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The Mean Girls of HunterdonCounty - who's right - parents or school?

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/200..._girls_pr.html

Is this a case of a school preventing bullying or a student who couldn't handle life??? The "mean girls" are Girl Scouts & active in sports; but the parents sure sound like mob-types. Is the school overreacting? or are the parents out of control & in total denial? Are kids turning into victims because they are growing up in a Politically Correct society??
For the record, I was bullied severely - it gave me a great compassion for others, but also a very low tolerance of witnessing bullying w/o getting involved. Maybe the bullying made me stronger in the long run, but I feel that it hurt my self-esteem during my teen & early adult life.
post #2 of 20
I've been on the end of that, too.

I think the school did the correct thing. Those girls shouldn't get away with behaving like that. Just because someone is different from them in some way does not give them the right to do this.
As for the girl not being able to handle it. Dealing with bullying gets tiring, you try to be fair, put up with it for years, and when nothing works - hope the school does something.

The parents should realize that their girls aren't perfect little angels. Middle and HS gets competitive. Either you're in or your out, and the easiest way for a girl to gain "rep" in a clique is to imitate what the others due - bully someone who's "out". If you refuse to participate in some way, than you face the chance of being on the receiving end at some point.

I eventually put a stop to it myself. I made the in girls feel stupid every time they opened their mouths around me so they just avoided me. But then I was only dealing with a group of about 8, only 4 of which really tried anything.
My HS didn't do anything about bullying, btw. A few years ago their ignoring it escalated to the point that one boy's arm was broken and he was wrapped in spin wrap (like a giant roll of cling wrap). It took the poor kid turning blue from lack of oxygen before someone else stepped in and cut him out.
post #3 of 20
I think kids need to learn to deal with bullying on their own. I've been bullied, but I never expected for my parents to fix it for me. I dealth with it on my own, I remember I got into a fight after school with this girl, we beat each other up pretty bad, she had bullied me for a long time...the next day she acted like she was my best friend, I guess she was scared of getting into another fight ...We were both probably around 10-11 at the time..
It's great and all to have a quiet timid kid who never causes problems, does all schoolwork and is in gifted classes, but I think it would only help to let this kid resolve the conflicts on her own, she would learn something important from it about life..
post #4 of 20
^Or until it ends up with someone seriously injured or dead? Remember, this is the sort of thing that makes some kids flip and "deal" with themselves in a more deadly manner.

Bullying is psychological torment, if not physical too. That's not something that should be allowed to persist on school grounds.
post #5 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
^Or until it ends up with someone seriously injured or dead? Remember, this is the sort of thing that makes some kids flip and "deal" with themselves in a more deadly manner.

Bullying is psychological torment, if not physical too. That's not something that should be allowed to persist on school grounds.
Oh, come on is a child that young even physically capable of injuring someone else, unless they have a weapon? The chances of a child getting injured or dying out of bullying are the same as those that an adult will get attacked by another adult and get injured and die IMO, so i don't think it's something that should be feared any more than that...It's not like I get paranoid that someone will come after me with a gun just because they've been mean to me...so there is no reason why those kids should. Don't get me wrong, it could happen but the chances are pretty small...those bullies would have to be psychopaths.
Of course if I were a teacher and noticed someone bullying another kid I'd stop them. Anything I see with my own eyes I would give attention to and make sure it stops. But when kids start to complain that someone is bullying them, sometimes they are just asking for attention and whining..If a kid comes up to me complaining I'd just give them some tips on what to do, etc rather than going to the bullies... That's why in this case I think they are overreacting...
post #6 of 20
Did you not even read my first post? That was juniors doing that to a freshmen.

I personally got tripped down a flight of stairs when I was in 8th grade - that's hardly harmless.

What about all the other threads in here about teens and younger torturing and killing pets? The 13 year old that killed his father's girlfriend. There's been cases of even younger children killing people. The capacity to harm another living creature is there, no matter what the age.
post #7 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
Oh, come on is a child that young even physically capable of injuring someone else, unless they have a weapon?
yes. i wouldn't consider 8th grade 'that young' - many are as large as adults by that time.
i taught 8th grade my 1st year - most of my students were taller than i am [i'm 5'2"] & many were also easily as mature, body-wise, as i am, as well.
post #8 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
yes. i wouldn't consider 8th grade 'that young' - many are as large as adults by that time.
i taught 8th grade my 1st year - most of my students were taller than i am [i'm 5'2"] & many were also easily as mature, body-wise, as i am, as well.
It's also the same age group that are getting pregnant and having babies, already... In more urban areas, some of those kids are in gangs committing (often) violent crimes.

