Oral cancer and emotional rollercoaster  

I am sorry to have to introduce myself under such sad circumstances. But I need all the support I can get.

Callym was adopted into my home over 4 years ago now, and had been a very sad rescue case at the no-kill shelter who found him - just a few pounds with frostbitten ears. I was deliberately looking to adopt a senior cat who needed a good retirement home when I found Callym (I had the space in my home for another cat, and wanted to help and old kitty out who needed a nice loving home) - he joined my family of 5 other cats. He is hyperthryoid and I've given him meds for 4 years now. We think Callym is about 16 years old now. Callym fit in with my cat family so well, and has been nothing but joy to have around. He is a part of my soul.

A little over a month ago my cat Callym was diagnosed with oral cancer at the back of the mouth. I decided on palliative pain management, and not to put him through chemo/radiation which are not that useful for oral cancer and I thought was too much to put him through given his age. So far he has been doing quite well, and he has quality of life and wants to be here still. He is eating quite well all things considered, and still purrs in my arms and is interested in life. The tumour does not physically impinge on his eating due to its position, but rather on occasion during the few downturns he has, it seems to get sore and ouchy (most of the time his pain meds control this). He's had about 3 downturns in the past month, but he has always rallied back. But at each downturn I think the end is near (I do not want him to suffer, so once he has a few days lacking quality of life I will let him pass peacefully) - and then he rallies and keeps on going with quality of life back again. The emotional rollercoaster this past month is beyond anything words can express. And I know that one time, he won't rally and I will have to let him go.

I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean, but every single day I have with him is a blessing. But now I am getting scared that his body won't be able to keep rallying back and sooner than later I will have to let him go. I don't know if I am seeking advice so much as words of support that I will somehow get through this. Right now I feel like I will never be happy again...my world has been torn apart by this.

This is Callym (orange and white kitty) snoozing with his sister Rexy about a week ago.

Thank you for your kind post. This is undoubtedly the saddest experience I have had to go through in my life - so kind comments help so much.

The vet is seeing Callym about 2 times a week, and we are indeed having a good conversation about the quality of life Callym has. My vet is not one to let a cat suffer, nor to take away the chance of more weeks of quality life if it is possible and the owner is willing to put in the effort it takes to manage this - we are on the same page throughout this. I also keep a wee journal (got the idea from an internet site) where I write notes and sort of rank how well he is going each day. That way when I see the not-so-good days appearing too much, I should recognize it.

Thank you. Callym is sleeping peacefully on the couch now. He stopped eating last night as the tumour flared up, but once again he is rallying and he just ate a sort of average-sized meal about 1/2 hour ago so it must feel somewhat better. He may be rallying again, but like I said it is bittersweet as I know this cannot go on forever. Just wish I could hit "rewind" button on life and go back to the day I adopted him and brought him home. It does not feel like four years ago.

This is totally heartwrenching. Sharing this on this web site is already helping. I am going to write an entry in the New Cats section later this evening, in which I will formally introduce all 6 of my kitties.

Thank you everyone.

I do try and focus on the fact this guy almost did not get rescued and how lucky he was to find a real home - the woman who runs the cat rescue group had been trying to catch him for a week with no luck when she was cat-sitting in the countryside, and finally on her last day there after avoiding her all week, he strolled up and let her pop him in the carrier. What a blessing as that one decision on his part led to 4 years of love and security with me and my cat family vs. dying a painful death alone in the woods. I know I did the right thing adopting this great cat, but it sure hurts going through this and feeling so helpless when I feel so protective about him.

Good news is that Callym saw the vet today (Thursday) for a checkup and his VitB12 shots etc. - the vet says that Callym seems stable, and the vet gave the thumbs up in terms of being able to most likely get Callym through the weekend comfortably. Callym sees the vet again early next week. And of course, there is the emergency clinic should anything unusual happen and it proves necessary to get Callym seen right away.

So I have been given the gift of the weekend with Callym. Very pleased.

Well, there is a story. Quite a story.

