I've had it (huge vent...depressing..)

snake_lady

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add me to one of those people whining about their situation.... I'm sorry but I'm so frustrated, sad, disappointed, angry, etc.

Things have been horrid lately.

-my health sucks. My dr. is a moron, and too scared that I might "abuse his blessed narcotics" that he is under-prescribing them for me even though I've been on them over 2yrs, any medical professional knows people build up a tolerance, I've never tried to manipulate into getting more, never sold them, never bought them, never tried to fill a scrip before it was do, signed a contract, willing to do urine tests, etc.

I'm very bitter about this because I don't have to live in this misery...there are meds that will help ease my pain.

I've had flare ups, and increased pain issues both with my back and hands over the last month.... Just today i'm getting over a week of horrible weather induced 24hr/day flare ups.....

- anyone in chronic pain knows this one: me and hubby haven't been close lately (I don't want to be touched when I hurt), and I'm short with my kids


- Pax dying so suddenly

- Brandy going to be euthanised this weekend (this was expected, still doesn't make it easy)

- so called friends who only TAKE, have no idea how to give, and think everything revolves around them. I am soooooooo tired of giving. Why can't I take? Even just a little bit.

- funny thing is, even in emmense pain, I still manage to give a crap about other people...but apparantly that's worth nothing.

- Kizzy and all his health issues since I got him.... now has another one which apparantly is common in immune suppressed animals.... I need to get him healthy so I can get him sedated to get the leukemia/aids test done.

I just want one thing to go RIGHT for once....... one simple stupid thing.

- I feel trapped in my own house... My DH is away M-F for work, so I get to single parent 2 girls who tend to bicker when they are together constantly, not to mention 13yr old hormonal stuff.... I haven't been away since Sept. 2008.... but am trapped here by my hubby's job, my sick animals, and my pain.

- My PD, IBS, and depression having been acting up (that's really a given).

- i don't know what the point of this was/is and i'm sorry for wasting your time. I had to try something "positive" to relieve some pressure.....

I'm not Religious, I'd say spirtual, but not Religious.

Some one/thing is testing me right now, and I don't know why but I sure as heck HOPE I passed and they quit throwing this stuff at me.
 

valanhb

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Chris, I really feel for you. Any chronic condition makes life just miserable, and to not be able to get the help you deserve from the medical profession makes it 10 times worse. Unfortunately, doctors are being scrutinized by the DEA over what, what doses and how much they prescribe. Makes it that much harder for the people who need it to get it, but I guess they figure that's OK as long as the small percentage of jerks who don't need it have a harder time too.
Bureaucratic logic at its finest. Then pile everything else you've had/got going on on top of your already full plate, and I'm sure it's overwhelming in the best of times, and suffocating in the worst.

The only thing I can tell you is to try to think of the positive things in your life. Even if the only thing you can come up with is that you're still breathing, that's still better than the alternative.

You have a husband who loves you.
You have two beautiful daughters who are growing up and learning to spread their wings (that is what all that 13-year-old attitude is, and why she's so intent with bickering with her sister).
You have shared a wonderful lifetime with Brandy, and have one more week with her to shower her with love.
Kizzy and Kitchi have gotten to be good friends, just what each of them needed. And how can you look at Wide Load and Tiny Butt and not smile?
 

crazyforinfo

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Wow I am so sorry you are going through all this at once.
BIG HUGS for you Chris.
 

jennyr

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I feel for you and can understand so much of what you are going through. There are times when you just feel you can't take another thing going wrong, and when all those are major, then we all crack. But it will pass, things will get better, and you will have gained strength from what you are going through now. Is there any way you can change your doctor? it sounds like you don't have much faith in this one, and that is one area of our lives where we need to feel secure as we are so vulnerable.

Many many vibes coming over for you
 

emy4cats

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I would try talking to a different Dr.

