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Moral Decisions...i need help, no where else to turn!

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Hey y'all! I realize im new but ive just kinda jumped in here. In doing so ive met so many sweet sweet people thus far! I am happy to learn that there is a personal side to this and not just a Q/A type board.

The past few years have been difficult, without just sharing my entire life, but just recently ive run into areas where i wonder is it best for me to "act on" something when its something that being done thats just not right (but not really my business...well, kinda it is but not directly) OR is it best to leave alone, let it drive me insane and potentially slander others or at least make them look bad?

I know this is vague....and actually it relates to a couple issues going on BUT heres an example i can share. Have you ever known someone, coworker, whoever, who just BLATANTLY lies, sometimes for absolutely no reason? Who cares right? What if they are just blatantly making stuff up about you or your friend, family memeber, etc? OR they take something that MAY have happened innocently enough and ran WILD with it by the time the story came out of their mouth? Its craziness to me, i dont understand it and I think a lot of the people who do this really have some type of dillusional mental deal or something and need help so you've looked the other way for a really long time but NOW its affecting YOU personally, your family even possibly...

So guess in a nutshell, if someone was slandering your name, for the purpose of lets say attention in this case (attention for them emotionally as well as even financially speaking on occassion - yes its sickening!) would you turn a cheek as mom taught even if it continues? And if you do bring it to whomevers attention to clear the air, would they even believe you since the liar has such a repore and is so "sweet" seems impossible and frustrating so then what?

Just curious, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE any help! :-)
post #2 of 7
My best friend of over 25 years is a pathological liar... She lies for no reason at all... About anything and everything... Automatically lies instead of telling the truth... She is not a bad person, and I just laugh and catch her in the lies. I do tell her that she is a huge liar! But I do love her, and I know I can count on her for anything I might need - she is family.
She has never done anything to harm me though, and if something did harm me unintentionally, I would simply say that it was a lie, and talk to her...
This is my case only... The way I see is, she is this way, and I am not the one who will change her; it is not my place to do so. I love her because of many different things, and I will take her defects as a part of her - she is more to me than only this. Now, if that was not the case, I would just keep my distance from this person - if a person is detrimental to my life, I stay away... There is no reason to fight against who they are... We can just choose to be close or far...
post #3 of 7
We can't change what people say or do, but we can change how we react to it all.

I also learned in life that we aren't responsible for other people's feelings. We each own our own feelings, good or bad.

If you notice that this person is lying and embellishing, chances are so are others. Just take what the person says with a grain of salt and know that you probably aren't hearing the whole truth.

Best to not confront someone at work because it will just lead to workplace hostility and it's not nice to have to go to work and work in an environment that is hostile and not welcoming.
post #4 of 7
Sounds like my former coworker.... Lots of lies/embellishments/etc. If you came into work and said I had a great weekend, I was up till 3am drinking.... he would say yah me too, only I haven't slept yet. He always had to one up a person. I caught him directly a couple times, he'd say one thing, then something different the next day, and yes I would ask him about it.... I knew he was BS, but I would say " I thought you said........" in a non-confrontational manner....

yes we did have a confrontation a couple times, but luckily where I worked, you did not have to interact with coworkers.... all 3 of us had our own job to do, and no need to even talk to the others. But we got over it...had our yelling matches, then the next day, all friendly again.

So, the lying part....you can ignore, knowing that they will screw up one day. Pathalogical liars inevitably do screw up because they can't remember all the different stories.

or....you could say something non-confrontational like, "I thought you had said this....did you say that? or is that true?" Focus on being non-confrontational because if it is a coworker, unless you work like I did, confronting the person in an aggressive/confrontational manner could cause you some probs.

What I worry about is you vaguely mentioning that this persons BS is slandering you and it is affecting you financially....the emotional part, no biggie cause you can rest easy knowing they are full of crap, and your friends or people that know you can see thru it I would hope.

Can you give us more info at all? via pm if you have to, then someone else can post it so its not you posting it? A what if type example like:

a coworker of someone I know, is repeatedly lying about my friend, saying things about her that are untrue and make her and her family look bad. As well as she's lying about things to advance in her position at work..... how would you deal with that?

something like that?

