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Getting more and more depressed....

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
We went to a good friend's wedding this past weekend and it was beautiful! Lyndsey was the most BEAUTIFUL bride I have ever seen in my life and they are the most beautiful couple ever.....

We were supposed to be getting married this year(in 1 month and 1 day July 11) but due to MANY family issues-my family-and issues that I won't get into here(it's just too much to type)we have decided to push it back another year. We have been engaged for 2 years and together 6 years and we just really wanted it to happen this year. I have my dress and everything and with my family, we just need to time to let things blow over. I am absolutely heartbroken as is Travis. I was sobbing at the wedding. I was happy for them but so sad. I was supposed to marry my best friend in a month and it's not happening. We have 2 more weddings to "suffer" through this year, including Trav's sister and another friend. Both friends getting married are close friends AND co-workers so I have to hear all about the weddings and their honeymoons and I am just not emotionally stable for this.

Last weekend, I put my dress and veil back in the bag. Before I did, I put my dress on one more time and just sat on the bed and cried. I know it's still going to happen and I will get to wear it but I thought I would be wearing it iin a month.


Sorry to vent. It's just hard to be happy and sad at the same time. Trav knows I am upset but does not know I cry A LOT about this.
post #2 of 29
Ok, first of all i would take your countdown siggy down seeing as you've both agreed to postpone it. You'll still remember the date when you were supposed to be getting married, but seeing that up is only going to make it worse

If theres a lot of stress and strain over family etc.. would it not be better to go and get married on a beach somewhere, because your the only ones that count really?.

EDIT: You've took it down, well done
post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Ok, first of all i would take your countdown siggy down seeing as you've both agreed to postpone it. You'll still remember the date when you were supposed to be getting married, but seeing that up is only going to make it worse

If theres a lot of stress and strain over family etc.. would it not be better to go and get married on a beach somewhere, because your the only ones that count really?.
I took the siggy down right after I posted this and sawa it was still up

Well the whole situation stemmed from inviting my parents to come to Myrtle Beach to be with us to get married and have a party when we got back with our friends and the rest of our families. They did not have the money and couldn't do it. We were still going to so it anyways but apparently my mom, dad and BIL were not ever going to speak to me again and my mom wrote me the nastiest email I have ever read in my life. If it wasn't for my dad and his health problems, we would have still done it. It's just a lot more in depth than this. My problem is that I am not a selfish person by any means so making my wedding day all about me and Travis is VERY difficult for me. And I used to be close to my family but since this whole incident, it has really hurt us. My sister was the only one standing by us the whole time.
post #4 of 29
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this is for you and how tough it is to attend another couple weddings. I know this isn't the best advice but please be brave, your day will come and it'll be the happiest day of your life!!
Lots of
post #5 of 29
Weddings can bring out the worst in people Either way someone will be upset, but they have to remember that this is not their day it's yours and Travis's.

My niece had to cancel her church wedding because her dad (my brother) was dying of cancer. She decided because he wouldn't be there to walk her down the aisle she just wanted her and Julian to go to Cuba to get married then have a big party when they got back. Everyone, including her mum understood, and she wore her dress again for the party and had pictures blown up of their wedding on the beach pinned up around the hall and it was perfect!.

Were half way through this year already, so next year will be here before you know it
post #6 of 29
Courtney I know how you feel, I really do!

We were supposed to be getting married the weekend after you (July 18th) but because of our little situation , we have to push ours back until next year also. Its hard, even though we have something very special to look forward to right now, but I have three friends getting married within three weeks, and seeing their countdowns & hearing about their excitement is hard for me too, even though I KNOW its going to happen for us! But having everything done - like you, the dress, ect., its really hard, I really want to be wearing that dress in a month! We don't even have a date set for next year yet

Things happen for a reason, I know this & you are a very strong woman! Let me know if you need to talk, I understand your feelings!
post #7 of 29
I'm sorry you are going through this... I don't have any words that will take away your hurt..... My DH and I were married 2yrs ago, after being engaged over 2yrs and together in total now for 9yrs (on and off for 13). I know how hard it is to wait.