I hope things get better soon.
 

nurseangel

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I'm so sorry. You were there when I needed you and you are a very giving person. I hope things get better soon.
 

tierre0

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I certainly can understand were you are coming from on the pain issue, chronic pain has a way of over-whelming most other things in your life. Then added to it the other day to day stress and things can get very frustrating, and depressing.
All I can say is I hope things even out for you soon.. Lots of support vibes coming your way.
 

gailc

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Man when it rains it pours eh???

I have aches and pains but nothing chronic, right now my neck and shoulders are really stiff I can't imagine having that pain every day.

Have you ever thought about (if one is available) going to a bio feedback clinic for chronic pain??

Having two daughters without another spouse present several days/week must be hard to manage on top of dealing with your pain.

I'm a big fan of Oprah who is a believer in "me" time. I think you are due for some serious "me" time. I think it would help with your stress level.

I have one cat with a long term illness and another with severe dental issues and in the past have had others with health problems. At times its overwhelming to deal with it all.

I think your increased stress at home dealing with all that you have on your plate may be making your pain issues worse.

Is it possible to have a family meeting with your spouse and the girls to let them know you are stretched mighty thin??

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Take care of yourself first!!
 

ldg

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Chronic pain bites the big one, and that is probably the understatement of the year. There has been just too much grief in your life lately. Your DH works a job that's far away, and your girls are old enough to be serious pains in the butt.

You're not just trapped in your house and the insane stress of life of late - you are trapped in a body that is fighting you every step of the way and your doctor sucks.

I think you deserve a big, long vent and a good long cry. I wish I was there to hug you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. I wish I could win the lottery, get you your own personal doctor, and send you and DH on a cruise to wherever you want to go! Then I wish I could send you and your mom on one too!

Sending lots and lots of love and vibes for strength to see you through this one too.



Laurie
 

Ms. Freya

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Sending a big
and plenty of that this will pas and things will calm down for you. You've had a heck of a time lately and I second the suggestion of getting yourself some 'me' time. After bad patches, I think it's necessary just to detox shut down and rest.

Also, it might not hurt to talk to another Dr. even just to get an idea of what else could help you manage the pain.

 
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snake_lady

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re: switching Dr's.

Unfortunately it is not an option.

We're facing a severe dr shortage here, those who have a family doc are lucky.... the rest have to go to emerg rooms for any treatment.

Trust me, if I could have switched, I would have many yrs ago. I am trying a different approach with him at my next appt. and
it helps.


Thank you all for the encouragment, it is heartfully appreciated.

I'm hoping after the weekend things start going better. I am just so tired of being kicked when I'm down... definately time for me time, just don't know when I'll get it. Wish I had the luxury of doing nothing somedays ya know. I mean I do, do nothing....but i don't...(not alot I can do physically, but I do tend to my family, am on the computer, try to keep a normal routine of getting up and not napping all day, I'm trying to fight that urge right now) But right now I have kitties that need me, Brandy who needs me, and my kids who need me (they are not having an easy go with Brandy either)

Gail: I've never heard of a bio feedback clinic....
Not sure if we have em here.

I do 100% agree that stress makes the chronic pain issues worse.....it doesn't help that I don't eat right when I'm like this, and I only fault myself for that.

My other stressor: My mom is leaving the province
This is a good thing, I'm so very happy she finally sold the house...but...she's all I have of my family. 5 of my brothers and sisters are or will be in Alberta with her, my older brother and I don't talk a whole lot (we're both married, kids, our own emotional issues, etc) and that's all I have. The beginning of August she's gone. I know I sound like I'm about 8yrs old but I need my momma. But again, it's the right thing. She NEEDS to go....otherwise they would have to go on welfare, lose the car, etc. This is a good thing....but hard emotionally on me... we were never close untill I had kids... she's like my best friend...

