I found out yesterday that a woman I have known since childhood, whom I worked with for years died in November Talk about shock amd total disbelief. I feel so empty, so uncomfortable with the grief and the guilt. Her husband is a difficult, very private man to say the least, but to not notify anyone that she had passed so suddenly and in such an unusual way? It just leaves me speechless honestly. Another friend of ours had been trying to call her for a few weeks and finally had his phone call returned with this shocking and sad news.
She fell and broke her leg and died of toxic shock syndrome..wth? It leaves me struck with utter disbelief and I hear myself screaming loudly in my head, that things like this just dont happen to people, but they really do huh?
I cannot even cry, my mind is numb and my heart so heavy with guilt that I cannot allow myself the luxary of tears. I let her down, I let life get in the way of talking, of keeping in touch. She was lonely and had no children of her own. She taught me how to knit and weaved the most beautiful cradle for my daughter. She shared her precious memories of her mother, gave me a book of poetry that was decades old for a birthday one year, the wreath holder I use every year was lovingly given to me from her. The candy jar on my table belonged to her mother and she knew how much I loved it and again graced me with her generosity by gifting it to me at another birthday. A calligraphy pen was a thoughtful gesture when I expressed an interest in learning the art.
I loved her, she was my friend and her death is as fresh on my grieving heart as it was to her husband and family five months ago. I feel cheated, something precious is gone.
I did not appreciate what I had and it is only in death that I realize the love and gratitude I feel for this amazing woman.
I love you Ellie, rest in peace and for what it's worth..Im sorry that I was not there, that we did not do better.
She fell and broke her leg and died of toxic shock syndrome..wth? It leaves me struck with utter disbelief and I hear myself screaming loudly in my head, that things like this just dont happen to people, but they really do huh?
I cannot even cry, my mind is numb and my heart so heavy with guilt that I cannot allow myself the luxary of tears. I let her down, I let life get in the way of talking, of keeping in touch. She was lonely and had no children of her own. She taught me how to knit and weaved the most beautiful cradle for my daughter. She shared her precious memories of her mother, gave me a book of poetry that was decades old for a birthday one year, the wreath holder I use every year was lovingly given to me from her. The candy jar on my table belonged to her mother and she knew how much I loved it and again graced me with her generosity by gifting it to me at another birthday. A calligraphy pen was a thoughtful gesture when I expressed an interest in learning the art.
I loved her, she was my friend and her death is as fresh on my grieving heart as it was to her husband and family five months ago. I feel cheated, something precious is gone.
I did not appreciate what I had and it is only in death that I realize the love and gratitude I feel for this amazing woman.
I love you Ellie, rest in peace and for what it's worth..Im sorry that I was not there, that we did not do better.