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Please tell me I'm making the right decision

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
My male Casey is a real scaredy cat. I want everybody to know that THIS is what happens when you have a cat declawed. It was done over 7 years ago when I didn't know any better and I regret it everyday of my life. I feel really awful right now and don't need any flaming from anyone. He is very stressed out and unhappy right now because my 6 other cats (except Mollie Rose, 7) are beating up on him. He is SO stressed that he has developed kitty acne scratching it till is bleeds.

I tried drug therapy a while back when I had another male who was terrorizing him. It didn't work. He became a totally different cat, all stoned out, keeping to himself in my closet only coming out for food and litterbox. I finally had to find a home for my other male Tucker. I thought that would take care of the problem. It did for a while but now the same thing is happening.

I've been

crying buckets all day agonizing over what to do to the point of panic attacks. I love him so much and just want him to be happy and stress free. I thought about keeping in my back bedroom away from the others, but what kind of a life is that for him?

My best friend from grade school has offered to take him. She did this once before when I had my father's cat (my dad died and needed to be an only cat). I believe that this is what Casey needs. He will be adored by Suzie and her two daughters. He will be the only cat living in a huge condo with lots of windows and peace and quiet. He will be spending summers at her beach house in Niantic.

This is good, right? Then why do I feel so absolutely, positively AWFUL??? I can visit anytime I want(she lives 10 minutes away) and told her I will cat sit when she wants to go away and will pay for everything. Deep down inside I feel like I am abandoning him.

post #2 of 30

If he is miserable, you might be doing the right thing to give him a home where he is happy. Remember to love somebody means to care about their happiness as much as your own. That goes for pets as well as people. Look at it this way. You know the home he is going to. And if he doesn't do any better, he could always come back. I would get more kittens myself, but I always think about how Squirt would be affected. He isn't the biggest fan of change. The last thing I would want to do is make him miserable.
post #3 of 30
Donna, you are not abandoning him, you are giving him the life he deserves. Look at it this way, you can see him all the time and like you said, he'll be loved but will never forget you. It's best for you, him and everyone involved. With him being stressed all the time, he can end up getting sick if his immune system gets bad because of the stress. Believe me, you are doing the right thing and I'm sure deep down inside you know it. Remember, you can visit all the time. He's only 10 minutes away.

post #4 of 30
I think you are doing the right thing as well. Then if he gets lonely, they can adopt him a friend at a shelter or humane organization that is also declawed. I volunteer at one and we have plenty of cats who come in already declawed. I have never declawed any of my cats but if they are turned in to the organization that way, what can you do? See how things turn out. You can be his "godmother". However, if you are not ready to give him up just yet, you can isolate him until he calms down. You don't have to think of putting him in your back room as permanent. Think of it as a vacation. I foster cats occasionally and they are always in my bedroom. I have to say though, since you have a good home ready and waiting, I would have to say go for letting him stay with your friend.
post #5 of 30
I support you decision.
You know that pets are the joy of our lives but when it comes to taking decisions we have to do what is best for them rather than what is best for us.
I know it's going to be difficult for you but think about your little baby's happiness and be strong. To love is to make happy. Don't worry, after all it's only ten minutes away
post #6 of 30
Thread Starter 
Frannie, I don't know if you remember Tucker,the Korat that Rene rescued from NYC? Well I adopted him and showed him for about 8 months. He was a frisky guy and was always terrorizing Casey. I found Tucker a home with friends from the newspaper hoping this would help Casey. Tucker is a very happy cat now being the only cat. I went to visit him a little while ago and he acted scared of me like he didn't know me. I felt pretty lousy. Rene told me this might happen. I'm afraid that Casey will do the same thing. I don't know if I could handle that. I guess I'll have to try. Thanks for all your help everyone. I will let you know.

Casey will be going to Sue's tomorrow before I leave for Vermont. It'll give him a chance to settle in.

post #7 of 30

I am so sorry. I know how much you love all of your babies. But I agree with everyone that you are doing the right thing. You know what I am going to call you and try to make you feel better.

