but I do have this It will get better
post #3 of 9
I've had many "friends" over the years that I classify as leeches. They took and took, but gave little back. When times are especially tough that's when you find out who's really on your side and who isn't!

Some people will never grow up and it's all the more frustrating for someone who has her (or his) head on straight to deal with selfishness and immaturity. Concentrate on your goals and become your own best friend. Strong people are attracted to those just like them & they'll come your way.
post #4 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
So now that I have all this crap thrown at me I'm trying to find a way to start over. My real friends have really helped me by just talking to me. I am trying to get all the toxic people out of my life because I just need that right now.

I am now trying to find things to do that make me happy. I would like to be married and have a family, but that may not happen at this time. I am also going to try and change things about myself that I know I need to improve on.

Why is it that all the people I know that are my age are just not set on any goals or have the maturity level they should have?
There is no answer to your question unfortunately....but there's nothing wrong with friends older than you

You are doing a great thing for yourself. Getting all the toxic people out of your life, keeping the true friends, finding and doing what makes YOU happy.

You've been through alot in the last while, I'm happy to see you taking time for you
post #5 of 9
Life is not always fair. It has a habit of throwing nasty things at you when you least expect or need them.

Stay strong and keep doing what you are doing. Looking after your Dad is not an easy thing. I admire anyone who can do it.

Your true friends are the ones who stick with you no matter what. Cherish and keep them forget about the rest.

You are better off without a guy who can't think for himself.

Things will get better.
post #6 of 9
i have, basically, 4 friends that i feel i can tell just about anything to, & they'll be supportive [or, at worst, offer constructive criticism or advice] & two of them are my mother & my sister. i think true friends are far & few between - i know you lost your best one, but hopefully another will come along who isn't toxic to you or your life.
post #7 of 9
Sweetie, I will tell you one thing I learned. It's not the age that makes people a good friend, it's the life experience. You've been through so much in the last few years that most people your age haven't experienced that it's not surprising you can't relate to your old friends or vise versa. Now it sounds like you have even more challenges to face and the minor petty complaints of most in their 20's (I think you're in that age group??) are really stupid in comparison.

You don't need the negative influence in your life right now, and you shouldn't feel bad for cutting them off. Lean on the people that understand and can give support to you.

As for your old boyfriend's mom...some mothers just can't give up the "control" of their "baby" to another woman and will fight tooth and nail until their son decides enough is enough. As hard as it is, I wouldn't take it personally and she probably would have said the same thing about anyone he was going out with. If he's not grown up enough to stand up to his mom for what he wants you don't really need him in your life right now anyway.

Many and going out to you!
post #8 of 9
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
Sweetie, I will tell you one thing I learned. It's not the age that makes people a good friend, it's the life experience. You've been through so much in the last few years that most people your age haven't experienced that it's not surprising you can't relate to your old friends or vise versa. Now it sounds like you have even more challenges to face and the minor petty complaints of most in their 20's (I think you're in that age group??) are really stupid in comparison.

You don't need the negative influence in your life right now, and you shouldn't feel bad for cutting them off. Lean on the people that understand and can give support to you.

As for your old boyfriend's mom...some mothers just can't give up the "control" of their "baby" to another woman and will fight tooth and nail until their son decides enough is enough. As hard as it is, I wouldn't take it personally and she probably would have said the same thing about anyone he was going out with. If he's not grown up enough to stand up to his mom for what he wants you don't really need him in your life right now anyway.

Many and going out to you!
I agree. I have found out who my real friends are. Not even remotely close to my age. That's how life is at times.

You are right - it isn't the age, but the experiences. His dad died from cancer and I would have thought she would have had a little compassion for my dad who is sick. She also insulted my intelligence and for that I told him I would never respect his mother, ever.

I have taken the high road and extended to him a friendship by keeping in touch. The only way I would see him, even as a friend, is if he got his life organized, is on his own, and has control of his life. I laid it all down for him yesterday and told him what he needed to do. Now only time will tell what path he chooses for I no longer have feelings for him for what he put me through and allowed his mom to say about me.

I keep getting disappointed in my best friend's choices in life. Her recent behavior has only amplified it. I no longer what to even be around her.

So for now, I take care of my dad, talk to the friends who are positive and a fixture, and try to do little things so that I don't run myself down.
post #9 of 9
I was wondering where you were, since I hadn't seen any posts from you lately. for you dad. And I hope things get better for you. It's sad to discover one of your friends isn't who you thought...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Starting over