need vibes..this is gonna be a rough day

today is the day that my mom takes my step father into a nursing home..for respite care - which is 2 weeks. I'm gonna be on pins and needles until I find out what's happening with him. For those of you who don't know the story..my stepfather has dementia/alzheimers..its kinda hard to tell which..and well..its about time he made it to a home even if it is only for 2 weeks. She needs a break..he no longer makes any real sense when talking to you, she had to hide the mirrors in the house that she could because..well he started talking to himself in the mirrors..and now...knocking on the mirror..asking to come in...so...thats not really good. She has to follow him to the bathroom...because well..lets just say he found some new places to..um..pee..etc..
She does work still but can't go anywhere else without taking him with her..(she gets homecare during the day) and he gets confused if he's out of the house for too long..and even when she brings him home..he cries to her to take him home...
he's dozed off on the couch more then once, woke up and introduced himself to her and asked her who she was...
He knows who I am..but doesn't remember my name any longer...

I really don't know how this is going to go over...he doesn't really know that he's going to be somewhere for 2 weeks...
It may be good for him though..because he'll have people to talk to...and not just the home care worker...

He just basically sits at the kitchen table all day now..doing..not much...they've tried to get him to do jigsaw puzzles or something..but he can't figure it out..he can't read..anymore. tv doesn't interest him..he doesn't remember how to use that pool table in the basement...
its so sad to watch. He used to be the life of the party so to speak..outgoing..happy all the time...and well..now..you can't even see who he is anymore....I used to visit quite often..and now...i'm finding it extremely hard to go there...I don't understand most of what he's saying (he's reverting back to his original language which is croation)...you have to keep telling him to speak english...
but apparently his 2 friends that still come to see him...out of the many he had....tell me he's not making sense in croation either...and its hard to watch a grown man cry...

Sending lots of vibes that he enjoys himself.

Alzheimer's is a terrible thing, my grandmother suffered from for several years before she passed and it was very hard not only for her but the whole family as well
You might find having him in a more stimulating environment may help to at least temporarily improve his condition.
Lots of prayers and vibes coming your way.

Oh, dear. Dealing with deteriorating parents is such a difficult thing. for you and for the whole situation.

Originally Posted by Crazyforinfo


Sending lots of vibes that he enjoys himself.

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Originally Posted by Crazyforinfo


Sending lots of vibes that he enjoys himself.

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huge mega

I'm sad for you. It's so tough to watch people we love deteriorate. Bless your mom for having the strength to deal with it.

^ I agree! I hope everything goes well.
to you and your family.

thanks everyone..I needed that...

I hope everything goes well.

It really sounds like he needs to be in a personal care home for longer than 2 weeks though. Can I ask why he isn't being panelled to live in one? By the sounds of what you post, he could be a danger to himself and to others because he constantly needs to be monitored so that he doesn't do anything to hurt himself or others IE: leave the stove on and burn the house down etc.

Oh, how awful for you and your mom!

and from me.

thanks..he does need to be in a home..I believe for a lot longer then 2 weeks..I just can't convince my mother of that fact...

Originally Posted by mistressotdark

thanks..he does need to be in a home..I believe for a lot longer then 2 weeks..I just can't convince my mother of that fact...

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Yes, I understand about "not putting the loved one in a home". If he could make the decision himself, I rather suspect she'd support it, but she can't be the one who initiates a permanent move.

Fortunately for me, when that time came for my Dad, he did have all his faculties, so when my brother suggested that he go into respite care "just until you're over this" (I don't remember what crisis it was at that moment), he paused only a moment before saying, "If I do, it needs to be permanent." And within moments of that phone call he was asking me to get the thing in motion. As the person who did the in home care while still working, I couldn't make the suggestion, but I sure could act on his wishes.

I hope this experience is sufficiently positive for both of them, that she realizes that it is not an abandonment, but rather providing care at an appropriate level, one that can't really be provided in the home, especially by family members who also have other responsibilities.

And meanwhile... and to all of you.

What you have described mrrors exactly what is happening with my Mom and Dad. My father has dementia and is very frail at 95 and my mom is his sole carer at home. He has just started going onto respite care for a few days at a time and once a week for two nights on a regular basis. My mother was dreading it as she didn't know what state he would be in when he got home, but it has proved to be wonderful. He really doesn't know where he is any more and sometimes knows her, sometimes not, so he is fine with the Care Home. Meanwhile she is able to have some real time to herself, some proper sleep and even went to the seaside for a few days holiday with my sister. So I am sure it will be fine with your stepdad and a real boon for your mother. It is scary to see those we love in such a condition, but it is even worse for those who care for them.