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What should Hubby do?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Here is the scenario: We are at the state liquor store this evening buying a bottle of liquor. Hubby and I walk up to the counter to purchase the bottle. Hubby carries the money so I let him do the buying. The guy at the counter says, "I need to see his ID first" - Indicating me. I am in my work clothes which consists of Charcoal grey cotton pants, a khaki short sleeved work shirt with my name (Melissa) on it, my long hair is in a ponytail, I have earrings (green flowers) in my ears, and a very pretty hemp necklace with purple beads and a large flower charm on it. So I shoot the guy an extremely icy look and dig out my ID while the gal working the other counter says, "She isn't a guy!" Well, the counter guy apologizes and I continue my icy glare without saying anything until we walk away from the counter.

Should I expect my hubby to jump in and "defend" me in these situations, or is that unreasonable?

Right now, I am rather PO'd and haven't said two words to Hubby since this happened (almost 2hrs ago).

BTW, this is an ongoing situation for me that has always really bothered me, and what I wear to work is not going to change, but the situation still bothers me.
post #2 of 16
Hopefully the guy behind the counter just wasn't paying attention, in which case, I'd ignore it. But some people are just stupid, in which case I would have done the same...a cold icy glare. It's really not worth getting your underoos in a knot
I have a deep voice and over the phone I get called SIR all the time. I'm use to it and it gets me further when voicing a complaint
post #3 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil maggie View Post
Hopefully the guy behind the counter just wasn't paying attention, in which case, I'd ignore it.
Ditto.

Nothing to be offended about IMHO. So many people look and dress androgynous that you can't really tell what gender some people are.

My advice to you is that if it bothers you that people mistake you for the male gender sometimes, that you start dressing more "girly-girly" and wearing dresses, make up and lots of other pretty feminine things instead of typically more masculine clothing. That way people won't mistake you for a male and thusly you won't have your feelings hurt.
post #4 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Ditto.

Nothing to be offended about IMHO. So many people look and dress androgynous that you can't really tell what gender some people are.

My advice to you is that if it bothers you that people mistake you for the male gender sometimes, that you start dressing more "girly-girly" and wearing dresses and lots of pretty feminine things instead of typically more masculine clothing.
I do try to add girly accessories to my work uniform, but certain things (such as dresses) aren't practical when one is a welder. The main question was should I expect my hubby to jump in and "defend my honor" as is were.
post #5 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
IShould I expect my hubby to jump in and "defend my honor" as is were.
No, I don't think so. This isn't the medieval ages. Woman have voices and can speak up if something bothers them.

I think you're just being a little too sensitive about the whole thing.

I'm heavy and carry much of that weight in my belly. I'm often mistaken as being a pregnant woman. I just politely inform the person that I'm fat, not pregnant and go on with my day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
I do try to add girly accessories to my work uniform, but certain things (such as dresses) aren't practical when one is a welder.
That's the whole idea behind "androgynous", blending male with female. So the fact that you wear masculine clothing with "girly-girl" accessories, makes you "androgynous", so you can't really blame someone, or take offense when someone mistakes you for a gender other than what you are. It becomes a guessing game for them.....male? female? He picked male.
post #6 of 16
No, you should have done exactly as you did.
No need to be angry with hubby.


Quote:
That's the whole idea behind "androgynous", blending male with female. So the fact that you wear masculine clothing with "girly-girl" accessories, makes you "androgynous", so you can't really blame someone, or take offense when someone mistakes you for a gender other than what you are. It becomes a guessing game for them.....male? female? He picked male.
The problem with that ideal though is that in the service industry, especially hospitality, if you are not certain, you do not make a gender positive comment.
If the cashier did not know, he should have said "I'll need to see your ID as well".

The fact is, he was probably not paying any attention, which is in itself a blunder that should not be made.
post #7 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arlyn View Post
No, you should have done exactly as you did.
No need to be angry with hubby.




The problem with that ideal though is that in the service industry, especially hospitality, if you are not certain, you do not make a gender positive comment.
If the cashier did not know, he should have said "I'll need to see your ID as well".

The fact is, he was probably not paying any attention, which is in itself a blunder that should not be made.
I wish that more people would get that sort of training because it is usually cashiers or people in similar positions who usually make that mistake.

The problem with the whole "androgenous" argument is that I don't really feel that having my name written on my shirt makes it really difficult for people to tell if I am female. How many men have you ever met with the name "Melissa"
post #8 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
I wish that more people would get that sort of training because it is usually cashiers or people in similar positions who usually make that mistake.

The problem with the whole "androgenous" argument is that I don't really feel that having my name written on my shirt makes it really difficult for people to tell if I am female. How many men have you ever met with the name "Melissa"
Personally, I wouldn't be offended at hubby... but definately at the cashier.

I don't know how easy it is to read your nametag, but, it sounds like the cashier just glanced without paying much attention.

