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Just one of those days I guess

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
ever since my DD and I had a little quibble, I've been bummed.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm a little jealous over how my daughter loves her father's gf. It wouldn't hurt if it wasn't for the fact that Kendra completely ignores me when her stepmom is here. They(her dad and stepmom) took her to her year end cadet bbq tonight, then came in afterwards to explain some cadet camp stuff to me. My daughter is hanging all over this woman, who is a nice girl and I do get along with her, and completely ignoring me.

She went to bed and didn't even give me a hug We always hug...even nights that we yell and scream at each other, we ALWAYS hug and say gnight/I love you. It is something I've instilled in my family.... because you never know... but she of course hugged her step mom several times just prior to this.

she came back down, and I was honest with her (she asked why I was crying).... (it was more than just the no hug) and now I just feel like crap. Very sad and depressed.

lonely... I miss my hubby (seeing her dad and his woman, they just got engaged on Sunday... kinda rubbed it in a little more that I miss my hubby).

Doesn't help that its my "womanly time" right now, so I'm extra sensitive.

I am also well overdue for some me time. Sure I have the days by myself, but I'm trapped in my own home...well that's how it feels.

I really really need to get away. Last time I got some quality time away was the first wk of last Sept. I took a 22hr bus ride up North to see a friend for 4 days.. When i came back, WOW, what a difference in me. My hubby and I, it was like when we got married, or when we first fell in love. Me and my kids, were so happy to see each other... It was refreshing.

I'm getting to that breakdown point again. I don't know, maybe I'll take off this weekend, I just don't know where. I just know that I need to before I break or the family has issues...(unfortunately, my family, kids and dh, their moods are based on mine... if I'm not depressed, then we have a good time, all get along, etc. When I am depressed, they get down a bit too.... they don't want to piss me off, or make me more sad, etc... so they walk on eggshells).

I'm also at a loss because of not smoking. I don't know what to do instead. Normally, when I'm crying, I go have a smoke and the crying is done. I don't know what to do instead, aside from continue to be down. (I have no urge/desire/want/need for a smoke whatsoever)

I feel lost.

anyways if you made it this far, thx for listening. I'll be over it by morning...usually am. I'm just venting/whining/whatever... dunno what else to do LOL. Used to smoke, now I whine to TCS.
post #2 of 14
Until you find and substitute a new coping mechanism of your own for such times, Chris, I can't think of a better one than coming here and just letting it out. We have broad shoulders, and have been in similar situations, so there's lots of empathy.

I'm sorry you're feeling down and lost. I hope things will look brighter after a night's sleep. Meanwhile
post #3 of 14
I have faith that things will turn out ok with your DD. But you are without a support system right now with hubby out of town and the challenges of breaking a tough habit. I think if you can get yourself some time to yourself, it will help you to get centered again. And everyone here is ready to support you.
post #4 of 14
I know how you feel. Sometimes you just need something to break the "crying cycle" thing, and it just stops on its own. For me, its taking a shower - nice hot, long shower, and somehow, I can't cry after that.

Hope you find something that works for you soon, and take that me time break that you need! and
post #5 of 14
My philosophy has always been this.....Even this shall pass away.....
Things that sometimes seems so over-whelming one minute have a tendency to take on less importance as time passes..
Maybe also your daughter isn't necessarily behaving the way she is because she actually likes this other person all that much, maybe she is just trying to please her dad by making such a fuss over his girlfriend. If that is so the problem doesn't lie in you but in her insecurity over her father.
No doubt she is secure in her love for you and she knows beyond a doubt that you love her.
Things are not always the way they seem
post #6 of 14
Oh honey...
My doors are always open for you, ok? Anytime you want to come to the US, we are here to spoil you rotten... You can also call me anytime of the day or night... You know I don't really sleep.

Listen, don't forget you are quitting smoking; even if you don't really crave, you have no idea how powerful the withdraw from the cigarettes is. Always, always remember that... If you suffer from depression, you will feel it MUCH more; same thing with anxiety. Quitting smoking will mess your emotions up pretty badly, the way I describe it is a constant ten-folded PMS.

So, it is pretty likely that you are way over sensitive, since you are not only PMS'ing, but also quitting smoking. If this persists to a point where you can't handle it, call your doctor to adjust your anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds, if you are taking them.

Many many hugs, this WILL pass, ok? We love you very much, and will be thinking of you
post #7 of 14
Chris... don´t give up!..
post #8 of 14
Hang in there Chris!
post #9 of 14
Awwwww Chris....

Like Carolina pointed out, quitting smoking is messing EVERYTHING up. It's making your metabolism nuts - I bet your sense of taste is all weird (sorry, I haven't read or participated in the quitting smoking thread ), it is DEFINITELY adding to that feeling of depression, and I bet you feel like you don't want to get out of bed and sleep a lot (even if you can't actually sleep )?

You DEFINITELY have to find something to replace the smoking "support" system. Personally, I'd recommend a combination of things. I love the shower idea (works when you're at home), of COURSE you should come to TCS to vent and to get LOTS of love, hugs and support (though we can't hand you tissue through the screen or actually give you those hugs we want to - one of the failings of the Internet!) - and for out of the house, I'd carry around a pack of gum or chewy mints or something, and go where you would to have a cigarette, and chomp away for the same 5 - 10 minutes.

And I TOTALLY think Tierre0 got it absolutely, completely right.

post #10 of 14
I hope you're doing better today
post #11 of 14
I also hope you're feeling better today

I agree with other's posts about trying to quit smoking added with your 'time of the month' is being very tough with your emotions. And too, your daughter already knows she has all your love and is very secure about it but I think that (I'm not sure how often she see's your ex's girlfriend) maybe she's trying hard to make a good impression for her father as Tierre0 said. Since they just got engaged, your daughter knows this 'one' is going to be sticking around.
Chris, you've got all our support here! Lots of
post #12 of 14
I don't have much advice about what you should do, but I thought I would offer my and and support. It's so hard when you feel down and no one is there to pick you back up again.

I admire you for quitting smoking also. I'm very proud of you.
post #13 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys.

Today was worse. 3 different fights with DD, the news about my dog, my hubby not being here.

yah, not a good evening.... everything was fine up untill shortly after my kids got home from school.

sorry for whining, i know alot of other people have it way worse than me.

(sidenote: the anxiety has been fine since last week..... my taste for food has improved... and aside from when something causes it, I'm not depressed... I have no urges to smoke, mentally or physically...I have way more energy than i did. I just want the fighting to stop. Out of the fights we've had, they've all been stupid, and more than likely would not happen if DH was here.... my DD knows he will not tolerate disrespect and mouthiness.)
post #14 of 14
I'm sorry! I hope things improve soon! It sounds like everyone needs a little break from each other for awhile to let things cool off. Take some deep breaths (this should be a little easier for you since you stopped smoking ) and do a little meditating or just relax.
Sending you some much needed
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