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Am I wrong?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
So i used to have this best friend in elementary school-parts of high school, we grew apart because she wanted to be with the "cool" people. She lived by me and we used to be real close up until high school. She got pregnant her senior year, then the following year (my first year in college) she got married adn wanted me as a bridesmaid altho i hrdly ever saw her, i did for her. after that i never saw her. She got pregnant again and the only time i saw her was to give her a baby shower present since i had to work. Im buisy, i am in college, have a job and have two horses to take care of. She called me tonight.....and aksed what i was doing , if i was out of school adn all, i thought maybe she wanted to hang out or something....nope....she wanted me to babysit..............from 10:30pm-1am. My bed time is like 11pm lmao cause i get up early to go to the barn before work adn i am tired. I said no i was too tired, i felt bad, her excuse was she was going to her cousins graduation party i highly doubt that. Of all these years the one time she calls me or contacts me is when she wants somehting, a gift for her new baby and babysitting. She is 20 years old, i am sorry she got pregnant, but it is her responsibility, when you have kids you have no life, you have your kids, that is just how it is. So why should i have to take time out of my "young" life to take care of her babies...i didnt get pregnant!! How do you guys feel? Part of me feels bad for saying no (i naturally have a hard time saying no) for once i stood up for myself. So am i wrong for saying no?
post #2 of 12
Originally Posted by JuneBugBear07 View Post
How do you guys feel? Part of me feels bad for saying no (i naturally have a hard time saying no) for once i stood up for myself. So am i wrong for saying no?
I would have done the same thing, and said no....especially with your schedule.

I think we all have "those" types of friends that only call when they want something... Honestly it those ones that I tend not to answer their calls, or just a short brief chat/email/whatever.

I wouldn't feel bad saying no at all. This "friend" of mine is like that.... always about him no matter what. He lives a few houses down...when i had surgery he said he'd help out. Oh he helped out, by watching me lug garbage out to the curb with my non-surgery but still screwed up hand "Friend" waved and said Hi Chris... as I'm struggling. Mind you, if the situation was reversed, I would be over offering to help... not watch someone struggle.

But he is all about HIM... Just like your friend...he calls when he wants something... not just to say hi or hang out... (when he does want to hang out, the conversation is all HIM....his life, this and that... all bout him).

The garbage part was the kicker for me, and since then I hardly speak with him... I wave across the street, but that's bout it.
post #3 of 12
I wouldn't feel bad for saying no. I would cut this person out of my life; she sounds like kind of a crummy friend. Sometimes you have to be assertive or people will try to take advantage of you.
post #4 of 12
Thread Starter 
I actually didnt answer it when she called my cell... but she called my house right after and my mom answered it. She asked about my cell, i said it was on silent, which it actually was, but i saw her bad I know. But seriously what is it any of her business why i didnt answer? I do have a life other than answering the phone all the time. Im just tired of being walked all over on by people, especially those i know and are supposed to be my friend.
post #5 of 12
I wouldn't have done it either. She's just trying to take advantage of your good nature. Good for you for saying no!
post #6 of 12
One of DH's brother's and his wife are like this. His other brother and wife regularly contact us, inviting us (and often the brother is just inviting DH to spend time with him, but that doesn't bother me) to spend some time with them, hang out with them and their kids, come to dinner, play a game, etc, and sometimes we have one of the kids over for fun and video games with their auntie and uncle.

But this other brother and his wife... We barely hear from them most of the time. The only times they do call us are when they want to try to convince one of us to babysit their son, daughter, or both, or when they want to try to borrow money. Whenever we do see them (usually it is with the whole family) they spend the entire time complaining about how horrible their life is, or how angry they are at each other, etc.

So basically, I know how you feel and I absolutely think you had every right to turn her down. Do what you can to get rid of her as a friend. People like that are like a plague. If they realize that they can take advantage of you, they will keep doing it until you get so sick of it that you tell them to shove it. Good for you for telling her no!

Too bad I can't tell DH's brother to shove it... I can turn them down when they try to take advantage of us (DH turns them down also, he doesn't like being taken advantage of) but I can't tell him to shove it. Oh well. I wish I could do something about him taking advantage of my MIL though...
post #7 of 12
I wouldnt feel bad saying no. She sounds like she only contacts you if she wants something. You may have been friends for a long time, but it sounds like she didnt care about your friendship anymore when she wanted to be with "cool kids". Maybe she shouldn't have gotten pregnant and married so young if she wants to go out and do things. You shouldn't have to adjust your life for her, especially if she is no longer your best friend nor wants anything to do with you unless she wants something.
post #8 of 12
Thread Starter 
Im really glad I said no. Too often i say yes. Maybe she will realize i have better things to do and will stop calling me. Glad you guys can see my point of view. At first I was kinda afraid I upset her, but now I really do not care! If she wants to be mad, let her. Thanks for all your input everyone!
post #9 of 12
you had every right to say no. im actually down in the dumps today b/c of the quality of some of my friends, im starting to realize that we only hang out under their terms and conditions, whenever i want to do something its one excuse after another. im seriously going to start cutting people like that out of my life.
post #10 of 12
You did the right thing and shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.
post #11 of 12
I wouldn't feel bad about saying no. OK, you were close at one point, and for some time, BUT your ways have parted and now she comes out of the woodwork only when she wants something. The friendship was over long ago, and you don't owe her a thing.

As for choosing not to answer your cell -- that's what call display is for. The phone, cell OR landline, is for YOUR convenience. There are many reasons for opting to take one call but not another, and you don't need to apologize about that. If you were to phone my home this is what you would hear...

"Hello. This is voicemail for Fran and Rob.We may be out. We may be up to our elbows in something. At any rate, we seldom pick up the phone if we don't recognize the number, so if you want to talk to us, please leave a message. If we're around and not otherwise occupied, it may even get you a quick call back. Have a good day"

Bottom Line: no you are not wrong...
post #12 of 12
No you aren't wrong You did what you felt you needed to.

However, I would like to say something on your friend's behalf.

She's young. And at that age I remember being pretty self-absorbed. Also, she has a great deal of responsibility with 2 kids (and a husband?). The fact that you aren't as close as you once were more than likely has a great deal to do with the fact that she has kids and so much responsibility and not much free time.

So I wouldn't judge her as trying to "use" you, even though it may seem like that.
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