Love ya
post #8 of 30

I too agree with giving him up. It is an act of kindness to give up an animal that you know will have a better home somewhere else. It is selfish I believe to keep an animal that you know is not happy and would be better off in another environment. I am very sorry that you have to give him up and it must be very hard for you. Just remember you are giving him the gift of kindness and that is the most special gift you can give.Take care.
post #9 of 30
I can't believe I missed this thread! I swear I'm living in a cave. my heart goes out on you the decision you have to make. I think Billie said it best when she said we have to think about what is best for the animal. I'm so sorry you're going through this!
post #10 of 30
Dear Donna,

I too, cannot believe I missed this thread. I have a similar situation here with one of my own cats, and know first-hand the feelings you are having. Please feel free to email me privately if you like - I don't know what if any support I can offer being in similar circumstances - but I am here for you in whatever way I can be.

My thoughts are with you and I am holding you close to my heart,

post #11 of 30
Giving him up will definitely be a hard thing to do, no doubt about it. But it IS the right thing to do! If he is unhappy, you are unhappy. If you know he has a loving home and can still see him it will be a little easier for you (not much, I know), but in the long run itt sounds like the best thing to do! I have to say, you're lucky to have a good friend to give him a good home. You know her family will give him the love he deserves! Be strong! Show him how much you love him!
post #12 of 30
Thread Starter 
I want to thank everyone for their support and kinds words.

I dropped Casey off tonight. He cried all the way there and so did I. He will be staying in Sue's bedroom for a while till he gets used to his surroundings. The first thing he did was panic when he saw the ceiling fan (he never saw one before) and went and hid under her wicker love seat. I laid on the floor and talked to him softly and left my shirt (with my sweat on it). He's got his food, kitty box and kitty condo all in the vicinity of where he's hiding. Sue is going to keep him closed in her room during the day for a while. She has a big condo and we didn't want him to be overwhelmed. I'm hoping the peace and quiet will make him happy and reduce his stress.

The mood at my house is pretty weird. All my other cats are very quiet. They aren't the usual rowdy bunch. I'm sure they notice he's not here. I know I do.

Sue will keep me posted on his progress. Who knows, this just might be what he needs. My question is, since I had him from the time he was 5 weeks old, am I a bad person for not finding homes for my other cats since he was here first???
post #13 of 30
Dear Donna,

You've made this decision now, my dear - it is not a good thing to try and second-guess yourself as to whether it was the right thing or not. It's done. Know in your heart that what you decided was out of love and let it be from there.

My heart is breaking for you because I know the kind of pain you are feeling tonight. I am holding you close in my thoughts, and will hope for peace to re-enter your heart.

Healing hugs,

post #14 of 30
Dearest Donna,
I can imagine what you're going through. I'll be thinking about you and sending you all my love. Please do not torment yourself - you've definitely taken the right decision although it must be difficult for you. I'm sure you'll always be with your baby in wour thought so this is not eaxtcly a betrayal. THink possitively and imagine how happy he will be after a while.
Love you and thinking of you
post #15 of 30
Second guessing yourself won't help, it will make you feel worse. You did the right thing. It would have been much harder to find good,loving homes for your other cats, and you would be missing ALL of them instead of just missing the one which would just make you feel worse in the long run. I'm not saying that this is easy, I know better. Just don't beat yourself up over this!!! I think you are showing him how much you love him by putting his needs first. He will adjust to his new home and your friend's daughter will know the joy of loving a cat . He is in a good place and you will still be able to visit him and he will know you all love him!!
post #16 of 30
Thread Starter 
Casey has come back home with me. He had been at my friend's house for 5 days and did not eat, drink or use the litterbox. I was very worried about him because he hid under her loveseat and didn't come out the whole time. Upon Rene's advice, I went and got him before I came into work today. (He immediately peed in the carrier) I put him in my room with air, tv, food and cat box at his disposal (although he doesn't know how to use the tv remote ). I'm just going to have to work on my other cats not pouncing on him. If I have to keep him in his own room while I'm not home, then so be it.