...what a disheartening topic.
post #9 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
Oh, come on is a child that young even physically capable of injuring someone else, unless they have a weapon? The chances of a child getting injured or dying out of bullying are the same as those that an adult will get attacked by another adult and get injured and die IMO, so i don't think it's something that should be feared any more than that...It's not like I get paranoid that someone will come after me with a gun just because they've been mean to me...so there is no reason why those kids should. Don't get me wrong, it could happen but the chances are pretty small...those bullies would have to be psychopaths.
Of course if I were a teacher and noticed someone bullying another kid I'd stop them. Anything I see with my own eyes I would give attention to and make sure it stops. But when kids start to complain that someone is bullying them, sometimes they are just asking for attention and whining..If a kid comes up to me complaining I'd just give them some tips on what to do, etc rather than going to the bullies... That's why in this case I think they are overreacting...
I see what you're saying, but honestly think about how many kids can get their hands on guns these days. It's not that hard if they tried. And, it wouldn't be the bullies I would worry about going balistic with the gun (or knife or whatever), it's the one being bullied. No one knows how emotionally stable a child that age is to begin with (hormones, life changes, basic mental make up) who knows what could happen if you add bullying on top of it. I'm not worried about the bullies at all, because they already have the upper hand...they have nothing to prove. But, it could come to a breaking point for some of the kids being bullied and the "flight" response because the "fight" response...because what have they got to lose at that point?

I think there's a big difference between some people not liking you, and the entire female part of your class autricizing you and tormenting you. I went to a fairly small grade school and junior high school (40-80 kids per grade) and I DEFINITELY wasn't in the "in" crowd, but at least I had other "lowlifes" that I could hang out with. I sounds like this girl didn't have anyone. Having a class of 25 girls, with a few different cliques is easier than a class with 12 girls...11 being in a clique and 1 left out. That is harsh to me, and it sounds like the girl put up with it for a while.

I agree kids should be given the opportunity to work things out on their own. I chuckle at my neice....her worst enemy one week suddenly is her "BFF" 2 weeks later. But, I also think there is a time when an adult HAS to step in when things start getting physical because you don't know where that could possibly lead. Hopefully to nothing....but who knows.
post #10 of 20
Thread Starter 
I have read the articles that are out there, and I think that the putting trash & dirty shoes in the victim's locker is particulary disrespectful as it not only torments the V, it is done against school property as well.

I do worry about the girl being driven off - they've made her into a victim I almost dropped out of high school because of the torment that I, and others, endured but because I couldn't let "them" win, I stuck it out. But I would be sick to my stomach every morning. When I graduated high school, I weighed 80 lbs. and wore a girls' size 10 clothes. I think that the fact that I was attacked by a man in the summer before High School, I was already "emotionally weak" and the bullies sensed it. Just like a pack of dogs attacking the weaker one
post #11 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme View Post
I have read the articles that are out there, and I think that the putting trash & dirty shoes in the victim's locker is particulary disrespectful as it not only torments the V, it is done against school property as well.

I do worry about the girl being driven off - they've made her into a victim I almost dropped out of high school because of the torment that I, and others, endured but because I couldn't let "them" win, I stuck it out. But I would be sick to my stomach every morning. When I graduated high school, I weighed 80 lbs. and wore a girls' size 10 clothes. I think that the fact that I was attacked by a man in the summer before High School, I was already "emotionally weak" and the bullies sensed it. Just like a pack of dogs attacking the weaker one
wow I'd drop out of HS too or at least find an alternative way to get a HS diploma...Nothing is more important than your health that sounds like you were not taking it well and it was affecting your health..
post #12 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
Oh, come on is a child that young even physically capable of injuring someone else, unless they have a weapon? The chances of a child getting injured or dying out of bullying are the same as those that an adult will get attacked by another adult and get injured and die IMO, so i don't think it's something that should be feared any more than that...It's not like I get paranoid that someone will come after me with a gun just because they've been mean to me...so there is no reason why those kids should. Don't get me wrong, it could happen but the chances are pretty small...those bullies would have to be psychopaths.
Of course if I were a teacher and noticed someone bullying another kid I'd stop them. Anything I see with my own eyes I would give attention to and make sure it stops. But when kids start to complain that someone is bullying them, sometimes they are just asking for attention and whining..If a kid comes up to me complaining I'd just give them some tips on what to do, etc rather than going to the bullies... That's why in this case I think they are overreacting...
I am having difficulty believing this post is for real. Grade 8 kids (13/14 yrs. old) are physically large these days, most have access to guns in their homes (at least in the US), and could well settle the problem by shooting up the school. They also have access to knives and if bullied enough could react badly enough to indeed do physical harm. To think otherwise is to be walking around in rose-coloured glasses.

All the class ganging up on one student needs to be addressed by the adults and the girls doing the bullying need to be made to be accountable for their actions against this young woman in some way that will send the message home that it is not acceptable behaviour. Teen girls these days are apparently worse than teen boys for this type of behaviour if the reports I've heard are true.

