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What would you do??

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I have a former friend whose golden retriever I used to care for - more than my friend did, actually. I would take her for walks and play with her from the time she was a puppy, and overall just give her more attention and exercise than my friend ever did. The dog's name is Stella. Stella and I had a very special relationship, and I almost think she may have liked me more than her "mother", because she knew that I took her for walks and played with her and I didn't yell at her for every little thing that she did "wrong" (when really she was just being a dog - she was actually very well behaved).

Now, unfortunately, the circumstances of my friendship with Stella's mother have changed dramatically, and we don't talk anymore. This makes me so sad, because I miss Stella tremendously, and I think she probably misses me too.

I have heard that Stella is still neglected, but not in a way that is really harmful according to governmental animal welfare agencies. She gets even less attention now from her mother, especially she doesn't have me around to make up for what she didn't get from her mother. She never gets taken on walks, or even car rides, she hardly goes outside at all, and she frequently is ignored when she needs to go out. Her mother does yell at her a lot, and also will smack/hit her when she has done something "bad".

I don't think her mother appreciates what a wonderful dog Stella really is, and I feel so bad that Stella doesn't get to enjoy simple dog things like walks just because her mother is too lazy to give her proper care. I am so frustrated when I hear Stella's current situation, and what I'm wondering is, is there anything I can do??? I love this dog like she's my own...I walked her and took care of her for my friend for 2 years from the time she was a puppy....I want to help her.

Thoughts???? Thanks for reading - I know it was long.
post #2 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by mycherona View Post
I have heard that Stella is still neglected, but not in a way that is really harmful according to governmental animal welfare agencies. She gets even less attention now from her mother, especially she doesn't have me around to make up for what she didn't get from her mother. She never gets taken on walks, or even car rides, she hardly goes outside at all, and she frequently is ignored when she needs to go out. Her mother does yell at her a lot, and also will smack/hit her when she has done something "bad".

What I put in red IS considered abuse. Period. There is no excuse for hitting an animal. Same goes for yelling at them... they don't understand English. Your local agency should understand that what this woman is doing is abuse and neglect and the dog should be removed from that home. If she can not/will no longer care for the dog properly, she needs to be re-homed and now. Either get authorities involved or, if they won't get into it, have the mutual acquaintance bring it up and say they know of a great home where she'd be well cared for... doesn't have to mention your name, that is, if you want to take her.

It is abuse, pure and simple. Dogs and cats can't pick up the phone and call 911 for help (although I have heard of some who inadvertently call it), they need us humans to act on our behalf.

Talk to your local animal authorities, and if they won't investigate, or do and say they found nothing... have a friend urge the dog be re-homed.

There's my two cents... plus a few for inflation.

Amanda
post #3 of 12
Be aware, that not all humane societies/etc can do anything about that. In MN, by law they are only required to provide shelter, food, & water. Oh & medical care when necessary. Try looking up your local animal care laws - print them & perhaps go talk to the animal control officer.
post #4 of 12
Thread Starter 
Yes, our laws are similar to MN here. I read our state's definition of neglect, and it's almost like it didn't quite fit this situation. I suppose it's worth a try to report her and try to have Stella's mother investigated. The only thing is that I'd like to do it anonymously, and it didn't seem like that was an option. But I will call and speak to someone to get some clarification. Plain and simple, Stella deserves so much better than she's getting. That dog was a light in my life, and to think that she's not being appreciated for how wonderful she really is just breaks my heart.
post #5 of 12
Is there any way you or another friend could talk this person into giving the dog up to you?
post #6 of 12
I know you don't talk any more, but could you write a letter to the person and ask if they would consider giving the dog to you or you may be willing to pay them a set amount of money for the dog. Just say you really miss the dog a lot, and wish that she could live at your house. Don't say anything about neglect, care, etc. Just that your feelings about the dog are strong, etc.
post #7 of 12
Well, here's a radical suggestion, if you're really that concerned about the dog (and it sounds like you are).

Suck it up, go to your ex-friend, tell her that you really miss the dog and would like to make it your own dog. This is going to go badly, probably, but you would know you had done your best for your furry friend.