My biggest kicker was going to his brothers wedding. They had only been together about a yr, married a yr later....before us. I had some severe issues with that one. Happy for them, sad and angry for me.

Next year will come sooner than it seems, and you'll be a Mrs.
post #8 of 29
I think you need to allow yourself to mourn your disappointment and the damage done by your family. But at some point, you need to focus on the positives of your life and remind yourself of them. Because at the end of the day, you have Travis by your side and that is something to be very thankful for.
post #9 of 29
Awwww, that would be hard Hang in there

Just think of it as saving the best for last. Just imagine the feeling you'll have when you finally get to walk down the aisle to the love of your life.
post #10 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
I'm sorry you are going through this... I don't have any words that will take away your hurt..... My DH and I were married 2yrs ago, after being engaged over 2yrs and together in total now for 9yrs (on and off for 13). I know how hard it is to wait.

My biggest kicker was going to his brothers wedding. They had only been together about a yr, married a yr later....before us. I had some severe issues with that one. Happy for them, sad and angry for me.

Next year will come sooner than it seems, and you'll be a Mrs.
Same here. Travis's sister has only been dating her fiance for a little over a year. She has talked nothing but bad things of him and she is a very bossy person, like her mother. They originally picked the weekend right before us and that was another issue in itself. They have since picked July 25th and are now getting married before us. A wedding we don't really support at all is going to be really hard to get through especially after all Travis and I have been through the last 6 and a half years.

Kenz, we don't have a date either. I have a lot of things to figure out in a year. Starting over again just sucks too
post #11 of 29
Bless your heart Have faith everything will work out for the best
post #12 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oscarsmommy View Post
Kenz, we don't have a date either. I have a lot of things to figure out in a year. Starting over again just sucks too
I know But just think, next year we'll be the ones all excited over our weddings And, since we have the extra time, it will be extra special
post #13 of 29
Your wedding is about you and your partner, no one else.

Why wait? Each get a close friend together, and go to a Justice of the Peace, or to a small church and pledge your vows to one another. There is no need to spend 10's of thousands of dollars, and push off something you want so badly, just for the sake of putting on a show/party for others.

Instead of being unhappy and depressed, do what your heart wants you to do: go and marry the man of your dreams
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley View Post
I know But just think, next year we'll be the ones all excited over our weddings And, since we have the extra time, it will be extra special
Oh, Kenz....why can't you live closer
post #15 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oscarsmommy View Post
Oh, Kenz....why can't you live closer
I wish I did! Everyone has said to us "why don't you just go to the courthouse with your fiance?" To me, I want ALL of my family there, its not about the big party, but I need my family there to share in that special moment in our lives. I don't care if its just my family & us and not all those extra friends, but having our family & very close friends there means so much to me. So, waiting a little bit longer to have that very special moment in my life is worth it. PLUS, I have that dress that I just need to wear, sometime!

I've come to deal with the fact that we're not getting married this year, and you will too Our situations are a little different, but still so much the same. You and Travis love eachother so much & right now thats all that should matter Keep your chin up sweetheart!
post #16 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Your wedding is about you and your partner, no one else.

Why wait? Each get a close friend together, and go to a Justice of the Peace, or to a small church and pledge your vows to one another. There is no need to spend 10's of thousands of dollars, and push off something you want so badly, just for the sake of putting on a show/party for others.

Instead of being unhappy and depressed, do what your heart wants you to do: go and marry the man of your dreams
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that...It's just really hard for me to think about ME and not everyone else. I have been like that since I can remember.

We aren't planning a big wedding at all. Maybe $2000 TOPS.


