He left.

zorana_dragonky

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I realize that it is probably weird/sudden/strange, whatever, to just post this here but...


My husband left me today.


I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know anything, anymore. I don't have a job. I have been looking for months but I guess not in the right places or not hard enough. I have about $100 and some credit cards. What am I going to do? I just want to sit and cry, but I keep telling myself that I can't be that stupid, because I have to do something to make sure I have money, food, a safe place for the cats, a roof over my head, because no one else is going to do it but me. But oh god... I want to.

I know you all were right. I know I never replied before, but I know he is suffering from depression. Honestly, I think maybe he always has been, and I tried to be supportive and helpful and pleasant and the best of everything I knew how to be, and I tried to help him and I tried to get him to let me help him and to listen to me and...

It didn't matter. He said he wasn't happy. He wasn't happy here, he wasn't happy with me, he was angry and sad and he didn't even want to try to help, to try to work it out, to try to make anything better. He didn't care anymore. He was just going to leave, where he could be alone and...

I don't even know what I am saying so I am not going to keep typing. I am not making much sense, and maybe I can explain better later.


I
the Cat Site so I know you will say "You can make it," And I know I can but it just hurts so bad... We have been together for 5 years (married for over 4) and he just... didn't care enough and walked away. Not only... left but left me like this.
 

sandtigress

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I don't have anything for you but a big
and and prayers. You will get through this,and we are here for you!
 

pami

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Oh I am so so so sorry. You didnt deserve this at all.
I wish I could say something to you to take this away, but I know its something you will just have to go through.

I know its so cliche' to hear you are a stronger than you realize, but you are. You know how to handle it, even if you cry when are taking care of it. You may have to dig deep right now, but you can certainly do this, most definitely.

Im sending you so so many positive vibes that way and lots of virtual hugs ~~~~
 

valanhb

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Oh my gosh - Monica I'm so very sorry! I wish I could give you a HUGE hug right now, but the cyber-kind will have to do.


Know what? This may or may not be a popular thing to say, but you can't do anything to get a job or whatever tonight and frankly you're too emotionally on edge anyway. Cry, girl. Let yourself be however you are tonight. There's no shame in that, none at all. Do you have any friends or relatives that can come over (you shouldn't be driving)? Do you have someone you can call? I know you have two beautiful and wonderful little furrballs who are probably right next to you who can help with a purry hug and a soft shoulder and they will listen no matter how much you go on.

You can pick yourself up by your bootstraps tomorrow. As Scarlett famously said, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
 

white cat lover

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Pam & Heidi said it well.


You can't do a dang thing tonight - sit down - cry - whatever. There is nothing you did or could've done that can or could change things. You didn't screw up, you didn't deserve this, and you will get through this.

The kitties love you.
 
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zorana_dragonky

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Originally Posted by valanhb

Oh my gosh - Monica I'm so very sorry! I wish I could give you a HUGE hug right now, but the cyber-kind will have to do.


Know what? This may or may not be a popular thing to say, but you can't do anything to get a job or whatever tonight and frankly you're too emotionally on edge anyway. Cry, girl. Let yourself be however you are tonight. There's no shame in that, none at all. Do you have any friends or relatives that can come over (you shouldn't be driving)? Do you have someone you can call? I know you have two beautiful and wonderful little furrballs who are probably right next to you who can help with a purry hug and a soft shoulder and they will listen no matter how much you go on.

You can pick yourself up by your bootstraps tomorrow. As Scarlett famously said, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
Two of my friends came over already. They left a while ago. I don't have any girlfriends up here really, most of my close friends are male. My best girlfriend lives a few hours away, so I am alone except for the babies.

And I know, I'm sorry, I meant like... I don't want to wake up in the morning right now and have to do all the hard stuff, to pick myself up by my bootstraps. I just want to stay and cry. I know I can't but... I want to right now.

Maybe I will feel a (little tiny bit) better in the morning.


Thank you so much all four of you.
 

pami

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Heidi definitely hit it on the head. This is a horrible thing for someone to do to you, no matter what the reason.
Dont feel bad for crying, it will take time to heal from this, but you will.
 

sarahp

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Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry
I know there's nothing I can do or say to help you, but please do vent, and get whatever you need to say off your chest.

Then tomorrow, when you wake up, make a list. Write down everything you need to organise, what you need to do to be financial, and start working on them one at a time. It will help keep you a little more calm, and your thoughts in order.
 
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zorana_dragonky

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I want to go to sleep, to lay down so I can just cry and fall asleep and maybe tomorrow will be a little better.

But... I don't want to lay down in our bed.
I'm sure I don't need to explain why.


