At my wits end and I hate that feeling

ping

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When Tiny first came into the house everything was fine but as time has gone on this changed. Tiny has become an aggressor and tormentor. Ping has sores up and down his neck and shoulders from her. She climbs up on his back and bites the tar nations out of him. I have seen her before bite his face. All he does is make the scream sound because I am sure it hurts but he does nothing back to her. He does not lay in the living room with us anymore. He is always hiding under tables, in the dark hallway, etc. I feel so bad for him.

Feeding time has become increasingly hard. Even if I separate them on other sides of the house she runs to stop him from eating. You can tell he has lost some weight because of this.

She attacks me in my sleep. I have had bite marks up my legs from her. One time she bit me kinda hard on my calf.

I don't know what to do anymore. I brought her into the home so I know I have to find some way to get this under control. In hind sight if I knew in the end she would have these behavior problems I don't know if I would have gotten her. I wanted 2 cats in the house but not at Ping's sanity.

Please advice or help.
 
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ping

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BTW Ping has spurted quite a few gray hairs since she has been here. I don't know if that is because he is 3 years old or because of the stress.
 

StefanZ

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Difficult yes.
Tinys biting on the neck or shoulders is a typical dominance thing. Which she of course is overdoing grossly.
thus it is not aggresivity as such, nor fight for territory as such.

So this do we know.

Why she bites you is more unclear. It is NOT real bites although rather hard. Real bites would go through your skin, easily. Some sort of play?? When our Vagis was a kitten, he used to bite his big dad in his tail when the dad was sleeping...
Perhaps some some sort of play?
Or perhaps even a dominance thing against you? - this is not common with cats (much more common with dogs) - but id DOES happens.

Do you know how Tiny was raised? A litter together with siblings and mom? Or alone, without anybody who could teach her a good cat behaviour?


As for now, the only advice I have is the usual: try with a Feliway diffuser...
If she feels safe and good, perhaps it will not be so important for her to domintade over poor Ping.
It will get also some plus feeling for Ping too.

Also try to get her a lot to do, to see and hear.

I do hope others will contribute with more advices and remarks.
 

littleraven7726

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Have you tried a Feliway diffuser? It seems odd that the new kitty is injuring Ping.
Lola likes to jump on Stimpy & Nabu but she never breaks skin. When she gets to be too much for Nabu (he's thin, arthritic, and 12 yrs old) all we usually have to do is say something and she stops. Nabu might be hyperthyroid and we're trying some medications, so I don't know how much of her jumping on him is health related. Sometimes it is play. She's just huge so it seems worse (we think she's probably a Maine Coon mix).

When Raven
was sick (he had cancer), Stimpy got unbelievably aggressive.
We actually ended up seperating Raven from Stimpy during the day - they would take turns getting the day with Nabu.

Has Ping been checked out healthwise?

We had a behavioral outside of the box incident (thankfully in the bathtub) due to all this. So I've rearranged the litter boxes (more locations) and added an extra. It hasn't recurred, so I think we're ok.
 

threecatowner

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I'm so sorry for you. You lost your beloved Pong, and simply wanted to get a new kitty for you (and Ping) to love.

I sort of had a similar situation last Fall when I brought in a feral, almost-grown female kitten with my existing, happy, relaxed, NEVER SPRAYED IN THEIR LIVES, 2 male cats. Scaredy (her name) was terrified of all people except me (the hand that fed her), but chased my cats endlessly, and attacked Mickey (4 yrs. old) on a regular basis.

I remember the feeling that my 2 cats did not deserve this, and Mickey quit sleeping with me and went to my kid's top bunk, where he felt safest. (Scaredy isn't a climber) It was heartbreaking, so I know exactly how you feel on that front. I got Feliway, and I SWEAR that is when Dusty began spraying, and now he sprays all over the house (I unplugged the Feliway months ago), and he has "taught" his brother Mickey to spray sometimes, too. My husband, who was ready to kill me when I brought in the feral, is understandably not happy about the spraying (and he doesn't know the half of it).

Anyway, what has worked for the aggression is time. Scaredy stopped attacking a couple months after we brought her in. She'll still chase Mickey (never Dusty, for some reason), and wimp Mickey still runs scared, but no violence erupts as a result of it. Plus, Mickey and Dusty go out some (I tried, God knows I tried, but I live in a revolving-door house) so they can escape her at times. Truly, I think Scaredy is wanting to play - she has all the body language of wanting to play, but she came on too strong in the beginning, and sealed her fate with these two.