I really want to thank you guys for your words of wisdom. You may be hearing a lot from me as we get closer to July 11
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley View Post
I know But just think, next year we'll be the ones all excited over our weddings And, since we have the extra time, it will be extra special
a perfect way to look at things. Your day will come
post #18 of 29
I'm going to second the "Why wait?"

My husband and I had a small civil ceremony in April of 2001, and in July of 2002 had a larger wedding. We had family issues as well, and this was the best case scenario.

It's about being married over the wedding, and maybe this way you will have some comfort and know you can take it easy planning a wedding. More time the merrier!

You know - then you could be one of those couples who gets "married" every year on their anniversary! lol
post #19 of 29
I have to admit, I long for depression such as yours. Someone that you love who is as anxious as you are to spend your future together (which you're in the midst of, by the way); friends and co-workers that care enough about you to want to share the excitement of their special day with you. I dunno, I see lots of smiles in there. And I'm not even a happy person!

You long for the destination, but thus far, your journey looks pretty sweet. Sounds like your own wedding isn't a matter of 'if', but 'when'; but we don't always get to pull the trigger on those things at our leisure. In the meantime...just enjoy the treasures you do have.
post #20 of 29
aw Courtney I'm so sorry your family is giving you such a rough time When I was planning my wedding my Mom actually asked me if I didn't want to just go to Vegas

just remember that marriage is just putting on paper what you and Travis have in your hearts
post #21 of 29
just food for thought...i battled this same problem (too freakin bad it ended up being the PERFECT DRESS, CEREMONY, ETC.. WRONG MAN! so sad!). I got to the point of being so stressed trying to please EVERYONE, family, mom, dad, friends, etc... (keep in mind also that people act weirdo sometimes....u find out who your real friends are at most major life events). We had reserved the church, the reception, all of it. One day i just snapped, I picked up the phone, BAWLING, called "him" (ugh) and said "how important is the actual wedding to you"? His response was "not at all". I said whats our most favorite place in the world, Disneyworld right.....and that was it, we picked up the phone and Disney took care of the rest. We told them about how much we could spend and they gave us package options, it was so easy and wonderful. It seriously was a PERFECT setting, the price wasnt bad like one may think being that its Disney (now im sure if we did it at that wedding pavillion it would have been but sunset pointe outside was amazing!). We married at the Polynesian Resort at Sunset Pointe with pictures showing cinderellas castle at sunset in the background as well as the lake and their beautiful landscape. They took wonderful pictures all throughout the hotel (think hawaii setting) like in front of the waterfalls, etc.. They had a violinist play the music as I came out and it was just us and the preacher and a few on hand disney employees. They provided the beautiful boquets, cake, limo (or horse drawn carriage), pictures, minister who counseled us prior to so that it wasnt so informal. It seriously couldnt have been more perfect and we saved THOUSANDS and made sure to get lots of picts (could have done the video but opted not to) and the family was just as happy that we did that. Mom and dad started to come but I cant remember, something came up at the last minute but even still....it was the MOST WONDERFUL, intimate, beautiful wedding ever and although my biggest fear was id regret not doing it local but never once did i have regrets.
post #22 of 29
ohhh, now im so sad too! NOW ive got the most amazing beautiful man ever and I can never re-live that magical perfect day with the wrong man, how depressing!
What i meant to add though is follow YOUR gut feeling, no one else's ideas, opinions, etc.. because in 10 years from now are you going to look back at your pictures and think oh wow im so glad I did that for aunt sue, oh wow, im so glad my 3rd cousin on uncle vinny's side was able to make it because i changed dates for them to do so, HECKKK NO! Your going to want to have peace knowing that you did what you wanted! You want this day to be the most special (aside from birth of a child if thats in your future). You want the world to stop when you look into his eyes and say your vows as if there is no one else there except the two of you, right? I PROMISE your family will see the light on your face in your joy and happiness after your decision is finally made to do what YOU guys want to do (maybe not at first but they will...i swear on it!) that will be all that matters. AND you know things are so different these days, anything goes. Ive been to a couple different style weddings in the past year or two where the couple got married then months even a year later they had a very nice reception party with the dj and all...still go the gifts, etc.. JUST AS IF they had just been married...I mean lets all get honest....thats the best part of a wedding, to me anyway, is the reception typically. What the wedding itself lasts all of 15 minutes? OH and girl, I STILL wore my absolutely AMAZING beautiful wedding dress (im usually not a bragger but this was the perfect dress too!)....train and all with just me, him the minister and Disney employees! OHHH, gosh and the kids at the hotel as I was escorted to sunset pointe all were freaking out, "look mommy, its cinderella!!" THAT was just the icing on the cake! ;-)
post #23 of 29
Is it possible just to run off and get married, then in a year have a nice reception for family and friends. I wouldn't wait because of family, you're in love....just go and get married and to heck with the rest.
post #24 of 29
Believe me, I know what you're going through. We moved our wedding date SIX times.