I got him when he was only 5 weeks old so I know he's really attached to me. He's my Bubba. I can't wait to get home and see him tonight. I really missed him!

post #17 of 30
I'm so happy you went back and got him. You don't know what you've got til it's (he's) gone!!! Anyway, I have a bedroom kitty and she is fine. I have a friend who has two. It seemed to be more of a problem to me than with my cat!!!! We are used to it now and things are fine. Good luck and keep us updated!
post #18 of 30
sorry things didn't work out for Casey at your friend's house. I hope you are able to work something out with the other cats to make him happy again. good luck!!
post #19 of 30

Well, you can't say you didn't try. Now that Casey is home, you can explore other options. I hope you are able to work something out for him. Good luck.
post #20 of 30
Good Luck dearest, I hope you find a way to cope with this. I'll be thinking about you and keeping my fingers crossed.
Bless you!
post #21 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thanks everybody!

Casey is doing okay. I am going to try and work something out as far as my one terror, Maya Linn. She seems to be the culprit out of all of them. Last night Casey slept with me near my head purring away with his paw on my cheek. He was so glad to be home even MooShoo didn't seem to bother him sleeping with me too! When I'm not there, he's in my room comfy with tv, etc. I let him out last night when I got home and he was a little skittish but that's expected.

My friend Susie called me when she got home and asked me if I had taken him home. I told her yes and why. She completely understood. I love her for trying. She's one of my best friends since grade school.

I missed Casey alot and I'm glad he's home. He doesn't seem to mind staying in my room alone. Things happen for a reason!

Have a great weekend everyone! I'll be off to the Cape with my friends to celebrate Helping Paws making Cat Fancy Magazine's Unsung Heroes!!


post #22 of 30
Good report, Donna. I am so glad to hear that Casey is readjusting.
post #23 of 30
I am glad to hear that Casey is doing good and that he's back with you. I know how hard it must be to give cats up!! I CAN't LIVE without cats It has been hard for me the last 5 years because I've been attending an university and lived without cats around until now.

That's my struggle right now. I finally adopted a 8 year old FRIENDLY cat last week and she grew up in a multi cat household so after asking for advice through this and talking with some friends, I decided to get another cat. Yesterday I went to Petsmart and bought this beautiful 8 month old female. She seemed very playful and friendly and I thought she'd be a good companion for Sunni (older cat). Yesterday I started bawling because both were very unhappy. Ghostie/Zebra (I am still undecided on the name for the new cat) hid under the couch all day yesterday and last nite while Sunni growled & hissed at her and me.

I think this is double hard for me because I had a REAL bad experience before. I had raised one female cat named Rusty from birth then when Rusty was about 6 years old, I found an injured cat and brought him home. I pleaded with my parents to let me keep Sammy and Sammy became a member. HOWEVER, since I brought Sammy home, Rusty won't come near me. She hisses, growls and swats at me even if I WALK into the room. It has been over 6 years now (both are now living with my parents) and Rusty still has not forgiven me for adopting SAmmy. So now, when I see Sunni hissing, growling at me, I am real SCARED :paranoid2 because I don't want the same thing happening to Sunni and me like what happened with Rusty and me.

WELL, I went to work today and left them alone. I knew Sunni wouldn't hurt Ghostie/Zebra (G/Z) because G/Z went into my bedroom while Sunni was there and started to sniff around and Sunni got up and left hissing. So that's why I left them with no supervision while I worked.

Well, I came home early from work and G/Z has been much better- she seems interested in Sunni and has been making some REAl QUICK trips around the apt . HOWEVER, Sunni is worse now. She won't come near me now and actually bit me drawing blood when I petted her Right now, she's under my bed and refuses to come out even when I call her (which is very UNUSUAL).

I know that it takes time to get the cats used to each other but honestly, I don't think I can take this much longer. I have been thinking of giving G/Z to someone else BUT none of my friends can take her and the shelter which I adopted her from is full now. I am not sure what to do so do you have any suggestions regarding this or know of anyone who might be interested in adopting G/Z? She has been nuetered, have had all her shots, etc. (that's why it cost $95!) This is hard for me. She might have a better home with someone else?? I am not sure I want to do this but do I need to this before I become TOO attached to G/Z??

I also want Sunni to be happy and someone told me recently that older cats prefer to be alone with no other cats (I wish I knew that before I spent $95 dollars on getting G/Z!)

HELP!! Advice or Support or Referrals will be Greatly APPRECIATED
post #24 of 30
Pamela....don't panic yet!!! It has only been a day! It will take MUCH longer for them to get used to each other.