My sincere hope for you is that time will work for Tiny as well. I hope he calms down, and that you can go back to a happy kitty household again. That's the problem with bringing in new kitties - you never know how the dynamics will change.

Good luck to all of you!
 

StefanZ

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Originally Posted by threecatowner

I sort of had a similar situation last Fall when I brought in a feral, almost-grown female kitten with my existing, happy, relaxed, NEVER SPRAYED IN THEIR LIVES, 2 male cats. Scaredy (her name) was terrified of all people except me (the hand that fed her), but chased my cats endlessly, and attacked Mickey (4 yrs. old) on a regular basis.

I remember the feeling that my 2 cats did not deserve this,
Ouch! I use to tell there are very seldom issues between adopted shy feral and the residents. The newcomer submissive to the residents. (exception are territorial not very shy toms).

But here we do have one exception: Even shy females can be quite rude to the residents...
A lesson for me not to be too sure...
 

goldenkitty45

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Try putting her in one room by herself for awhile. Then only let her out for short time periods and monitor them. Be sure to trim all nails on both.

I wonder too how she was raised? If taken too soon from mom/siblings or even if she was an only kitten with no one to teach her manners.

Some cats wind up being "only cats" and don't get along with anyone - nothing you did wrong. Its just the type of personality. If things have not improved in a few months with them, I would try to place her in an only cat home. Why should Ping be under constant stress?
 

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I agree with Golden - try putting her into a room for a few days and try the introduction process over again. I didn't see anyone mention it here but you might also need to get a spray bottle. If her behavior is really overbored she needs to be taught her limits. If Pong is unable to eat at the same time is there a safer place that you can place his food dish? Or maybe you just have to lock her up for a little while so he can eat in peace. I know it sounds harsh but limiting their time together might really help. Also consider giving Pong a safe room - a place where he can go to get away when needed and feel completely safe.
 

ckblv

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Originally Posted by Ping

When Tiny first came into the house everything was fine but as time has gone on this changed. Tiny has become an aggressor and tormentor. Ping has sores up and down his neck and shoulders from her. She climbs up on his back and bites the tar nations out of him. I have seen her before bite his face. All he does is make the scream sound because I am sure it hurts but he does nothing back to her. He does not lay in the living room with us anymore. He is always hiding under tables, in the dark hallway, etc. I feel so bad for him.

Feeding time has become increasingly hard. Even if I separate them on other sides of the house she runs to stop him from eating. You can tell he has lost some weight because of this.

She attacks me in my sleep. I have had bite marks up my legs from her. One time she bit me kinda hard on my calf.



I don't know what to do anymore. I brought her into the home so I know I have to find some way to get this under control. In hind sight if I knew in the end she would have these behavior problems I don't know if I would have gotten her. I wanted 2 cats in the house but not at Ping's sanity.

Please advice or help.
Ping, I have to tell you I would NOT have a cat that attacks me in my sleep and Ping should not have to endure physical harm either.
 

yosemite

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Originally Posted by Classik80

I agree with Golden - try putting her into a room for a few days and try the introduction process over again. I didn't see anyone mention it here but you might also need to get a spray bottle. If her behavior is really overbored she needs to be taught her limits. If Pong is unable to eat at the same time is there a safer place that you can place his food dish? Or maybe you just have to lock her up for a little while so he can eat in peace. I know it sounds harsh but limiting their time together might really help. Also consider giving Pong a safe room - a place where he can go to get away when needed and feel completely safe.
We don't recommend the spray bottle here at TCS. If you accidentally get water in their ears they can get bad infections plus it only makes them scared of the human that is spraying them so it's a lose/lose situation.
 

yosemite

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I would suggest trying to re-introduce them slowly. If that fails then perhaps it would be best to find a home for the new kitty where she will be an only cat. Ping doesn't deserve this as you already know judging by your post. Bless you and I hope you can get it to work for you and Ping.

Also, if Ping won't defend himself, you try hissing at the new cat when she misbehaves. Perhaps she was not taught any manners before you got her.
 
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ping

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I just got in for the day so I will try to answer everyone's questions.