I want to cry, but have you ever gotten to the point where you can't? That's where i am right now.... the tears are in my eyes, but they just won't come out.
 

cheylink

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I sorry you are going through it right now.......If you don't mind me asking, why are you suffering from chronic pain, has it been correctly diagnosed? My aunt was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 2 years after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was about 10 years ago. She went through chemotherapy, lost a small part of one of one breast, and in the end beat the cancer. However she became extremely depressed and addicted to narcotics in the process, to the point of 4 different doctors including her doctor of 20 years, refusing to treat her any more. She eventually went to a pain clinic where they diagnosed her with Fibromyalgia and regulated her pain medications which she still wasn't happy with. She was receiving Valium from 3 different doctors, one time she took an entire bottle of Xanax in a day, always ran out of her meds before renewal date........... At her worst she would pass out mid sentence, Fall asleep eating food and have it all over her, slide down the stairs on her butt because she couldn't keep her balance, became a vicious, nasty, mental and physically abusive person, and more..... this was after she had beaten and diagnosed cancer free......
We no longer have a relationship, she was my mom and only family, gave me a home as a teenager when my father, her brother, abandoned me. I love her so much, but the situation became so volatile that I had to walk away. We haven't spoken in 6 years, she simply didn't want anything but her meds.......
I know this wasn't the response you were looking for, but reading your post, it hit something at heart. Narcotics are not meant to be a long time treatment for pain relief, they cause more damage in long term use then good. Your doctor is only doing his job, the last thing he wants is to create a medical problem while trying to care for another. They also have to protect themselves from liability. If you need long term medical pain treatment, you need to find a pain clinic or pain management center. You can't blame your doctor for being a doctor, his best interest is yours, even if you don't agree......
Please look into alternative pain clinics and treatment. This was the first time I spoke about my experience. I hope you take it at heart.........
 
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snake_lady

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First off, I take no offence to your post at all


Originally Posted by cheylink

I sorry you are going through it right now.......If you don't mind me asking, why are you suffering from chronic pain, has it been correctly diagnosed?
I have severe tendinitis in both thumbs and elbows. ( I've had surgery on the L thumb which relieved most of the pain, but left some of it still there from the swollen and damaged tendons. According to my hand surgeon it was one of the worst cases he had seen, and he understood why it was/is so debilitating once he opened me up. I will be having surgery on the R once my L is fully healed) There is no surgery for the elbows, i have both lateral and medial epicondylitis in both.

I also have an upper thoracic injury (upper back) that nothing aside from pain medication will help.... no options there and it is a source of chronic low grade daily pain. It is the arms/hands/wrists that are debilitating and very severe in pain.

Narcotics were our last resort, I've tried many non-narcotic meds, and none of them helped in the least.

From The American Chronic Pain Association:
Considerable controversy exists about the use of opioids for treatment of chronic pain of noncancer
origin. Many physicians feel that chronic pain is inadequately treated and that opioids can
play an important role in the treatment of all types of chronic pain, including non-cancer pain.
Others caution against the widespread use of opioids noting problems with tolerance, loss of
benefit with time, and escalating usage with decreasing function in many individuals.
The use of opioids (or for that matter any treatment) makes sense when the benefits outweigh the
risks and negative side effects. Benefit is suggested when there is a significant increase in the
person’s level of functioning, when there is a reduction or elimination of pain complaints, when
there is a more positive and hopeful attitude and when side effects are minimal or controllable.
http://www.theacpa.org/documents/ACP...07%20Final.pdf

I have been on narcotics for over 2yrs now. Never once have I tried to "get more", manipulate dr's, etc. I have dealt with the same Dr. for 10yrs now. My back injury was in may 2006, my hands/arms finally seized up on Feb. 14 2007. I have been seen by several docs due to both of these being work related injuries. I have been seen by a specialised clinic and one of the best hand and upper limb surgeons in our country. My pain is thoroughly backed up by more than just "my word". Several doctors including WSIB doctors who are extremely specialised and know how to weed out wrong diagnoses or "fakers" (it is in their best interest to do so), physiotherepists, bone scan, mri on my one wrist, and my hand/upper limb surgeon.

I have only run out of meds once, and that was due to my Dr. prescribing 30 days worth, and my appt. being 32 days, so I was 2 days short.