What you need to do is to isolate the baby in its own room. You can keep it in the bathroom or your bedroom, but you should keep G/Z alone for now (make sure G/Z has a litter box, food and water). Do not let the two cats around each other yet.

After a couple of days, start rubbing G/Z with a slightly damp towel and then rub the same towel on Sunni. This way, Sunni keeps her territory but starts getting used to G/Z's scent.

After a couple more days, lock up Sunni and let G/Z have the run of the place for a few hours. Then lock up G/Z and let Sunni back out.

Do this for a couple of days. Keep trading scents with the towel.

Now, after a week and a half or two weeks, you can start letting G/Z out while Sunni is out. As soon as you let G/Z out, give Sunni a treat (tuna or something else really yummy). This way Sunni equates G/Z with good stuff.

Give lots of attention to Sunni and just a little to G/Z for a couple of days.

With time they will get used to each other...but you need to go slooooooowly!

I know this sounds like a pain, but if you follow this process, I almost guarantee success!
post #25 of 30

I agree. Don't panic yet. My Squirt took awhile before he got used to Joey. And they were friends before he totally forgave me. At first I cried because I thought I'd never have my Squirt back. But things were ok in the long run. It took him 6 months before all of his behaviors were back to what I consider normal.
post #26 of 30
Donna - I'm glad you have Casey back, as it's obvious how much you love him. I hope everything else works out, and the other cats just chill! Obviously, since I only have one cat, I can't offer any advice. Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.

post #27 of 30
I agree with Lotsocats. It is a slow process. It took my kitties at least a month to begin getting along but now they are best buds. Good luck and keep us updated!
post #28 of 30
It is sad when you have to place a cat that you love - BUT, he sounds like he needs to be a one cat family - take him to your friends on a trial basis to see how he adapts - you say she is close - if he is intimidated he may start not using his pan too - unless you can give him his own room he needs to be with your friend - it is hard but think of him - you said you can see him all the time - good luck Linda
post #29 of 30
Hello! Thank u for ur words of encouragement. I am feeling better about the new cat which I have finally decided to call Zebra. The reason I decided on this is because last night, I finally saw the "WHOLE" cat and noticed her black stripes are shaped just like a zebra SERIOUSLY!. Zebra is doing much better- she has been very playful last night, comes out more now and allowed me to pet her for ONE SECOND. She seems very interested in Sunni but Sunni still growls and hisses at her.
I am worried about Sunni though because yesterday morning, she threw up in my bedroom then last night, she threw up again on my bed. :disturbed I am trying to decide if I should take her to the vet or wait for a couple days to see.. What do u guys think??? One problem is that I don't know any vets here in Maryland so I don't know where to start. I have a list of vets and think today I will start calling around to see who sounds like they will take good care of cats then see if I should make an appointment next week or so to have both cats checked. (Am worried about the cost though cuz I have spent alot of money on both cats this last 2 weeks! )
I will take ur suggestions about the wet towel and rubbing both cats with it so they'd get used to each other. I have not shut either cat up in a room and I prefer not to if possible because I don't want them feeling trapped. So far, they have been giving each other space. Sunni just growls
and hisses
if Zebra comes too close and Zebra is smart enough not to push her luck with Sunni.
Sunni still bites me
sometimes and still hides under my bed but she is STILL sleeping with me at nites and PURRSSS when I pet her at bedtime so that is helping me hang in there.
I will keep u guys posted on Zebra and Sunni. If u have any suggestions or advice, please feel free to let me know ANYTIME!
post #30 of 30
Thread Starter 
Casey is doing okay. I've been keeping an eye on all of them. It seems that MooShoo also likes to chase after Casey but I think it's only because he wants to play with him and Casey doesn't want to be bothered. I left them all out when I left for work this afternoon just because Casey had been closed up in my bedroom all weekend while I was gone. I have been using the water bottle and now that the culprits have gotten a little wet, whenever they act up and I point it at them, they squint their eyes and run. So I guess it must be working.

I bought a cast iron cat dish while I was at the Cape this weekend. When I put it out last night with food it in (it looks like a black cat with two stainless steel bowls) they wouldn't go near it. Casey actually hissed at it. They thought it was another cat!!! Once they realized it wasn't moving, they got used to it. MooShoo actually tried swatting it!!:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
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