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Was this rude? (long)

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
I need to give a bit of background first.

While I was off work sick, I had some homecare help with cleaning. The first girl that was coming was driving me absolutely batty and I finally got brave and called the office and told them and asked for someone else. The new girl they sent was so much better.

Anyway, I'm back at work but I still need help with some heavier things around the house such as floors and tub etc. But now that I'm back at work I can afford to pay someone. I could still get homecare because my need is health related and covered by our Provincial Health Care. But there are so many in need and so few workers that I've opted to just pay someone myself.

Anyway, I had planned on hiring the second girl that homecare sent, on a private basis. However, while she expressed an eager interest, she has not gotten back to me since early January when she told me that she was still interested and would contact me the next week to work out a schedule. I've left her a couple of messages and she hasn't returned my call.

I tried going without help, but with work, chiropractor, errands, laundry etc, I have nothing left to give, energy wise, other than very light housekeeping like dusting, dishes etc. The heavier stuff just wasn't getting done.

The only other person that I readily know who could possibly come help, was the first girl that homecare had sent.....the one that was driving me nuts!!!

You can read about her in these threads:

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=139899

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=147339

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=148978

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=150557


I figured I would see if she was still interested (I had asked her way back when if she would be interested, but that was before I got to know her better and found her to be a constant complainer!). I figured that I could have her come once or twice until I could get hold of that other girl.

Well, 2 months later, this woman is still coming because I haven't been able to get hold of the other girl, and I haven't had success finding anyone else.

It's not so bad with her this time around because the difference between now and then is that now I don't have to be here while she is here. She has a key, so she starts to get on my nerves I can leave her the money and go out and let her lock up after she is finished, or just go out before she arrives and come back after she's gone.

Sorry this is so long. Anyway, to the point of my post.

Since homecare reassigned her back in December 2007, she has become and Elvis groupie! Yep, she's 57 and is now just getting into Elvis Presley. She was never a fan of his before. But not only is she into his music, she's also big into Elvis impersonators and in fact has a Face Book page where she has found connections to other Elvis groupies and even some Elvis impersonators. And she goes to Elvis impersonator concerts around here and she also has befriended a few of them. And she loves to talk about all things "Elvis" including these impersonators that she knows and hangs out with.

Anyway, there is a dinner theater here called "Celebrations." It's live theater and dinner. The cast also act as your waiters and they wait on you in whatever character they are portraying in the play. For example I went to see "Friday Night Fever Again", which was a take off of "Saturday Night Fever" and "Johnny" (aka John Travolta's character) was our waiter....and he waited on us as "Johnny".

Tickets aren't cheap...probably about $60.00 per person now for dinner and the theater (not including alcohol or tips).

She saw the flyers that I received from the theater (I'm on their corporate mailing list for work). The current play has something to do with Elvis. Well... she flipped out and was Elvis this and that.

Things are going very well for me these days and I'm kind of spreading my happiness around, so on a whim because she likes Elvis so much, I invited her to go with me, and offered to pay for her ticket because she is always complaining about having no money and never going anywhere or doing anything.

Today she left a message on my answering machine. She told me that her neighbour is coming, and a few other people that she knows and that her neighbour has asked and is going to ask some of her friends to go to...siting "the more the merrier."

I'm not into large group outings. I prefer going out with smaller numbers, 1 or 2, maybe 3 people. And I'm not really into going out with a whole bunch of people that I have never met before....all Elvis groupies.

I decided against phoning her, but I did send an email. This is what I sent her:

Quote:
I have been thinking. I am going to pass on this Celebrations show. I'm not much of an Elvis fan and to be honest, the play or whatever it is doesn't really look all that interesting to me. I can't even fathom how they are going to do a show just about Elvis.

I've decided that I need a new bed and a dresser more than I need to see a Celebrations show, so I'm going to put the money towards that instead. Also, I'm not really into large group outings and it sounds like this Celebrations night is snowballing into a group venture and that's not really my thing, especially with a bunch of people I don't know.

