Hi all,
We adopted our cat Headbutt (female) back in 2005. I should say, she basically adopted us, by hanging around our house when we were living in Corvallis. She is probably somewhere around 7 or 8 years old by now. She seems to be very happy being an "only cat", not having displayed any friendliness toward other cats as far as we have seen. She always tends to hiss and growl at them, and tend to run away and retreat rather than stand and fight. She seems to be a "gamma" character (I read an article about the personality types somewhere) - happy to be by herself, affectionate but not overly so toward us, doesn't try to create mischief or manipulate her environment as alphas do.
Now we are in Eureka CA, been here for a couple of months now, so it's fairly new. There was a small cat who came around our house who we just assumed was owned by someone in the neighborhood (no collar, this was just an assumption). The couple of times we saw him interact with Headbutt, there was hissing and Headbutt would come inside, and I'd chase this other cat off.
Then, one day a few weeks ago, we noticed that this other cat was limping badly, not able to put his rear right leg on the ground at all. We saw this continue for about a week, by which time we decided that he must be a stray after all - and talking to some of our neighbors confirmed this suspicion. He was impossible to approach, being very spooky, but we couldn't bear the thought of him being injured like that, so we decided to catch him and get him to the vet to be fixed up. Our neighbor loaned us a humane live trap, and sure enough the bowl of tuna got him first time! He screamed like a banshee, not happy at all, but since it was the weekend (of course) and the vet was closed, we had to keep him in the garage that night. He was quiet, but meowed pathetically whenever we went in to check on him. It was really heartbreaking.
I eventually put some food in to see if I could tempt him out, and this worked like a charm - in no time he had eaten two 5.5 oz cans of premium wet food (Evo) and was turning out to be a real sweetie! Cuddling in my arms, purring like crazy, but still very spooky whenever I moved.
When the vet took a look, and did some x-rays, it became apparent that the leg issue was a bad bite, which had actually chipped a couple of the foot bones. The site was badly infected with cellulitis, and if he hadn't been caught then the vet said that the infection would have probably spread, and he would have died. So we started him on a course of antibiotics.
This presented a problem, since he obviously didn't get on that well with Headbutt. But I decided to just play it by ear, and take one step at a time. First thing was to get him better. So he stayed in the garage at first. After a few days, he seemed to be doing a little better, and during that time he had been gently working his way into my (and my wife's) hearts. He was just so cute and gentle. We decided to try opening the door between the house and the garage to see how the two kitties would get on. We read that gradual introductions are better, and since there is an air vent in the door to the garage, we thought Headbutt probably already knew he was in there. Sure enough, she was curious, and first contact wasn't all that bad - noses touched, and no hissing. We were ecstatic. Maybe this could work after all!
But not so fast. After that we gradually tried to introduce William (his new name, seemed right somehow) to the rest of the house, and our bedroom. To cut a really long story a little shorter (sorry!) he is now a lot better, but he always seems to be wanting to bug Headbutt. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's why he was originally hanging around our house. He would suddenly get completely fascinated whenever Headbutt was around. They are both neutered, so I don't know whether there is some residual mating instinct or something, but in any case he is completely interested in her, but she has absolutely no interest in him. In fact, whenever he came close, she would growl and hiss at him.
Eventually, a couple of weeks later, this is where we're at:
William is pretty much healed up. His foot is much better, antibiotics all done and he is fully mobile. In fact, very, very mobile. We started to let him out again, since he obviously likes being outside, but I've gradually convinced him that the door closing is not a trap, so he seems ok spending the night with us. He climbs on the bed and is the cutest thing, cuddling up. Headbutt has always been a little more standoffish, but she tends to avoid us a bit more now, and I'm afraid she really is not happy at all. She doesn't frisk around any more, or play. William bugs her frequently. He has this way of rushing up to here like a kitten (and he is young, maybe two years, and quite small, only 9 lbs to Headbutt's 13 lbs - yes she's overweight), and she reacts by squawking or hissing if she has time.
What I can't fathom is where this is going. I can't work out whether they will ever be able to live with each other. Sometimes it seems like they are getting better used to each other: He leaves her a bit more alone sometimes, perhaps learning from all the hissing and growling warnings, and I've seen them touch noses on occasion (usually when they are both waiting for food). Other times Headbutt is growing and hissing and clearly unhappy that he's around at all. She'll sit in the doorway stopping him from coming in. And she's been peeing around the house, I've seen her marking territory more since he's been around.