If you're not willing and able to take on the full, day-to-day every day care of the animal, then just forget it and move on; you probably wouldn't be any better for the dog, in the long run, than your friend is.
post #8 of 12
I agree with you on all aspects Amanda. No one should ever mistreat any animal, Stella needs to be in a more loving home.
post #9 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRussa View Post
I agree with you on all aspects Amanda. No one should ever mistreat any animal, Stella needs to be in a more loving home.
I once witnessed a woman (had written 'lady' but she was no lady), who supposedly trains 'stunt dogs' for commercials back east, deal with a dog that someone had found abandoned and handed it off to her to get into a rescue... he was lying there, not all bouncy or anything, fairly calm, but whined ever so slightly, and she smacked him on the backside, openhanded and hard. the sound echoed in my packed up apartment. I was soon to be moving out here. I was in so much shock at what she did, I said nothing. I regret that. That, even once, is abuse. She was NOT a nice person, by any stretch of the imagination. Now, if that were to happen out here, what with my connection to the County Animal Services (I volunteer there), I'd have reported her miserable bee-hind immediately. I don't know what happened to that poor dog. I don't dare ask her. I barely have contact with her (I designed a website for her, but she's such a techno-phobe, I can't reach her, like I really want to).

The sight and sound of her smacking that dog haunts me... abuse is abuse.

To the OP: I hope you can get Stella into a better situation and soon. She deserves so much more than what this former friend is doing.

Amanda
post #10 of 12
What would I do?

Well, as hard or as distasteful it may be....I would rekindle the relationship with my former friend. If only for the good of Stella. But that's just me. Of course, I would also have ulterior motives. I would befriend her again and then work on her to give Stella to you!
post #11 of 12
Quote:
Suck it up, go to your ex-friend, tell her that you really miss the dog and would like to make it your own dog. This is going to go badly, probably, but you would know you had done your best for your furry friend.
I agree with this.

But I also feel that at least the dog has a home. I have friends with dogs that don't walk them nearly enough and are rarely home, but at least she's being fed and taken care of. At least she isn't the kind of person who dumps the dog off on someone else, or dumps it somewhere to fend for itself. Maybe she thinks she's doing the best she can with the dog, maybe she thinks she is training the dog to the best of her ability. We all do things differently so I'm not sure that she is completely not doing well by the dog. I also think abuse is very much in the eye of the beholder. Some people think it is abuse to kennel train a dog. Some people think it's abuse to house a dog outside. If anything you were doing the work for this woman, IE: walking the dog, playing with the dog. Doing it for her doesn't help this woman become a better dog owner. I'm sure in her mind if she truly isn't paying attention to the dog, would do so more because she would figure "Eh my friend will walk her, I don't need to." If anything you should just say, 'I think you need to walk your dog more. You wouldn't have to hit your dog if you actually spent time with her, working with her and training her.' etc.

Anyway all that being said, if you want the dog I think you should straight up ask for the dog. If she says no, explain to her that you do not feel that she is taking good care of the dog and give her the reasons why you feel that way.
post #12 of 12
Thread Starter 
Well, I appreciate all the responses. Thank you.

I wish the situation weren't so complicated between Stella's mother and me, but unfortunately it is. There is a bit of animosity between us for various reasons that I won't go into. The way things are now, I would be uncomfortable if I ran into her in the grocery store, much less tried to ask her for her dog. When we were friends, I tried telling her that she needed to spend more time with Stella, and that the reason that Stella acted "bad" for her was because she was like a child and she was acting out from lack of attention. Of course, Stella's mother didn't respond well to my opinion, and towards the end of our friendship, I started to feel like she resented my relationship with Stella, and was almost jealous that Stella seemed to like me better than her. She isn't the type of person who admits she is wrong very easily....she would rather delude herself into thinking that things are fine. So, she would never willingly give up the dog, ever. And, she and I don't really have any mutual friends anymore, and even if we did, I doubt that a mutual friend would be able to convince her to give the dog to me (someone who she highly dislikes).

Thanks for all the responses, though. I'll keep thinking about this....
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