I do fault my doctor. He has never once in the 2yr given me a urine test, which I volunteered for, and continue to due so. My tolerance to certain meds is well documented too. Most recent example was during surgery ( I required more than normal amounts of sedation, as well as post op they had to give me 3 different pain meds including oxycodone, all the morphine they could give me for my weight, and one other one before the pain subsided to a 7/10).

Any medication, narcotic or non, has the ability for side effects/dependance/tolerance/addiction. The ACPA approves the use of opiods for chronic pain.

My Doctor's best interest is not mine that I assure you of. Take my last appt for example: he does no ROM testing, no pain questionaires, nothing. I speak, he takes notes. I restate, he has been my doc for at least 10yrs now. He know about both work related injuries, the fact that they have been deemed permanent disabilities to which there is no treatment aside from medicating so that I can have some quality of life. My last appt. I told him how the meds were affecting me, or lack therof. He wrote down that my L wrist is painful. Right there shows you how much of my interest he has. I have not been on narcotics for 2yrs because of surgery on my L thumb. I have been on them for my back, and both arms...and have a built up a tolerance to this med.

it is his responsibility to help me. In fact, it is undermedicating that causes most addictions. Studies have shown that when used for legitamite purposes, narcotics have a low addiction rate (3.8%) ( source: ACPA) and can cause pseudoaddiction:

Pseudoaddiction describes a syndrome of poorly or under-treated pain. Patients develop feelings
of anger and isolation, which lead to acting-out behavior. Inadequate pain management often
leads to pseudoaddiction and commonly involves an ineffective medication or inadequate
medication prescribing either by excessive intervals between allowed doses or inadequate doses.
Pseudoaddiction may come about because the physician may be inadequately educated about
pain management or have an excessive fear of causing addiction.
The American Pain Society (www.ampainsoc.org) and the American Academy of Pain Medicine
(www.painmed.org) have issued a joint consensus statement supporting the cautious use of
chronic opioid analgesics (pain medications) for some people with persistent pain problems
(http://www.painmed.org/productpub/st...fs/opioids.pdf). Cautious use requires careful
examination, discussion of risks and benefits with patients, thorough documentation, and
sufficiently careful follow-up for the physician to be able to determine whether the drugs are
actually improving the person’s overall status..
http://www.theacpa.org/documents/ACP...07%20Final.pdf

I hope that info helps you understand my situation and why I fault my doctor.

I am sorry your aunt went through that, but yes, narcotic medications can be recommended for the long term treatment of chronic pain. The above pdf is very educational for those curious to the prescribing of narcotic meds for chronic pain.

re:pain clinics. My Dr who does not have my best interest at heart, has NEVER mentioned one. I don't know about the US, but here, you need a referral to get into one and the wait list is roughly 18mos. I would happily go if he referred me, and I could get in. I would love to have a physican who actually listens to me, and has the same goal I have which is pain management to allow me to live a fairly normal quality of life with as little medication as possible, to educate myself on the risks and benefits of different narcotic medication (which I have been doing), to avoid damage due to constant acetominiphin use, to enhance her wellbeing (both physically and emotionally) and return to schooling and/or employment.

There is absolutely no reason I should feel like a 95yr old infirm patient.
 

gailuvscats

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I am sorry you are having so many problems, and your post makes me wary of the U.S. starting a national health care system. granted we should ahve medical for those that are not poor enough for the welfare medical, and don't have job medical, or can afford it. but for those of us that have medical as part of their pittance for pay, I am fearful I will lose my benefits. I know if there is a national health, my employer will discontinue benefits saying go on the national health system, and then we will be subjected to waiting for care because there won't be enough doctors, or incentive to give good care.
 