Today, out in the yard, it was a beautiful day and they had both just had a snack, and William was lying with me. Headbutt came out and started rolling in the grass around 15 feet away. William stalked her, then rushed up, and what looked like a fight ensued. She was hissing and growling and it looked like they were trading swats. In fact she was in full retreat the whole time, it was always William who looks like he's got the advantage and is being the "aggressor". It's never Headbutt who initiates this, so I'm wondering what's going on. Is William trying to play in a very hamfisted way, and Headbutt is just interpreting this all wrong, or is William trying to display dominance over Headbutt, or is he actually trying to force her out of the equation by chasing her off? In the past, he never seemed aggressive when he approached her - it always seemed more playful, ears forward and tail frequently up. The hissing and growling always comes from Headbutt. Maybe it starts as play from William's end, but she reacts badly and then he reacts right back more aggressively???
What I'm trying to work out here is how we can tell whether this is going to work at all. We just had William microchipped, because we decided that whatever happens, we're not just going to abandon him to being a stray again. If he can't get on with Headbutt, then we'll find him a good home somewhere, however long that takes. So he's covered in terms of healthcare etc either way.
I know these things take time, it's been a few weeks now, but it can take months. I don't want Headbutt to be unhappy, but at the same time I know cats sometimes play rough and it can be hard to distinguish between play and fighting. I've heard William fighting (there's another cat who comes around here, and yesterday I heard this awful screaming from outside, and this turned out to be William fighting this other cat). I've not heard that kind of noise from the Headbutt/William encounters; it's all been simple hissing, growling and the occasional squawk of surprise from Headbutt as William jumps on her. No screaming.
I have read elsewhere that it can take months, and then suddenly cats start accepting and getting on together. But does anyone have any tips on whether we can interpret behavior to determine which way this will go? We'd love to keep both of them if we can.
I've noticed that older females often seem to be very impatient and intolerant of younger males. Maybe this is just a cat thing - the females do seem to favor the older, beat up tom cat, perhaps because he's shown that he can cut the mustard so to speak and he's a survivor (which implies better genes, which would make sense). So maybe there's an instinctual reaction here - the younger male is just not someone the female wants to have anything to do with, while of course the younger male finds her irresistably attractive (much hilarity ensues)...
I don't know what to do... the "fight" today shook me up a bit, I clapped my hands to split it up, though I know see from reading around that you probably shouldn't do this if it's not a serious fight.
Any clues? What should we do?
Thanks!
And sorry for the epic post.
Neil
We adopted our cat Headbutt (female) back in 2005. I should say, she basically adopted us, by hanging around our house when we were living in Corvallis. She is probably somewhere around 7 or 8 years old by now. She seems to be very happy being an "only cat", not having displayed any friendliness toward other cats as far as we have seen. She always tends to hiss and growl at them, and tend to run away and retreat rather than stand and fight. She seems to be a "gamma" character (I read an article about the personality types somewhere) - happy to be by herself, affectionate but not overly so toward us, doesn't try to create mischief or manipulate her environment as alphas do.
Now we are in Eureka CA, been here for a couple of months now, so it's fairly new. There was a small cat who came around our house who we just assumed was owned by someone in the neighborhood (no collar, this was just an assumption). The couple of times we saw him interact with Headbutt, there was hissing and Headbutt would come inside, and I'd chase this other cat off.
Then, one day a few weeks ago, we noticed that this other cat was limping badly, not able to put his rear right leg on the ground at all. We saw this continue for about a week, by which time we decided that he must be a stray after all - and talking to some of our neighbors confirmed this suspicion. He was impossible to approach, being very spooky, but we couldn't bear the thought of him being injured like that, so we decided to catch him and get him to the vet to be fixed up. Our neighbor loaned us a humane live trap, and sure enough the bowl of tuna got him first time! He screamed like a banshee, not happy at all, but since it was the weekend (of course) and the vet was closed, we had to keep him in the garage that night. He was quiet, but meowed pathetically whenever we went in to check on him. It was really heartbreaking.
I eventually put some food in to see if I could tempt him out, and this worked like a charm - in no time he had eaten two 5.5 oz cans of premium wet food (Evo) and was turning out to be a real sweetie! Cuddling in my arms, purring like crazy, but still very spooky whenever I moved.
When the vet took a look, and did some x-rays, it became apparent that the leg issue was a bad bite, which had actually chipped a couple of the foot bones. The site was badly infected with cellulitis, and if he hadn't been caught then the vet said that the infection would have probably spread, and he would have died. So we started him on a course of antibiotics.
