Two Months Today.

It was two months today that Jasper passed away.

Jasper was only five years old when he died in his sleep on March 22. We don't know what happened to him. He was fine when I went out for a few hours. When I came back, he was gone.

Not a day goes by without me thinking and missing him. I see him throughout my house; running towards me when I've called his name, curled up at the foot of our bed, waiting at the window for my husband to come home. Unfortunately, I keep on seeing him as I found him on that last day. I can't get it out of my head.

I feel like no one understands how I feel, not even my husband who loved Jasper very much. I am sad everyday. Everyday I come home from work and pull in the driveway and worry that I will find my Kitty the same way I found Jasper.

It is terrible to lose a beloved kitty to an accident or illness - but even harder when you don't know the cause.

I understand very well what this feels like. I lost my Katie last August. The doctors can only speculate as to what caused her death. Not knowing is very difficult. Just like you, I wonder to this day if it was something I did. And I feel the sadness and the pain of her loss every single day, as you do for Jasper.

I read through the thread you posted right after Jasper passed away. I agree with the other members that I don't believe you were responsible for his death in any way. It was very likely that Jasper had a heart condition that wasn't picked up by the vet. Heart disease is a silent killer of cats, many of them young, like Jasper. It strikes with no warning, in cats who appear healthy.

Jasper was your special boy - that's very clear from what you've written about him. Losing him the way you did was shocking. You can't and shouldn't deny how much you loved him, or how hard this is for you. No one can tell you that you've grieved long enough. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Maybe you should talk with your husband about it - he might still be feeling sad too, but was hesitant to share that with you, knowing how distressed you are over this.

A friend of mine sent me a beautiful note after my first cat, Louie, passed away. She wrote that she believes that it's not the quantity of time that our babies spend with us so much as the quality of that time that is truly important. Your beautiful boy's time here was too short, but he spent it being happy and very much loved. That means a great deal. Please try to find some comfort in that.