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snake_lady

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Originally Posted by gailuvscats

I am sorry you are having so many problems, and your post makes me wary of the U.S. starting a national health care system. granted we should ahve medical for those that are not poor enough for the welfare medical, and don't have job medical, or can afford it. but for those of us that have medical as part of their pittance for pay, I am fearful I will lose my benefits. I know if there is a national health, my employer will discontinue benefits saying go on the national health system, and then we will be subjected to waiting for care because there won't be enough doctors, or incentive to give good care.
There's pro's and con's to both systems I think..... I have friends who have to go to emerg or walk in clinics and wait for hours...just for a cold. Aside from pain meds, I have one med that I need monthly, (it can have repeats..but I need to continue having a doc to prescribe it..... for my Panic Disorder). Which fails into part of my fear of pushing too hard. I am preparing a document staying my situation (because he doesn't pay attention to my health and thinks the pain meds are for my surgeried hand), my goals, etc. as well as filling out a pain questionaire. I know I need to advocate for myself in this, I just don't know how assertive my doc will accept
 

cheylink

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Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

First off, I take no offence to your post at all




I have severe tendinitis in both thumbs and elbows. ( I've had surgery on the L thumb which relieved most of the pain, but left some of it still there from the swollen and damaged tendons. According to my hand surgeon it was one of the worst cases he had seen, and he understood why it was/is so debilitating once he opened me up. I will be having surgery on the R once my L is fully healed) There is no surgery for the elbows, i have both lateral and medial epicondylitis in both.

I also have an upper thoracic injury (upper back) that nothing aside from pain medication will help.... no options there and it is a source of chronic low grade daily pain. It is the arms/hands/wrists that are debilitating and very severe in pain.

Narcotics were our last resort, I've tried many non-narcotic meds, and none of them helped in the least.

From The American Chronic Pain Association:


http://www.theacpa.org/documents/ACP...07%20Final.pdf

I have been on narcotics for over 2yrs now. Never once have I tried to "get more", manipulate dr's, etc. I have dealt with the same Dr. for 10yrs now. My back injury was in may 2006, my hands/arms finally seized up on Feb. 14 2007. I have been seen by several docs due to both of these being work related injuries. I have been seen by a specialised clinic and one of the best hand and upper limb surgeons in our country. My pain is thoroughly backed up by more than just "my word". Several doctors including WSIB doctors who are extremely specialised and know how to weed out wrong diagnoses or "fakers" (it is in their best interest to do so), physiotherepists, bone scan, mri on my one wrist, and my hand/upper limb surgeon.

I have only run out of meds once, and that was due to my Dr. prescribing 30 days worth, and my appt. being 32 days, so I was 2 days short.

I do fault my doctor. He has never once in the 2yr given me a urine test, which I volunteered for, and continue to due so. My tolerance to certain meds is well documented too. Most recent example was during surgery ( I required more than normal amounts of sedation, as well as post op they had to give me 3 different pain meds including oxycodone, all the morphine they could give me for my weight, and one other one before the pain subsided to a 7/10).

Any medication, narcotic or non, has the ability for side effects/dependance/tolerance/addiction. The ACPA approves the use of opiods for chronic pain.

My Doctor's best interest is not mine that I assure you of. Take my last appt for example: he does no ROM testing, no pain questionaires, nothing. I speak, he takes notes. I restate, he has been my doc for at least 10yrs now. He know about both work related injuries, the fact that they have been deemed permanent disabilities to which there is no treatment aside from medicating so that I can have some quality of life. My last appt. I told him how the meds were affecting me, or lack therof. He wrote down that my L wrist is painful. Right there shows you how much of my interest he has. I have not been on narcotics for 2yrs because of surgery on my L thumb. I have been on them for my back, and both arms...and have a built up a tolerance to this med.

it is his responsibility to help me. In fact, it is undermedicating that causes most addictions. Studies have shown that when used for legitamite purposes, narcotics have a low addiction rate (3.8%) ( source: ACPA) and can cause pseudoaddiction:



http://www.theacpa.org/documents/ACP...07%20Final.pdf

I hope that info helps you understand my situation and why I fault my doctor.

