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A rescuers answering machine!

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
The lady who runs the shelter where I volunteer got this in an e-mail and printed it out for me to take home and I thought I'd share. It's so true! We hear most of these every day and see them.

Sure you have heard all of these before. I know I have heard most of them!!

A RESCUERS ANSWERING MACHINE :

Hello : You have reached "__-__", Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that bests describes you or your situation :

Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son suddenly has become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away.

Press 2 if you are moving and you need to immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old dog.

Press 3 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same time.

Press 4 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.

Press 5 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.

Press 6 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY and pick up the dog you no longer want.

Press 7 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your dog.

Press 8 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation.

Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.

Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for thier elderly dog because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.

Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wanke me up before I have to to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.

Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better than leaving the dog with no message.

Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take you dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our responsibility.

Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog to be euthanized because I won't take it.

Press 18 if you're going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and the leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet.

Press 19 if you want one of our PERFECTLY trained, housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred dogs that we have an abundance of.

Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor's cats.

Press 21 if you have already called once and had been told we don't take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a different answer.

Press 22 if you want to use space that would go to a straay to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.

Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.

Press 24 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick, or baby bunny for Easter and it's now Christmas and no longer cute.

Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and it is against your religion.

Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands.

Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility that the cat's behavior was altered because of your nice furniture.

Press 28 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.

Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.

Press 30 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and have had no success but you don't want to crate the dog because it's cruel.

Press 31 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working and you are angry because nobody called you back.

Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughter's birthday and you forgot when she was born.

Press 33 if your dog's coat doesn't match your new furniture and you need a different color or breed.

Press 34 if your new love doesn't like your dog nad you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend
(who will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of the dog.

Press 35 if you went through all these 'options' and didn't hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by the one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the vet mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his family.

~ Author Unknown, but much appreciated.
post #2 of 12
I should post that on craigslist.
post #3 of 12
I have seen that before and it makes me so angry and sad at the same time because unfortunately it is all true.
post #4 of 12
Does that not say it all? Would it be OK with you if I reposted that elsewhere? I think it needs to be read and read again.
post #5 of 12
Thread Starter 
Feel free to post it anywhere you like.
post #6 of 12
That last option got me all misty eyed.
post #7 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyeCat0117 View Post
That last option got me all misty eyed.
and me

good post though, very true
post #8 of 12
The whole thing got me all misty eyed. People are so horrible. And all of this stuff is so, so true. I love people in the abstract. I mean, collectively, I wish them all the best. But so many individual people have a way of making me want to punch them in the nose.
post #9 of 12
With apologies to the original author, I changed this around since I rescue cats-

Hello : You have reached "__-__", Stray Cat Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that bests describes you or your situation :

Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old
cat and you suddenly have grown allergic to him and you need to find him a “forever” home.

Press 2 if you are moving and you need to immediately place
four cats because of where you are living, they don’t allow pets without a monthly pet fee.

Press 3 if you have three
cats, had a baby and you just know that your cats are going to jump on your baby’s face and steal her breath away and she will die.

Press 4 if you just got a brand new
kitten and your other resident cats are having problems adjusting, so you are keeping the kitten and now need home for three senior cats.

Press 5 if your little
kitten is all grown up and is now scratching the carpet near your front door and you have just had it with that type of behavior, so now you have to get rid of this cat and get another kitten that is more “trainable.”

Press 6 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY and pick up the
cat you no longer want.

Press 7 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and
there is no one around you that you trust to continue feeding this stray.

Press 8 if your
cat is sick and needs a vet but you are leaving on a much-needed vacation and can’t afford the vet bills.

Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute
kitten who won’t climb up your legs, jump on your shoulder or wake you during a nap crying in your hearing aid.

Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for
their elderly cat because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.

Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have
had a chance to drink one cup of coffee or get to work, so I can drive umpty dozen miles to your house to get your cat NOW!

Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a
boxful of kittens in our yard and we need to find them before they drown, or suffer heat stroke, or get tormented by the neighbor kids.

Press 16 if you are going to tell me that if I do not come and get this cat NOW- then I am responsible for what happens to it, because after all, I am a rescuer and that is what I have to do, regardless of the cat population in my own home.

Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old
cat to the vet to be put down because it keeps spraying urine all over the house and you can’t train it to stop.

Press 18 if you're going to get angry
at me for a situation that is your own fault because then I can just ignore that message. I get tired of being beat up all the time because of irresponsible cat owners.

Press 19 if you want one of our PERFECTLY
litter box trained kitten that is kid and dog friendly so you don’t have to declaw.

Press 20 if you want us to take
a stray cat that has goobers in his eyes, walks with a limp, has nasal discharge and a huge abscess on his head because you can’t take the time to trap and take the cat to the vet for an exam.

Press 21 if you have
found a litter of motherless kittens and you really don’t want to interrupt your busy schedule by providing feedings every 2-4 hours around the clock, so that should be my job.

Press 22 if you want
me to watch your cat while you go on vacation, which usually means, you vanish into the sunset and I am left with an older cat who now has no home.

Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver
a 6 week old kitten, pure white with blue eyes to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.

Press 24 if you have
found a stray cat, brought him into your house and now it smells like a litter box that hasn’t been scooped in four years.

Press 25 if you want us to take your
tomcat with the stipulation that we don’t neuter him, because that would spoil his sex life.

Press 26 if
you want us to take your female cat who has had 7 litters but she is only three years old and she is pregnant again.

Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility that the cat's behavior was altered because of your nice furniture.

Press 28 if your
cat scratched your two-year old boy, regardless of the fact that your child was twirling the cat around and around on the tile floor.

Press 29 if you
r cat ran away and came back pregnant because you couldn’t afford to spay her.

Press 30 if you have done "everything" to
train your kitten to not crawl up the drapes, chase your feet across the room climb up your leg and pee or poop wherever it might happen to be.

Press 31 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working and you are angry because nobody called you back.

Press 32 if you need a
kitten immediately but it can’t be pure black, or a mackerel tabby, or any other boring color, because you just painted your daughter’s bedroom in pastels and you want your kitten to not clash with the décor.

Press 33 if your
cat keeps shedding all over your furniture and you can’t be bothered to do a daily grooming routine because you simply have no time.

Press 34 if your
cat does not like your new significant other so now it is either get rid of the cat (who is smarter than you are) or get rid of the boyfriend.

Press 35 if you are just sick and tired of scooping out one litter pan every week for the four cats who you now think should find another home.

Press 36 if you went through all these 'options' and didn't hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by
someone cuddling your cat as the vet gives the final shot to end his life.


MA
post #10 of 12
this is SOOO true!!! This year I have rehomed somany kitties and I get calls and emails all the time saying ...

does this kitten/cat come with litter and a litter box?

Can you keep her untill she is old enough to be spayed have her spayed then give her to me?

People are so amazing..they want you to run the extra mile so they can have a quick easy ..put together pet.

Mandie
post #11 of 12
It is all so true and so sad, but even worse is when they don't even try to call a shelter or ASPCA, and abandon them somewhere defenseless.
post #12 of 12
Sadly it's so true.
I love my cats and can't imgaine throwing them alway like there just an old shoe.
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