I have decided to leave my boyfriend

baloneysmom

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And what a pain in the butt it has been turning out to be. I am in a relationship with “Mr. Roboto†as I like to call him. An emotionless, nice guy who doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have a romantic bone in his body. I have been here for 2 years and have heard “I love you†from him maybe 4 times, twice because I was complaining about it.

I am bored in this relationship. I have never been the crazy type but since I get so little attention from him I find I am causing all sorts of unnecessary drama. Two nights ago he came home 1 hour late without calling, I havenâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t spoken (first time i spoke to him was this morning) or slept in the same room with him since then, and to be honest I couldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t care less he was late. I have NEVER EVER been dramatic in a relationship, and I find it sad itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s the only way to get attention from him. I do everything for this guy, my world revolves around him. I think I deserve a lot more than just a “good friend†and an awkward “I love you†twice a year.

My family is now going through drama. My Dad doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want my dog moving in and my Sister doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want my cats due to URI (which is funny because I own HALF her house…).They both gave me stupid options. My Dad said I could move in and give all my animals to my sister and get them back in 1.5 years when my sister gives me money for the house. My sister said I can give her my dog (for 1.5 years), convince my Dad to take my cats only. My Mom got back to both of them and said they have two days to give me better options or they will feel her wrath (God bless Mothers! LOL).

I need to discuss with my boss the possibility of transferring to Toronto (thankfully we have an office there). The odds are 50/50 but I am going to tell him I am willing to do anything to stay… I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want to have to look for another job with all of this going on.

Yesterday I spent all day in bed crying. I came home from work at 11AM because I was so stressed. I cried in bed until about 4PM when Mom called me and yelled at me for not going out and moping around. I cried so much my pillow was soaked… good thing it was on the bed my boyfriend sleeps in and not mine haha. I took my Moms advice and went to go see the new Ben Stiller Museum movie… it as very cute and I felt better.

I called in sick today as I look like crap and I have started packing. I decided I am going to start getting ready to leave. I am sure anyone who has broken up understands what I am about to say. I keep hoping in the back of mind that my boyfriend will come rushing in and tell me how much he needs me and loves me begging me not to go thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s all it will take for me to stay… but I will bet every single one of you that wonâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t happen. He has no emotional trait to him, he will probably just sit there and watch me go.

I have given him the option to pick from the animals. I know he wants Bruno, but he will be a bachelor who works overtime a lot and doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have time. I explained to him today Bruno will be better with me because wherever I go there will be at least two other people in house. He will be walked everyday (my boyfriend has never walked him) my Mom and my sister are home all day so wherever I go he will not need to be crated often. I will be sad if he picks any of the animals. It wonâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t be Capone because Capone is mine. If he picks Bugsy or Bonnie or both I will be devastated, but I cant be so selfish to take them all.

Anyway, sorry so long. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s been a rough 2 days, I suspect itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s about to get worse.
 

monaxlisa

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It sounds like you've made the right decision. I hope it doesnt get all messy for you
As for letting him keep one of the animals, well you just cant break up a crew like Bugsy, Capone or Bonnie and you've gotta keep the dog too so...
 

keycube

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Originally Posted by BaloneysMom

I am in a relationship with “Mr. Roboto†as I like to call him.
I guess you didn't download the 'Boyfriend v.2.0' patch. D'oh!


In all seriousness, take all of the cats, and don't look back. You'll be glad you did. Good luck!
 

cats4sky

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hey im really sorry you have to deal with something like this. If it comes down to you really leaving you need to take all your animals, you said he never walked the dog, and by the way he treats you, once your gone hes prob going to ignore them too. maybe once he knows its really happening and your out for a few days he will realize he's been a jerk, and if not then leaving is the best thing you could have done for yourself. good luck.
 
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baloneysmom

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Originally Posted by Keycube

I guess you didn't download the 'Boyfriend v.2.0' patch. D'oh!


In all seriousness, take all of the cats, and don't look back. You'll be glad you did. Good luck!
Hahaha wouldnt that be great if that were true!!