I am sorry your aunt went through that, but yes, narcotic medications can be recommended for the long term treatment of chronic pain. The above pdf is very educational for those curious to the prescribing of narcotic meds for chronic pain.

re:pain clinics. My Dr who does not have my best interest at heart, has NEVER mentioned one. I don't know about the US, but here, you need a referral to get into one and the wait list is roughly 18mos. I would happily go if he referred me, and I could get in. I would love to have a physican who actually listens to me, and has the same goal I have which is pain management to allow me to live a fairly normal quality of life with as little medication as possible, to educate myself on the risks and benefits of different narcotic medication (which I have been doing), to avoid damage due to constant acetominiphin use, to enhance her wellbeing (both physically and emotionally) and return to schooling and/or employment.

There is absolutely no reason I should feel like a 95yr old infirm patient.
Just about everything you have said is only supporting the fact that opiate based/narcotic pain medication is addictive and debilitating. No one is questioning the fact that you are in pain. You are so quick to blame your doctor for all your pain for years now and quote "My Doctor's best interest is not mine that I assure you of". Then why is he still your doctor? You also mentioned several other doctors/surgeons you have seen and been treated by over the years for different injuries. If any of these injuries were long term pain debilitating, why aren't they responsible for your pain management?
I really hope that when you said that "it is undermedicating that causes most addictions" you don't really believe that. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace at mind to find peace physically.......
 
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snake_lady

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Originally Posted by cheylink

Just about everything you have said is only supporting the fact that opiate based/narcotic pain medication is addictive and debilitating. No one is questioning the fact that you are in pain. You are so quick to blame your doctor for all your pain for years now and quote "My Doctor's best interest is not mine that I assure you of". Then why is he still your doctor? You also mentioned several other doctors/surgeons you have seen and been treated by over the years for different injuries. If any of these injuries were long term pain debilitating, why aren't they responsible for your pain management?
I really hope that when you said that "it is undermedicating that causes most addictions" you don't really believe that. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace at mind to find peace physically.......
You are confusing tolerance with addiction. Tolerance, dependance and addiction are 3 seperate issues. Everything I quoted backs up the use of opiods in patients with chronic pain such as I.

Why do I not have a different doc: because currently we are in a shortage, and have been for the last few yrs. No doc is accepting new patients.... if they were, I would have had a new one by now.

The other docs that have seen me are for different purposes: Hand and Upper Limb specialist: is a surgeon.... does what he can surgery based. He does not see patients as a "family doc"

WSIB: in the US its called workers comp, their docs are there to examine you and make sure you aren't faking it, and your injuries are what the other docs say. They are not "family docs".

You said
No one is questioning the fact that you are in pain
then you say
If any of these injuries were long term pain debilitating
You are questioning.

Would you like to see my medical reports or would you like to see the forms stating I have permanent disabilities to which there is no help for???? Would you like to sit in on my next surgery and see exactly how disabled I'm in? I welcome you to come live a day with me, and then see how you post.

Just because you've had a bad experience with narcotic usage, does not mean you should treat others as if they are doing the same thing.

I am not quick to judge my doc. I've had him for 10yrs, I've been disabled for over 3yrs now. I have suffered needlessly because he is too afraid of people selling his precious meds, to prescribe them appropriately.

And yes, I firmly believe underprescribing is one of the leading causes of addictions and other problems in patients with legitamite pain.

The goal of all doc's treating patients with chronic pain should be to treat them well enough that they can have a semi-normal quality of life with as little meds as possible. Unfortunately that is not the case, and I cannot function on a day like today without meds due to the increased normal pain caused by the weather.

So my children are blessed with a mother who alternates between vomitting, laying on the couch crying/screaming, sitting in a fixed position with only my fingers moving to try to distract me (computer), not being able to grip anything, etc. Is that fair? In my eyes it is not, it my childrens eyes it is not, in my therepists eyes it is not, in my husbands eyes it is not, yet in my doc's eyes it is.
 

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Originally Posted by gailuvscats

I am sorry you are having so many problems, and your post makes me wary of the U.S. starting a national health care system.
I have been thinking this very same thing as I read through this thread.

I've said before, you have really been hit with it lately, and I don't know how you are handling everything the way it is. The issues with Brandi and Pax would be enough to put me under for a very long time.

I, too, hope things get better for you. Good luck with all you'll be going through this weekend.
 
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