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post #31 of 44
I pray for that constantly. I'm afraid we are going the way of Rome, which died a self-imposed death. It died with the birth of a hedonistic society with few values. My hope lies in the fact that the Renaissance, the age of Discovery, the age of Enlightenment, and the Victorian era all followed the fall of Rome. I have hope, because I have to.
post #32 of 44
Here's a snapshot of my graduation year.

80% have children, babies or are pregnant.

10% now have nultiple sexual partners.

10% went on to further study or has graduated.

And we're all 22, just five years out from high school and that has what happenned to the class of 1998.

Sex wasn't discussed maturely. I remember girls bursting into a fit of giggles at the very mention of the very word. And that was at 15 years of age. And even then, not one teacher mentioned sex from either the male or female point of view. The risk of tearing, bleeding, bruising from having sex the first time wasn't mentioned. What was mentioned was that if it didn't feel right or if it hurt, stop things. That isn't really going to help a teenage girl who has had sex for the first time and is too scared to mention bleeding or bruising to anyone. And scar tissue doesn't go away with the wave of a magic wand.

Yes sex can be wonderful, but seriously, whatever you want your children to know, tell them yourself. Please, don't leave it up to the education system. At least if you talk to your children and keep the communication lines open, they have someone to turn to if they ever need help with anything. Just letting the schools teach children about sex and not discussing it at home closes the communication pathway.
post #33 of 44
I'm 21. Growing up.. there were over 30 girls in my senior class that were pregnant. The senior class was only 107 people. That's mind blowing to me.

Of all my friends growing up, I was the only 'virgin' for the longest time. Of all my friends growing up I was the only that did NOT have a baby before the age of 21. I still don't have any kids, don't plan on having kids for a LONG time.

We never had sex education in my school. They never spoke to us about sex, or how to protect ourselves. We did have a local clinic that gave out condoms for free, and provided free birth control. You could go in there and get on birth control pills, or even get the shot for free. You didn't have to worry about them telling your parents, by law they couldn't tell them without your permission. So if your parents didn't allow it.. you could even hide it from them. I never understood why there were so many girls pregnant.

I don't think it is the school's responsibility to educate children/teenagers about sex. It is the PARENTS responsibility. When I turned 13 my mother and father sat me down and told me straight out what sex was, the dangers of not protecting myself, they told me about how difficult pregnancies can be, what it does to your body, about all the diseases I could catch. They also told me that they know they can not stop me if I want to have sex, but it was their wish that I wait until it is was with the right person. My mother told me that the minute I felt like I should start having sex to go directly to her and we would buy condoms and birth control pills.

She told me about how SHE got pregnant at the age of 18, and had me at 18. She went through 72 HOURS of labor with me. She told me how painful it was, and it scared the CRAP out of me. I definitely wasn't wanting any kids. I also saw how difficult things were for us growing up, we were so ding dang poor. There were many times that Christmas would come around and I'd get nothing under the tree, not because they didn't want to buy anything but because they couldn't afford it. *I* didn't want to be like that.

Between my mother being straight to the point and telling me up front, and seeing how we struggled because of the mistakes my mother made growing up. I made damn sure not to repeat the process.

I don't think parents can stop their kids from having sex. If they want to have sex they are going to have it. Parents can educate their kids, and help their kids protect themselves. Teenagers are also pretty rebellious. It helps to be upfront with them, and to tell them right out - "Look I know that I can't stop you if you REALLY want to do it, but here is what you should do and think about before you actually DO it.".

I'm proud of my mother and how she raised me. I'm damn proud of the fact that I was one of the few kids in my class who didn't get pregnant or married before I was out of my teens. I am 21, and I'm just starting college, but I AM going. I am not married, although, I am in a long term relationship (3 years so far), and we have lived together for two of those years. We don't want kids, and we are taking the necessary precautions to NOT get pregnant. Lord knows I am not the best person in the world, but I'm not that bad, and I'm constantly working to get better.

Parents need to get their butts involved with their children, educate, and LISTEN to their kids. It's good to talk to them about sex, but make sure to listen too. You'd be surprised what just listening can do.
post #34 of 44
I would just like to say I am/have been the "teenage pregnant mum"I am 24 now with 3 children ages 8,3,2.I personally wanted children from the age of 12 and at 15 my oldest child was born(premmy),I've felt i've been looked down upon by society and which hurts but feel I am the best mother I could possibly be for my children,I am not married but been in the same relationship for 9 years, my partner(hubby) and I decided that he'd be the main income earner and as we both believe the mother should be home raising the children and looking after the home front and I intend to work during school hours when they are all at school.I feel the issue should be looked upon irresponsible people who decide/have children without the emotional and physical needs the children need when growing up, to me that 's the harm done to children not the age of the parent,We started with nothing except my partners(hubby) casual painters wage, from day 1 they never missed out on anything needed either emotionally or physically to where we are today, own painting business,own 4WD, own very nice things , buying house(only loan)(no credit cards)I only look at it as upgrading through the years. What I'm trying to say in my opinion of , to be married,older age,financially secure isn't the answer for the process of having children/family as it seems to me why young parents are put down as bad parents/ or shouldn't have them .All I ask don't judge the young, see the individual , I might be off track about this issue "teen pregnancy"but I feel these issues are part of the overall statistics of teen pregnancy and to why people see them as a bad mix.thankyou and I hope not to offend any-one.
post #35 of 44
shannel, I hope you are co-owner of the home and the business. I know your boyfriend loves you and is loyal to you, but you have no legal claim in this relationship. Your boyfriend's responsibility right now is to the children only. May I ask what the reasons are for not making your relationship "legal"? I am not in your generation, so I find it difficult to understand the reasoning of young people who do this.