Most of the changes were due to DH's sister. She was totally single before we got engaged, but she was DETERMINED not to be the only single person in the family. She actually met a guy and got engaged within a few months of our engagement. Then she kept planning her wedding a couple of weeks before we had planned ours. Because we had a lot of his family who were coming in from all over the country, we didn't want to burden them with making two trips so close together. So we'd change our date...then she'd change hers. (Then, in the end she changed her mind and decided she wanted only her parents in attendance so they got married in a private ceremony where her parents lived. THEN she decided that she was sad that she didn't have pictures and brought her wedding dress with her to our wedding. She wanted to wear it and have pictures taken at all of our events, as if it were her wedding. I love my SIL, but she's a little nuts. )

I had the same philosophy you did, though...I didn't WANT it to be just about me. I wanted it to be about both of our families and the joining of our lives together. There are so many people in our lives than just the two of us, and I needed it to be about them, too.

In the end it was a perfect wedding. Not expensive, not over-the-top fancy, and two years later than planned. We got married on the 12th anniversary of our first date, and all of our families were there. It was a wonderful time and I still hear that ours was the most fun people had had at a wedding. It means alot to me that everyone enjoyed it...as it turns out it was the last time all my mother's siblings were together before my aunts and uncles started dying. I wouldn't have changed a single thing about it...not even the date or my crazy SIL.

When it's all said and done I think you'll probably look back and realize that there was a reason for all the bumps in the road. In the end, your wedding will be perfect for you...even if it's not what you pictured ahead of time.
post #25 of 29
Is it the wedding that's important to you, or is it being married? If it's being married, then get married now, regardless of who shows up for it. Then in a year on your anniversary you can have the actual wedding with all your friends and family there.
post #26 of 29
I have no words of wisdom for you at all. Gary and I got married by ourselves thousands of miles away from everyone. Our witnesses were our photographer and his wife - we met him in a bait & tackle shop. It was SO wonderful having it be completely hassle free.

But I understand people want their families to be with them, have the ceremony, &etc.

So I'm just sending lots of hugs.

Laurie
post #27 of 29
Don´t give up...!.....
post #28 of 29
A few months after I became engaged my mom was diagnosed with stage III ovarian cancer so we had to wait for the initial surgery and then through the chemotherapy and then another surgery to see if there was any re-occurance. At that point it was going to be a really quick wedding or a longer wait (which it was) so mom wouldn't have to wear a wig. There was many anxious moments during this time period but worth it in the end.

Just remember your wedding will happen and it should be the way you want it without the influence from any negative family members.
post #29 of 29
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for everything. Today was rough just because our wedding SHOULD be a month away

I want a marriage more than a wedding, yes. But like I have said that it is hard to make something about just me. I NEED my dad-who is my hero-to walk me down the aisle and give me away to the most wonderful man I could possibly knowIt just wouldn't be the same and I know I would regret it if he wasn't there.

I know this month will be really hard. I just need to look at Travis and know that it WILL happen and like someone said everything happens for a reason. God has a plan
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