Thank you for your support. It really does mean a lot to me.
 

ut0pia

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Wow, I am so sorry this sounds like such a really tough situation


Don't blame yourself for not wanting to go looking for a job tomorrow. It's completely understandable..In fact I'm sure some people ask for some time off from their work if they separate with their husband or wife. I can't imagine how tough it must be to have to shift your focus from the pain of the separation to looking for a job. If you have family that you're close to, this is the perfect time to be around them because there is nothing better than to feel unconditionally loved by someone just because you're family. At least for me that's my therapy but you may be different. And we are here for you too. Lots of vibes for everything to arrange itself quickly and painlessly
 
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zorana_dragonky

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Originally Posted by ut0pia

Wow, I am so sorry this sounds like such a really tough situation


Don't blame yourself for not wanting to go looking for a job tomorrow. It's completely understandable..In fact I'm sure some people ask for some time off from their work if they separate with their husband or wife. I can't imagine how tough it must be to have to shift your focus from the pain of the separation to looking for a job. If you have family that you're close to, this is the perfect time to be around them because there is nothing better than to feel unconditionally loved by someone just because you're family. At least for me that's my therapy but you may be different. And we are here for you too. Lots of vibes for everything to arrange itself quickly and painlessly
My family lives about 2.5 hours away. And I guess it's kind of funny but I was actually closer to my husband's family than to mine. I don't get along well with my mom for very long periods of time. They are not really very comforting. More stressful. She wants to help but... In some ways she just makes me feel worse.
 

trillcat

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I am so sorry this happened to you! I was left, I know how it feels, having my ex not want to be with me anymore, not even want to try to fix things. 12 years of my life just gone. Like you, no money, no job, no one I thought cared but I found out different.
I am a stronger person today than I was then, and you will be too. It wont happen overnight, took me a few years. At first I did not think I would make it, crazy things go through your mind. Family and friend I didn't know I even had helped me through that part of it. But you will be better off without someone who does not want you. That is harsh I know, but it is the truth.
This should make you smile, I was left for a transexual crack ***** half my age, and I survived it!!! ( I really was, my life was the Jerry Springer show for a while, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!)
It is good you know that it was not your fault, that he has problems he needs to deal with. We can't change people, no matter how hard we try. We can waste a life time trying and sometimes the best thing is to just walk away, or be walked away from.

and
and a big

You will make it through this!
 
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zorana_dragonky

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Originally Posted by Trillcat

I am so sorry this happened to you! I was left, I know how it feels, having my ex not want to be with me anymore, not even want to try to fix things. 12 years of my life just gone. Like you, no money, no job, no one I thought cared but I found out different.
I am a stronger person today than I was then, and you will be too. It wont happen overnight, took me a few years. At first I did not think I would make it, crazy things go through your mind. Family and friend I didn't know I even had helped me through that part of it. But you will be better off without someone who does not want you. That is harsh I know, but it is the truth.
This should make you smile, I was left for a transexual crack ***** half my age, and I survived it!!! ( I really was, my life was the Jerry Springer show for a while, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!)
It is good you know that it was not your fault, that he has problems he needs to deal with. We can't change people, no matter how hard we try. We can waste a life time trying and somethtimes the best thing is to just walk away, or be walked away from.

and
and a big

You will make it through this!
It didn't just make me smile. It kind of made me laugh a little. It could be worse... there could be a transexual crack ***** (I feel cruel saying that, I don't want to judge anybody for their lifestyle but the crack, well...).

Thank you. I really appreciate what you said.


I will come back and read all of this tomorrow too.
 

tara g

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Oh I'm so sorry to hear this! Many many going your way. I just cannot imagine how painful your situation must be. I am sure you will come out stronger in the end, although right now you may feel like you will never have strength again.

Definitely have your cry, there's nothing wrong with that. When you wake up, then try your best to start dealing with everything you need to financially, etc.
 

krazy kat2

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I have been wondering how things were going with you since your last thread. I am really sorry that you are going through this, but it also sounds like a problem with him, not you. It will hurt terribly for awhile, but you will be ok. Maybe somewhere along the line you will find someone that will make you happy and deserves you, or maybe you will discover that you like your own company and those of your cats better than a human relationship. Either one is better than having someone drag you down with them.
I hope he gets the help he needs, but he can't ruin your life in the process. I hope this does not sound cold, that is not my intention.
Give yourself some time to grieve for your marriage, get angry, then get determined. Hugs to you, and please keep us up to date on you and what is happening.
 

trouts mom

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Oh sweety, hang in there


You certainly can get through this...just try and stay positive. (After of course having a good sobfest to grieve it out).

Stay strong
 

vermontcat

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I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time right now.
With the help of family, friends, a lot of nice people here at TCS and your two gorgeous blue eyed kitties you will get through this.
Hug those two kitties tight, they will be there for you to cry on if needed and will also do silly things to put a smile on your face.
 

snake_lady

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I am soooo sorry this happened to you.

Know that we are all here to help you along, if you need any non-emotional advice (you know, bout the stuff you are going to have to take care of on your own) please ask....

You have tons of friends on here, and lots of support coming your way.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you CAN and will get though this.... it may take a while to get over the hurt, but it will happen eventually.

 

Ms. Freya

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I'm so very sorry this happenned.


No matter how tough it seems right now, You will get everything sorted out before long and your life will calm down.
 

keycube

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Stuff like this really tests your mettle. When the dust settles, you will find yourself a stronger person, and given a gift of clarity. Guaranteed.


It's funny, you know; relationships are their own inherent litmus tests. It's almost illogical to be upset when one goes bad, since ultimately, no one should be engaged in something that's not life-enhancing. Relationships have to prove themselves worthy every day, and sometimes, an impasse appears. But that's okay, because the both of you will have the opportunity to experience a sort of life renewal, which doesn't have to be a bad thing.


It also isn't necessarily the end of your relationship; it's just entering a different phase. My marriage was a profound disaster, but 15 years later, I'm great friends with my ex-wife.

Cry like mad for now; it sucks, and no words are going to make you feel better. But just remember to give youself the chance to absorb your new life when it presents itself to you.
 
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