I know I had my fair share of mistaken sex. I wore navy blue coveralls that were baggy (because they were meant for a man, not women with curves...so I had to get a larger size to accomodate having curves), steel toed rubber boots and my nametag, easy to read, said Chris Hair always back, only allowed studs in the ears.... so yah, I looked like a dude. (I don't have a feminine/petite face... i have stronger features)

Honestly, it never bothered me....probally because I refer to myself as one of the guys, and always have been. I just normally make some stupid comment poking fun at the situation. If my hubby was with, he'd make fun of me too. (thats how we act together)

NOW, if I had been wearing normal clothes, ummmmm....I'd be pissed.... extremely.
post #9 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
I wish that more people would get that sort of training because it is usually cashiers or people in similar positions who usually make that mistake.
That's honestly something that shouldn't need training. People should, bluntly put, pull their heads out of their butts and try to watch what they say when working in such a position. And pay attention! That's part of customer service... that and the minute you don't pay attention you're likely to get someone trying to steal something
I've had a few people myself that I wasn't 100% sure on but it was very simple to avoid offending them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
The problem with the whole "androgenous" argument is that I don't really feel that having my name written on my shirt makes it really difficult for people to tell if I am female. How many men have you ever met with the name "Melissa"
At DH's plant they have uniforms with name tags... sometimes they make mistakes and mess up the names. Such as Michelle, there are no Michelles that work there only Micheals. I joke with him that when the uniform place is being slow about getting his shirts back he should just use some of the Michelles.
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
Personally, I wouldn't be offended at hubby... but definately at the cashier.
I think you should have a standard reply of "yes ma'am" to guys that say that to you.
And obviously the guy was just being an idiot and not paying attention because the other girl didnt think you were a guy.
post #11 of 16
A standard reply of "Yes ma'am" to guys that say that! I LOVE IT!

I'm sure the guy wasn't paying attention - if he didn't notice the earrings and necklace, he definitely didn't notice the name.

That said, I disagree with everyone else here. I think your hubby should have gotten at least mad, and pointed to your name on your uniform, and said "That's my wife you're talking about, pal! You're in a service industry, you should pay attention to your customers" or SOMETHING to have elicited an apology from the idiot. Yes, we're in the day and age when women speak up for themselves, and you should too.

But my guess is your reaction to the situation is based on the idea that if someone said to you about your hubby, "I need to see her ID too," you'd say something, right? It makes you feel like he doesn't care. So talk to him and let him know that - you'd stand up for him!



Laurie
post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by LDG View Post
A standard reply of "Yes ma'am" to guys that say that! I LOVE IT!

I'm sure the guy wasn't paying attention - if he didn't notice the earrings and necklace, he definitely didn't notice the name.

That said, I disagree with everyone else here. I think your hubby should have gotten at least mad, and pointed to your name on your uniform, and said "That's my wife you're talking about, pal! You're in a service industry, you should pay attention to your customers" or SOMETHING to have elicited an apology from the idiot. Yes, we're in the day and age when women speak up for themselves, and you should too.

But my guess is your reaction to the situation is based on the idea that if someone said to you about your hubby, "I need to see her ID too," you'd say something, right? It makes you feel like he doesn't care. So talk to him and let him know that - you'd stand up for him!



Laurie
I totally agree!
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your help everyone! I went downstairs and apologized for giving hubby the silent, angry treatment and explained that even though I had hoped that he would speak up for me, I should probably speak up for myself and really, the person that I was angry with was the guy in the liquor store. Hubby said he had kind of figured out that he should have said something and he forgave me for the silent, angry treatment. We love each other and he knows how much it bothers me when people are ignorant like this.
post #14 of 16
Yeah, people really can be stupid and ignorant. In fact, they can really suck.

Glad you chatted with him!



Laurie
post #15 of 16
Why do you care what some person who works in the liquor store thinks so much? For all you know he was drunk himself or semi blind Or mentally disabled, ya just never know. Don't take it to heart, everyone has opinions and not all of them are right or even nice and that has more to do with THEM not you, they are probably like that to everyone or at least many people, it is not just you.
You are blessed and stay happy - don't forget it for random comments from strangers That is my opinion at least.
post #16 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
I do try to add girly accessories to my work uniform, but certain things (such as dresses) aren't practical when one is a welder. The main question was should I expect my hubby to jump in and "defend my honor" as is were.
does hubby know it offends you as much as it does? tell him next time the 2 of you are out and that happens you would appreciate an "excuse me, but that's my wife!"

that happened to me not too long ago i was at the pharmacy waiting to be helped and the woman called me sir, but i laughed it off, esp since i was wearing a guyish winter hat (wich i do every winter, i cant stand a cold head!)
i had a big coat on and no makeup. it doesnt bother me i can totally laugh about it.

but to answer your question a little more, if i was really sensitive about a situation and someone made a comment and BF did not defend me, i would def tell him how i felt and that next time id appreciate him sticking up for me and i know he would, so make up with him, and tell him next time he better stick up for you!
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