Being bullied is not usually a plea for attention - in fact most kids who are being bullied do not report it or admit to it because they feel shame/guilt/reprisal.
post #13 of 20
Even if they are capable of doing harm, regular bullies don't kill, they don't draw blood, they just tease. Coming across a psychopath is rare and is the equivalent of coming across a murderer- very rare. Looking at statistics 90% of crime is theft and petty crimes rather than murder and other violent crimes.
I know kids who have complained of being bullied to get attention. My 7 year old cousin told me once that the kid next to him in kindergarden had a knife and threatened to stab him...I freaked out only to hear later just before going to the police that he was joking. There have been many other things he's told me and his parents just to watch me freak out and enjoy seeing me in panic. Thankfully he told me in time..Kids love seeing adults overreact it's just fun for them, I still remember it from my own childhood.....Heck even adults like to see others overreacts.. I would not be surprised to find out that a quiet and obedient girl is trying to create attention because she doesn't have many friends, etc..Not to say this is the case, just throwing it out there. I totally agree kids should be taught not to bully others, it's not good to wish ill on others and that's exactly what bullies do...But I would not overreact the way this girl's parents are.
I know some people might say that in 8th grade kids no longer do things like make stuff up for the sensation. They may not, but they are still more likely to exaggerate a situation just to get attention. Even adults do this, that's how rumors and urban myths get spread...Not only is it fun but it also makes them the center of attention, a perfect strategy for someone with no entertainment. Again, I am NOT saying this is the case here. But it's something to think about....
post #14 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
But I would not overreact the way this girl's parents are.
Taking her out of that school would be the only course of action, honestly. That's not overreacting, those other girls will only blame her for what happened. As for her parents overreacting, if you read the article, it's the other girls parents who are causing the trouble such as storming the school and involving police. It actually sounds like her mother understands the situation fairly well.
post #15 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
As for her parents overreacting, if you read the article, it's the other girls parents who are causing the trouble such as storming the school and involving police. It actually sounds like her mother understands the situation fairly well.
That was how I understood it as well - that it was the parents of the other monsters that were making the most waves.
post #16 of 20
At least they are doing something about it, instead of pretending that no bullying goes on in the school. Too many kids get away with way too much nowadays, and it really isn't fair.
post #17 of 20
I think it is the school's responsibility to provide a safe environment conducive to learning and interfering into bullying when it becomes severe is the necessary thing to do

Don't underestimate the power of bullying, it is mental abuse, pure and simple, and being told everyday over and over again that you are "stupid" or "fat" or whatever it is, can be seriously damaging to a young adult's psyche. I wanted to be a psychologist for a long time and teens were going to be my area of specialty, in fact, I still one day would like to be a guidance counselor.
post #18 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
Even if they are capable of doing harm, regular bullies don't kill, they don't draw blood, they just tease. Coming across a psychopath is rare and is the equivalent of coming across a murderer- very rare. Looking at statistics 90% of crime is theft and petty crimes rather than murder and other violent crimes.
I know kids who have complained of being bullied to get attention. My 7 year old cousin told me once that the kid next to him in kindergarden had a knife and threatened to stab him...I freaked out only to hear later just before going to the police that he was joking. There have been many other things he's told me and his parents just to watch me freak out and enjoy seeing me in panic. Thankfully he told me in time..Kids love seeing adults overreact it's just fun for them, I still remember it from my own childhood.....Heck even adults like to see others overreacts.. I would not be surprised to find out that a quiet and obedient girl is trying to create attention because she doesn't have many friends, etc..Not to say this is the case, just throwing it out there. I totally agree kids should be taught not to bully others, it's not good to wish ill on others and that's exactly what bullies do...But I would not overreact the way this girl's parents are.
I know some people might say that in 8th grade kids no longer do things like make stuff up for the sensation. They may not, but they are still more likely to exaggerate a situation just to get attention. Even adults do this, that's how rumors and urban myths get spread...Not only is it fun but it also makes them the center of attention, a perfect strategy for someone with no entertainment. Again, I am NOT saying this is the case here. But it's something to think about....
I think it is MUCH more likely that this girl had been dreading going to school every day. She probably knew she was not liked and feared ridicule. Even if there were no physical threats, it is emotionally damaging to be treated the way she was. My bet is she was very sad and lonely.
post #19 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
I think it is the school's responsibility to provide a safe environment conducive to learning and interfering into bullying when it becomes severe is the necessary thing to do

Don't underestimate the power of bullying, it is mental abuse, pure and simple, and being told everyday over and over again that you are "stupid" or "fat" or whatever it is, can be seriously damaging to a young adult's psyche. I wanted to be a psychologist for a long time and teens were going to be my area of specialty, in fact, I still one day would like to be a guidance counselor.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoo...7228335&page=1

Another sad case of a bullying victim who killed himself
The parents are suing over the "bullicide", but not for $$$, but for the school to have a comprehensive anti-bullying campaign.
I have seen the "Jocks" and the "Soci's" torment the other kids and the teachers just look the other way
When my girls were in HS, the football team got busted for partying, but only the 2nd string got penalized....
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme View Post
When my girls were in HS, the football team got busted for partying, but only the 2nd string got penalized....
There was a jock in my class that repeatedly groped girls. He was reported for it several times but nothing was ever done. You'd think sexual harassment would at least get a school to do something...
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