My parents had a wee senior rescue cat that they adopted who was on death's door when found (my parents live about 1000 km away from me). He was something like 4 pounds when rescued. My parents nursed him back to health and he did well for about 8 months. This cat unfortunately then started to have failing health and was very ill. The first time I met him he was terminally ill and in his final days - I was visiting my parents back in summer 2004 when I met him. His name was Ally. In just a week, I grew intensely attached to this wee waif of a kitty and was almost obsessed with him. Ally died the day after I left my parents house, and I sent flowers and really mourned this kitty - I had only known for such a short time.

It was in fact in tribute of Ally that I began the search for a senior rescue cat desperately in need of a good retirement home - the idea to find a senior cat was entirely a tribute to Ally. When I found Callym his name was Magnum. But I like Celtic type names and wanted to change his name, and I really liked the name Callum - then I came up with the idea that with a one-letter switch to Callum, I could make it so "ally" was embedded in "Callym". Hence, the name.

Here are some pictures of Ally, who was the inspiration and the reason why the great Callym entered my life...

Oh I just read this post - we cross-posted as I was writing the Ally story.

Oh yes, let's pm if we do need some comfort in talking to someone going through the same thing. I am so sorry to read this about Missy. The pain is almost unbearable, isn't it? I have moments when I am okay if I get distracted for a moment, and then it is like a huge horrid wave of grief when my mind remembers what is going on. I also wake up every morning with this burst of sadness, although I am also grateful for waking up to another day with Callym.

I want to hunt around your posts on here and find some pictures of Missy.

Crap. After Callym eating superbly today and doing reasonably well, he is having a bad evening. He just seems very sleepy and weak and something is bothering him (probably the pain has acted up). I was so hoping we could get a comfortable weekend. How sad that he seemed to have a flareup tonight after he was given the "stable" verdict at the vets today. Worried sick now and crying again - really hoping he can sleep it off tonight and be more comfortable tomorrow. The emotional rollercoaster is in full force tonight - from being hopeful we could have a comfortable weekend, to now wondering if we will get through the weekend.

My vet who has treated Callym for all the years I had Callym is not on again until Monday. I really hope we can at least make it through comfortably to Monday - the associate vet is in (who I don't really know) on Saturday, and on Sunday I'd have to take him to emergency. After all Callym and I have been through over the years with my vet (who is top notch), it would be a comfort to me to have my own vet there with me when I let Callym go. I will let Callym go before that if I have to, but I really do hope we can make it through until at least Monday (if not longer).

I do feel as if Callym is starting to fade away. I am so sad and crying as I know our time together won't likely last much longer unless something changes.

Better in mood, thanks for asking. Given how poorly he was yesterday it is a relief that he overall is more comfortable and engaged with his surroundings today. I may still have to let him go early next week but at least this weekend is not turning into a nightmare.

But I think I know what has changed. The tumour seems to have either gotten inflamed or grown in such a way that opening his mouth to eat seems to physically be a bother now, as he is not really eating much and moving his mouth around to almost try and adjust it. He takes assisted feeding well, and seemed happy when I gave him a bit of syringe feeding (that way other than opening his mouth a bit for the syringe, whatever bothers him about eating himself, seems not to bother him and he swallows the food happily). Not that I'd keep syringe feeding indefinitely, but if he likes it and it allows him to have some food in his belly and feel better over the weekend then I will help him out.

Geez, I thought Callym was fading as he had two marginal days, and I was ready to let him go if it continued another day. And then Callym has surprised the vet and me yet again and has rallied one more time and is eating rather well again on his own (this cat is hyperthyroid, with some kidney issues and now cancer, and yet he keeps enjoying life - the vet is amazed at his will to live). I took Callym into the vet, and he agreed that Callym is stable and still wants to be here. Callym had a lovely day as the pictures below show. The vet and I realize that this could change any moment, but I have been blessed with at least a wee bit more time with my kitty. Pictures below are from today.

Callym snoozing in my cat stroller in the living room with his sister Rexy.



Rexy "protecting" Callym as he snoozes in his tent.


Callym is normally an indoor cat, but since he's been ill I take him out to the garden for loads of supervised visits which really makes his day. Here he is having a drink!