However, if you are still wanting to go, and since I have already extended the offer, I will pay for your ticket if need be. Just let me know.

I am a member of the Corporate Club and as such I get 25% off all shows. So when you call to reserve tickets you can mention that you are a member of the my corporate club, all of you will receive the 25% discount off of the regular price.
Am I wrong to think it rude of her to have gone around inviting all of these people without talking to me about how I felt about it? I mean she wasn't expecting me to pay for them, but still...

If someone invited me out, before I turned the event into a circus, I would talk to the person first to see how they feel.
post #2 of 19
I don't think you are rude at all! She was wrong to invite all those other people. Frankly, I am not an Elvis fan either.
post #3 of 19
Totally not rude of you, espically since you are offering to still pay for her ticket, AND let her use ur coporate discount!

I can't believe she invited SO MANY PEOPLE, not cool at all!
post #4 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catkiki View Post
I don't think you are rude at all! She was wrong to invite all those other people. Frankly, I am not an Elvis fan either.
Thanks! I hate being rude. I tried to be tactful, yet to the point. I sometimes fail in that and can appear blunt and rude, when that wasn't my intention at all.

I'm not a huge fan. I mean I do like his music, and when he was younger he was very easy on the eyes! However, I'm not a groupie. I've met several actual celebrities over the years and IMHO they are all just regular people and nothing to get gaga over, especially someone who only impersonates a celebrity.

But this woman talks and acts like these impersonators are the real deal! She was telling me about one time she had gone to one of the casinos and ran into one guy she knows who is an Elvis impersonator. She went on and on and on about how he was flirting with her and making sexual innuendos to her about going to his place for dessert etc, while his wife was in the bathroom. I mean my God! The way she was going on and on you would have thought that Elvis himself had risen from the dead and propositioned her
post #5 of 19
No definately not rude Linda...she was rude to invite all those people along.
post #6 of 19
While she should have mentioned it to you first I can guess what happened. She mentioned it to friends that there was a Elvis show, and that she was going to it with someone. They probably all thought "that's great, we should go to that too" or were already going, thus sort of planned to meet up/go together.

It may not have been her intention at all to make it a group event. You know how things can go if you open your mouth sometimes.


Though, to be honest, I think you should have went. Elvis fan or not, they may have been nice people and maybe you would have had a good time and made some new friends.
post #7 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sillyitiliangrl View Post
Totally not rude of you, espically since you are offering to still pay for her ticket, AND let her use ur coporate discount!

I can't believe she invited SO MANY PEOPLE, not cool at all!
She didn't say exactly who all she invited. However she did say they were people that she met in person from Face Book. From her talking about Face Book all of the people she has met through there seem to be men!! She has a boyfriend (you can read all about him in those links I posted above), but I swear she is a nympho or something because she is always on dating sites looking to meet men, and she told me that whenever she puts out a message about "coffee and conversation (with an address of a donut shop or someplace), everyone that goes to meet her is a guy!! Which is why I have no doubts that all of her invitees are men that she has met on these "friend finder sites" which I am so not into.
post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
Though, to be honest, I think you should have went. Elvis fan or not, they may have been nice people and maybe you would have had a good time and made some new friends.
Having listened to her talk about some of the people she knows or has met, especially those on Face Book, I'm not really interested in placing myself into her social circle of friends.

I just wanted to do something nice for her because she always seems so angry and bitter about her life.
post #9 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
No definately not rude Linda...she was rude to invite all those people along.
she'll probably think it's rude of you, but i don't. i wouldn't want to go somewhere w/a bunch of people i'd never met before, either.
post #10 of 19
You are correct! You are not being rude; in fact, I think you are handling it very well. She should not have invited the others without asking you first, as you extended the invitation (and generously offered to pay for her ticket).