Like I said, its hard to say much on vague info, but I am concerned if this persons actions are affecting you and your family, and affecting financial issues. (I'm not sure if that means that she is stealing or what).
post #5 of 7
Actually funny story, (funny AFTER the fact) about my work life. We had an HR manger who I thought I was friends with. We would spend a long time talking and I knew her life was hard so I always went out of my way to compliment her or be an ear for her to talk to. She told me some very personal things about her life, so I assumed we were friends.

My company is going under, every time someone gets laid off I get half of their work load (in the business office department). All of the sudden I noticed the executive were not accepting my offer to take some of the laid off peoples work load… it was odd, usually they threw it at me.

Then the President and the Director of HR made a surprise visit to our office (they are in the USA) they made it a point to have meeting with me and another girl. The next day the HR Manager got fired.

It turns out this girl (an HR manager?!?! Seriously wrong….) hated me and this other girl. She would tell corporate that we were both imbeciles, useless, all we do is chat, AND we were both having an affair with the head guy of Canada. She also said she didn’t trust because I was Jewish (just to one girl who kept it secret until all this happened). This HR girl would make up all sorts of things I did bad at the weekly corporate meetings. The President and Director of HR made it a point to come down since I am privy to a lot of confidential materials. They realized I was a great worker and this HR girl was crazy and she got fired. Apparently this went on for months on a weekly basis.

I promised the Director of HR I wouldn’t say anything to her. But if I found out about this WHILE it was going on I would have confronted her directly, asked her what the hell was wrong with her. I would also make it a point to arrange the HR girl, the people she is lying to, and myself to be in the same room and mention out loud her lies and see where it goes from there. The point would be that I would call her out, to herself directly, and to everyone in front of her. In the whole process I would be completely calm and collected and see what happens.
post #6 of 7
omg there is a serious nutcase in my office! but she told such outrageous lies that she was funny and it was fun to talk to her for a good laugh. but then she started getting way out of control.

she came to work telling everyone she met a BF but he had no arms and no legs and didnt know what to do. Then about 2wks later she came to work with a bubble gum machine ring and then a few days the ring was gone and nothing was ever mentioned again except she broke up with him cause she couldt stand dating a guy with no arms and no legs!

but she would also tell malicious lies, like she would spread it all around on break that the guy in the cubicle next to her was always playing with himself! lmao!!

she told lies about having brain tumors and cancer.

then she told one of my friends that i was a B*tch and smelled like piss!
well when i heard that i got scared and thought omg what if 1 of my cats maybe pissed on a pair of my jeans and i didnt know, but my best friend to sits right next to me at work told me she honestly never smelled anything.
well this girl had me so worried i went out and bought this special detergent that was supposed to get out pet odors and spent the weekend doing my clothes.

well everyone basically stopped talking to her. So her latest stunt she pulled is she went around telling everyone she was pregnant i guess thinking that we would talk to her again. Well we didnt acknowledge it and i said to my friends mark my words she is going to come in one day and be crying she had a miscarriage! and i hit it right on the head. and we all ignored her.

we all gave her more than 1 chance of friendship at work. and she blew it everytime. So now i wont even look at her. she needs to be locked up and have the key thrown away.

it matters what this worker is saying about you. as for the nutcase i had to deal with i had plenty of friends and a few close friends who even told me personally if they ever smelled a hint of pee on me they would pull me aside and tell me because they would want the same done for them. but it did really upset me, because she maliciously complained about another person like that and demanded he be taken to hr and talked to.
post #7 of 7
I know someone for sure who lied about being raped simply for attention and for the "comfort" of her boyfriend. People like this cant keep their stories straight. They will make an outrageous statement then wont give details because its just to "upseting" or whatever. It makes me furious because the REAL victims lets say of rape, its people like this one in paticular that make it even more of a challenge in coming forward. ALL FOR WHAT? selfishness? sickness? i dont know....
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