When we got Tiny we were told she was 3-4 mths old. I have no idea is there was siblings because I never asked and they never told. I do know that she was raised outside. The mother cat passed about of what or how I do not know. When the mother died male cats on the property tried to kill her that when the lady contacted my friend and they contacted me and Tiny came here.

Thats all I know about her upbringing.

When she came here she was shy and quiet but I guess as she got used to the new enviroment her true attitude or personality came out.

As I said I just came in and I went to give them their afternoon snack. Tiny being fed in the kitchen Ping in here by me. Tiny keeps coming over and pushing him out of the bowl to eat his food. I keep removing her and putting her back at her bowl. But turn around and back she is.

Ping no longer even sleeps in the room with us (me and hubby anymore). He used to sleep either in the bed or in our sock container. He does not do that anymore no matter the time of day. And that started when she learned how to get in his sleeping spot.

I don't want to give up on Tiny, I don't want to have to find her a new home. But I can not forever allow this to go on. I need to find a way to get them to get along again or find some way to make her behavior. Tiny is probably 5-6 mths old now. Is this her true personality showing through? Will she forever be this way?
 
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ping

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I know ckblv and that is what tears me up. I promised in my life I would never rehome another animal but this I do not know how to deal with. And it is breaking my heart. Ping is my baby. I saved him from death's door and I hate that this is happening but I have no idea what to do.

Originally Posted by ckblv

Ping, I have to tell you I would NOT have a cat that attacks me in my sleep and Ping should not have to endure physical harm either.
 

mschauer

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Sounds like a text book case for kitty Prozac. From what I've read it has worked for others. Kitty has to stay on it for a few months then can be weaned off.

I'd be real curious to know if it worked in your case. Most think drugging a cat into submission is a last resort but you sound like that is where you are.
 

zane's pal

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Originally Posted by mschauer

Sounds like a text book case for kitty Prozac. From what I've read it has worked for others. Kitty has to stay on it for a few months then can be weaned off.
My Zane was on Prozac for a while. They said it might make him sleepy and lethargic. I said, "With a cat, how can you tell?" It did make him eat like a furry vaccum cleaner.
 
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ping

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Just running with crazy ideas here....Do you think it would help if I brought in a kitten closer to Tiny's age? That way Tiny has someone closer to her own age to pal around with and stuff. I am thinking maybe Tiny is doing this because Ping is older and not as playful and maybe she is trying to get him to play?
 

fifi1puss

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Thats an interesting idea. If you think you could handle having to deal with it if it goes badly. You also have to think about what if it goes well too. It would be interesting to say the least. But could work. I'd give you props if you went ahead with it, it would be a challenge.
 

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Daisy was very aggressive when we first brought her home...she attacked me, she attacked Speck, she even attacked the Dustbuster (she wasn't playing; she was mad) when I was cleaning up. I was truly afraid of her. My friend at work kept reminding me that Daisy didn't ask for us to bring her home. I knew we couldn't possibly rehome her...not with all that aggression and anger. I was on the verge of Elavil (for her, not me) when she started doing better. She gets pretty rough with Speck...he is a gentle cat and she is a wild animal in many ways, still. I find scabs on him from her bites all the time, but at least he has started taking up for himself. I recommend consulting your vet about the possibility of medication for your cat. Per my vet, smaller female cats sometimes tend to bully male cats. This doesn't account for her biting you, of course, but I have found it to be true.
 

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One of my boys that I bottle fed was very much like this and he had no other teacher on how to act than me. When someone came in the room he would attach himself to their leg and bite.


I kept a pocket full of toy mice and threw one every time he made a move to bite. A box of plastic bendable straws were amazing at deterring some of this biting. This could still be a teething age I think.

Can you separate them to eat? Not just another room that Tiny can walk into, but a closed door between them.

Can you put them in separate rooms for a time and then allow supervised visits doing introductions all over.

Why not put Ping in the bedroom with you at night and close the door?

My boy mellowed with time. I do believe they are still immature. Much of this behavior does seem like dominance rather than aggression.

Sorry you are going through this and I hope it gets better.
 
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ping

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Well I discussed everything with my husband...we have decided to give it a bit more time. She could just be trying to find her place in the pack so to speak. I will try and do whatever I can to redirect her and reward her. We will see how it goes.
 
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