I think it was very thoughtful of you to spend your hard-earned money on her, also.
post #11 of 19
I don't think you were rude at all. I get very uncomfortable going places in groups where I only know one person. But, I don't think she purposely invited everyone else. It was probably a "guess where I'm going...." "Oh, that sounds cool, we'll get tickets too" kind of thing, so I wouldn't hold that against her. I think it's incredibly sweet of you to still offer her your discount.
post #12 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
But, I don't think she purposely invited everyone else. It was probably a "guess where I'm going...." "Oh, that sounds cool, we'll get tickets too" kind of thing
Oh no! She purposefully invited her friend and told her to see if she knew anyone else who wanted to go. She even mentioned in the phone message that she herself had invited some people to come along and was going to ask some others too and said "Because the more the merrier."

I came home from work tonight and there was a phone message from her. In my email I had mentioned that I couldn't find her phone number (I lied, I wanted to send an email because I wanted to make sure I expressed myself in an articulate, non rude manner). Anyway, her message didn't mention anything other than having received my email and she said that she better give me her phone number and then gave it. Nothing else. So I'm not sure what is going on.
post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
She purposefully invited her friend and told her to see if she knew anyone else who wanted to go. She even mentioned in the phone message that she herself had invited some people to come along and was going to ask some others too and said "Because the more the merrier."
That's just down right rude. It was extremely nice of you to offer to pay for her ticket. IMO she should consult you first before invite her other friends
post #14 of 19
I agree - I also think it's just rude, plain and simple. It's extremely presumptive and, quite frankly, thoughtless.

I think you did the right thing. Now that you've got that out there in the e-mail, I don't think any phone conversation would be too awkward. You aren't into large groups and you're not really an Elvis fan, but given that she now wants to go with a group of friends, you figure you don't need to be there, but you're still willing to pay for her tickets and to provide the discount to her friends. I think that's really nice of you and certainly more than you needed to do!

Laurie
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rone View Post
That's just down right rude. It was extremely nice of you to offer to pay for her ticket. IMO she should consult you first before invite her other friends
Especially true because it sounds like she doesn't really know those other people. It might have been fun for you to meet the other people but there will be other opportunities for socializing besides that. At any rate, you are a real angel for keeping your word AND offering your discount to all of them.
She certainly lacks social skills, doesn't she
post #16 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme View Post
She certainly lacks social skills, doesn't she

You have no idea!!
post #17 of 19
I agree this lady was rude by inviting people to this event when YOU invited her. Let alone the fact that she was employed by you or w/e so she should have been a bit more respectful. I wouldnt have even paid for her lol! I once was talking to this guy... only met him like 2 times and he invited me to a hockey game and i accepted thought it was more like a date, sounded like fun i like hockey and we could talk more than like a movie. Well he called me like an hour before he was going to pick me up and said some of his buddies were coming....i have never met his "buddies" and barely knew this guy...yah not happening! Luckily i had a family emergency and cancelled. People I swear!
post #18 of 19
That was not rude of you. She is the one rude since she did all this inviting of her friends without consulting with you beforehand.
post #19 of 19
I read your other threads about this gal and I guess the fallen ones make it negative.

My husband also has major issues and the nature of his condition requires a germ free house. I am not one who can do it all so the VA (he was in the military and got a HC) gave him someone. Now we had to go through a series of ladies before our dream person came along. In December, we had our first one. She had a very unstable relationship with her BF. She stole from us by not giving us the right change back when she went to get the groceries or she would not give me the receipt claiming it was in the car. She also had an attitude to match. The straw that broke the camels back was on one of her grocery trips, she forgot the encore meal that was our dinner for the night and when she got back, all she could say was "I forgot and I AM NOT GOING BACK". I told her that was our dinner but she repeated herself. She then helped my husband with something and walked off early. Once again, we did not ask her to leave. I then called the agency during the weekend and asked for someone else and told them about her stealing money and forgetting our dinner. Then the following Monday, someone else showed up and she was good. But she was not in the best of health and then decided to quit. Then the third gal was good but she always left her car with the sitter and we had to pay her bus fare to get the groceries. We couldn't afford that so they replaced her with the one we have. She is just super.

I didn't mean for this to be long but I completely understand your situation.

OH, forgot to mention a month after the first gal left, found some charges on my credit card that I know I didn't make. It all traces to her since the dates match.
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