I did some substitute teaching in a school district where only a very small percentage of the children had a father figure in their lives. "Daddy" had left town and the mothers were barely getting by financially. Their mothers had not been married, but were in what they thought was a committed relationship.

In my mind, the important thing about marriage is that we made vows in the presence of God. But to be practical, if young love dies, neither of you has any obligation to the other. It can't happen? There are millions of women who helped their live-in boyfriends go to school, buy a house, and start a business who are starting over with several children to care for. There are many married women who are left in that situation also, but they have rights. I don't understand the term "hubby." With all due respect, it's short for husband, and that means a loving AND legal committment.

I'm sure you both love one another and believe this can't happen to either of you, that you consider yourselves in as dedicated and permanent relationship as married people, and completely trust one another. If that's the case, what prevents your boyfriend and you from having that relationship recognized by the state? It's a simple act, physically, and can be accomplished in a matter of a few days. I mean no disrespect; I really want to know and understand the reasoning of people who are in such relationships. I see no advantages and many drawbacks.
post #36 of 44

Being from the US, I cannot respond to what goes on in other parts of the world. But yes, it does always come down to individuals. What I see from your post is that you have certain resources in your situation that most teen mothers in the States do not. The resources I refer to are: financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, support systems, and role models.
post #37 of 44
Hey Tybalt:

Given the circumstances you have outlined, yes you were, and congratulations on breaking the cycle and making it out. Stories like yours are ones we look forward to in my line of work with impoverished families.
post #38 of 44
Thread Starter 
I am glad there are so many smart responses here....Once again, Tybalt, I am in total agreement with you, and am glad there are still men like you out there!
Shannel, though, I am a little disturbed by. It's nice that the same man has had 3 kids with you, and stayed, but why won't you get married? This man at any minute could walk away, and you'll be stuck with the kids and maybe some child support money. That's it! Unless, he wants it that way? Except for the strange need for children you have, you seem to be level-headed. You should discuss your future with this guy and find out why he hasn't "popped the question"
post #39 of 44
I'm 21. Growing up.. there were over 30 girls in my senior class that were pregnant. The senior class was only 107 people. That's mind blowing to me.

I'm 51. Growing up there were 2 girls who became pregnant in my class. Both were sent away to live with aunts in other cities. Both babies were put up for adoption and their mothers finished school in adult ed classes. One became a secretary and the other worked in a department store. My senior glass had 486 students in it.

Cassandra_Star the comparison is mind blowing to me.
post #40 of 44
I have to ad to verify my partner is all for marriage,and has been since his first proposal in 94 on christmas eve but me i feel we have made a commitment and don't need the paperwork to verify it even for the state of law,I personally don't want to feel we married to make sure if or when we break up I'm intitled to half of anything and to go down the alter wouldn't make me feel I love him any more than I do or even more committed, maybe one day I will.But as it goes for possessions,I don't really care for, my greatest gift is our children.
post #41 of 44
In my high school graduating class there was one girl who was pregnant and one day she simply vanished- right before graduation- I didn't see her until years later when I ran into her at Disneyland and we recognized each other. She had twin daughters with her and had never married. The guy she was dating in high school and they used to be stuck together so much you thought they used glue for cohesion- split the day she told him she was late.
post #42 of 44
I'm class of '75 and my high schol years ('71-'75) were the first, in which pregnant girls could stay in their home schools. Prior to that, they had to have a home teacher. The district that I attended has an alternative school, for pregnant girls and their partners (if they stick around). In addition to their regular school curriculum, they get prenatal and parenting classes.

One school, in the Tucson area, has had an on-site daycare center, for 20 years. It is in a predominately, low-income Hispanic area of town. I know that the culture and religion (99% Catholic) regard birth control and extramarital sex, as a sin. Is one sin worse than the other? When asked why the don't use contraception, most of these girls cite their religion. This makes no sense, to me.

Planned Parenthood has clinics, all over town and the county runs family planning clinics. These services are all low or no cost and practice complete confidentiality. There is NO excuse, for anyone not practicing contraception. Good grief, I was able to get my tubes tied - for free- through county family planning. For years, before that, I got my pills and regular checkups there.
post #43 of 44
You would think with all the STD and how easy birth control is to get these days, that this situation would not be out of hand like it is in America. It is quite puzzling-
post #44 of 44
There are several Parent Planning type clinics out there that will charge the patient a certain amount depending on their income. I belive I started going there when I was 19 and I believe I paid $7 a month for birth control, plus the exam was free. There were a lot of young girls there...it was sad to see. I remember sitting next to a very young gal who was acting quite obnoxious. She was filling out paper work and a required question to answer was "How many partners have you had in the past 12 months?". She blurted out "I have no idea...I lost count after 8!". I swear this girl couldn't have been 16 years old and she had over 8 partners in the past year!

Seeing this thread made me think about what happened just last week at our Pharmacy. There was a girl (she was 14) who came in with a prescription of Birth Control pills. Brandon (my boss) and I really didn't think much of it, until after she bought them. She came running back in there and claimed that we gave her the wrong kind. She said that her Dr told her to take 4 yellow pills today and 4 tomorrow. This is not how you should be taking Birth Control pills! Brandon asked why the Dr told her take it like that and she said that she was using it as the Morning After Pill. Walmart is completely against selling M.A.P., but we couldn't do anything about this situation. I just thought it was sad to see such a young girl (who was VERY immature for a 14 year old!) to have to use this. To me, it was like telling her that this was a good form of pregnancy prevention. The Dr. did not give her refills on her Rx, so she has no intentions of playing it safe. I don't agree with what this Dr did, especially with a minor. I think that there would be some kind of regulations on the Morning After pills and minors. Just IMO...
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