Thanks guys =). I wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t feel right not giving him a choice to keep one or two of our babies. Heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a really good guy he just doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t love me enough and takes advantage of me. He loves our babies very, very much, as much as I do. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll give him a choice, to be honest though, I doubt he will take any, he doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like taking care of things.

In a way Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m excited about leaving. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll get to go home, be with my family and friends. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll get to focus on myself only, not have to worry about anything like making a home cooked meal every night. As sad as I am, I know itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s for the best. As I said, my boyfriend is a great guy, but if I ever have kids with him I am screwed. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll have to work, take care of the kids, take care of the house, clean, cook, do absolutely everything… which would be fine… except… while I am doing all of that I will feel even fatter and uglier and more insecure with him then I do now. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s hard to explain, but I have never felt this insecure with any boyfriend before. I never get any feedback whether itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s negative or positive.

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll see what happens. Meeting my boss on Monday, hopefully I get the transfer. Hopefully ill also get to move in with my parents and not my sister. I love my sister a lot, but my parents have a really nice basement apartment with its own entrance. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll be nice to sort of be on my own.
 

yosemite

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Wishing you all the best with your move. If your BF is like this and you aren't even married, it doesn't get better with marriage. You are making the right decision.
 

strange_wings

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Just to point out the obvious. Some people are not emotional people, whether it be just their personality type or something further that pushes them more into the autism scale or even schizoid personality type (I'm near this, but not quite as extreme).

I, for example, do not share my emotions with my husband. That stuff stays in if I even feel much of it at all (my first response to almost everything is to think, not feel). DH is not a very emotional person, so it doesn't bother him too much. I have had to learn to say "I love you" and show him affection. I'm more likely to do little things for him though.


That said, some people are just not compatible. It sounds like the two of you weren't - you needed more emotional support than he could give or even realized you needed. Since you're feeling "free" from leaving him, you definitely weren't happy and getting away is good for you. I wish you good luck on getting everything straightened out.
 
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baloneysmom

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Well it just gets worse and worse. My family just told me that I cannot go home with my animals. My Dad said I can only bring one and we ended up getting into a massive fight. I guess I am on my own and stuck in New Brunswick for awhile. I am not sure what I should do. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never been on my own before. I guess my first thing would be to find a place that will accept my pets, it will be hard to find. The only things I can afford is just a room in a house, I canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t even afford my own apartment.

Not sure what to do now…
 

mrblanche

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So the guy is a good guy, just not romantic. He doesn't mistreat you. You're just bored.

Here's the Dutch uncle talk. Life is boring. Work is boring. Everything is boring, eventually. I always told my students to marry someone they like, not someone they "love," because when the flash, bang, and sizzle of sex wears off, you have to sit down and talk about the car payments and rent, and that's just not fun if you aren't really good friends.

One of the reasons marriage was invented is that it ties people together to avoid the frequent break-ups, which cause problems to society, such as calling in sick to work, leaving work early, etc.

Sorry to seem harsh, but without hearing both sides of this, it sounds like the problem is really yours, not his.
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by mrblanche

Sorry to seem harsh, but without hearing both sides of this, it sounds like the problem is really yours, not his.
Actually, a relationship doesn't work without some sign of affection from the other person. It makes people question whether someone cares for them at all when there's no display of it at all. Even I realize this, hence why I make some effort.
 

rockcat

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Originally Posted by mrblanche

I always told my students to marry someone they like, not someone they "love," ...
I agree with most of your post, but not this - at least not the way you said it. IMO you need BOTH. I love my husband with every bone in my body AND he is my best friend. Why settle for less?
 
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baloneysmom

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Originally Posted by mrblanche

Sorry to seem harsh, but without hearing both sides of this, it sounds like the problem is really yours, not his.
I am having a really rough time and this doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t help! In all honesty I have never been the type that wanted to get married and pop out a few kids. I always said if that becomes part of life then the guy has to be great and wonderful.