This presented a problem, since he obviously didn't get on that well with Headbutt. But I decided to just play it by ear, and take one step at a time. First thing was to get him better. So he stayed in the garage at first. After a few days, he seemed to be doing a little better, and during that time he had been gently working his way into my (and my wife's) hearts. He was just so cute and gentle. We decided to try opening the door between the house and the garage to see how the two kitties would get on. We read that gradual introductions are better, and since there is an air vent in the door to the garage, we thought Headbutt probably already knew he was in there. Sure enough, she was curious, and first contact wasn't all that bad - noses touched, and no hissing. We were ecstatic. Maybe this could work after all!
But not so fast. After that we gradually tried to introduce William (his new name, seemed right somehow) to the rest of the house, and our bedroom. To cut a really long story a little shorter (sorry!) he is now a lot better, but he always seems to be wanting to bug Headbutt. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's why he was originally hanging around our house. He would suddenly get completely fascinated whenever Headbutt was around. They are both neutered, so I don't know whether there is some residual mating instinct or something, but in any case he is completely interested in her, but she has absolutely no interest in him. In fact, whenever he came close, she would growl and hiss at him.
Eventually, a couple of weeks later, this is where we're at:
William is pretty much healed up. His foot is much better, antibiotics all done and he is fully mobile. In fact, very, very mobile. We started to let him out again, since he obviously likes being outside, but I've gradually convinced him that the door closing is not a trap, so he seems ok spending the night with us. He climbs on the bed and is the cutest thing, cuddling up. Headbutt has always been a little more standoffish, but she tends to avoid us a bit more now, and I'm afraid she really is not happy at all. She doesn't frisk around any more, or play. William bugs her frequently. He has this way of rushing up to here like a kitten (and he is young, maybe two years, and quite small, only 9 lbs to Headbutt's 13 lbs - yes she's overweight), and she reacts by squawking or hissing if she has time.
What I can't fathom is where this is going. I can't work out whether they will ever be able to live with each other. Sometimes it seems like they are getting better used to each other: He leaves her a bit more alone sometimes, perhaps learning from all the hissing and growling warnings, and I've seen them touch noses on occasion (usually when they are both waiting for food). Other times Headbutt is growing and hissing and clearly unhappy that he's around at all. She'll sit in the doorway stopping him from coming in. And she's been peeing around the house, I've seen her marking territory more since he's been around.
Today, out in the yard, it was a beautiful day and they had both just had a snack, and William was lying with me. Headbutt came out and started rolling in the grass around 15 feet away. William stalked her, then rushed up, and what looked like a fight ensued. She was hissing and growling and it looked like they were trading swats. In fact she was in full retreat the whole time, it was always William who looks like he's got the advantage and is being the "aggressor". It's never Headbutt who initiates this, so I'm wondering what's going on. Is William trying to play in a very hamfisted way, and Headbutt is just interpreting this all wrong, or is William trying to display dominance over Headbutt, or is he actually trying to force her out of the equation by chasing her off? In the past, he never seemed aggressive when he approached her - it always seemed more playful, ears forward and tail frequently up. The hissing and growling always comes from Headbutt. Maybe it starts as play from William's end, but she reacts badly and then he reacts right back more aggressively???
What I'm trying to work out here is how we can tell whether this is going to work at all. We just had William microchipped, because we decided that whatever happens, we're not just going to abandon him to being a stray again. If he can't get on with Headbutt, then we'll find him a good home somewhere, however long that takes. So he's covered in terms of healthcare etc either way.
I know these things take time, it's been a few weeks now, but it can take months. I don't want Headbutt to be unhappy, but at the same time I know cats sometimes play rough and it can be hard to distinguish between play and fighting. I've heard William fighting (there's another cat who comes around here, and yesterday I heard this awful screaming from outside, and this turned out to be William fighting this other cat). I've not heard that kind of noise from the Headbutt/William encounters; it's all been simple hissing, growling and the occasional squawk of surprise from Headbutt as William jumps on her. No screaming.
I have read elsewhere that it can take months, and then suddenly cats start accepting and getting on together. But does anyone have any tips on whether we can interpret behavior to determine which way this will go? We'd love to keep both of them if we can.
I've noticed that older females often seem to be very impatient and intolerant of younger males. Maybe this is just a cat thing - the females do seem to favor the older, beat up tom cat, perhaps because he's shown that he can cut the mustard so to speak and he's a survivor (which implies better genes, which would make sense). So maybe there's an instinctual reaction here - the younger male is just not someone the female wants to have anything to do with, while of course the younger male finds her irresistably attractive (much hilarity ensues)...
I don't know what to do... the "fight" today shook me up a bit, I clapped my hands to split it up, though I know see from reading around that you probably shouldn't do this if it's not a serious fight.
Any clues? What should we do?
Thanks!
And sorry for the epic post.
Neil