Truthfully I would rather be single then be bored for the rest of my life. All I do is listen to women who are unsatisfied with their home life, they are bored, depressed, and the grass always seems greener. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want to be that woman. Also, lucky me, I seem to be a magnet for married men (probably where some of my trust issues come from) I canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t see a month that doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t go by without some attached man coming on to me. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want to be that manâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s wife…

I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s too much to ask to be appreciated. Sure I love my guy, and ya he IS my best friend but I want to be treated as more than just a friend, even if itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s only once a month or so. AT least an I love you once a month would be nice. Or an occasional compliment at least. Or some sort of thing that lets me know I am loved… I really have nothing from him to show me this.

So yes, the problem is me I guess. I expect more then to give my whole being, and life to someone then to get nothing in return.
 

rockcat

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Originally Posted by BaloneysMom

Well it just gets worse and worse. My family just told me that I cannot go home with my animals. My Dad said I can only bring one and we ended up getting into a massive fight. I guess I am on my own and stuck in New Brunswick for awhile. I am not sure what I should do. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never been on my own before. I guess my first thing would be to find a place that will accept my pets, it will be hard to find. The only things I can afford is just a room in a house, I canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t even afford my own apartment.

Not sure what to do now…
Can you move in with your sister?
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by BaloneysMom

I don’t think it’s too much to ask to be appreciated. Sure I love my guy, and ya he IS my best friend but I want to be treated as more than just a friend, even if it’s only once a month or so. AT least an I love you once a month would be nice. Or an occasional compliment at least. Or some sort of thing that lets me know I am loved… I really have nothing from him to show me this.
In that case, it may actually be time for some couple counseling or at the very least the two of you should have sat down and discussed this problem with each other.

He may end up being really puzzled or even hurt when you leave if he didn't realize there was a problem in the first place.
 
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baloneysmom

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Originally Posted by Rockcat

Can you move in with your sister?
My sister doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want me because my cats have URI, sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s afraid for her cats. Sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s the reason for the huge fight with my Dad, because of the fight I am now on my own.

I am very quiet, I hate putting people out or taking things from people. My sister is the opposite and if she needed something and you have it, by golly she will harass the crap out of you, cry, make your life a living hell to get it. If she doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want me she will bully my parents so I am not invited. Which she did. I freaked out because my whole life I have been screwed because of her, and this is one more time I am screwed because of her. She owes me a lot of money which I should have now. Because she got pregnant I will not get this money for about 2 years, this is the only reason why I am screwed right now, but she doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t care because she wants the house to herself. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a long ongoing family issue we have.

Ahhh the drama…. My goodness!
 
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baloneysmom

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Originally Posted by strange_wings

In that case, it may actually be time for some couple counseling or at the very least the two of you should have sat down and discussed this problem with each other.

He may end up being really puzzled or even hurt when you leave if he didn't realize there was a problem in the first place.
Oh he realizes! I am not shy with my feelings. We have discussed this many times. Many, many, many times. He says he tries and I really appreciate his trying but itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not quite what I need. He took me asking for love for me asking for help. So now when I cook he will ask if I want him to cut onions. Or empty the dishwasher. Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get me wrong, I understand he was trying, but I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t beat around the bush when I told him what I want and I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t mind doing everything around the house, as long as I get some sort of, any sort of appreciation and love for it.
 

dusty's mom

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It sounds like you have made the right decision about leaving. Don't settle for an OK relationship. You deserve better.

I think you should keep your animals. If your BF isn't attentive to you, then there is no guarantee that he will be attentive to the animals either.

My question is about your finances. If you have a decent job and are working full time, why is it you can't afford to rent a small place of your own? Haven't you managed to save a little bit of money in your own name for your future? If you don't have any money of your own, can you borrow from your parents - just enough to pay first/last & deposit on a little place that will allow your animals? It may mean that you need to stay in your current town for awhile, at least until you can buy your sister out of the house you own together, or until she buys you out! Either way I think there is an answer somewhere that will allow you the comfort of your animals while still giving you the independence you need.
 
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baloneysmom

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I can borrow money, my main issue is to find a place that will rent to me with all my animals. If I had the money I could buy my own place and this wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t even be an issue. After looking at things I will have to make some cut backs but can afford a small apartment to myself. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve called a few places today already and no one wants my babies. Its just scary for me.
 
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